Q & A with Nick Clegg.... (via some geezer called Duggie Dowell)..

Questions sent, September 21st:During yesterday's conference speech by Nick Clegg he talked about abandoning your no tuition fee policy because of hard financial times...

HOWEVER, he talked very generally about where the policy would impact. For example, he talked about the need to act responsibly for the sake of the British people etc...
Am I right in thinking that he was only talking about tutition fees in England? (As I understand it, education is entirely devolved, apart from in England, obviously).
So if it is only about England that he is talking why did he never once mention England by name?

As the LibDems were supposed to be the party of honesty - how can Clegg do exactly the same as Brown and Cameron when talking about devolved issues - ie give the impression that he is talking about a British-wide policy when in actual fact he is only referring to policy in England

Also, I notice you have official Scottish LibDems and Welsh LibDems websites and organisations - but where are the English LibDems?

Two questions - I would appreciate an honest and unspun reply to both.

Answer received November 25th: Many thanks for your email to Nick Clegg MP. Nick has asked me to contact you on his behalf and I apologise for the delay in responding. I hope you will understand that, due to the sheer volume of correspondence that Nick has been receiving, it can take some time for us to reply.

Liberal Democrats recognise that the advent of devolution to Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland poses difficult questions for the governance of England within the Union. Solutions, however, are in many ways equally problematic. The ‘English votes for English laws’ solution is extremely complicated – partially because the Speaker would have to decide whether issues were England only; England and Wales; Great Britain; England, Wales and Northern Ireland; or UK-wide. Given the fact that changes in spending on English services which would be devolved in the rest of the UK directly affect the devolved administration’s budgets, this is by no means a simple question. More fundamentally, in situations where English MPs had a majority of one political colour and the House of Commons as a whole another, it would mean that the government’s writ would not run over most of its legislative programme. An English Parliament would address some of these points, and we would not necessarily rule it out. However, it does beg the question of why we should wish to create a new level of government covering nearly 85% of the population. This might be a logical response, but it does not meaningfully move power closer to the people, which is the ultimate point of devolution. Furthermore, given the different levels of powers allocated to the different devolved assemblies, inconsistencies would still remain. We believe this question should be a matter for our proposed Constitutional Convention.

Our own party structure has always had a high degree of autonomy for regional and local parties, before and after devolution. We believe issues should be decided at the most appropriate level close to our constituents. I hope you’ll understand that, due to the nature of the current devolution settlement, it can be a little difficult to avoid moving from a devolved issue (e.g. education) to a UK-wide one (e.g. taxation policy) at the moment – but Nick certainly didn’t intend to cause confusion and I do apologise if you were irritated by it.

Finally, with respect to finance – as the Scottish Parliament, Welsh Assembly and Northern Ireland have devolved bloc grants, I hope you’ll understand that Nick can’t generally lay down Lib Dem policy on matters like tuition fees in Scotland. However, it’s worth bearing in mind that the level of bloc grant in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland is automatically linked to total ‘English’ spending, so reductions in spending south of the border will translate into an equivalent reduction in the devolved nations.

Thank you once again for emailing. Once again, I’m very sorry for the delay in replying to you.

Best wishes,

Douglas Dowell
Office of Nick Clegg MP

Cross-dresser goes cross-country.... and gets cross!

On Wednesday, I almost took out one of the nation's favourite comedians.

Eddie Izzard, currently pounding the roads of Britain almost went the way of countless insects, a few birds and a cyclist (it was his fault, honest!) in disappearing under my bonnet. Thankfully, this time, I avoided adding to my bonnet fodder count by managing not to mount the pavement and flattening him.

Eddie Izzard, here in Nowheresville, West Lancashire, doing his bit for Comic Relief? I mean, what are the chances? At first I thought he was alone in a loneliness of the long distance runner kind of way ('cept for the flag of St George strapped to his arm). But then I noticed the S Type Jag', the 4x4 with countless bikes strapped to the back, the weird motorised trap thing being ridden by a few hippie types....

