Thursday, June 29, 2006

Preserved for the Nation …

I had a strange letter through the post the other day – from no less an organisation than The British Library in London. It was a bit of a surprise to say the least – did they want that ‘Famous Five do crack cocaine’ book I borrowed in 1964? No they did not. Phew, relief all round, it’s doing a great job stopping our table from wobbling. No, they were more interested in a web site that me, my wife and our good friends Ed and Pete had recently put together and uploaded. It’s an English Nationalist site and has been up for little more than a couple of months.

They’ve sent an invitation for the site to participate in their ‘web preservation programme’

The letter states –

‘The British Library is a founding member of the UK Web Archiving Consortium consisting of The British Library, JISC, The National Archives, The National Library of Scotland, The National Library of Wales and The Wellcome Library.

The British Library would like to invite you to participate in this pilot project by archiving your web site under the terms of the appended licence. We select sites to represent aspects of UK documentary heritage, and as a result, they will remain available to researchers in the future. If the pilot is successful the archived copy of your web site will subsequently form part of our permanent collections……….."

Wow, our little English Nationalist site 'representing aspects of UK documentary heritage' ...... abso bloody lutely!!!

I’ve had a look at the archive of sites already collected – and it looks like a pretty exclusive club. I think I feel quite chuffed. Only question is, which section will our site be put in? 'Sad', 'Mad', 'Bad', 'Dangerous to Know' or 'New Labour Bogeymen'....... Who cares, we're in!

Well blimey Moses, who’d have thought it then? Our site preserved for the Nation…. (But not necessarily safe from being sold to a rich Yank).

I expect a Knighthood to be on the way shortly.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

A.B.A. (Anyone but Andy)

Got my Strawberries - check
Got my Cream - check
Got my Chile Flag to wave - check
Got my Chile shirt to wear - check
Got my Spanish/English phrasebook - check
Got my translation of 'Andy, I hate your miserable Anglophobic guts - I hope you lose 6:0, 6:0, 6:0 - and that the oooohhh, aahhhh brigade in the posh seats slow handclap you right out of Wimbledon"". - check......

Come on Nicolas Massu, from Chile - blast the miserable sod off the court!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

This guy's got a point......

I thought this email to the Telegraph website today raises a few interesting points about the Scottish psyche...
(and when was the last time you saw a black Scottish footballer or rugby player playing for one of the national teams?)

"The Telegraph refuses to print criticism of anything Scottish, and its correspondents try hard to maintain the English tradition of sucking up wildly to their northern enemy (whatever happened to challenging stereotypes?), a people whose undisguised hatred of their southern benefactor rarely diminshes confidence that insults and abuse will do nothing to alter Scotland's highly favourable financial arrangements with Westminster. Indeed one only has to visit Scots Nats' websites - which claim it is Scots who subsidise the English - to see that everything is never enough where this grasping, implacably hostile neighbour is concerned. Scots run our government. By common consent they are 'influential' in running the state broadcasting corporation. At the same time they dislike attention, and are ever careful to maintain the pose of eternal victims, whether it be in public displays of indignation over the corporation's choice of World Cup music or a more general whinge, given prominence at the BBC's website, about 'anglo-centric' bias. But last year this Scottish government quietly closed all Scotland's asylum offices, so our friends from abroad will all be coming to England in future. Then there is the noble multiculturalist agenda of Scottish parliamentarians, vociferously supported in any number of speeches in the House, but which in the thirty years since Viv Anderson became the first Black player to represent England at football has yet to result in a single non-White representative in any national Scottish team sport - football, rugby, athletics etc. Think about it. Join the dots. I know the Telegraph censors will think about it - and then decide this shouldn't be printed."

Posted by Edward Gibson

Della Petch shown a straight red ….

I listened.

From 7 o’clock onwards last night on FiveLive’s footy phone-in radio programme, a couple of socca-jocks were fielding the phone lines. One was rotund, half-Croatian, half-English and half West Brommer Brummy anchorman, Adrian Chiles. The other was fugitive war criminal, habitual liar, plastic Englishman and all round bad egg, Tony ‘Geordie’ Blair.

I listened, hoping that someone, anyone would break through the Maginot line of BBC censorship. Could any English nationalist get through to disturb the fawning, the adulation, the Blair-is-a-God crew from ringing in? Grovelling footy questions were on the menu and nothing else…"Tony, I think you’re a brilliant kinda guy and that you should be our manager…. And our top striker…. And our goalie"

It sort of smelled a bit like another NuLabour rentagrovel operation.

