Thursday, December 18, 2008

Off topic: Death Star Canteen..

Yes, I know Izzard is a bit of a Europhile, but this sketch animated by a 15 year old kid in America is one of the best YouTube moments of the year....

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Rosie Cooper: my evasive MP.....

Question: Just how hard is it to try and make a surgery appointment with Rosie Cooper, my local Labour MP to discuss the amount of prescription charges I am paying?

Answer: Well, after her secretary found out who I am, bloody nigh on impossible!

Two weeks ago, I had a very unhealthy few days. Not only was my physical wellbeing suffering, but my wallet took a hell of a beating also. In the space of little more than 72 hours, I had to buy 4 lots of prescription drugs and was charged £3 to exit a hospital car park.

All told, it cost me over 30 quid in medical Celtgelt taxation.

I thought I would try to speak with Rosie Cooper, my local MP to complain - to vent my spleen so to speak - and to get her to fight my corner.

I clicked onto her web site. The home page screams -

'As your local Labour MP I am committed to working hard for you, the people of West Lancashire, and to fighting to get the best deal for every single local person.....

I am here to be YOUR voice on the issues that matter to YOU!.....

As your Member of Parliament, I trust you will contact me on the matters that are important to you, your family and your community.

Best wishes,

Rosie Cooper MP'.

Yeah, well that's the spin, the reality is somewhat different. Troublemakers like me and issues like Celtgelt taxation and West Lothian are to be kicked into the long grass and forgotten about whenever possible. So far, I've made 5 phone calls. Each time her secretary has told me that they are arranging surgery appointment times - and that they will contact me by phone 'that day', 'the next day', 'the end of the week', and by 'Monday, 8th December, definitely'....
Needless to say, I have rung again this morning...... they are going to get back to me.... definitely today.

"Now, when you say you'll 'definitely' get back to me today, this time you really do mean 'definitely', don't you?

"Definitely...... definitely"

Well, they'd better. Because if they don't I am turning up regardless, in person, all high-blood pressured, 20 stoned, 6ft2 of me. And I will not be happy.

My MP next to Big Ben. One is two faced, the other is four faced... Democracy, England style.

Monday, December 08, 2008

To: Editor, Simon Mayo radio show....

The 'phone-in' with Gordon Brown on Thursday's FiveLive Simon Mayo Show was an utter waste of time. It was nothing but a vehicle for our glorious leader to repeat his propagandist mantras of 'hard working families', 'global downturn' 'not our fault mate' and 'I'm getting on with the job'...

WHY was it advertised as a 'Q&A session between public and Premier' when in reality, it was a Simon Mayo interview? When Mayo introduced Brown at 1 o'clock, he kept telling people to phone in with their questions. Some hope! - The phones just rang out and were then disconnected - I should know, I was trying to get through for nearly an hour. Mayo interviewed Brown at the beginning of the session for about 15 minutes, then took a couple of telephone calls and a couple of emails from the public. More Mayo questioning followed until the 1.30 news bulletin.

After that bulletin, Mayo invited phone calls and emails because as he said himself "We've only got the PM for another 15 minutes - so come on, get your questions in"....

Mayo then proceeded to Brown-nose for Brittttain without bothering to read any more questions out or take any more calls from the public.


For the whole 45 minutes, Brown only had to field 3 phone calls and a couple of emails. The content of which were credit crunchingly bland. The rest of the time was taken by Mayo interviewing and toadying. For those of us who bothered to put a question together - it was an utter insult.

I mean, Brown can field friendly full toss questions all day from the likes of Mayo. It is the public who are much more likely to hold him to account - but they were comsumately ignored - as per usual (apart from the very few dullards allowed to put their friendly questions to their party leader). I wouldn't have minded not having my question read out - if it had been because there were loads of other questions from the public being tackled by Brown. They weren't.

Mayo is basically a NuLabour luvvie anyway - hasn't he had grand weekends at Chequers as a guest of Tony Blair... (something else the public pays for). Why bother to advertise it as a public/PM Q&A when all along it was only ever going to be Simon Mayo honing his interviewing skills - is he going for the Jonathan Ross spot?


Friday, November 28, 2008

Gordon Brown - clueless imbecile

Gordon Brown really doesn't have a clue, does he? The man with the touch of a Jonah did it again yesterday. the appalling violence in Mumbai was the reason why BBC News had arranged for an interview with our great leader in order to get his view on the outrage.

Gordon stood erect, four-squared and square-jawed...... The nation waited to hear what the great man would say...

"Well, I think I speak for the entire world when I say how outraged I am......"

Sorry, did he just say he was speaking for the entire world? Yes he did! This unelected oaf of a control freaked Premier, a black belt in the dark arts of political manipulation and lying has just expanded his remit from Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath to encompass the entire globe!

Do you reckon he is going for the post of Global Guru and defacto World Premier?.... Only, I thought Tony Blair already had that job?

Friday, November 21, 2008

More smoke, mirrors and KY jelly...

More proof regarding the NuLabour disinformation project for England – and also evidence that yet again, we are going to have to bend over and take it...

Yesterday, I had a rather surreal telephone conversation with some government customer-relationed lackey at the Department of Transport.

I rang them in response to Road Safety Minister Jim Fitzpatrick's many, many telly appearances (mostly near a busy traffic junction) as he announced his great new ideas on life, the universe and hot hatch drivers....

Jim was in turbo drive, loving the cameras, loving the attention... looking like he was doing a piece to camera for Top Gear. He was determined to “Do something” about the terrible near 3,000 death toll on Britain’s roads each year.

Firstly, he was going to have a go at those psycho drivers who excessively speed. It’s a sort of two strikes and you’re banned strategy – and Jim warned every furry-diced-boy-racer in Britain that he was on their case. He also hinted that ‘they’ were looking at the current drink-drive limits – Jim rather portentously warned that this ‘may’ be looked into in the near future..

Jim repeated the day’s mantra – “We know that we can do more and that we can reduce the numbers of people being killed and seriously injured in Britain - and that means looking at speeding, drink driving, drug driving, careless driving and people not wearing seatbelts”...

It was yet another ‘fighting for Britain’ speech, so beloved of NuLabour’s budding iagos. But then, I started to wonder – was Jim’s initiative ‘Brit-relevant or English-relevant?.... I mean, all things Transporty are sort of devolved nowadays aren’t they? I decided to go to the people who should know.... The Department of Transport.

A quick butchers at the press release makes it clear. The opening paragraph says –
‘A crackdown on the menace of reckless driving was announced by Road Safety Minister Jim Fitzpatrick today as he unveiled a range of new proposals to tackle drink and drug drivers and other dangers on Britain's roads’.

And a direct quote from Jim within the press release clinches it - "Britain has one of the best road safety records in the world and the number of people killed or hurt has fallen dramatically in the last decade. But too many people are still dying on our roads".

Yup – it’s all about Britain all right.... Wondering if I had missed something - and that Transport had been de-devolved back to Westminster, I decided to ring them – just to make sure.

“Hi, is that the section responsible for road safety?”


“I’ve been watching Jim Fitzpatrick on the telly today – and the new initiative he is launching.... I notice that he keeps on saying it is a British-wide initiative. He keeps on saying it will cover ‘the whole country’. And that’s where I am getting a bit confused. I thought Transport was a devolved responsibility – so how, can Mr. Fitzpatrick be claiming a British jurisdiction when I know he simply does not have the power?”

“Errrrrrr, I’m not sure. Can you hang on a mo’?”

(I hung on for quite a few moes, actually).

“Hello – yes, well. Apparently, Mr. Fitzpatrick was only talking about England”.

“What!!!!!........ Only about England?”

“Yes. Only about England”

“So why has he not mentioned that fact in any of his interviews? Why has he been lying to the public, claiming false responsibilities much further than his remit? Is he some sort of imbecile? Does he not know the difference between Britain and England? Is he geography-deficient? Does he actually know where England is?”


“And why is your Press Release a complete lie – you mention Britain several times – but nowhere on that press release do you utter a word about England. Why is that?”

She put the phone down.

Surreal moment of the week...

On last night’s BBC QuestionTime the discussion got around to the financing of the NHS.

Because of the projected belt tightening, and the Tories commitment to dump Labour’s spending plans, the other panelists rounded on the Conservative member. Everyone piled in (including the audience) with their heated opinions, and their commitments to keep up the spending levels in the NHS.... But as this was a discussion relating to central government – and effectively the next Westminster administration, they were, by definition talking about the English NHS.

The programme came from Glasgow, Scotland.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

God's own brewery.....

Tonight, I shall mostly be meeting, then drinking some old friends at the Moorhouses brewery tour in Burnley.