We went back to get the Nikon.

By the time we found him again, he was a few miles up the road and into countryside. I reckon a certain amount of rules interpretation had been explored by Team Izzard - Had the back seat of that Jag' suddenly become all sweaty?

But even though he was in the country, Eddie was hardly alone. A camera crew had suddenly materialised - which along with the team meant there was a bit of a bottleneck on one of the most dangerous stretches of the A59 - one of the most dangerous roads in the country. Still, there's a celeb at work so who cares?

We drove past a mile or two to turn round and drive back up towards the Izzard show. Camera primed, foot on the accelerator Eddie had broken away from the group and was running in a walking kind of way towards us. He looked a tad grumpy and no mistake....

I'm multi-tasking. One hand on the wheel, one hand holding the Nikon, we're doing about 40 mph as we draw near...

I try to get his attention.

"Hey, Eddie baby, I love ya!"

"Piss off" said Eddie...

Must be a showbizz greeting thing.

Mean, moody, magnificent. Eddie against the West Lancashire skyline.

Craven ignorance?

TO: BBC Complaints Dept:

Countryfile - BBC 1, 26/7/09.
John Craven's report about Mink and the need to eradicate it.

25:10 into the programme, Craven said this -
"It's not just Alex who believes we should control foreign species to preserve our natural heritage, the English Government's wildlife advisory agency thinks so too"...

Sorry, did John Craven just say 'English Government'?

Clearly, all those years dressed in absurd wooly jumpers whilst anchoring 'John Craven's Newsround' has done nothing to hone his grasp of political reality.

For his and the BBC's benefit, England has no English Government. To be honest, England is hardly recognised as a country by anyone - least of all, the BBC!

And if we did have an 'English Government', don't you think we would only be voting in people to rule us who actually represented English people in English constituencies!?? (Last time I looked on a map, Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath was a constituency most definitely in Scotland).

So, PERRRRLLLEASE do not insult me and 50 million other English people by telling us we have an English Government when we quite clearly do not. You are supposed to speak the truth unto nations - not pedal myths!

Just remember, England is the only country in the WHOLE OF EUROPE without any national representation - and that is a shameful indictment on the craven power-mad baggage currently loafing around in Westminster..... And we went to war in Iraq so we could give them democracy!!

'Double standards', don't ya just love them????

Please reply as soon as possible - and send Craven (along with all the other BBC journalists) on a crash course in politics.

Yours,

Kim Cattrall, me - and a Bobby Ewing stepping-out-of-the-shower moment...

You know when something so weird happens in your life, you just cannot take it in. Something, if written in a soap opera you would think it so outrageously improbable - even for Dynasty or Dallas?..

It happened to me, my sisters and my Mum just 8 weeks ago.

It started, just like any Agatha Christie novel does with an advert placed in the personal column of a newspaper - the Liverpool Echo in early May to be precise. It asked whether anyone knew the wherebouts of a man last seen in the Toxteth area of Liverpool in the mid 1930's. His name was George Baugh. His surname is quite unusual - and significantly, it also happens to be my Mum's maiden name. What's more, she had an eldest brother who she called 'Georgie' - and as a young teenager, she was the last person in her family to see him storm out of his father's home and disappear down the road forever in the mid 1930's....

Our family are now living all over the place - and none of us actually saw the advert - but my youngest sister has been building our family tree for the past 20 years and has many times tried to find our missing Uncle Georgie without any success. One of her friends in Liverpool saw the advert and contacted my sister to ask whether it could be my long lost Uncle....

We reckoned that more than likely it was. But there was only one way to find out - ring the number on the advert.

We already knew a bit about Uncle Georgie. He was the eldest of 7 kids, was a bit of a tearaway and had been running away from home since his early teens. He had got married at an early age, and had three daughters to Marian, his wife. After he ran away for the last time, (leaving his wife and kids behind) we know he had tried to get into America but was refused entry. He spent a few months banged up in Ellis Island chokey before being shoved onto a boat home... That was over 70 years ago... since then, nothing until now.