Half an hour in, and I’m feeling like puking up. Chiles is creeping like Uriah Heep on a creep mission to the biggest creep in the world. He’s going for a Knighthood – or at least permission to water his garden with a hosepipe…

Chiles is brown-nosing so much, he’s reached the small intestine. Tony is smiling, confident in the knowledge that his sketchy footy knowledge can out do any hand picked grovelling phone innerer…..

The thoughts of Tone began to expand. ’Operation Earnest Guy’ kicked in…. "Look, I think that everyone in the You Kay should support England – I mean, if Scotland had got to the World Cup Finals, then I would have no problem in supporting them – and I know most people in England would support them also"…..

Sorry, did I just hear right? Scotch Tony. ‘Jocky’ Blair would support Scotland if they reached the Dubbya Cee Effs?…. Is this man totally mad? Worse still, does he think we're all a few chips short of a haggis butty or what?

And that’s the wonder of Tony Blair isn’t it?– He’s left his Edinburgh birthplace, his posh Scottish school and his orthodox Scottish Christian upbringing behind…… and reinvented himself. Posh Jocky Tone is now Streetwise Geordie Tone, brought up in a Gateshead sink estate, smawwkin’ Woodbines by the time he was 10 and worshipping W’or Jackie Milburn from the Gallagher End in the baggy shorted glory years….

The hour is almost up, jock-jocky Tone is fielding footy mundanity with consummate ease. There is just 5 minutes to go and no one has yet broken through the offside trap ….

Or have they?

Adrian Chiles, coming up for air and removing an appendix from his throat, Brummily drones into the mike….. "And now we have err, ‘Della Petch’ on the line, she wants to ask a question about England, Prime Minister"….

Della Petch is on the line! Petchy has managed to ghost through on the blind side like a dead George Best – and now she’s here, right in front of goal.

I punch the air. Della ‘bite yer legs’ Petch is about to unleash a goal-bound shot…..

Chopper Petch opened up - "Why is the Prime Minister supporting England when he’s doing his utmost to turn England into a group of Euro-regions"…..

Poacher Petch had scored a beauty. It flew from her fabled right foot and nestled into the top corner of the net. 1 – 0 to the 50 million I think! For a few seconds, the ordinary kinda guy did a passable impression of a fish…. ‘Ordinary kinda guy’ noises sorta flopped out of him. Was he appealing for handball, a two footed tackle, or even worse, a bit of independent thinking?

Just then, Chiles, the basket-case in the black whipped out his red card. Petch was sent for an early bath…….. "ooooooh ‘eck, let’s move onto Cherie from London"…..

And so ended Blair’s fraternisation with the footy phone in……
Next week, Tony tries his hand at gardening with Monty Don…

Monday, June 19, 2006

Tony Blair - footy pundit

W'or Tony Blair, ordinary kinda guy, secret Scotsman, Newcastle fan, war criminal, serial liar, free holiday blagger and now footy pundit will be hosting Radio FiveLive's footy phone in programme, 606 from 7pm onwards tonight.

He is expecting lots of calls from footy fans about the world cup - but maybe, you could change your question from a sporting one to a political one once on air in order to get past the researcher vetting.....

Info about the prog -

Expect to see the magic sponge on numerous occassions......

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Pitchside footy report from Des Frankly

Good evening footy fans, Des Frankly, footy pundit here reporting live from Munchen..... Isn't the World Cup just great? It's the biggest global television event in existence. It dwarfs the Olympics into a very poor second place, the opening game was watched by a worldwide audience of nearly 2 billion people - that's not far off a third of the world's population. Football is the beautiful game - it's also the global communicator - who'd have thought that the severed head of an enemy and two coats of mail could grow and blossom into the global phenomenon it is today....

I've enjoyed pretty much all the games, apart from Brazil v Croatia. The game itself was OK(ish) - but the commentary from creeping John Motson and gushing Mark Lawrenson was just nauseating. Brazil are a good team - but they ain't a great team, Ronaldo and Ronaldhinio are both bloody ugly and their two full backs, Roberto Carlos & Kafu have a collective age of over 70 years.