Oh yes, they'll all be there - all my old pals, the impeccable Pendle Witch, the superb Pride of Pendle, the smooth as silk Black Cat Mild and the sexy Blonde Witch..

As well as that, we're in for a Pie 'n' Peas supper and some freebee gifts....

It just doesn't get any better than that....

Monday, November 03, 2008

The Union dividend cost me £21.30p today....

Today, I took two prescriptions round to my local chemist. One was a repeater, the other detailed a double dose of drugs prescribed by my Doctor to try and combat a flaring up of my Psoriasis....

All in all, there were three seperate drugs to collect.

All in all, it cost me the princely sum of £21.30p for the priviledge of getting them.

All in all, I'd say it was one hell of a rip off - especially as in the other three countries of the Union have already or are soon to be 'prescription-cost free'.

Hmmmm, don't ya just love that Union dividend?

I do hope that the £21.30p I have given (ever-so gladly) has gone to a more deserving health case in Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland.

Anyway, so pleased was I to be given the opportunity of subbing one of my more deserving Unionistas, I have decided to go and have a word with my MP about it...

Labour Glenrothes - fighting to open a cinema and preserve golf courses...

You've just gotta laugh! Well I did when a had a quick peek at the 'Action Plan of Linday Roy (Labour candidate for the Glenrothes by election).

Lindsay is standing on a programme of ACTION! And if the people of Glenrothes want to keep their golf course and get a cinema, then socialist Lindsay is the man to do it.... (Well, not really as planning and local government are both devolved issues)...

Anyway, back to the 'Action Plan'... Lindsay is under the impression that he can actually do something for the people who he hopes will elect him to a nice comfy leather seat at Westminster...

This taken from the Scottish Labour web site...

Lindsay Roy says:
“My Action Plan for Fife will help people here with their own lives".

A summary of Lindsay’s Action Plan for Fife

Crack down on anti-social behaviour
Visible policing, zero tolerance to drugs, action on underage drinking.
REALITY: Devolved issues – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

A citizens’ panel to decide where new CCTV should go.
REALITY: Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Fight for more opportunities for young people
More sports and recreation facilities for Fife , including public consultation with young people to decide where new pitches should go.
REALITY: Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Campaign against Fife Council privatising golf courses and convene an urgent meeting with top cinema chiefs to start bringing a new cinema to central Fife.
REALITY: FORE!! Really, really irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Sort out the roads and buses
Support dualling and upgrading the A92.
REALITY: Yawn – guess what? Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.
(However, if you wanna mess with an English A road, then fill your boots!)

Demand a clear timetable and funding plan for the Forth Road Bridge that the SNP have delayed.
REALITY: Don’t bother mate, they won’t take any notice of you as this is a devolved issue and therefore has bugger all to do with the likes of you!
(Mind you, English road tolls have bugger all to do with as well - but it won't stop you voting on them at Westminster, will it?)

Give powers back to Fifers so local people can make decisions about their buses.
REALITY: Sorry, yet again you no can do – bus stuff is a devolved issue).
(How about giving power to Englishers?)

Help Fife families through tough times
Benefit “check-ups” to ensure pensioners get the benefits they deserve – including the new, free insulation.
REALITY: Oy, nosey! You can’t do anything about this - again! Nowt to do with you old Son as it is a de-bleeding-volved bleeding-issue, geddit?
(But what about English pensioners, Lindsay? They don't get any of those nice, juicy benefits, including free insulation, do they).

Outlaw overcharging people on pre-pay meters and fight the SNP local income tax.
REALITY: Lindsay, mate - fighting the SNP over their local income tax can only be done in the place where they are producing the legislation. And that ain’t in Westminster!(HA ha.... You should see what we are charged down here Lindsay!)

Oppose greedy oil bosses who keep petrol costs high.
REALITY: Hal-ay-bleeding-leuauh!!! Who’d have thought it! Finally, finally on Lindsey’s action plan, SOMETHING that actually concerns him!...... But as oil prices are set at an international price, and as HM government takes over 70% in tax from the selling price, and as both Brown and Darling have said they cannot touch the oil companies, I don’t think there is much chance of anyone taking any notice of Lindsay... Will they?

Our tip: Lindsay baby, if you want to actually do something, actually try to effect any of those items on your ‘action plan’, we reckon you should try and get elected to the Scottish Parliament..... but who knows, maybe you’d rather be content with doing bugger all at Westminster?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Scottish MPs – what do they actually do?

Part 1 of a weekly series of web delving.....

Yes, yes, I know they seem to spend their entire time shoving their noses into English business at Westminster – but what about their constituents, what do they do for them? Is it busy, busy, busy-all or bugger, bugger, bugger-all?

Because now that devolution has well and truly taken constituent enquiries for Planning, Local Government, Transport, Health and Education out of the in-trays of Scots MPs and piled them up in ever increasing numbers onto their MSP counterparts, we at Hereward House have been wondering what an average Scottish MP now actually does to occupy their time and earn their corn – and what constituency queries they tackle in their surgeries....

Let’s find out by taking a dip into the varied and interesting life of your average Scottish MP via their paid-for-by-the-public websites...

First stop is to the website of Gavin Strang (Labour, Edinburgh East). We are at Gav’s site first because he has provided a useful ‘MP or MSP’ button on his website. This will presumably stop all those embarrassing episodes at his surgery when he has to tell a constituent that he will have to take up the matter with the MSP Organ Grinder and not with him, the MP oily rag....

According to his site, Strang is responsible for - The Constitution, Defence, Foreign affairs, Electricity, coal, oil & gas, Nuclear energy, Employment, Financial and economic matters, Social security...

Susan Deacon the local MSP is responsible for - Agriculture, fisheries and forestry, Economic development, Education, The environment, The arts & sport, Food standards, Health, Housing, Social work, Local Government & planning, Transport policy (Scottish Ports & roads), Tourism....

As can be seen from the Gav-list, Strang is responsible for foreign affairs and defence – I wonder how often someone has sat down at his surgery desk and said “Mr Strang, I’ve been having a lot o’ trouble with Paraguayans parking their tanks on ma lawn – can ye write a letter?”

It is clear to see that Deacon has control of most of the real life day-to-day concerns of an average constituent – who therefore will see their MSP as being more relevant to their aspirations, achieving their goals and righting their wrong.

Assessment of Strang: Thumb twiddler.

Frank Doran (Labour, Aberdeen North) likes to think he has been very busy – as he keeps telling us just how busy he is... Under the sub head of ‘Local Issues’ and the bravura statement which follows it - ‘Below will give you an idea of the varied work that I have undertaken over the years in Aberdeen. Also you will find coverage of other local issues that are important to me personally'.

If you were expecting a typographical tirade of all things passionate from Frank then you really will be disappointed.

Frank’s last entry for the local issues that are apparently important to him personally is about how he was chosen to be a judge a Christmas Card competition. The competition was for Christmas of 2007 – a full year ago. There are no entries for 2008. All in all, there are just 10 ‘Local Issues’ that are important to Frank, stretching all the way back to 1997 – roughly one important issue per year...

Assessment of Doran: Useless lead swinger who isn't passionate about much at all.

Meanwhile, over at Aberdeen South, Anne Begg (Labour) has, according to her web strapline been ‘Standing up for her constituents' In her web page entitled ‘Working hard for you’, Anne shares with us punters exactly what passions have been driving her lately. First story is her protesting about job cuts in the local council (not relevant to her as Local Government is a devolved issue). Then there are three stories about the opening of a Health Centre, a Roving Surgery and a Coffee Morning for a local cancer charity. (All but the last item is not relevant to her as Health is a devolved issue).

Assessment of Begg: Not enough to do, not working hard for anyone. Desperate to get herself linked to local issues that simply have nothing to do with her.

And talking about ‘linkage’, over at Dunfermline West, Willie Rennie (Liberal Democrats) tries a different approach in order to try and hide his rather emasculated constituency duties. Willie has ‘teamed up’ with Jim Tolson, his MSP LibDem counterpart to head up one website. According to the site strap Both Willie and Jim are ‘fighting for Dunfermline and West Fife’.... Phew, that is a relief!

At every opportunity on the site it’s Willie & Jim pictured together doing stuff and fighting for Dunfermline and West Fife. Willie & Jim in hard hats, Willie & Jim in front of hospitals, Willie & Jim pressing the flesh.... It’s like they are joined at the hip. The deception is further enhanced with the single email address, you can only send to for any query – so it is the LibDem constituency backroom boys who decide which Dunfermline Defender of Democracy a constituent eventually gets to see.

Assessment of Rennie: The Willie & Jim show is more of a joke than a comedy act – although admittedly, one is short and fat while the other is tall and thin.

Willie & Jim - "It's 'good job' from him and 'no job' from me"....