We rang the number. It was a researcher from the BBC. They were producing a new episode of 'Who Do You Think You Are?' and they thought Uncle Georgie, my Mum and us kids were all related to their celebrity subject.

"So who is it then?"

They wouldn't tell us. The only thing they did confirm was that the subject of the episode was very, very famous...

Please God, don't let it be Derek Hatton or Jimmy Tarbuck or Cherie Blair or Les Dennis or Cilla Black or especially Keith Chegwin..... But maybe they're not a scouser? The awful thought comes into my mind that Jimmy Krankie is a long lost relly....

We ruminate. Then we cogitate. Our brains have never been so racked. Who the hell is it?

To be honest, I didn't care who it is - just as long as we feel honoured to call them one of our relatives. Footy genius, Stevie Gerrard would be good. We could have a kickabout in our back garden - and I could show him how fab my demon left foot is. Jimmy Page would be better, because if nothing else, I might at last get to actually see Led Zepp' live - possibly in my front room with a wall of Marshall speakers, a four pack, a bottle of Jack Daniels and a couple of cigarette lighters (for the Stairway to Heaven number)... Then maybe I could dig out my Son's classic Gibson Les Paul Studio electric guitar and me and Jimbo could have a bit of a sesh, jammin' the night away..... Sweet.

It wasn't either of them. Nor thankfully was it Degsy, Cherie or Cilla.

All they would tell us was that the subject was internationally famous, born in Liverpool but now lives in the states.

Blimey. Gobsmacking. We are related to someone internationally famous who now lives in the states!..

They ring us back. They want to come round and screen-test my old Mum with a view to interviewing her on camera for the programme. Not only that, if all goes well then the celeb will drop in to do a face to face with her!..

It's all going too fast. We're having difficulty getting our collective heads around this one... and they still won't tell us who it is!

All I can say is 'Thank God for Google'...

We type in Mum's maiden name and start working through all the famous people we can think of who were born in Liverpool. We are forensic in our search.

And then we find it. We find it but we cannot believe it. It ain't really registering.

Us, the Ordinary-Nobody family from Liverpool really are related to someone who has already been to the White House as a guest of President Obama. Someone who is instantly recognisable right around the globe....

It really is sort of getting to be like a plot from Dallas or Dynasty - improbable, not to say impossible! But it appeared to be true!

Amazingly, our relation is Kim Cattrall.

Although dying to blab to anyone we meet, we don't crack on to anyone (well, hardly anyone) - especially my Mum. The programme makers want it to be as natural experience as possible when she meets the people from the Beeb.

The researchers come round. They are impressed with my old girl. She's 87 years old but is still dealing from a full pack (including the jokers). Her recall of her long lost brother is undiminished by a 70-odd year gap. They tell my Mum that they would like to come round with a camera crew and the subject of the programme to do a few scenes. My Mum agrees.

Finally, I tell my kids that they could be related to someone famous. They press me, I capitulate and tell them who it is. Three nanoseconds later, my 25 year old son had shoved it straight onto his FaceBook page.

So much for discretion.

The big day comes - Spring Bank Holiday Monday to be precise and by now, my Mum has been told who it is. She invites us kids to her house to meet our newly discovered relation. Knowing that my Mum's house is a tad on the bijou side - and that around 20 people are likely to be tramping around inside, I reluctantly decide to decline the offer - in the hope that I might meet Kim in less fraught surroundings at a later date.

Three cars turn up the little street in Sheffield where my Mum now lives. Out steps the Director, two researchers, camera crew & sound man, make-up lady, minder and Kim Cattrall... Already in the house are my three sisters, a nephew, a niece, my Mum's younger sister and her daughter.

