Wednesday, December 21, 2005

How long is a week in politics? (Or should that be a weak in politics?)

Haven’t posted for a few days. Been too busy watching from the sidelines as our glorious leader and his pox ridden government do a passable imitation of a collective hari-kiri (Have you got that mental image of John Prescott’s guts spilled out all over the place? Gaaaaghhh – Euro tripe mountain discovered in Hull, shock!)

The Blair 'tower of babble' is falling to earth faster than the price of a three-bedroom semi in Oil Sites Avenue, Hemel Hempstead. The joints have rotted away, the spun web of deceitfulness and the cement rendering mixed with purest bullshit is cracking and flaking. The edifice is crumbling to a mendacious dust.

Everywhere you look, the Blair regime is in flight. First team ‘Blair-nosers’, Reid, Jowell and Hewitt unmercifully slagged off by a Commons Select Committee for thinking of their own egos rather than the health of English bar staff workers. The Committee described their ‘compromise’ solution on smoking in pubs and restaurants as ‘bizarre and unworkable’ – and at odds with the rest of the UK who are instigating total bans within the next two years. The silence from the Glasgow pitbull is really quite deafening. (Maybe he's having a quiet drag round the back?)

The totally embarrassing, yet deeply satisfying spectacle of our very own ‘deep-throat’, Education Secretary of State, Ruth Kelly being intellectually stripped naked before the Education Commons Select Committee was something to see.

Boy, did they put the boot in? There she was squirming in her seat. Was it the hair shirt itching away under that twin-set ‘Opus Dei’ exterior? Did she get off on the masochistic martyrdom of it all? Watching it on the telly – it sure looked like she was a victim of Torqamada’s Spanish Inquisition, no mercy was being shown, Kelly looked like exactly what she is – a no talent lap dog with a weird religious bent (just like Blair)..... It was like she hadn’t been briefed, didn’t know what to say and hadn't read the script – she just wasn’t expecting it.….. But as Michael Palin once said in a Monty Python sketch, "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Committee members prepare to give Ruth Kelly a damn good seeing to.

Then fatty Prescott just couldn’t keep it in any longer. Over the past few months, it’s clear that the Old Labour bile has been rising within Prezza’s twisted giblets. Glottal has been shooting up from the very bowels of Prezza’s pancreas, just there, next to that half digested meat 'n' tater pie scoffed in a hurry at that visit to 'MeatProdCo' last July. Something was bound to give. On Sunday it did. He blurted it all out, bits of carrot included, all over Tone and Ruth’s great Education experiment. Prezza’s not happy. He doesn’t like the prospect of selection in secondary education. After all, Prezza himself was a victim. Believe it or not, John Prescott failed the 11+, shock! That last statement has the same predictability value as ‘Bruce Forsythe wears toupee, shock’ and ‘Cherie Blair is a money grabbing opportunist after all, shock!

A small quantity of Prezza's Old Labour meat 'n' bile pies.

Even the arch Scottish Iago-creep that is Gordon Brown wasn’t immune from the ‘wheels coming off’ virus. It was great to see mega oil conglomerate Shell, deciding not to invest any more cash into the North Sea oil fields if Brown goes ahead with his recently ‘thought out’ billion pound tax on them. I’m no fan of big business, but I’m no fan of arrogant Scottish control freaks shoving extra taxes on companies at a moments notice purely to cover their own financial incompetence either.

The absolute nadir moment of the week for the Blair regime however, was watching UKIP’s Euro MP, Nigel Farage utterly condemn Blair to his face yesterday as "A cheese eating surrender monkey" after his abject performance at the Euro budget summit. What’s more, the insult was delivered via the state of the art communications system in front of the entire European Parliament, full to the rafters with every Euro MP available. The look on Blair’s face was an utter picture. The sudden realisation that, ‘yes, Tone, the entire nation really does hate you – period’ suddenly seemed to break through the façade that is ‘Tony Blair – religious missionary’….

And that was the act that sort of started the week of catastrophe. Tony Blair’s attempt at 'hard ball' with Chirac and the EU budget reforms. Over the past 3 months, Blair has shifted his position on the rebate issue. From, "No negotiation – period" to "We’ll only negotiate if it’s linked with reform of the CAP" to "We must play our part in the development of new member nations" to "This is not total surrender of any kind"……. Oh yes it is Tony. And what’s more we all know it is, (smoke and mirrors have just completely sold out at Toys’R’Us)…

A surrender monkey chewing on a nice piece of Wensleydale

Friday, December 16, 2005

What do we want? An English Parliament. When do we want it? NOW, NOW, NOW!

Make a note in your diary – and get organised for a London demo……

And if every English man and English woman joins in – it will be a day to remember, it will be a day to shake the complacency of the mealy mouthed establishment.

The 26th of March 2007 will be the 300th Anniversary of the Act of Union – the formal ending of the last Parliament of England in favour of the UK model.

It’s only a little over a year away – and it seems a perfect time to flag up all the injustices – and by then, I’m sure we’ll be pushing at an open door. This could be the big mo’ the movement has been waiting for……

Anyone who can get there should do, let’s make it bloody huge - let’s make history!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Time to declare….

I reckon it’s time for a national statement - our very own ‘Declaration of Albion’ don’t you think? Just like everyone else has...
So, inspired by the Scots declaration of national identity – the Declaration of Arbroath, I have prepared an English draft…..

