Thursday, August 31, 2006

Tony Blair – off his trolley.

It happens to them all doesn’t it? They go nuts, succumbing to the deadly Powermad virus. It starts as the ultimate aphrodisiac, with a nice smile and the wearing of the patented power-trousers. It ends with thinning hair, a joke of a wife, toadying to Texicans, speaking to God all the time - and uttering a barrage of utter bollox every single day.

Today’s insane sermon from Mount Blair is about the government taking charge of delinquent kids to stop them doing anti social things before they’ve even done them – in some cases before they have even been born!

Sounds like a bit of the old ‘people profiling’ of the most disadvantaged in our society going on here – but on an industrial scale…… "Now let me see, single Mum called Tracie living on a sink estate, got some tattoos, smokes Park Drive, has a boyfriend called Wayne, watches EastEnders, likes sovereign rings, kebabs and Kylie Minogue….and she’s up the duff with a little Waynette?"

OK, Super', according to our master profiling chart, by the time little Wayne reaches his 15th birthday he's going to be a right little twat...... apparently on the 23 July, 2020 he's going to chuck a brick through old Mrs Tomkins window..... Damage caused includes a really scared cat, ripped chintz curtains, a broken flower vase and the biggest thrill for old Mrs Tomkins since she met that bloke that looked like Steve Harley out of Cockney Rebel in 1978"....

"Blimey, Sarge, there ain't a moment to lose.... Quick, get the Sweeney round to the delivery room right away, this unborn kid needs taking into care!"

BBB (Big Brother Blair), you’re a complete moron. You’re mad, bad and dangerous for us to know you. For God’s sake, go. This is not policy, it’s something you’ve thought up last week while adjusting your trunks aboard the good ship Freebie. And it is shameful.

Tony, maybe your policies should be aimed at trying to fix the social melt down currently bubbling away on sink estates everywhere in the UK. Or perhaps you could find out why the UK has the highest single parent birth rate in Europe – then maybe you and your think tank buddies could devise proper policies to address it instead of chasing meaningless ‘legacy headlines’ to appease your comb-overed vanity.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Party Funding? Why not give them your views?

The powers that be are asking for token feedback from Joe and Jenny Public on the question of Party Funding – before they go ahead and give them a shedload of cash anyway. Hmmmm, now this is a bit of a conundrum (not), do I want our morally bankrupt, fiscally inept political parties to be funded by Jimmy and Janice Taxpayer? Will my humble opinion make any difference to the ultimate outcome?

I think the term I’m groping for is ‘fait accompli’
(English translation: Done up like a kipper, as per usual.)

I knew avoiding cracks on the pavement would work...

OK everyone, time to uncross your fingers, take the four leaf clovers out of your lapel, pack all those lucky horseshoes away and breath a collective sigh of relief, Princess Tony’s back in town.

The fat chumper, John Prescott has been relieved of whatever power he imagined he had.

Mad dog McMad has had his little triangular plastic sign – ‘John Reid – actually in charge while the Princess is away’ taken off Tony’s desk and chucked into the recycling bin.

So, the power mad fundamentalist, slimy war criminal & serial liar once again takes over the helm from the useless fat prat and the Scottish sycophant & part time Glasgow doorman.

Everything’s back to normal then…….

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Mel Gibson is dead.......

Today marks the 701st anniversary of the tragic death of Mel Gibson. The great mad maximillian finally met his gruesome end at Smithfields scaffold in old London town. He was executed after being found guilty of distorting the truth, over-acting, having bad hair and being in possession of the worse Scottish accent ever.

During his final speech atop the scaffold, Gibson thanked his Mom, Dad, therapist, drama coach, the Pope, Jesus and especially God. He didn’t blame anyone for his capture – apart from the English, all Englishmen, anyone from England, all the people living in England and Mike England, the former Welsh centre half footy player. With that, the great antipodean thesp’, drunkard and anti-semite was hung, drawn and quartered.

But even with his body in 4 bits, his guts and dangly bits gently roasting on the nearby fire, the star of Lethal Weapons' 1 to 56 still managed a last desperate gasp. Gibson was heard to shout the word "Freedom" – although some people thought he said "Free Willy" or possibly "Buy one get one free"

We shall never forget him.

Monday, August 21, 2006

Liars….. all of them

Jesus Christ - is anyone out there who will champion the 50 million?

This morning I awoke to hear the news that those nazis at NICE have again been doing their mean minded best to kill off the population of England before our three score years and ten are up.

Two more drugs have joined the ‘sorry, these are not meant for you’ list of lifesaving medicines that people in England are now excluded from being prescribed. Avastin and Erbitux, cutting edge bowel cancer drugs – developed to combat the second biggest cancer killer in Britain are now off limits to 50 million people.