They are there for a couple of hours filming before they depart. Now is the time to take stock. Basically, my Mum is Kim's Great Aunt - her brother was Kim's Grandfather. That makes me her mother's cousin and my kids are Kim's second cousins.

We've kept a collective embargo on the information while the rest of the programme was being made. The reason being that there is one hell of a story to come out regarding my Uncle Georgie - alot of it is very very painful and upsetting to those concerned. We didn't feel it was our job to publicise the story - especially as we have only just found out about it all. It is really amazing - but not in a positive way. And to be honest, we were all very shocked when we heard what my uncle Georgie had been up to. After he left his wife - he laid low for a few years then remarried. In short, Georgie was a bigamist.

For my Mum it's closure. She was pretty much the last person to see her eldest brother as he did his last runner all those years ago and has always wondered what had happened to him. Well now she knows - where he settled and when he died. Last Saturday I met Kim's Auntie - she's another cousin of mine; and is Georgie's third child. She was really nice, as was her husband. They had loads of photos of their niece - including one with her and Leonard Nimoy playing a couple of Vulcans in a Star Trek movie.

We've heard that the programme is due to air on August 12th. My Mum is getting a private showing beforehand because some of the stuff the programme uncovers is a bit painful....

The process has been surreal, the story has been shocking and painful for all concerned - but I have to say how thrilled we all are to have discovered a new arm of our family - and yes, we do feel honoured to have Kim as one of our relatives.

Well, that's the story - I wrote this piece a few weeks ago and have been wondering when to whack it up on the blog. Well, I reckon now is the right time as the new series of Who Do You Think You Are? is about to start and a piece about Kim's story was featured in Saturday's Daily Mail magazine..

Amazing

Co op - good with food (but not with geography)...

Co op's latest BBQ advert - now reinforced with added flaggage - (Scottish and Unionist of course)...

Why not complain?
The Co-operative Group
Customer Relations
Freepost MR9473
Manchester
M4 8BA

Email: customer.relations@co-op.co.uk

Phone: 0800 0686 727

Just as if....

In tribute to the imminent disclosure of over a million MP receipts, West Lancashire poet Tom McDonald, inspired by Kipling's best known poem has penned the following tome....

Just as if...

If you can keep your houses when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
About your freebies of which there’s quite a few

If you can bait and not be tired of baiting,
When you tell the voters that you’d never tell them lies
If you are hated and care not of the hating,
When you’re up to no good and think that it’s wise

If you can scheme for light-bulbs and cracked plaster,
If rising damp in the swimming pool is to blame,
You could tell your bankers of this dire disaster,
Because you know that you and they are just the same.

If you don’t know the truth of what you’ve spoken,
With your twisted way of rigging complex rules
When you see the things we gave our lives to broken,
As we stoop and build ‘em up with worn out tools.

If you can make one heap of what you’re claiming,
And compare it with the hoard of Jonathon Ross,
And brood and start again at what you’re aiming,
And never breathe a word unto your boss.

If you can stake your claim for heating up the lawn,
And the contents from a horse’s steaming stall
Get paid for nappies, bath plugs, and for steamy porn,
While chandeliers swing gaily in the hall.

If you can talk with crowds and feign your virtue,
Or walk with kings nor lose the commons touch,
If neither friends nor Jeremy Paxman can hurt you,
And if some men count with, you but not too much.

If one’s denied as middleclass in classy mags.
And they say that person is not what he seems
Then how is it that he owns two brand new jags
And the place he lives has brand new Tudor beams.

If you would like your fortune to continue,
To serve your turn and keep you as a toff,
Don’t tell Joe Public what they think is in you,
Even though you’d tell these peasants to sod off!

If you can talk on telly for one minute,
About the rules and what you never hid,
Then yours is the oyster and the pearl that’s in it,
And what’s more, you’ll be an MP, our kid....

Tom McDonald, West Lancashire.

The default English First Minister says "It's oooor country!"..

..."This, the launch day of the 2018 World Cup bid. It's a great day for football, it's a great day for our country"....