The Declaration of Albion
If we should, by carelessness and too trusting of nature, give up by default what has belonged to us for centuries, and agree to make us and our sovereign country subject to the Scottish Raj or New Labour in general - then we should exert ourselves at once to drive them out as our implacable enemy.

For, as long as but a hundred of us remain alive, we will eventually wake up and never, on any condition be brought under Scottish, Welsh or anybody else’s rule for that matter.

It is in truth not for glory, nor riches, nor honours that we are fighting, but for freedom -- for that alone, which no honest man gives up but with life itself…..

(I’m trying to book Mel Gibson to make the speech)

Welcome to 'Warehouse blighted Blighty' – and the ‘spatial strategy’ as visualised by the Fat Control freak……

Good old Johnny Prescott. Not content with the 4 million new houses on brownish, (but mostly greenish) English land – fat boy wants to fill in the little bits of greenery that are left with monstrous warehouses.

Most of the Warehouse building frenzy will be taking place in the Midlands – and Prescott’s poodles in that part of the world - the ‘West Midlands Regional Assembly’ will, I’m sure be doing their very utmost to role over and betray the people that have elected them….. Sorry, really, really sorry, got a bit confused there – for a minute I thought I was living in some sort of ‘democracy’…

‘This weekend it emerged that the West Midlands Regional Assembly is considering plans for up to five "regional logistics sites" where several huge warehouses would be located side-by-side along major roads.

Under the plans, each site would cover 123-200 acres and would operate round the clock, generating 1,500 lorry journeys a day’…..

Hmmm, just how long do you think the WMRA will be ‘considering’ this proposal then? Until Prescott says he wants an answer – and the answer he wants is the ‘right’ answer, of course.

If you go to the great brown nosing talking shop that is the West Midlands Regional Assembly and have a look at their website – you’ll find lots of rubbish about partnerships, sustainable development this, regional concordat that, and the rather expressively and ludicrously titled ‘Regional Spatial Strategy’. Apparently, as it says on the home page, ‘RSS’ provides the detail of policies to ensure that physical development in the region will deliver renaissance for both urban and rural communities in the West Midlands.

Or, to put it another way, they’ll do whatever the Fat Controller tells them to.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Prescott you are an utter bastard – you are constructing a country fit for basket cases and a bloom of warehouses to put them in. It simply isn’t sustainable to build and build and build. The ‘Spatial Strategy’ is marketing bollocks for ‘let’s hoodwink the public with jargonese’ – because they’re thick enough to swallow it – and when they do twig it, we’ll all be drowning in concrete.

God, how I detest that man and his slash and burn agenda – as well as the fluffed up self importance brigade, who cannot wait to do his bidding for the promise of a gong or two and getting their towns twinned with Barbados. .

Sunday, December 11, 2005

It’s all so predictable, innit?

I was watching a programme on Channel 4 on Saturday night – all about the ‘real’ story of the 4 Saints of the British Isles. Some guy I’ve never heard of introduced the programme, but never mind, I was sure Dr Robert Beckford would produce a dispassionate honest appraisal. Yeah, right.

Beckford waxed away as if he was on speaking terms with the 4 men in question. St Patrick was an educated man of letters, St David was a ‘home grown boy, St Andrew - a rallying saint for a noble nation ………. And poor old St George? Apparently, he’s been a magnet for racists, extremists and bigots…..

As the stereotypical and entirely predictable programme synopsis says – ‘The white racists and fascists who have appropriated the flag of St George would be astonished to discover that he is front runner as the ideal multicultural saint. Far from the genocidal warrior of Crusaders legend, he is venerated by Muslims as well as Christians….

I'm not sure many people do think of George as being a 'genocidal warrior' do they? I think most people know he came from the Middle East, along with St Andrew, Moses and Jesus. George was a Turk, tortured and killed by the Romans - as were a hell of a lot of saints. During the programme, I sort of got the impression from the Doc that all us thick English people think that George came from a sink housing estate in the Midlands. And as for the Doc's assertion that George has been appropriated by fascists and racists - I just bloody well despair.

One thing is clear ‘Dr’ Robert Beckford knows bugger all about anything – apart from being able to quote the p.c. New Labour directive on dissing anything representing the English or English consciousness.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Oh dear, an own goal from the Daily Mail.

In the sporting section of Wednesday’s Daily Mail, there was a nice graphic showing which teams had qualified for next year’s World Cup in Germany. Extra special attention was given to the top eight seeds – of which England and NOT ‘Team UK’ have been awarded the second seed spot.

Alongside each team was a little graphic denoting their country’s flag. Next to England was a Union Jack for God’s sake!…..

The plan to get 'Team UK' accepted into the population’s sporting psyche in time for the 2012 Olympic Games is well underway.....

Monday, December 05, 2005

Vagabonds, fakirs, footpads, n’er do wells and Jeffrey Archer need not apply

Filling in my application form to join the House of Lords recently, a little accompanying leaflet spelt out exactly what Lordshippyness is all about. The rather grandly monikered House of Lords Appointments Commission gravely spells out the very minimum requirements to realise a successful application.

The supporting literature, in Baronial black & white and headed ‘The Seven Principles of Public Life’ is unbending in the sort of talent they’re after.

The seven principles are –


Now maybe it’s the old cynic in me, but I reckon the best club in town – The House of Lords would be pretty well deserted apart from Lord Jesus of Judea and Lord St Francis of Assisi if everyone had to comply with these 7 principles.