How do I know this when all of the reports I found on the web about the story told of a UK ban? Why, I logged onto the web site of ‘Beating Bowel Cancer’ charity. At first it didn’t look too hopeful. I had a look at their press release – this is what it says…

Statement from Hilary Whittaker, Chief Executive, Beating Bowel Cancer on the NICE Final Appraisal Determination on Avastin and Erbitux:

"The decision by NICE not to make these drugs routinely available on the NHS to appropriate patients is a scandal and we strongly urge NICE to reconsider its decision. We are now the only nation in the EU not to offer Avastin and Erbitux to bowel cancer patients in the disease’s advanced stages. Why should patients in the UK be worse off than patients in the rest of Europe?"

Interesting, but just below that press release was an earlier one entitled ‘Welsh patients first in UK to get access to bowel cancer drug on NHS’. I was a bit puzzled at the apparent expansion of the ability of NICE to say ‘no’ to the whole of the UK, and the apparent conflict of information between the 2 press releases - I rang the charity help line.

"Hello, re’ the story about the two bowel cancer drugs being banned, tell me, is it across the whole of the UK – or just England?"

"Oh, well they are available in Wales and Scotland – they are just not available in England"…..

I was gobsmacked. She admitted the information was wrong – and that she would tell Ms Whittaker of the ‘error’….

And that sort of sums it all up really. Even the supposed champions of the afflicted – in this case the ‘Beating Bowel Cancer’ charity roll over and spew the lies of Nu Labour as eagerly as any Blairite MP poodle.

I told them they should be absolutely ashamed of the lies – and by not actually taking the tack that everyone in the UK, no, forget that, everyone in Europe except the English were allowed these drugs they had condemned English people to an early death by neglect.

She never said anything. I’ll take that as a ‘yes’…

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Temper, temper, temper….

Yesterday, I was feeling a bit frisky, sort of bolshy, like I wanted to start an argument with someone. No one was around, so I just sat there, clicking my heels and getting frustrated. Fortunately, an old friend came to my rescue. Hats off to the good old BBC and their crap reportage…….

They were doing a piece on how, thanks to tuition top up fees it was just so amazingly expensive for the average British student to go to University nowadays. According to the Beeb, it would leave yer typical UK student around 33 grand in the red by the end of their course. It was during the 1 o’clock lunchtime news with Sophie Rayworth. She introduced the item – and I’m watching and waiting for the word. She doesn’t say it. Then she hands over to some boring Johnny who is the BBC extra special correspondent for further education. And still I’m waiting for the word. It doesn’t come. Boring Johnny waves his arms around and waxes lyrical about "students across the UK having to pay top up fees"….. It’s obvious the word, the ‘E’ word ain’t going to be uttered. Not in this piece-to-camera, anyway. Boring Johnny finishes his piece by fixing his beady eye straight into the camera and proclaiming - "And make no mistake, there is no escape whatsoever for the average student in the UK to avoid top up fees"…..

That did it. Boy, was I pissed off. I picked up the phone and hit the menu. I ring the BBC complaints department so often nowadays, the number is on my most rung discount list….

Some Scottish geezer answered. He had an attitude. He sounded like the character David Walliams does on Little Britain – the one who owns a hotel and blows a piccolo a lot. I gassed on about how the report was entirely inaccurate as per BBC usual. I explained how the reporter and Ms Rayworth had singularly failed to actually mention which students from which country this extra financial burden would actually fall on. And also, which nation’s students would get away Scot free (as per bloody usual), so to speak. In short, I remonstrated, the report failed to say that top ups only apply to students in England and Wales and didn’t apply at all to Scottish students ….

"Hello, are you still there – are you writing this down?"

He said "So, what’s your point?"

I steamed, then repeated what I had just said.

He then told me I was absolutely wrong, wrong, wrong. He told me that Scottish students not only paid as much as English students for basic tuition fees, but were also liable for the top up fees as well.

I laughed.
I laughed my bleeding head off and called him a daft fantasist.
I laughed until my eyes bled and my diaphragm collapsed into a pile of little elastic bands.
I almost died laughing.

He got ratty. His voice ebbed and flowed. Was I actually talking to David Walliams after all?

There then followed an intellectual toe to toe….

To break the chain, I shouted, said something insulting about the Scottish Raj, the White Heather Club and Nicky Campbell. I told him he didn’t know his arse from his elbow, demanded his name (which he wouldn’t give me), then he cut me off.

This is war.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Even more health apartheid from 'NICE'....

OK, look all you English people - just be content with a couple of Asprin and a glass of water for cancer, heart disease, diabetes - and now blindness!

Oh yes, those nasty people at NICE are practising their very own brand of health apartheid on the English once more......... But in Scotland - a different story. They see things a lot more clearly thanks to the Barnett cash. The wonder drug 'Macugan' is available to all who need it. Their eyes are worth more than English ones, obviously (they must have better things to look at).

If you're English and going blind then make sure you make friends with a Scotsman. He can read the paper to you when your eyes finally pack up.

Tony Blair’s holiday check list.