Motson was having orgasms, Lawro was swooning as some guy in yellow did a bit of playground standard keepy-uppy. Brazil are not invincible, they are old and crusty - for that matter so is Motson. All he seems to do is "oooooooh" and "aaahhhhhh" at every opportunity. He routinely misses the action, gives loads of rubbish info and generally waffles for England.

The team that have most impressed me is the Czech Republic. It was a triumph of footy over sacca as they absolutely murdered the USA pilgrims with a sparkling display of skill and creativity.

Karel Bruckner, the Czech team manager is a brilliant coach and master tactician. He's had the job for years and always sets his teams up to play fast flowing creative football. His resources are limited - virtually all the Czech team are overseas playing for other continental clubs, so bonding sessions, get togethers and golf days are unheard of. But what is most amazing is Bruckner's salary. He gets a rather pathetic 65 grand a year from the Czech football federation. Sven Gormless Errikson on the other hand is paid around that much for one 'working' week. Bruckner has forgotten more about football than Sven will ever know. But not only that, he's a real rarity in footy world – talented, loyal, honourable - and not very greedy either.

Monday, June 12, 2006

The cross of St Gordon……

This Opinion’ article by Chris Deerin in yesterday’s Scotsman on Sunday’ sums up beautifully Gordon Brown’s dilemma…..

As SNP boss, Alex Salmond said in the Commons last week, "Gordon Brown is morphing into an Englishman" .

Well, he’s surely trying to…….

Sunday, June 11, 2006

St George – reclaimed apparently….

Watching BBC news 24 today saw a group of Fleet Street’s finest sat round a big walnut table reviewing the Sunday ‘papers. The big topic of conversation was how the whole country going St George’s flag mad…..

Everyone said they knew nothing about football and grinned in that sort of superior grinny way that self-proclaimed intellectuals cultivate to bathroom mirrors. Everyone thought that it was "a good thing" that the flag had been ‘reclaimed from the right’….

Death-rattling Ann Leslie, the crusty old hack from the Daily Mail proclaimed"It’s really great to see the St George’s flag reclaimed from the far right – one wonders just what they (the far right) will be using as a symbol to further their message of hate in the future"….

Hmmmm, now I’m no Fleet Street hot shot Ann, but I reckon they just might turn to the Union flag……. Or maybe they already have? Maybe the hint is in the name of a typically far right organisation. For instance, I wonder what the ‘B’ in BNP actually stands for?

Taliban Tam….

"Come on you Mullahs!!!"...

I’m not going to the World Cup this year….. but I know a man who is. Unlike me, I can’t afford to go - but he’s over there courtesy of BBC licence money. Unlike me, he hates England with a passion. Unlike me, he wants England to lose – at every opportunity. Unlike me, he’ll support ‘anyone but England’…..

His name? Nicky Campbell, aka ‘Taliban Tam’, aka BBC FiveLive ‘Breakfast Show’ anchor and occasional ‘Watchdog’ presenter on TV. Campbell has quite openly professed to really not liking England at all – in fact just before the last World Cup, TT proclaimed to a largely English audience that if England were playing a Taliban XI, then he would be forced to support the mullahs……

Obviously, it was all ‘said in jest’.

Obviously, English people are supposed to take the insult in good heart – as all part of the love hate relationship with ourselves and the jocks (or Republican Irish in his case).

Obviously, I wrote to his BBC producer to complain about how a man who despises the only Home country to reach the World Cup Finals should be going over to the tournament in the first place – twice.

Obviously, he totally ignored me – twice.

Obviously, I have complained to BBC Head Honcho, Michael Grade.

Obviously, in around 6 months time I’ll get a standard ‘sod off’ letter from some poxy BBC office ‘Standard Bullshit Reply Division’…..


Chav Towers, chav Son (with new chav name of) ‘Tyson’ and ‘Bling’ the wonder dog.

Alfie has finally chucked out the sophisticated high art pictures of the ‘Green Chinese Lady’ and the ‘Dancing Gypsy’ for a change of image. The fa├žade of sophistication has been well and truly binned, forever (or more likely until the World Cup is over)…….

He has decided to go a bit chavvy, in a resolute attempt to upset all those hand wringing journos at The Guardian and the Independent. People like the ugly bird, Janet Street Furniture and Jonathan Barker have been doing their sneering best to rubbish the current red and white love in with the St George’s flag.

So I got this big, big flag, size 9ft x 6ft for the startlingly reasonable price of a penny under a fiver. It is now proudly fixed to the outside of our house – and will remain there until England have won the competition (confident or what?)