Nigel Griffiths (Labour, Edinburgh South) on the other hand comes out fighting. Nigel is an aggressive, tough and no-nonsense type of MP... Throughout his site, Nige is portrayed as a sort of McRambo man of action for his constituents. It’s photos, photos, photos of Nigel as he gets to grips with the great issues concerning the folk on his patch. Got a problem? Call for Nige – if nothing else, he’ll give you a signed photo of himself to stick on your mantelpiece....

Suddenly, I’m getting the faint vibe of the Ghostbusters theme...
If you’ve got a prob,
And it don’t seem real,
Who’re gonna call?
Nige Griffiths!!

(and he will put you in touch with the local MSP who can actually do something)...

Nigel’s news section is a joy to behold. Within are a series of photo opportunities in which Nigel manages to get himself associated with Al Gore (green issues), Aung San Suu Kyi, the Burmese Opposition leader(human rights issues) and a couple of survivors from Nagasaki(nuclear arms race issues). That’s all the world stuff taken care of – but what about the mundane constituency stuff?

No problem! Nigel has simply sashayed over to MSP reserved issues like Education, Transport, Local Government and Health to fill his pages. One news story proclaims - “Fighting to ensure that our schools have proper funding is one of Nigel's key priorities”.... But Nigel baby, surely that is the business of Scots Lib Demmer, Mike Pringle, who is your constituency MSP! Surely it is him who is doing all the fighting on the education, health, transport and planning front. Nigel, thanks to Labour’s great devolution experiment, you have as much influence as any other constituent of Mr Pringle’s?... Surely the best way for you to try and get extra funding is for you to go to one of Mr Pringle’s surgeries and ask him to do what he can to persuade the Scottish Nationalist government to stump up more Barnett cash?

Hey! Who the hell is that guy shaking hands with Nige Griffiths?

However, the prize for brass neckery goes to this entry on his news page –
‘Nigel has produced a leaflet for every resident on the new free medicines service. Everyone who is entitled to free prescriptions can now obtain free medicines from your local pharmacist. This scheme is designed to encourage people to seek the professional advice of a pharmacist for minor conditions to relieve pressure on our doctors. The scheme applies to all children, expectant mothers, senior citizens, unemployed people and others who are on low income. It covers every condition from sore throats to bunyons (sic). Local pharmacist Fiona McCready helped Nigel prepare the leaflet - she is a key Government advisor on community health matters’.

So that’s nice isn’t it? Nigel’s constituents have got free prescriptions all thanks to the Scottish Nationalist administration – and Nigel produces a leaflet about it! What about the seven quid ten pence that we have to pay down here Nige?

Assessment of Griffiths – Likes the rich and famous. Got a narcissistic complex of galactic proportions..... Has delusions of adequacy.. Is he related to Peter Mandelson or what?

Next week – more revelations from the cybersofa of the well paid idle.... Also, we’ll be offering hints and tips to those MP folk north of the border on how to more convincingly look busy without actually doing anything. We'll also be giving them some important daytime telly schedules and be asking them 'is the Jeremy Kyle Show really all that bad?'....

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


After an illuminating telephone conversation with some bolshy Scottish woman at Tesco Customer Care Centre, yesterday, I have received some disquieting news.
I was informed, that due to specific, constant and deafening requests by their English customers, the existing, very few own brand references to English products in Tesco stores are to be dumped – and replaced with the ‘British’ moniker.
I really do have to say that the conversation was one of the most surreal I have ever had – even by Tesco standards.

I thought I should ring them to discuss ‘CountryLife-Gate’ – and that company’s shameless rebranding of English butter to British butter. I thought it would be a good opportunity to talk (yet again) to Tesco about their branding policy.

I told the Tesco lady that I was looking for another butter to buy with ‘English’ written on the pack – and couldn’t help noticing that Tesco own brand butter did indeed say ‘English Butter’, but unfortunately, the accompanying flag was not the flag of St George but was the flag of the Union.....

I then tried to expand the discussion, sort of telling her that I would like to buy English stuff in Tesco, but there are precious few products in Tesco with the English ident on – and how I thought it was about time they expanded their English range – and as a start, they could change the flag on the Tesco English Butter pack to make it consistent.

“But we are changing it to make it more consistent”

“Well that’s bloody great!”

“Yes, in the very near future, our butter will be labelled as British butter – and of course we will keep the Union flag to make it all consistent”....


She repeated it – and then added “In fact all the remaining products with England of English on them are to be rebranded as British”.


“Because all our customers in England want their products labelled as British – while all our customers in Scotland, Wales and Ireland want their produce labelled as Scottish, Welsh and Irish”....

“Well who decided that then?”

“Our customer focus groups”

“So let me get this straight – customers in England have specifically demanded that the very few English branded products that Tesco sells must be rebranded to British – because, presumably they find it all too upsetting? “So why haven’t the Scots etc demanded that their products are to be labelled as British also?

“Well they don’t see themselves as British – they see themselves as Scottish – it’s the same with the Welsh and the Irish”...

“How very convenient..... So what you are saying is that the few remaining English products are soon to be bulldozed from the shelves in favour of British ones”....

She did indeed confirm that rogue products like Tesco own brand English Butter and Mild Cheshire Cheese are to be axed for a more apparently palatable British version.

She then read out a communiqué from Head Office –

“Regarding product branding, this is what our Customer Forum has asked us to do”
‘As most English inhabitants look on themselves as being British first – therefore, a Union flag is used to identify the region. NOTE: Regional information is printed on the pack to indicate which area within the region it comes from’.

There then followed a deep and meaningful discussion. The Scots lady said that every time she came south of the border she couldn’t move for union flags – because apparently, all English people are revelling in their British ident... While in her own country she and all her fellow compatriots were Scots first, second and third.

The whole conversation ended in a vexatious row. She just couldn’t grasp how insulted I felt to have my country rebranded as both a ‘region’ and as default Britain’. There is now a definite shift in strategy. They are now quoting ‘Focus Groups’ from the region of England as justification to rebrand to a British ident – and it’s all coming to a Tesco near you.

Utterly shameful....

Today’s action – To ring Wembley Stadium to ask exactly who gave the instructions for Saturday’s pre-match announcement to supporters to ‘stand for the national anthems’ just prior to the England footy match....

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Tesco rebrand Cornwall as a country....

Shabby attempt to rewrite geography and history by the world's most hated supermarket chain.
The Tesco 'finest' range includes a flurry of stuff from the English county of Cornwall. And as a craven slave to the pc agenda (and another opportunity to rubbish England), they have seen fit to whack on the Cornish county flag onto the whole product range. As this is Tesco - the hand wringing Rottweiler of the High street, county flagism does not extend to any other own brand produce from the rest of the counties of England.

Lancashire celery, Devon biscuits, Lincolnshire potatoes, Yorkshire Puddings and Cheshire Cheese - all devoid of their county flag moniker - well, they would be, wouldn't they?....

So it's official - even non-countries like Cornwall qualify as a bone fide nation state in the eyes of Tesco - and is suitably rewarded with de facto national patronage. Why? Could it be they are playing the Celtic card yet again? Probably.

Whatever the reason, it's an outrage that Tesco don't apply the same articles of nationhood to England - a country consisting of many, many counties - one of which is Cornwall.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Brian Simpson - Labour MEP getting a bit fed up with the English..

Asks Brian Simpson,North West Region Labour MEP in a recent edition of the Labour magazine “Egremont Today”

“I don’t know about you, but I am getting a bit fed up with those who keep telling me we need to have an extra public holiday centred around St George’s Day. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for an extra public holiday, but I am afraid I do not consider myself English. I consider myself British and I believe the extra public holiday should be on a day that is close to all of us British people, not one of its regional parts.

So, I find myself in agreement with George Galloway MP, when he says Battle of Britain Day in September would be the ideal candidate. It is an important date in our history and September can still offer some reasonable weather on which to have a public holiday. Unfortunately English nationalism is on the rise and although 56% of the population still favour being in the UK, 34% believes we should separate into 4 different countries, which I believe would be a disaster. Fuelled by Margaret Thatcher who did her level best to destroy all three of them. For the Welsh, Scottish and Irish, a national identity exists, but what identity exists in England?

I feel as a born and bred Lancastrian, that I have more in common with the Scots and Welsh than I do with Southern England. For me, the English Parliament would be an object disaster for the North of England, as it would be dominated by London and the South East and we would be treated like second-class citizens. No, keep the England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland for the sports field; but in the world that really matters, let’s stick to the United Kingdom and end all of this nationalism nonsense. I am proud to be British, so let’s have a public holiday on a day relevant to Britain. What do you think?”

Brian Simpson’s email is:-

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Labour - just not fair...