And the prospect of people like Jeffrey Archer, Neil Kinnock and Margaret Thatcher qualifying for even 1 of the 7 is a fairly expansive leap of surreal thinking.

As predictable as a New Labour directive....

I got my long awaited reply from Anne Hogbin, the CEO of the Commonwealth Games Council for England, last week. The Council have just had a meeting to decide whether they stick with the current and entirely inappropriate ‘victory anthem’ for England’s medal ceremony at next year’s Games or change to what many consider to be the people of England’s choice. Regular readers may remember that I have been lobbying Ms Hogbin, trying to get ‘Land of Hope and Glory’ replaced by ‘Jerusalem’ as England’s victory anthem.

During my correspondence with her, I thought I had made quite a convincing case. LofHandG is a pretty jingoistic ditty, going on about Empire, subjugation of nations etc. I argued that Jerusalem was an aspirational song with an already proven national pedigree……

I was fairly hopeful, butI should have known better. This is what she wrote -

’Dear Mr. Wake,

The members of the Commonwealth Games Council for England met last week and one of the items for discussion was the Victory Anthem used for The Commonwealth Games.

I am writing to inform you that the members were unanimous in wishing to retain 'Land of Hope and Glory' as our anthem.

Thank you for your interest.

Ann Hogbin
Commonwealth Games Council for England, PO Box 36288, London SE19 2YY

A few days later, the Sunday Times ran a story about the England and Wales cricket board deciding to bin the singing of ‘Jerusalem’ before England test matches next season because it might insult, upset, stress out the opposition.

I think this is utter bollocks. I smell the dead, blighted hand of Noo Labour at work. The plain fact is, last Summer, Jerusalem became the unofficial-official people’s choice for an English National Anthem. No doubt this elicited catastrophic panic from the CEO of Noo Labour’s ‘Bringlish’ project.

I reckon a little bit of leaning has gone on here. A few words in ears to impressionable and creeping administrators has ensured that Jerusalem has suddenly suffered a McCarthyite fate and been declared an enemy of the people. – Not of course because of its stirring message of hope and aspiration, more due to the binding effect and sense of belonging it has on a people to their country.

And according to New Labour, that simply will not be allowed.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Nostradamus I ain’t but….

How predictable – 1
Belgium is a little country, with not much power to do much bullying. Traditionally a country with not a lot going for it, apart from chocolates, a fat detective with a curly moustache and statue of a small boy widdling. So how come they’ve outmanoeuvred the UK?

During this cold snap, how come no-power Belgium can buy their ‘next day’ gas supplies 5 times cheaper than us. I’ll just repeat that – Belgium buy their ‘next day’ gas supplies, 5 times cheaper than us.

I thought we lived in a first world country, big, powerful and forceful. Obviously not.

I thought we lived in a continental wide free trade economy. Obviously not.

I thought Brussels had outlawed this sort of selective price selection - which is coincidentally the capital of Belgium. Obviously not.

My summation is that either we are governed by a load of incompetent idiots for whom the context of ‘next day’ is about 24 hours too long. OR, Tony Blair and his acolytes are using this natural incompetence as a way of getting his next generation of nuclear power stations programme through the Commons. Or both.

How predictable – 2.
‘Flu vaccines in England run out and Patricia Hewitt, Minister of State for Health cries "Don’t blame me or the NHS, blame the GPs, it’s all their fault!"

She blames all the GPs in England for actually doing what the Government’s own advertising campaign implored them to do and give out flu jabs to anyone who wanted them. Of course, anyone who wants a ‘flu jab – my advice is to head for Scotland. They’ve got loads. Why? Because they have a NATIONAL government who are committed to their own electorate – democracy in action.

Eh up – ‘chaos theory’ buggers up predictability model.
Did I just hear correctly? Michael Howard during PMQs has just chastised the PM and Patricia Hewitt for including the UK flu jab totals – when only in fact talking about England – he said "The department of health cannot tell the difference between England and the United Kingdom".


Tuesday, November 22, 2005


An article from John Sentamu, Archbishop of York on how multiculturalism has betrayed the English - check it out.

If John Sentamu, a black Ugandan can say it's 'OK' to be English - then why can't Gisela Stuart, a white German, do the same?

(Probably because she's a bigoted old hag)

Murder by degrees.

The violent death of a WPC in a bungled bank robbery in Bradford has inevitably elicited carefully considered knee jerk reactions from those that should know better.

As usual, when one of our police officers gets shot, the great, the good and Michael Winner demand the reinstatement of capital punishment. As usual, there seems no problem rolling out brigades of police officers, forensics and back up to investigate the crime. The news footage on Friday and Saturday was a case in point – wall to wall police officers at the scene of crime.

They rounded up 6 suspects in London on Sunday. Within hours they headed north on the M1, destination Bradford. The police had instigated a rolling road-block – which means no cars were allowed to overtake the police convoy. They couldn’t anyway, police cars braced the entire 3 lanes of the motorway.

The size of the convoy was huge – 7 armoured police transit vehicles and a cocktail of 8 assorted high powered Beemers, Volvos and Range Rovers. 15 vehicles in all. Headlights blazing, blue lights flashing – and that’s not counting the local motor bikes and panda cars clearing the way in the urban sprawls at the beginning and end of the journey.

Lord Stevens, former Metropolitan Commissioner of Police has demanded the reinstatement of the death penalty for the murder of Police Officers.