‘Bling’ the wonder dog on the lookout for hapless Guardian readers…. GRRRRRR.

Friday, June 09, 2006

If.......... only.

A poem inspired while I was having a solo Kipple.
(Well, everyone likes Kipling, don’t they? Come on now, admit it - there's nothing to be ashamed of. I've yet to meet a man who hasn't done the odd bit of Kipling)….

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming the referee,
If you can trust yourself when the opposition goad you,
And make allowance for their diving knavery;
If you can wait and not be riled into fighting black and blue,
Or being spat and gobbed at, so don’t get fazed,
Or being taunted, don't give way and lose your cool,
And yes you still look good, at least from Elton’s gaze

If you can dream of winning - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think positive - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and not Disaster
And understand Sven’s tactics just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by tabloid hacks to make a trap for fools,
So bend the ball into a footy net, broken,
And with the team of England lift the precious jewel

If you can talk with crowds and keep your hair nice,
Or walk with Posh – and not mind if she looks naff,
If neither German foes nor so called friends can hurt you,
Or scheming Argentineans get you an early bath,
If our lads could actually win a penalty shoot out,
And not blow it by leaving the nation glum,
If you can fill the injury time minute
With sixty seconds' worth of celebration run,
Yours is the World - cup and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


Thursday, June 08, 2006

No shame….

Bandwagon alert as Tony ‘cool Britannia’ Blair and David Donald Cameron have both come over all ‘adjacently patriotic’. Ever anxious to jump onto the latest host ‘must be seen with’ cause, jock boys Tone and Dave have parasitically attached themselves to the banner of St George in the belief that they can garner kudos from an English sporting celebration.

For Call me Dave, it’s yet another opportunity to big up his populist agenda – for Princess Tony it’s a chance to give a body swerve to ‘ChippolattaPrescottgate’, ‘Homeofficegate’ & 'Cashforhonoursgate'....... and who knows, if Becks and the boys should win the World Cup, how galling will it be to be received at Number 10 by two fawning Scotsmen, Princess Blair and Dour git Brown. God, I feel sick just thinking about it.

All we need now is for Ming to declare he is wearing St George’s flag undies and has just had 3 lions tattooed onto his bum and we’ll have a full house of Scotsmen selling their tartan souls for a bit of adoration by association, by osmosis……

Arise, Sir David Beckham………

And then, last night, I strolled into Tesco on a bit of a spying mission. Rumours are they were ‘supporting England’ I could hardly get in courtesy of the simply massive England beer display, St George’s bunting, flags, face-painting….

Shock of shocks, they were even selling products with a St George’s flag on the packaging. Admittedly, they were only bottle openers and chiller bags, but even so, I thought it was simply amazing. You’d have thought that because England is such a complex and huge country, it would be absolutely impossible to do such a thing. I’d have thought it would have brought the entire Tesco empire to its knees, everyone’s arses would drop off, Coronation Street would finish – and the world as we know it will end ……. just like Charlotte, Eve, Linda and Kim from Tesco customer care are always telling us……

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

6:6:6 – the sign of the beast.

Fellow members of the Dubbya club – I see what you mean regarding the Numpty man, he’s barking, totally barking.

I dipped a toe into Numptyworld over the weekend – I wish I hadn’t bothered. The guy’s a basket case, obsessed with English nationalist sites – and writing such utter bombastic vitriol about them as to be scarcely believable.

In Numptyworld, to disagree is to commit the ultimate sin. Numptyswearing, Numptyranting and Numptyhumptyness is sure to follow……

I wasn’t angry, I sort of felt sorry for him. The cancer of hate is flourishing within, eating him away, a festering boil, fit to burst, .

In the end, it did burst. Numpty’s power of reason, never very strong, or reasoned, finally gave way – and he became a boorish bar room yobbo. Numpty invited me to f**k off – twice.

In the end, I did – I had some interesting white emulsion that I wanted to watch dry (yawn)……

One question he never answered though – in spite of me asking it 4 times. The question was ’Did Numpty hold the same contempt for Mebyon Kernow, Plaid and the Scottish Nationalists as he most obviously does for English Nationalists – or did he regard them as valuable political parties, fighting for their own people in a noble and just cause?

I haven’t provided a link to Numpty and his blog of hate, just as I don't provide links for any other extreme sites - I just don’t see the point.

In Numptyworld, no one can hear you reason…….