Like most English Nationalists, I too was outraged by Lord Falconer’s ill-conceived ‘no English Parliament’ comments. I was incandescent – Friday morning was a total waste of time, work forgotten, my mind a mush of indignation and anger as I thought about what to write - to him, to the 'papers, on my blog.
No matter what I typed – somehow it just didn’t do it for me – and anyway, the rest of the English blogging fraternity was tapping away in outrage overload. So what should I do? How could I vent my spleen? I decided to ring Charlie up at his office at the Department of Constitutional Affairs.
I rang. Charlie wasn’t in – he was delivering his ‘No English Parliament’ speech. No one else in the ‘Devolution Unit’ was in either – they were all with Falconer, providing mob-handed support.
That just left this guy on the other end of the phone minding the constitutional shop. Well he got it with both barrels from me. Both barrels from my double barrelled Howitzer…… for about 15 minutes solid it was a one sided rant. The guy on the other end recognised my ‘passion’ and ‘anger’ and absolutely promised to get the head honcho of the Devolution Unit to ring back this morning.
Guess what? He did!
At 9:32am today, one James Copeland, the poshest man in the entire Universe rang me up. The honcho from the Devolution Unit, Falconer HQ had returned my call.
"I understand you were offended by Lord Falconer’s comments last Friday"….
This time, I was more measured, this time I was coolness personified, because Monday was different from Friday. ..... Thanks to Fatty Falconer, Hurricane English Backlash had been born and was currently hovering dangerously over Charlie’s hairy left earhole…..
I stated my case to posh James Copeland, but as the discussion carried on, his poshness fell away. He sounded sort of weary and beaten, maybe he knew that the ‘Devolution Unit’ in Charlie’s little empire was on borrowed time? Before I hung up, I thanked him for listening – and then asked him to pass my congratulations on to his rotund boss.
Copeland sounded a bit puzzled – "Why?" he asked.
"Well it’s obvious innit James. Your boss, Charlie Falconer has done more than anyone else to further the cause of an English Parliament since Simon de Montfort….Maybe we could give him a little statuette of an English Rose – and name him ‘true friend of England"…..
Mr Copeland couldn’t possibly comment.