Now I’m not demeaning this awful crime. I’m desperately sorry for this woman’s family – especially her kids. But I’d like to think that if an ordinary member of the public had been murdered, shot in a bungled robbery – all the stops would be pulled out to find the killers.

But I know they wouldn’t. Innocent people, including kids routinely get shot in all of our major cities without so much as a single hand wring from Lord Stevens. According to him and his ridiculously ill thought out statement, police officers lives are worth more than your average citizen – and that just isn’t right is it?

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Some people are so unlucky aren't they?

The city of Hull has been voted the worst place to live in Britain.
Mind you, with people like him as a neighbour, that's hardly a surprise....

Smug John, doing his best to turn the whole of England into Greater Hull

Bringlish watch / edition1

Bringlish, adj. 1.How the establishment like to index 'Englishness' under 'Britishness' . 2) A title of convenience.

Example number 1.
Smart alec host of cerebral quiz show, Qi, actor and all round know all, Stephen Fry doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does.

He was on BBC Breakfast this morning, being interviewed about the launch of the interactive DVD version of the quiz show. He waxed lyrical about this and that. Oscar Wilde was clearly alive and well. He then waffled on about having the gift of being able to speak English – and how blessed he was in being born British….. Then he got a bit carried away and quoted Cecil Rhodes. He said all waxy and lyrical-like "And what was it Cecil Rhodes said ‘to be born British is to win the lottery of life"……

Sorry, Stevie mate. Not quite right is it? Rhodes didn’t say that did he? He actually said "To be born English is to win the lottery of life"……

Fry clearly bottled it – fearing a bit of a backlash if he uttered the ‘E’ word. Far better to go for England’s uglier alter ego – Britain.

But maybe, being born British qualifies Fry to a 10 quid prize – as opposed to the jackpot pay-out for being Blighty born……. And that makes me a millionaire!

Example number 2.
Back page of Monday’s edition of The Daily Express.
Pictures of Becks celebrating England’s win over Argentina and English golfer David Howells winning the big comp in the far east - and beating the mighty Tiger in the process. Alongside, Marcus Trescothick was pictured smashing a cricket ball all over the place in Pakistan - and English rugby union’s Mark Cuerto crashing over the Aussie try line. There was also a pic of a guy from Leeds scoring a try for the GB rugby league team… a GB team that is almost exclusively English.

So that’s 5 fantastic weekend sporting success stories – 4 exclusively English – and one English in all but name.

Daily Express’ headline? ‘Unstoppable – Beckham bullish on British glory weekend’….. and obviously accompanied with the regulation Union Jack graphic…

Funny though, I didn’t see Scotland’s glorious 1-1 draw with the USA mentioned in the ‘glory weekend’….

Monday, November 14, 2005

The word is spreading.....

Watching the lunchtime edition of ‘Look Northwest’ – the BBC’s local magazine programme, I was heartened by two aired items.

The first was a Labour MP for Rochdale complaining about the creeping regionalisation of the NW – the latest episode being the proposal to have all the ambulance services in the area housed under one single authority. The MP actually said that ‘the people’ do not want a regional approach – so why is the government doing it?

SUMMARY - Blimey, New Labour sheep sees real agenda light.

The second? A group of direct action heroes from an organisation called ‘CountyWatch’. Two guys, both in their 50's have spent the last few days taking down the ‘Welcome to Lancashire’ signs from the current county boundaries and relocating them to the pre ‘70’s border. The BBC followed them around, dutifully recording their acts of noble vandalism.

When asked whether or not they felt any guilt, they gave a great account of the validity of their case.

SUMMARY – the awkward squad is growing faster than fat-arsed Prescott could ever imagine

'The Wake' will go public - 2/12/05

'H' will be doing his utmost to persuade 80 political students at one of our seats of learning that the current democratic deficit in this country is totally unacceptable. I have a feeling I have a lot of work to do - as I think they are under the impression that English nationalist = shaven headed facist......

This old style, compassionate moderate left winger and passionate democrat will endeavour to put them right.

‘Stealth Regionalism' – the new, New Labour must have …

David Miliband, Minister for local government and Blair’s preferred dauphin has been busily finding out ways to get the ‘R’ strategy in England back on track. ‘Super councils’ are apparently the answer.

Super councils will run straight across county boundaries, sometimes amalgamating several into one new leviathan.
Super councils will eradicate traditional English shire counties – all 34 of them (you know, the ones that have been around for as long as 1,500 years)…….
Super councils will take power away from local communities – the district and county authorities will disappear, to be replaced by a unitary option…..

In a leaked report, Miliband was apparently concerned that the current two-tier system led to ‘confusion’ and created ‘fragmented leadership’……..

The Wake’s reaction to this b/s hyperbole is complete and utter homicidal anger. It’s nothing to do with supposedly making things more effective or more efficient. It’s got everything to do with dividing, emasculating and ruling my Country.

Come to think of it, this ‘to make things more efficient, we must make things bigger’ strategy has become a bit of a recurring theme over the past few weeks from various Labour ministries.

A couple of weeks ago a report stated that the existing police forces in England are to be rationalised down to less than half the current number. English health authorities are scheduled to have similar amalgamation fever bestowed on them - lucky us eh! Now if I didn’t know better, I’d say there just might be a bit of backdoor regionalisation going on.

Miliband, Blair, Prescott, Brown et al. Why do you hate us so much?