This from the Labour Party web site -

A new party political broadcast by the Labour Party will be shown for the first time on Wednesday evening.

The Prime Minister and Leader of the Labour Party Gordon Brown MP and a host of cabinet ministers are shown meeting nurses, teachers, children and business people and hearing of their hopes and concerns.

It highlights Labour's overriding mission of fairness. The fair society. Fairness at home. Fairness in the world - that's the new settlement for new times, and that is what we're fighting for......

And after Gordon's speech on fairness yesterday, it is now more than obvious that 'Fair' and 'Fairness' are the new must-have strap-ons to any statement uttered from any member of the Cabinet of 'None of the Talents'.

I watched the party political. Every single minister managed to shove a lexicon of Fairnesses into his or her spot.

I decided to ring the helpful chaps at Labour HQ to ask them why they thought giving England so little per head of the public purse and also denying us any national democracy were 'fair' things to do?

I ranted.

He stayed mum.

I asked him whether he thought it was 'fair' that people in England still had to pay for prescriptions, still had to pay tuition fees, still had to sell houses to pay for residential care, still had to die for the want of cancer drugs freely available in Scotland.

Still nothing.

I told him I had been a Labour voter - solid for nearly 30 years. But now I had stopped voting for them since 1998 because I considered them nothing more than a bunch of anti-democratic English-hating bastards who wouldn't know a democratic model if she came up and smacked them in the man vegetables with a standard gauge house brick. I furthered that their cringeing policies of celtic patronage will do for the UK within 10 years - and that Gordon Brown was nothing more than a wrong-wired, power-mad arse-nob with an acute Braveheart-Napoleon complex, a sense of humour by-pass, a really crappy smile and a set of reject Charlie Chimpy ears....

Cooly, Mr Labour man said he would pass on my concerns.

Somehow, I cannot imagine he will. Somehow, I cannot imagine, when Gordon touches base at Labour HQ my Mr Labour man, leans over to him and says, "See Gordon, it's not just me, here's another guy who thinks you've got Charlie Chimpy ears"...

If you too would like to pass on your concerns to Mr Labour man, please ring this number 08705 900 200...


Tuesday, September 23, 2008

'FAIR' - the 4 letter word...

Well, that's it, I've stood as much as I can. I cannot stomach Gordon 'Stigmata' Brown any more. His speech is as sugary sweet as Bertie Bassett's wedding tackle coated in syrup.

Some people in the crowd are crying - maybe they wish it was all over - or more likely, they have been compromised by the Brown bullshittery. It's like Snow White meets the Muffin Man as Gordy talks about kids, rugby-gouged eyes, Mansey stuff, hard working families, how fantabulous Brrrrrritain is, social justice ......... and FAIRNESS!

Fairness - is the new black, the new Labour Tour de Farce, the backed-up, back-to-basics commandment of the new Gordon Brown relaunch. Fair is good. Fair is fab.

Fair is a four letter word.

According to Gordon, "Fairness is in Labour's DNA" and Labour is "The rock of stability and Fairness upon which people stand" and apparently, Gordon gets really miffed - he "Gets angry when people are treated unfairly!"

What breathtaking hubris. What utter drivel. What a skip-load of lies.....

As per usual, Brown couldn't tell the difference between Brrrrritain (mentioned billions of times) and England (mentioned twice) when talking about health, education and planning issues.

As per usual, English-only health and education initiatives were buried under the Brrrrritish ident. Again, fairness for England is not on the agenda - again, English fairness is a foreign, almost Kafkaesque concept out of reach and out of mind of the Caledonian cretin.

And as per usual, Gordon managed to get into his speech the usual suspects on his check list..

Hard working families - Check
Loss of an eye - Check
Hard working families - Check
Britain is fabulous - Check
Son of a Manse - Check
Hard working families - Check
Union stronger than ever - Check
International conditions so it wasn't my fault - Check.
Hard working families - Check

He's still the Irony Chancellor.....

Big beast, Gordon Brown delivers his big beast of a beasty speech today at the sheep dip formerly known as the Labour Party Conference.

Gordon, who bleeds for Britain via the stigmata on his hands & feet has ordered an extra large truck load of Kleenex today in preparation for the spontaneous sobbing from delegates on the floor. The reason? Well, fair minded Gordon will remind us how important 'fairness' is in today's union of happy nations.

He'll stress how he will crawl over red hot coals in order to deliver his fairness agenda to everyone.... (apart from the English, obviously).

To deliver the speech with the utmost gravitas, he'll also go on about the poor little children in Africa, his rugby injury, his Mansey Dad, his Scottish roots, his kids, his dumpy wife, his Cabinet of all the talents, Nelson Mandela and his fantastic ability to deliver this country from the moron who got us into this mess in the first place - Tony Blair's Chancellor (whoever he was!).....

But most offensively, he'll go on about 'fairness'.

The irony is truly staggering.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Oh to be in England (now the twister season is upon us)...

A procession of twisters forming over a sodden housing estate in West Lancashire, late August, 2008...

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Hospital Parking - Scot free (well nearly)...

What a laugh.

The Scottish Government has announced that they are scrapping all parking fees at their Scottish hospitals.

Well nearly. They are all going to be scrapped apart from in the car parks of 3 major hospitals - these are tied into PPP-PFI agreements and the Scottish Government reckon it would cost a small fortune to get out of the agreements...

Unfortunately, while everyone is welcoming the abandonment of the charges, there is some vexation that 3 hospitals are still going to be charging punters and patients alike. Unison branch secretary (Glasgow and Clyde) Cathy Miller said: "No-one agreed with this additional tax on staff, patients and visitors. But we are angry that the minister seems unwilling to be bold enough to remove charges from PPP-PFI sites. This decision will create a two-tier system with staff and patients who are unlucky enough to be on a PFI site such as Glasgow Royal Infirmary being charged for the pleasure."

Hmmm, a two tiered system, eh?

She's right of course - a one tier system is far fairer...... like we have in England!

In England, all hospitals charge for parking, so that's all right then.

And then there's our one tier system for prescription charges, our one tier system for the absence of expensive drugs, our one tier system for tuition fees, our one tier system for abusing the aged and our one tier system for bugger-all national democracy.

Don't you just love our one tiers of joy?

Friday, August 29, 2008

Norfolk & Holmes – the estate agent of choice...

I watched a great programme on BBC3 last week. It was the sort of programme the BBC used to make years ago before the age of spin doctoring, inter-liaisonal projects with the resident party in power and the creation of BBC’s ‘Number 10 Brown-nosing unit’ (Motto, we’ll get so far up Brown’s backside, he’ll think we’re piles). It was part of the ‘Mischief’ series in which presenter Alex Riley had set up a new estate agency with a difference – ‘Norfolk & Holmes’ (not to be confused with the bookmakers ‘Norfolk & Chance’ and the Fat Friends Club – ‘Norfolk & Weigh’).

Who’d have thought it? Anglo Saxon irony on Auntie Beeb! Heads are sure to roll at the BBC when Gordon’s McStasi work it out.

Riley’s remit was to travel the length and breadth of England, finding just a small fraction of the estimated 1 million empty homes that blight our land –and then asking awkward questions to Council Dons and Government Lackeys as to why so many houses were being left empty and derelict while our glorious leader keeps banging on about the need to concrete over England with 3 million new rabbit hutches....

The most obscene part of the show was in Liverpool – row upon row of fantastic Victorian houses, some as big as five bedroom dwellings boarded up and awaiting demolition. It was a surreal site, Riley strolling around entire streets, no people, no cars, nothing. Every house empty, every community destroyed...... I mean, who could be responsible for such an arse up? Who do we know who’s as thick as pig sh*t, as dyslexic as a cooking funt and likes to have a Jag’ to transport his mighty corpulence to places where he just isn’t wanted...

There can be only one. John Prescott and his Pathfinder project.

In all, some 15,000 houses in the Anfield area of the city are empty. It’s the result of the Lib-Dem council (voted the worst run council in the entire country) trousering the cash from central government to help the moron Prescott realise his cretinous ‘Pathfinder’ dream . Anfield is now a ghetto, a suppurating monument to a shambolic cretin of a man and a money grabbing, no-honour cabal of local little Hitlers. And there they stand today. Street after street of brick husks – a gaunt, empty tribute to the consequences of the credit crunch and Labour’s continued obsession with the worst kind of unsocial engineering.

Riley interviewed a former resident of the community. She sort of hit the nail on the head, when she said the council told her the existing houses were jerry-built death traps – and it would be best if they were all knocked down to be replaced by bright, shiny new ones. The only problem was that the bright shiny new houses would be way out of the reach of the displaced community – so God knows where they would end up.....