Stopped milk check
Stopped newspapers check
Left cat with friends check
Switched water off at stop cock check
Got Passport check
Got hair thickener spray check
Got Prozac for Cherie check
Got altitude sickness pills check
Got spends check
Got gift for Sir Cliff (Shadows greatest hits) check
Briefed Prezza with ‘don’t touch anything’ strategy check
Solved Africa check
Solved Global Warming check
Solved mid east crisis check
Cooking Gordon’s goose pending

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Jensen does it for England!

Congratulations to Jensen Button on his first ever F1 win in Hungary. Especially satisfying was the after race interview. Jensen kept on using the banned word ‘England’ (back home in England, my mates in England, etc) – whilst the interviewer resolutely preferred the NuLabour approved word, ‘Britain’….

Mad dog says it’s OK.

John ‘Mad Scottie dog’ Reid, England’s Scottish Home Secretary has said it is now ‘OK’ to talk about ‘immigration’ without being labelled as a middle England racist.

Reid said, "We have to get away from this daft so called politically correct notion that everybody who talks about immigration is somehow a racist"…..

Thanks very much Reidy for declassifying a former NuLabour forbidden word.

However, it rings a bit hollow when it has mostly been the NuLabour spin machine calling everyone and his dog a racist if they have so much as past a comment about the rate of inward immigration. Much of NuLabour’s accusations were aimed at hiding their appalling record over the past 9 years. It is they who have stifled debate, it is they who still have no cohesive idea on what they are doing to manage the issue.

Mad dog, I don’t know about "more debate" – forget the talking, I think we need a cohesive plan of action..

Collect ‘road miles’ with Duggie

Duggie Alexander, the rising star Rajanista Transport Secretary has flexed his muscles. Doug has decided to roll out a road pricing "right across the country"…

Hmmmm, and there’s the conundrum. Does he mean ‘right across the UK’ or does he mean ‘right across England’?….

Although the ‘leaked’ letter waxes loftily about the national need for the scheme, I smell some classic NuLabour vagueness about. My guess is he means just across the nation of England – as transport is a bit of a devolved matter nowadays in the UK. Anyway, the Bill is due to be announced during the Queen’s speech in the Autumn…..

I smell trouble when the ever dependent claque of Scottish Labour MPs troop in to vote for the legislation – especially as north of the border, they may be operating a different system.

Friday, August 04, 2006

Another day, another article about England's raw deal

Every day in every way, the message is spreading wider and wider. England's democratic deficit is apparent to many, many people around the world. However, it appears that the ostriches of the ruling Scottish Raj are too busy to notice - probably until it's too late......

The tipping point is getting closer and closer.......

That fish is oours!

English fishermen in Northumberland are being denied a share of a bumper Mackerel harvest in the North Sea. Apparently, The Scottish Executive have claimed them for Scotland……. The Northumberland fishermen are holding their breaths and waiting for the English Executive to fight on their behalf…. Or you could just sign the petition here.

England - picking up the scraps yet again

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Dangerous terrorist elected onto NEC…

Ninja Wolfgang, cunningly disguised as an 82 year old giving secret police plod the body swerve

Walter ‘Gobbo’ Wolfgang, the uber heckler and suspected terrorist heroically and bravely disarmed at last year’s NuLabouremburg Rally has been elected onto the party’s ruling National Executive Committee.

Apparently, he’ll be fine as long as he doesn’t open his gob at the meetings. But if he does dare to speak, then he has to agree with Princess Tony. On the other hand, if he happens to disagree, then Messers Knuckles and Crusher will be on hand to beat the crap out of him until he does agree…….

Gordon Brit wins award…

My favourite prudent Chancellor has been named the UK’s most influential disabled person ……. Which was a bit of a surprise to me really, as I didn’t know he suffered from any affliction, aside from his pathetic grasp of English history… (and his crap ability at doing sums)

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Bradley Wiggins - commits to the Tour of Britain.

Bradley with bike totty at the launch do

Olympic champ and ace English cyclist, Bradley Wiggins has categorically stated that he's going to compete in this year's Tour of Britain Bike Race.

Interviewed during the do to celebrate the launch of the Tour, Bradley spelt out exactly why he was donning his Spandex and his cycle clips.

Bradley said "This bike race is certainly important for an Englishman. As a sport, we haven't really shone as much as we have now and every year something else comes along - the Tour de France next year, the Olympics and it's never ending.".

Bradley, mate. As a proud Englishman, I think we could shine just a little bit more if we were allowed to compete in the Tour of Britain bike race as Team England. Unfortunately, the fascist bike nazis from British Cycling and the doormats from Sport England just won't let us have our own team.

To celebrate Bradley's 'Im English and proud' persona, he'll be cycling for either the 'Cofidis' or 'Great Britain' team.

Makes you proud to be English eh, Bradley? Oh, and Bradley, mate - until we get our own team in the race - it's not important, it's totally irrelevant (at least to this Englishman).