Friday, November 11, 2005

Plans at advanced stage for Team GB footy team……

Following the Scottish FA’s failure to play ball and the likelihood that the Welsh FA are about to decline the offer – it looks like the preposterous proposition of a GB football team playing in the 2012 Olympic Games is thankfully dead in the water.

Don’t you believe it! In my opinion, the formation of a Team GB is more certain than ever - as a direct result of the Scottish FA (and all the aggressive political baggage it would have brought with it) declining to offer any players to compete.

There are just the nervous Northern Ireland FA and the brown nosing English FA left to try and form a team. You can be assured the N.I. FA will follow the other two Celtic nations and decline. So how could the ‘Team GB’ project go ahead"

Simple. It’s what the political numpties have always hoped for. All 'lukewarminess' will have been banished, courtesy of the Celtic awkward squad vacating the table. The field will be free for the pathetically grovelling Chief Exec', David Davies and the rest of the English FA falling over themselves to co-operate with the Raj. And as the British Government have buried England constitutionally and politically, equating our country with ‘regions of Britain’ then in their opinion an all-English team, made up from the regions will be a perfectly satisfactory conclusion. Remember the Tour of Britain cycle race – Teams Wales, Scotland, Ireland and Team Britain…….. Team Britain was in reality, Team England. Remember when Rhona Martin and her 3 team members won the curling gold medal, they all came from the same very small curling club in Scotland.

The only way to stop this stupidity is for the English FA to suddenly develop a backbone and tell Tone, Seb', Colin and co' to sod off. And as we all know, when there is the sniff of a Knighthood in the air, backbones tend to be made of custard (soggy, no rigidity and yellow in colour).

Thursday, November 10, 2005

BBC FiveLive phone in, starring David Davis….

A lesson in 'fobboffery' to an English nationalist….

This morning, between 9 and 9:30, Tory leadership candidate, Double Dee took phone calls from the general public.

The very last question, just before 9:30, was from a guy called ‘Sean’. He introduced himself to DD, and said he met him on a train platform station some time ago. Apparently, Sean was on his way to an English Constitutional Convention meet at Westminster – DD remembered him. Sean asked him 'here and now' to commit himself, should he become Tory leader to right the constitutional deficit in England and give us an English Parliament.

Cue bluster, waffle, the need to avoid an expensive second tier of English MPs, commitment to ensure only English MPs vote on English legislation – and as DD said at the end – "That’s the way to solve it"…..

I’m sure Sean would have come back, but he’d been well cut off by the BBC hatchet crew.

Well Dave, it bloody does not ‘solve it’ at all. You’ve ratted, like I always knew you would. The lofty utterances made 4 years ago about England having it’s own Parliament are but a distant memory in the stinking sea of mendacity that politics wallows in. Dave, it’ll come back and bite you, guaranteed.

For Double Dee, read Double Cee - as in crossed.

If you want to hear what Sean said and the waffle Davis blathered, then here it is. (When you get to the page, click on Davis' mug shot and the BBC radio player will open. Please wait till it buffers then drag the slider up to almost the end of the scale. Sean’s question is the last of the set, so it’s right at the end.

Tony Blair –footy pundit.

Well, did you see him on Saturday’s edition of BBC’s ‘On the Ball? The big cheester, the maestro of the body swerve, the guv’nor – Bite your legs Tony ‘Blairo’ Blair tucked in alongside ‘Motty’ ‘Lawro’ and the boy Manish Bhasin. As creative a midfield that you will ever see.

Blair looked a bit out of sorts. After all, a big responsibility had been placed on the nimble-footed, midfield dynamo’s shoulders - he’d just confined the legend, the old caber-tosser himself - Alan ‘Dour-Git’ Hansen to the subs bench.


Using you skill and judgement, try and imagine where the ball might be in this action picture modelled by Blairo and Lawro.

Blairo tried hard to impose himself with a couple of early touches. Right from the off, he was given the opportunity to ‘put the record straight’ regarding the scurrilous allegation that he’d seen geordie baggy-trousered legend, ’Wor Jackie Milburn' doing his mesmeric goal poaching for the ‘Toon when Tone was barely out of his tartan nappies….

It was all so natural. It almost looked as if they hadn’t rehearsed the act at all, that much. Blairo said in answer to an ‘off the cuff’ enquiry from the boy Manish about how he was somehow ‘misquoted’. Quick as a Michael Owen run bearing down on Johnny Argentina’s goal, the boy Manish said "Yes, I think we just might be able to find a tape of that interview you gave on local radio all those years ago"….

Cue frantic search. Was the boy Manish offside? Was he lurking at the far post? Was he as reckless as Paul Merson in a betting shop? – What if the boot-room boys can’t find the radio clip?

Blairo tells Crooksy, Dour Git and Jug Ears how he scored the winning goal in the 1962 World Cup Final.

The search lasted all of half a second. The tape rolled, the camera zeroed onto Blairo’s throbbing, glistening forehead. He was sweating and –oh my God, he was wearing the notorious grey away kit. Would Motty and the boys be able to pick him out with a long cross-field ball? Fortunately Blairo could be seen for miles, thanks to the massive dark slicks of sweat oozing out from his armpit zones…. What would Fergie have said? Not much probably, I don’t think the former wife of Prince Andrew knows anything about footy kits.