Riley got a team of surveyors in to have a look at the state of the boarded up houses. They poured scorn on the claims of the council, stating that the quality of the existing houses, even in their abandoned state could not be matched by new build replacements. They took Riley round to see a street that had repulsed the unwanted attentions of Prescott’s chipolata fingers. Each house had been done up at around 20 grand each. The builders had sold them to locals – the place, as they say in Liverpool, was buzzin’....

And so it was ever thus. Agendas, no matter how bizarre, no matter how flaky are pushed by an administration so wrapped up in their own demented agendas, that everything they touch degrades England just a little more . In order to find out what the bloody hell is going on, Riley tried to have a word with the brassy hagged Minister for Housing, Caroline Flint.

In a nanosecond, gobby Flint became coy Caroline. She slipped out of a side entrance at the Ministry for Housing so she wouldn’t have to meet him.


You can watch the show, here.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

‘Dirty English’, the new fragrance for men – apparently.

‘Juicy Couture’ the hippest fashion house in America has brought out a new range of street cred’ smelly stuff for your not-so-average urban male...

The range is called ‘Dirty English’ – and according to Juicy, ‘it’s the scent of irresistible bad boys all over the world – Dirty English, the new fragrance for men’.... (Yeah, but it ain’t no Old Spice, is it?)

How do I feel about this? Insulted, obviously – but then again, am I being a tad over sensitive? For all I know, the marketing men at Juicy might have chucked other similarly contentious monikers for consideration by the focus groups...
‘Corpulent Gobby Yanks’, maybe. Or how about ‘Sweaty Jocks (trap)’.... ‘Garlic Eating Surrender Monkey French’.... ‘Whinging Minging Aussies’..... ‘Stormtrooping Germans’......

Or maybe they didn’t – for obvious reasons.
So why do they think it’s OK to insult us?

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Spot the Union Flag...

Cardiff, a Union flag-free zone
In today's Gordon Brown world of total Britishness, I tuned into BBC News to witness five bemedalled Welsh Olympians being presented to an ecstatic crowd outside the Welsh Assembly building.

I expected to see the beaming athletes wrapped in their British flags - while an adoring crowd waved their little Union Flags for all they were worth.....

Some hope.

It was dragons all the way, the crowd, the flagpoles and the athletes were dripping with the dragon rampant. Not a Union Flag in sight, anywhere. Cue interviews. They were so proud to be Welsh. They were no longer British, they were Welsh - and it was fab....

The Scottish version will happen tomorrow, as wil the Northern Irish one....
But what about the English?

Oh yeah, of course. We are 'British' aren't we?

Monday, August 04, 2008


I'm back.
For the last few weeks I have been a bit busy putting together the latest edition of 'English Voice' - which has, as usual been a bit of a labour of love (and a hell of a lot of hard work).

My email facility has been goosed for a few weeks - a result of a row between myself and my provider about which accounts I wanted to renew (and pay for) - and which I wanted to dump. Happily, Henry Kissinger was passing by the other day and has now sorted everything out - the result being that we are all friends again, and at last, I have my email back.

So now English Voice has safely been despatched to the printer I have got a bit more time - and will be posting more often from now on ('whoopy do', I hear you cry).

On another matter, over the past few months, I have been travelling around England - as a start of my personal journey to 'See it while I can before it becomes a Gordon Brownfield site' I will be writing about the places I have visited and posting them on the 'Alfred the OK' blog. First essay coming up will be concerning the City of Bath, the Mendips and the 700 year old 'George' pub which is one of the oldest hostelries in the whole of England and was the Headquarters of the Duke of Monmouth shortly before his defeat at the Battle of Sedgemoor.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The UK Youth Parliament - It’s young, it’s dynamic, it’s all happening - NOT!

Hooray, it’s the UK Yoof Parliament!

They’re there to speak up for the kids, to tell all those old fart controlling fuddy-duddies at Westminster exactly what they can do with their skewed view of democracy, the appalling West Lothian fit-up, the English-only tuition taxes fiasco - and the tax on lollipops..

And guess what, this isn’t some tin-pot rabble of supa-strength cider-drinking delinquent losers – oh no, they’re organised, their leaders press the flesh with lots of Establishment movers and shakers, and only last week, some of their members were on the BBC news 24 station waxing lyrical about ‘knife crime’ and how to solve it, innit.

Of course, in order to spread the word of the young right across the UK, they have devolved youth organisations in Northern Ireland, Wales and Scotland ....... But not in England, obviously.

And after an email to ‘Tom’, one of their funky, young leaders (I’ve put a tenner on him becoming Prime Minister within 30 years), I was told that there were no plans to introduce an English Youth Parliament.... and they also had no thoughts on devolution, or on how the skewed UK constitutional model could be fixed.... “As an organisation we don’t have a particular viewpoint on devolution.... Basically we are a youth organisation and the creation of an English parliament is not an issue which is at the top of young people’s priorities.” Regards, Tom, FPM (Future Prime Minister).

I don’t know about you, but I thought being young was all about swimming against the flow, having an attitude, being a bit of a pain in the arse for what you believe in – and asking ‘Why’, ‘Why should I?’ and ‘Why not’ a lot. But apparently, I’m wrong. The UKYP appears to be little more than a sort of Kindergarten, ’Toddling-Politics Crèche’ for budding Establishment politicians –‘Join the UK Youth Parliament – and ready yourself for a life in politics, courtesy of the taxpayer’

Just what is the point of setting up a youth parliament that is not only a ‘Mini-me’ clone of the flawed, self indulgent and corrupted big boys version at Westminster - but again ignores the English and national English representation?

And now it seems all so predictable! Delving a little deeper, it appears that the UK Youth Parliament is bankrolled by the UK Government, while the devolved youth parliaments are financed by the corresponding devolved administrations.....

This taken from the UK Youth Parliament News Archive -
'UKYP received from Government only £110k for the 2002/3 year and £165k this current year whereas we understand that Funky Dragon(the Welsh Youth Parliament) received around £280k in 2002/3'.

The DfES sponsored review we hope will address such resourcing issues as well as structural options. As the report points out, there is no English Youth Parliament so UKYP effectively provides that function as well. It works in particular with local authorities and the emerging English regional structures. This is a direction favoured in many political quarters rather than an England wide approach. Mrs Hodge’s comment on the "need for [a separate] English Youth Parliament" brings an added dimension to the debate."

Amazing, the Welsh version gets not far off three times as much as the the UK model, no doubt thanks to the good old Barnett Formula cash box - and the UKYP is doubling up as an English Youth Parliament. Some things never change - don't you just love it?

Monday, July 14, 2008

Alfie versus the Co op (ethical fraud monkeys)....

“Hi, is that the PR section of Co-op banking?"


“Are you the environmentally sensitive Co-op that defends Amazonian Indians and who will not accept business customers unless they fit into your ethical matrix?”

“Well yes, that’s correct. We think it’s important to have standards. We will not deal with businesses who engage in nefarious activities such as arms trading, the destruction of the rain forests... or indeed, those who would wantonly exploit native peoples”.......

“Like the native indigenous people of Amazonia?”...

“Exactly..... And our fantastic new Co-op ‘THINK’ credit card really does spell out in full our ethical credentials. Not only does it reward you for making ethical choices on your purchases, but also makes a contribution of 25p for every £100 spent to Cool Earth, a charity that buys and protects the rainforest against development. But thinking ethically doesn't stop with thinking green, which is why we have identified Ethical Partners that consider other important issues, such as fairtrade, sound sourcing or animal welfare - it's all important in making a difference to our world.....”

“And that policy regarding the protection of indigenous peoples – that applies to all indigenous peoples around the world, wherever they might live in the whole wide world, right?”

“Exactly right....... If you are interested, I can send you some literature on our ethical and green credentials if you like?”

“No, no, let’s save a tree or two - don’t bother sending me anything...........
But, before I go, can you answer me this one nagging question I have?”


“My question is – If you consider it totally wrong to put a concrete development in the middle of the Amazon....”

Absolutely wrong”

“Yeah, if the Co-op considers it totally, absolutely wrong to build a town in the Amazon, then why is it totally, absolutely right to build a new town on a verdant green field site in the middle of the Leicestershire countryside? And not only that, why is it totally, absolutely right that the wishes of the indigenous people of rural Leicestershire will be ignored for the sake of a fast buck – and the consequences of that fast buckery will be that they will be displaced by the bulldozers so that a new town can be built? And why is it totally absolutely right that the developers of this projected new town on verdant green Leicestershire countryside is none other than the Co-op?.......

“You know, the very same 'ethical', 'moralistic' and supposedly ‘green’ Co-op that apparently defends the rights of indigenous peoples, everywhere...... except those who live in England, apparently......