Anyway, the tape droned on. The lady interviewer asked young Blairo who his footy heroes were when he was a kid…. Now this was a critical question. Every kid who has ever been to a footy match will ‘know’ footy players. I went to my first footy game in 1963. Liverpool v Spurs. I can name the full Liverpool footy team that appeared on that day, over 40 years ago – Lawrence, Moran, A’court, Milne, Yeats, Stevenson, Callaghan, Hunt, St John, Melia, Thomson…… I can also name most of the Spurs team – Brown, Jones, Henry, White, Greavse, Blanchflower, Smith, Mackay………

It was 2 nil to Spurs at half time, Liverpool banged in 5 in the second half and ran out winners 5-2. You just do not forget stuff like that – especially when you are a kid. It’s hard-wired into your brain…..

So just who were Blair’s heroes? He admitted to going to watch Newcastle in the ‘60’s on a regular basis. But when asked, he couldn’t name one, not one Newcastle player from that era. Instead, he stumbled and flapped and flanneled. He said he ‘admired’ the players that came after Jackie Milburn – a player of the ‘50’s right up to Malcolm MacDonald – a player of the ‘70’s – and that was it!

As far as I’m concerned that proves it – Blair knows jack about footy. He didn’t have a clue who his ‘idols’ were.

What a bloody fraud – I would have stuck with the ‘I saw Jackie Milburn playing’ lie – and not bother sitting there on the orange sofa listening to all the footy greats of the ‘60’s he couldn’t name…….

Stop Press – Tony Blair to appear on BBC ‘Holiday’ programme to ‘set the record straight’ about the scurrilous story that young rebel and Fidel Castro admirer, Tony Blair stowed away on a plane to Cuba – but ended up in Mexico instead, saga.

BBC busily editing tape to conclusively show that Tony specifically said that he did not stowaway, anywhere…

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Email to Customer Services at Ottakar’s / WH Smith / Waterstones


I notice you are stocking ‘The Angry Island’ by AA Gill.
Can you tell me, do I find it under ‘R’ for Racist or ‘B’ for Bigot?

"Yes, I like the English – but I wouldn’t want to father one of them"……

Another example arose this week of a Scot living, working, making a tonne of cash in England – but when push comes to push s-l-o-w-l-y, he’ll be heading north, with his wife, just so his kid will be born in Scotland.

John Gordon Sinclair, he of ‘80’s Brit flick movie, ‘Gregory’s Girl’ and the old Tesco adverts has got a charter plane on stand-by somewhere in the South East of England.

His Missus is expecting a bundle of joy any day now – and rather than do the right thing and get her booked into the local hospital in London – he wants the kid to be born a Scots-person. OK, I can accept that, I suppose, - but if he wants the kid to be Scottish then why not take a few months off, move up to Edinburgh and book in at a city hospital there then? Sinclair’s loaded isn’t he?

Can’t do that though. Sinclair is making too much money starring in the West End musical - ‘The Producers’. So when the waters break and JGS gets the panicky ‘phone call, I hope the taxi, the pilot, the plane dash, the taxi at the other end and the 500 mile trip will all be worth it.

I wonder what Mrs JGS thinks – and if it’s a boy, will they call him ‘Mel’ in memory of Scotland’s greatest hero?

Monday, November 07, 2005

The letter in full......

A couple of people have emailed me asking if I would post the full unedited letter, partly published in yesterday's Sunday Times. The paper published bits of paras 1 and 4 - but that doesn't matter because the general response by outraged English people to Gill's article was just superb.

AA Gill’s ‘Gerald Ratner moment’…..

AA Gill’s piece on why he hates England and the English was some of the most verbally incontinent rubbish I’ve ever read. Almost cartoon in it’s caricature – it reminded me of Captain Mainwaring in Dad’s Army warning his platoon they could always spot a German spy because he would look surly, have a curled lip and his eyes would be too close together! What happened to objectivity? The standard of Gill’s reasoning was so low as to be off the scale. Where has he been living - on the Planet Vitriol? Oh no, he’s been making a fantastic wedge in good old Blighty – and then he insults us!

If this article is typical of the rest of Gill’s book, then I’ll pass. I don’t fancy reading anything else from this repressed bigot. Honestly, the standard of writing is barely above that of ‘Janet and John. I’m absolutely amazed he got the thing published in the first place – and frankly flabbergasted The Sunday Times have agreed to serialise such small-minded crud.

It really is a dumb marketing strategy don’t you think! You can only imagine the discussion in the editorial office of The Sunday Times "I know, I’ve got a great idea, let’s insult 85% of our UK readership! Let’s say that the English are rubbish – well, what harm can it do?"

Answer? Plenty. I‘m a proud man of England and I am getting heartily fed up of being ruled by a Scottish Raj. Heartily fed up of being busy-bodied by an obedient clack of Scottish Labour MPs forcing through English-only legislation (Foundation hospitals and Tuition fees for example), even though their own constituents, courtesy of the Scottish Parliament are free of such vindictive laws. Heartily fed up of being the only country in Europe without a national Parliament. But I’m especially fed up with being routinely insulted by a long line of Scottish and Welsh bore-mongers. I somehow cannot imagine Gill being allowed to, or even contemplating writing a piece entitled ‘I hate Israel’ or ‘I hate Pakistan’ – but if you’re English? Well, it’s open season, obviously.

The points he raised to ‘justify’ his bizarre hatred of the English include such breathtaking gems as ‘If the English didn’t queue, they’d be killing each other’. Not content with this stunningly inept assertion, he embarrassingly digs himself further into a hole with his ‘50 ways the English say sorry without actually meaning it’ comment. What is he talking about? Forensic and analytical it is not. Petty, vindictive and ignorant, it most certainly is.