“Tell me, in view of this appalling abuse of ethics and the total disregard afforded to green issues, will the ethically inspired Co-op be cutting up all the credit cards of 'the Co-op' – and refuse to bank for them because of the wanton vandalism, exploitation of the indigenous population of rural Leicestershire and for putting naked greed above your ethical mission statement so brazenly forwarded at every single opportunity?

“Well, will you?”

“Let me put you on hold”.....

A minute later, and he’s back......

“Hello..... Yes, well, the ECO development in Leicestershire is an ECO driven initiative. It is reclaiming some old land, including an airfield – and putting it to good use, in the most ECO sensitive way.”

“What’s with all the ECO prefixing? You know, and I know that Caroline Flint, the Housing Minister has admitted that the ECO Town initiative is little more than an exercise in opening up the English countryside to urban development. ECO does not stand for ‘Ecological’ it stands for ‘Economy’ – making money at the expense of others.

“And anyway, I think you will find that the airfield is actually nothing more than a very thin airstrip. It is a thin strip of tarmac on a green field – unfortunately, you don’t just want to build on the thin air strip, or even on the green field which has the thin airstrip on it – you want to build on all the other many green fields that surround the green field with the airstrip, don’t you? 15,000 people are projected to be living in this new town, with many more to come. Isn’t it a fact that a lot of that supposedly brown field land is currently being farmed by you the Co-op, currently the UK’s biggest farmer with over 70,000 acres under the plough.


“Let’s cut to the chase. Let’s just stop with all the ethical bull. Let’s tell it like it actually is. The Co-op is just the same as every other massive money business, greedy, mendacious, opportunistic. Only in your case, you’d sell your Granny for a few bob – just as long as she was wearing green slippers and that her false teeth weren’t made of elephant ivory.

"You need to think of a new slogan. Instead of the all the green ethical stuff, just try and be honest.... How about ‘The Co-op, greedy low lives, eager to shaft the locals, even those in the Amazon (once we open our Rio branch)......"


Don’t try to flannel me with the ethical rubbish, the green rubbish or any other eco waffle. You are planning to concrete over and despoil forever another piece of English countryside. You’ve been bought by a dour Scotsman’s gold. You should be bloody ashamed of yourselves..........

Non-indigenous English farmer....

Indigenous Amazon hunter....

English countryside, redefined as 'brown field'....

The Amazon, the jewel in the Co-op's crown....

It's started. English-only Planning Laws clear way for new nuclear power stations in double quick time...

'At least eight new nuclear power stations are to be approved within the next two years and built swiftly under fast-track planning procedures....

Gordon Brown believes that they will be needed to avoid an energy crisis in the next decade, and more will follow as the world tries to reduce its dependence on oil for power'......

Monday, June 30, 2008

Paying the ultimate price....

One of my sons has signed up for the army. He’ll be joining REME and will be training as a helicopter technician – but as he is in the army, his first priority will be as a soldier. That means going to Iraq, Afghanistan or wherever else the closet dictators in number 10 deem to start the next war. It will mean servicing helicopters in those theatres of battle – but it will also mean going out on patrol....

I am not too happy about it at all. Fighting to defend your own country is one thing – but putting your life at risk in a God forsaken desert village to preserve Tony Blair’s flawed credentials is quite another. The problem is, there is nothing else to do around where we live – his previous job was working part time at Tesco.

All the labouring work has been taken by Poles, all the farm working jobs are being done by Latvians and all the engineering and production jobs that used to abound round here have all gone to China......

So there seems not a lot of choice if you cannot afford Uni' and are not interested in IT - so he has decided that the army is his chosen career move. And last week, the risk that is run when you join up was brought home to us in the most brutal of fashions... Sarah Bryant was killed in Afghanistan, courtesy of a roadside bomb. She was the first British woman soldier to die there.

Sarah and her Dad, Des Feely on her wedding day.

Although shocked, with the daily inevitability of casualties, I did what millions of others do when we heard the news. We tutted, we cursed Blair for getting us involved in the first place, we cursed Brown for stripping the defence budget to the bone..... But essentially, she was just another casualty of a pointless war..

And then last Thursday, I picked up our local paper and clocked the story about the tragedy in Afghanistan. It transpired that Sarah Bryant had actually been born in our village. She was the only daughter of Des Feely, the then landlord of the Red Lion public house, situated not half a mile from our house.

The Red Lion was my local, we used to go there around twice a week for a natter with Des. Sometimes he would organise a lock in and we would stagger out around 3 in the morning. Des loved the life, but then, his wife delivered him a daughter and suddenly his priorities changed. A pub was no place to bring up a child – so around 20 years ago, they sold the pub and Des took a desk job in a brewery. That was the last time I saw them, we had a right good knees up on his last night and wished him and his family all the best for the future.

And now his life is in ruins. His only child blown to pieces in a ‘snatch’ landrover (code for having very little armoured protection).

What a waste.

The NHS at sixty...

I wonder what Nye Bevan would make of it all?

The father of the NHS must surely be spinning in his grave at the state ‘his baby’ has got into, courtesy of New Labour’s reorganisation police...

Lord Darzi, one of Gordon Brown’s apparently bestest, most glitteringly talented of the ‘talents’ in his Cabinet of all the Talents is about to publish his seminal work on improving the NHS in England.

Lots of paper trailing has been going on. Health Secretary Alan Johnson has been doing the TV studio rounds over the last few days telling the gullible public that this report is all about radically improving the service across ‘the whole country’. As per usual, the BBC has been doing its not-level-playing-field best to queer the pitch. Key soundbites like ‘ending the post code lottery’ and ‘a fairer deal for patients’ have been spewing from the mouths of eager young BBC Brownanistas like a rampant case of the bloody flux....

Gordon Brown, the guy with the clunking club fist has posted his thoughts in the report’s preface - "It is a bold vision for an NHS which is among the best healthcare systems in the world - a once-in-a-generation opportunity that we owe it to ourselves and our families to take".....

Not really, is it Gordon? I mean, this isn’t even a sticking plaster solution to the problem. Because unless and until you give an extra £400 to every man woman and child in England and thus achieve parity with the spending per head in Scotland, Darzi is merely rearranging the MRSA infected furniture. We’ll still be denied the life saving drugs, standard to everyone else in this union of the unequals.

I mean, the English NHS isn’t even one of the best healthcare systems in the UK – in fact it’s the worst. Fourth out of four.

If the 4 healthcare systems were cars, the Scots would be driving a Roller. The Welsh a Range Rover and the Northern Irish a Mondeo..... And the English? A second hand Ford Capri.

What Darzi is proposing is a few go faster stripes, a new Magic Tree car scent freshener and a couple of furry dice hanging from the rear view mirror.
Tarting up will not do. The English NHS is still a shed. The tragedy is that Brown, the quisling Johnson and the rest of this government of occupation are perfectly willing to see English lives sacrificed for the sake of Celt Gelt bribery.

Our Health Secretary shows exactly what he thinks of the English sick

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Youngest nation in Europe gets anthem.....

(so what about one of the oldest getting one as well then?)

Kosovo, Europe's massaged bright new nation, hewn out of solid Serbian dogma by freedom loving Tony Blair and Georgy Bush, has been living the dream via her very own national anthem. It got its first airing at the weekend amongst watery eyes, fanfairyness and Serbian teeth-gnashings in the shiny new capital of Pristina.

Even the BBC was there – reporter Helen Fawkes enthused “For the authorities, it is a crucial part of nation building and is something which is designed to unite the people of Kosovo”...

Well, that’s nice, isn’t it? Apparently, according to the BBC, having your own national anthem is a crucial part of nation building....... I expect that’s why England doesn’t have one then?

Allowing England to have her own national anthem? Absolutely preposterous and dangerously seditious to even go there.... Why, we’ll be asking for our own national parliament next....

Monday, June 16, 2008

Gordon Brown doesn’t do kissy-kisses.....

(but then he does, and obviously gets it hopelessly wrong)

Did anyone see Gordon Brown and his lady wife greeting the Bushes yesterday outside Number 10? If you did, it would have told you absolutely everything you needed to know about what is wrong with our man at the top.

George and his Missus, got out of their huge stretched limo, (does it do hen night tours at the weekend?) and strode over to the Browns. Gordy stretched out his great clunking fist and shook George’s hand. No problem there. Mano e mano – Scottish Son of the Manse meets Southern Bible basher.

And then Brown moved onto the l’il lady. He shook Laura Bush’s hand as outstretched as he could make it. The Broon personal space was left secure as Laura was kept at arm’s length from the great moral crusader. They disengage. Laura isn’t going to get a kissy smooch from Gordy – she looks relieved. Unfortunately, George Bush has, by this time moved onto wasshername. Mrs Brown and George exchange a light cheek to cheek kiss – hardly surprising I suppose when you remember that the Bushes have just flown in from Paris.