For AA’s benefit, I’ve thought of another ‘sorry’ to put in his ‘bumper book of disingenuous sorrys from genuine Englishmen’ ….. Sorry Mr Gill, but your conclusions are childish, vulgar and just plain wrong - my 15 year old kid would construct a more convincing argument! The coup de grace in this whistle stop rummage into the English psyche is that apparently, we poor English are all so ‘angry’. Not a nice, comfy type of honest anger you understand, oh no. Ours is much worse, we have a nasty, surly, repressed ‘English’ type of anger.

I assure you AA, we are not angry – just fed up with people constantly rubbishing our country, whilst you and your ilk begrudgingly live within our midst and reap the benefits – and at the same time despise us as a nation. Meanwhile, your watery eyed, Rob-Roy rosy romantic vision of where you think you come from remains intact – courtesy of a dodgy Mel Gibson film and the enormous chip the size of Ben Nevis on your shoulder. .

Even the picture graphic fell into line in supporting Gill’s clichéd fantasia of England. Chavish thug with clenched fist smirking through a St George’s flag montage. What a stereotypical joke!

I’ve taken the Sunday Times for over 30 years – and quite frankly am reviewing whether I take it in the future. I really will not pay to be insulted with such a pathetically juvenile and ill-conceived piece of written drivel. I really do hope that Gill has just had a ‘Gerald Ratner’ moment, because this chippy, nastily racist and arrogantly self-centred little Scotlander deserves everything he gets.

Yours etc, etc.

Friday, November 04, 2005

Awards Ceremony - Increasing English Awareness catagory

And this year’s prize for doing more for English Nationalism than any one else goes to…..


The Sunday Times rang me today. They’re going to use some of my letter, written in a frenzied anger on Sunday afternoon. They said that they could not print all the rant – just a couple of paragraphs. The reason they gave? Apparently, they’d been overwhelmed by indignant English people writing in to complain. In fact, the woman on the phone couldn’t remember when such a response had been as great….

A.A. Gill, my little chippy pal, you deserve a medal.

The Emperor says – "Give it to her"…. And lo, suddenly she is given it…

Good old Tony Blair, what a guy!
St Tone was up in my neck of the woods yesterday, accompanied by a few loaves and a couple of fishes, pressing the flesh, righting wrongs and looking for a Lazarus to resurrect (so what’s new?).

At the end of the day, he went to the BBC Manchester studios for an interview with pleasant, bumbling political reporter, Jim Hancock. Now, there has been a bit of a kuffuffle in the North West lately. The BBC local news programme, Look Northwest has been doing a bit of championing on behalf of a poor local woman who is suffering from breast cancer.

She asked her local health authority if she could have the new wonder drug ‘Herceptin’. ‘They’ being an English health Trust, and consequently having no cash to spare, refused to give her the drug. They fell back onto the fatuous argument that it hadn’t yet been cleared by ‘NICE’ – the Government drug agency for England…….. This is a thinly disguised excuse for not telling her it was too expensive.

All week, the programme has been following this woman’s increasingly desperate attempts to get the Trust to cough up. On Thursday night, we were treated to the grotesque mini drama of her at home, waiting by the phone for some health nazi to give her the thumbs up, or more likely, the thumbs down.

She waited and waited, the phone rang,some jobsworth was on from the Trust - ‘they were sorry but the Trust had decided they could not, on this occasion be bothered to stump up the cash’. They used as their excuse that those nice people at NICE hadn’t given it the ‘all clear’.

This woman was gutted. The health nazi said she could lodge an appeal if she wanted to. She said she would. I sort of got the impression that if they’d have said stand on one leg, pirouette and bark like a dog and then we’ll give it to you – she would have done it - and it had about as much dignity.

To be honest, I was really shocked, I cringed. Is that what we are reduced to? Begging on the telly for a drug. The very same drug, freely available in Scotland – for they don’t have such problems on funding – and hence no problems giving lame excuses about not having had clearance yet as per their English counterparts.

Anyway, back to the Tony Blair interview….
Jim Hancock started to tackle him about this Manchester woman. The problems in getting the drugs, the injustice of it all…. Suddenly, Princess Tony agreed. Suddenly, Blair had found his potential Lazarus. Hand signs set to ‘rapid.’ Facial expressions set to ‘honest John’. Voice set to 'high pitched hysterical', Tony was in his element. A just cause to hunt down – and Blunkett consigned to history.

"Of course" whined Tony "Of course this woman should get ‘Herceptin’. It’s only right and proper that her local Trust should supply her with the drug immediately"…..

And yea, verily, a bright light shone off St Tony’s bonce, and it was done. Within 10 minutes, the health nazi had rung the woman……. And hey, guess what? Money, drugs, clinic appointment and a fast delivery van had just been found under an old packet of humbugs…….

So next time you're ill. Just make sure you have a double dose of Honest Tone's - 'Blair's Patent Tincture' handy.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Eh up – there’s a bollocking on t’way for Prezza….

Later this week, two government agencies are publishing a joint report on John Prescott’s plans to concrete over the South East of England.