As all this up close and personal was going on, Gordon looked over his shoulder at his wife’s tete a tete. Obviously, if his missus is doing kissy kisses, then he is going to have to do them also. With that, lips puckering for Scotland, he lunges at the wilting flower that is Laura Bush. The First Lady turns her left cheek in readiness to accept the peck. Unfortunately, Gordon has decided he is going to kiss her on her right cheek.

Awkward. Cringing. Embarrassing.....

But as the pro she is, Laura Bush readjusts to accept Brown’s puckered lips. He plants a big slobbery one on her right cheek. You can almost see her sigh with relief. Thank God that is over..... Except, it isn’t. True to form, Brown the unetiquetted slob just doesn’t get it. He’s kissed her on the right – now he’s going totally OTT and giving her one on the left, also.

The whole episode sort of sums up what Brown is all about. Nothing is natural with him, nothing is spontaneous..... it’s all connived, 100% robotic, 100% false. Anne Widdecombe once famously described Michael Howard as having “something of the night” about him..... But what is it about Gordon Brown? If John Redwood is a Vulcan, what is Gordon Brown? Some say he’s a Klingon, others think he’s a moron. One thing’s for sure, he’s a guy devoid of social skills, he has no idea of social intercourse – his people skills are about as sophisticated as a knee in the groin...

Dianne Abbott said last week on ‘This Week’ that in an effort to get her to vote for the 42 day detention proposition, Gordon Brown actually rang her. Abbott said it was the first time he had talked to her in over 20 years.... She then said it wasn’t that unusual as he hadn’t even spoken to some of his own ministers..... Gordon Brown doesn’t do communication – he’s lost in a world of hair-shirted self repression and puritanical zeal.....

I would suggest he has ‘something of Marvin, the paranoid android’ about him.....

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

42 DAYS – the great conundrum...

Today, the Labour rebels will have to decide –

Vote for 42 days without charge – and save Gordon Brown from a crippling defeat that may well trigger a ‘government in office but not in power’ scenario – which will then spiral to an inevitable early General Election.....


Vote against 42 days without charge – and uphold the ancient traditions of this country - and of our hard won and precious freedoms, even though this may well trigger a ‘government in office but not in power’ scenario which will then spiral to an inevitable early General Election, and to inevitable landslide defeat.

Lots and lots of rebel Labour MPs will lose their seats, lots and lots of them will end up out of a job and unemployable, save for flogging their parliamentary paper clips on eBay...... No more 125k package, no more ‘with balls’ pensions, no more think of a number, double it, then treble it, then add a couple of zeros, expense claims. No more free second homes, no more free Sky TV package, no more free food, no more claiming 30k a year for secretarial services provided by the family dog, no more ‘research trips’ to the dregs of the world, like Barbados, Acapulco and Monte Carlo, no more 18 weeks paid holiday a year....

I wonder which way they will vote?

Labour admit to being ‘bigotist’ towards the English....

It’s official, the NuLab project of annihilation of all things English has reached the end game. England’s very own Culture Minister, the flawed and deeply unpleasant champagne socialist Margaret Hodge has admitted that over the last 2 years, a pathetic 230 quid had been spent by her department on celebrating St George’s Day. Three years before that, they spent bugger all.

This year, their £120 budget amounted to around 0.0000023 of a penny for each of England’s 50 million souls.....

It makes Justice Minister Jack Straw’s recent declaration that “the English should reclaim the day from 'bigots'.....” all a bit of a sad, sick joke. Jack, baby. The only bigots in town appear to be yourself and your Brown nosing Cabinet colleagues.

I wonder how much money England’s very own Culture Minister has given to celebrate St Patrick’s Day(Ireland), St Frumentius Day(Ethiopia), St Casimir Day(Poland), St Francis of Assisi Day(Italy) and every other Saint’s day you care to mention over the past few years?...

Nu Labour are practising cultural genocide on this country – pure and simple. England’s 50 million people are being rebranded and repackaged as Britain-Lite, while England the country, the entity, the cultural giant is left to wither and die.

New Labour - English-hatin', gobsmackin', awful-governin', control-freakin', lyin'shits...

Friday, May 30, 2008

Mild cheese terrorist outrage in Tesco...

Tesco Chief Executive, Sir Terry Leahy, put his 'Flying Flag Squad' on full alert last night as it emerged that a desperate cell of cheese and flag guerrillas had stuffed his stores with dairy products bearing the flag of St George.

Last night, every Tesco store in the country was ruthlessly searched for the rogue 'Mild Cheddar' packs, which were stripped from the shelves and unceremoniously dumped into landfill sites 'somewhere in the UK' .

Trying to reassure a panicking public, a Tesco spokesperson, said that if customers had inadvertantly bought a pack, they could claim a full refund with no questions asked - but those in Scotland would also each qualify for a free bonus of 100,000 Tesco shopping points and a 4 pack of Tennent's Super Strength Lager to get over the shock of it all (well, every little helps!).

In a desperate bid to repair this PR disaster, Sir Terry said he was organising a massive TV campaign using well known Big Yin, Billy Connolly as the voice over.

A strap line for the campaign have not yet been finalised but a few possible options are being analysed by Tesco focus groups... a strong early favourite is believed to be...

"English f***ing mild f***ing cheddar? Are ye 'aving a f***ing laugh or what? I'd rather eat one of ma own f***ing kidneys, ye soft southern f***er'....."

NOTE - Only the 'mild cheese versions of the product line have a St George's flag on them - the medium and strong products are devoid of our national ident...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nah it's just a sad, delusional control freak...

Has Ed Balls, our glorious leader's Hissing-Sid pal back at the McBunker been whispering even more poison into Brown's big fleshy chimpy ear? Or has our beloved leader finally lost his marbles (along with his cohonas, judgement, honesty and integrity)?

Well summat's up. How else do you explain Brown's comedic gatecrashing of the today's Oil Barons meeting at Banchory in Scotland. Accompanied by his pocket Chancellor Allistair Darling, the dynamic duo swooped into the meet to tell the JR Ewings of the North Sea world that they needed to increase oil production - like right now, in order to flood the market - and in the process, reduce the price of a barrel of crude...... And save Western civilisation as we know it.

Dutifully, the Brown-nosing Broadcasting Corporation were there to record the great event. Brown and Darling, the rescue squad were in town along with square jaws, calculators and a copy of the riot act..... Oh my Gard, the price of crood has garn through the roof, who will save us?"....

Fear not, taxed-to-death citizen, tis I,Sadman and Bobbins, my grey sidekick are here to turn on the taps"..

"Gard bless you, great clunking fist - whoever you are"....

Cut to the inside of the hall. Brown, centre stage is hunched telling the boys with the black stuff exactly how it's going to be. All the clunking fist hand gestures are there, furrowed brow, jabbing finger, blood pressure on simering. A Glasgow kissed frenzy is about to break out unless Messers Shell and co 'do something'...

All is well with the world, the BBC's Gordon Brown's Brand is back - and he means business......

And that's where the 'reality' stops. This clown and his stooge have no power to do anything about the price of cake - much less the price of oil - except that is, to take off some of the duty - and of course they'll never do that, will they?

Gordon, my poor deluded leader, oil is a globally quoted commodity - the price of Brent Crude is, and always has been linked to OPEC's price. The UK's oil production is absolutely miniscule when compared with Saudi, Russia and the States. And anyway, we no longer have the capacity to increase output - especially as a result of Brown's last North Sea 'Windfall' tax grab of a few years ago. As a consequence of that act, Shell and BP publically declared they would no longer attempt to look for new, more difficult, more expensive North Sea oilfields.

So today's futile act of gonadship, an embarrassing hoo-haa of no consequence has echoes of previous delusions of adequacy. I haven't laughed so much since Tony Blair said he was going to crack heads around the Middle Eastern table over a glass or two of sherry*....

NOTE: *That's 'Sherry' the drink, not 'Cherie' the mad woman.

Monday, May 19, 2008

The shape of things to come..( 2 up, 2 down - and a recycle bin).

Eco-Towns, that oxymoron on acid are about to be railroaded through as part of Caroline Flint’s Brassy-Cowed, trowel-it-on legacy. So says the Goverment’s top planning adviser in yesterday’s Sunday Times...

’Ministers are plotting to “crash the planning process” for their new eco-towns, restricting the opportunity for residents to object, according to the government’s own expert adviser.

Professor David Lock claims the communities department wants to fast-track the towns, intended to provide environmentally friendly housing. This is despite the government’s public declaration that normal procedures will be followed...

Eco-Towns, along with their close neighbours Eco-Motorways, Eco-Factories, Eco-Red Light Districts (all the Jonnies are made from recycled Gimp Masks, you know) and Eco-Sink Estates are threatening to swamp England under a billion tonnes of concrete.

Flint, famous for wearing a two inch thick layer of Rimmel make-up in a futile attempt to somehow get ‘the London look’ last month took the art of speaking utter bollocks to a whole new level. She declared that soon-to-be second largest city in the UK, Milton Keynes was greener, more environmentally friendly than the as yet unspoilt countryside that surrounds it.

I expect she was referring to the abundance of wildlife drawn to the bright city lights. Rats, feral foxes, feral yooves, yard dogs, bar flies, man eaters and asbo monkeys......

So determined is Ms Flint to get her Eco-Towned Valhallas built that Prof Lock reckons that the normal planning procedures (which could take around 10 years) will be chucked into the bin in favour of ‘fast-track-city’. And the tools with which to do the chucking are currently doing the rounds at Westminster. The new English only planning bill will enable central government to hex all local opposition under the broad brush wording of ‘For the greater good’....

Full story here....

COMING SOON! The full shameful list of land grabbing companies who own the green field land which are to be Eco-Towned. If you know who they are – then you can boycott them – and help save England from obliteration.

Monday, May 12, 2008

At bloody last..

For the past week, Blogger has been well irritating the tripes off me. No matter what I did, what I tried, I couldn't bloody upload anything!

This morning however, everything seems to be working....... Wordpress is beckoning so it better not happen again.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Now there's tricky...... isn't it?

This taken from the FA web site.....

Following Sunday's FA Cup Semi-Final, The FA has been discussing the issue of Cardiff City entering the UEFA Cup next season should they win The FA Cup.

We will also continue to discuss this with The FA of Wales and UEFA.

At this stage we have not ruled out Cardiff City being entered into Europe via The FA Cup should they win it.

However, further conversations need to take place but we would expect to have final clarification on this before the end of the month - well before The Final takes place on 17 May........

So there you go. If the Welsh football club, Cardiff City win the FA Cup then they could qualify for the UEFA Cup next season - as one of England's representatives...

I wonder if the English Premier clubs, Aston Villa or Portsmouth - (one of which is likely to miss out on qualification) will go to the courts to challenge that decision, bearing in mind that the Welsh FA will be submitting a full allocation of clubs from their own Welsh League for participation in next season's competition?

Also, I have asked the PR people at the FA whether they will be playing the Welsh national anthem - 'Land of my Fathers' before the commencement of the FA Cup Final. I think it seems likely, bearing in mind that they played it after Cardiff's victory in the Semi-Finals. They haven't got back to me yet - will post it when they do......

Sunday, April 20, 2008

A tale of two boxers - Calzaghe v Hatton....

Ahhh, Boxing. The noble art of all things pugillisticky. Horse linement, smelling salts, jock-straps, grease, snot, blood, sweat and bitten-off ears - love it or hate it, you just have to admire the toe-to-toe ballsyness of the protagonists. And because these guys are passionate people, they like to wrap themselves in the national identity of their birth - flags, anthems, supporters. Can you feel the proudyness of it all?

Ricky Hatton's big fight against Floyd Mayweather last December was a case in point. Before going out to Vegas, the Hitster proudly proclaimed he was fighting for Britain - and with God's help, he would bring the title back to these British shores - and everyone would feel very Britishy - and it would be yet another victory for our Britishy values - why, I bet Gordon have even laid on a nice cream tea at number 10, should Ricky have won .... Hoorah!...

The 'Hitman' dressed in his Manchester City coloured boxing shorts, shimmied and shadow boxed from dressing room to ring to the sound of patriotic British hoopla, Union flag to the fore, he stood to attention for the British national anthem of God Save the Queen and fought, for Britain against his classy opponent......

Ricky lost - but never mind, the media - and especially, the BBC, portrayed his display as plucky, brave - and British.
Ricky lost, which was a shame, because apparently, he wanted to win 'for Britain', for 'the British', for Queen and unionised country....

Compare and contrast with the Welshman, Joe Calzaghe's fight against Bernard Hopkins in Vegas last night.. In virtually every news cast, web report and radio bulletin (especially by the BBC) it left the listener/viewer/reader in no doubt as to where Calzaghe's origins came from...Apparently, Joe was fighting for 'Welsh pride', he was a 'Welsh dragon', and a 'fighter from the valleys'......

Calzaghe himself has often said that he is a boxer first, Welsh second and Italian third. But never mind what he thinks, he's British, right? Just like the Hitman, Joe is pure red white and blue...... So as Joe stood to attention in front of the flag of the Welsh dragon (maybe they couldn't find a union flag?) dressed in his Welsh colour-coded boxing gloves and his boxing shorts with the Welsh dragon emblazoned on the side of them - (no doubt covering his Welsh jock strap made from 100% Welsh pot noodles), what anthem did he listen to before getting ready to rumble? What tune defined his origins, his cultural DNA, his national ident?

Need you ask? God Save the Queen was nowhere as Sir Tom Jones, the 'Boyo from the San Fernando Valley' resplendent in blue suit, very tight Welsh dragon underpants and bright yellow daffodil (cos he's Welsh, you know, no, honestly, he is!) stepped onto the canvas to deliver Land Of My Fathers (Mae Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau)......

It was all very emotional, it must have been because in the crowd, in the posh seats, weeping quietly into her 8 foot long Welsh flag stood Catherine Zeta Jones......

Hey Joe, congratulations on your victory - and no doubt, First Minister of Wales, Rhodri Morgan will even now be laying on a bit of a tea of Welsh Lamb, Leek Pie and Lava Bread at the Assembly cafe....... while over at number 10,Gordon Brown grinds his teeth and wishes that Joe had been born British instead....

Tom Jones - he's Welsh and he's proud

Friday, April 11, 2008

Those English Democrats posters....

Oh, the faux outrage. Racist apparently, At the very least, grossly insulting to our northern neighbours.....

The read of the week was looking over the comments of Iain Dale's take on the story. While Iain was fairly ambivelent about the posters, quite a few of his readership appear to be members of 'Self Righteous Indignation Incorporated'.

Apparently, according to some of Iain's readers, political advertising has never before descended to such depths. Some even seem to think that political advertising is a noble arm of the professional communicator. The facts are rolled out before the public, they read, make a decision and vote appropriately.

Sorry, 'fraid it doesn't work like that. Politics is a dirty business. And politicians are the lowest of the low. They say they want to 'serve' the public - and to do that, they must put themselves forward for public office, sacrificing a no-doubt stellar business career in fizzy drinks and plastic widget production in order to get their hands up the backside of the parliamentary cash cow.... If they really wanted to serve the public, they'd be bog attendants or binmen.

Gordon Brown, Cameron and rest of the members of the best club in town don't 'serve' anyone but themselves. And as for the public - they are ruthlessly controlled at all times....

And the means of that control is 'they' say whatever they damn well like - any lies will do, just as long as the voters swallow it.

Back to the posters, When I first saw them, sure, it made me think - and yes, I knew some people would shout 'foul'...... but to be honest, I don't really care. With people in England routinely dying for the want of drugs available to anyone north of the border, in this case, the end justifies the means. I want democratic freedom for my country and a fair slice of the UK cash cake - and if that wish upsets some fragile souls, then that really is tough 'taters...

We've tried explaining the problems and injustices to a corrupt and self serving establishment - now, the gloves are off.

And finally, I will leave you with a few examples of past political adverts - all extolling the noble art of communication by our honest-John servants at Westminster, apparently.

Demon Eyes - Conservative Poster, demonising Labour leader Tony Blair with a crude and pathetic schoolboy colouring-in felt-tip hatchet job.

Flying Pigs - Labour poster tactfully showing Michael Howard as a flying pig - apparently, Labour hadn't realised that Mr Howard was a Jew.

The Straight Choice - Simon Hughes' slogan during the Bermondsey 'bi' election. Labour's candidate Peter Tatchell - a self confessed homosexual was systematically crushed, villified and rubbished by Hughes and his team - not because of Tatchell's politics, but because of his sexuality. Years later was it revealed that Hughes wasn't actually 'straight' after all - but as gay as Peter Tatchell...

Thursday, April 03, 2008


Been doing lots of stuff for England lately - mostly collateral for the London Mayoral elections. And that is where the problems have arisen. London - and in particular, the London Elects office must have more odious Jobsworths per square yard than anywhere else in the country. They've taken the art of compliance to a whole new level.

And one night last week, I worked right through to the following morning trying to get some artwork for a tabloid to a printer in order to make a tight deadline.

The pressure is now off - and so I shall be resuming postings. The first of which will be a comment about the Eco-Town shortlist which will be announced today.