The Report from The Countryside Agency and English Nature are expected to give Prescott’s sustainable housing plans the thumbs down – and that’s putting it mildly. Word is they think no actual ‘planning’ has gone into the proposals. Words like ‘savaged’ are being bandied about – and apparently they’ve ‘rubbished’ Prescott’s plans to build the houses and 67 road schemes in the area……

I can’t bloody wait to read it. Pressure, pressure, pressure Johnny!!!!….

Is it because I is English?

Well, now you come to mention it, yes!

The very first thing I’ve done this morning, before my cuppa and before I’ve opened and binned the 148 weekend emails for drugs, loans, an extra 3 inches on my old man and myriad Viagra offers in my ‘in box’, before all that…… I’ve put an official complaint to Trevor Phillips’ lot at the CRE. I’ve cited a prat of a Sunday Times columnist, whose name sounds like a brand of battery, for aggravated racial incitement.

After all, if they can censure Anne Robinson for saying that the Welsh are a bit glum, or Kilroy-Silk for his infamous Daily Express piece on the Muslim World, then this git must surely be heading for the Tower.

Why? Readers of yesterday’s post or yesterday’s Sunday Times will know the reason……

AA Gill, Sunday Times columnist, food critic and pal of Jeremy Clarkson has finally come out. He was born in Edinburgh, but was brought south to England when he was still a baby. He has spent the last 50 years living, breeding, earning a bloody good crust and imparting his special brand of sarcastic sciterati on my morning breakfast table every Sunday.

I’ve never liked the man. Arrogant, smug and snooty, I always thought of him as a bit repressed, a bit of a cold fish – a Deeside salmon maybe? I knew he was Scottish, and I knew he had a public school education – so when he ‘came out’ in yesterday mornings ‘paper, I was half expecting him to say how he’d fallen in love with Gordon Brown.

But no, a much easier target for Gill’s vitriol was staring at me in black and white across two full pages in the ‘Review’ section yesterday.

Gill declared he hated me, my wife, my kids, my dear old 83 year old Mum and 50 odd million other souls. Our collective crime? Being born English, of course…..

Amongst a whole heap of other things, Gill hates the way I queue, hates the way I laugh (something to do with sneering at others apparently), hates the way I say ‘sorry’ (all to do with saying ‘sorry’, but not actually meaning it)

But most of all, Gill hates my ‘English anger’- apparently, he reckons that ‘anger’ makes us English people ‘ugly’. Well, I know there’s some right old scroats and visually challenged Hilda Baker and Arthur Mullard types in good old Blighty – but what’s new? Ugly people inhabit all of the world - and, Gill, you're no 'Monarch of the Glen' yourself, bud.

He hates my aggressive, negative, bellicollic, teeth-grinding and all-round angst. He hates the fact that I and the rest of my family - and indeed, the whole English nation for that matter, just aren’t too‘happy’ about things….

Well, you’re damn right there double A. Is he having a laugh or what? You just do not get it double A, do you? We’re all much more pissed off more than angry really, pissed off with our English lives being run by a Scottish McMafia, Scottish Raj and Scottish Artizania.

But I’m personally particularly pissed off when finding out that a sneering Scottish twat, who makes a privileged living in this country, makes a small fortune with his crappola articles and then tells his readers what a bunch of tossers he thinks they all are. Maybe it’ll come back to bite him. Maybe he’s just had a bit of a Gerald Ratner moment?….. I do hope so.

But the best thing is – there’s even more of this anti English shite in next week’s Sunday Times. Next week, Gill is writing about ‘alcohol and the English’. The articles are from a book that Gill has written called ‘The Angry Island’ – be sure to leave it off your Christmas stocking lists.

And finally…. while we’re on the subject of ‘hating’ things….
I hate the way that the English people are prepared to actually take a two page, broadsheet broadside from a failed novelist and all round snob. And the only reason this tosser has written it is his belief that the English race are so damned downtrodden and Pavlovian-brainwashed as to not even stir from our Raj induced, intravenous habit of guilt, of propaganda, of slumber.

Time to wake up.

If you haven't yet read this juvenile drivel in yesterday's Sunday Times - be my guest

Sunday, October 30, 2005

This man hates England - shock.

Posh Scottish columnist with an English accent, A.A. Gill has declared that he hates England and the English. This arrogant man - a man who has lived in this country for all but 1 of his 50 odd years - and has made a fortune out of his serial dismissals of various 'sad cases' apparently hates us for queuing, hates for the way we laugh, hates us for the way we are all so angry!!!

If you want to read this drivel in today's Sunday Times - be my guest

I can barely hide my contempt for this idiot. The keys are tapping away - and I'll expand more in tomorrow's post...

Wonko - for God's sake, make this tosser, 'twat of the week'.......

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Did you see it, did you hear it – on the telly?

My very own email was read out by the new sexy lady on today's BBC 2 edition of 'The Daily Politics'. She read every single bit out – except the last line about us having an English Parliament, obviously.

Cerebral Scottish growler, Andrew Neil himself said after the email was read out that the protests about Scottish MPs meddling in English only affairs will grow and grow.

Email in full……

Dear Mr Neil,

I see the smoking ban bill for England has been diluted to accommodate objections from John Reid, a Scottish Minister with a Scottish Constituency....

No problems for HIS constituents though - the Scottish Parliament are expected to have a watertight smoking ban in their country by 2006.
Reid should mind his own business.

Same old story, a Scottish MP with a Scottish Constituency meddling in another country's affairs.

England MOST DEFINITLY needs an ENGLISH Parliament.

Yours, etc, etc....

I feel as if I've just scored a goal at Wembley!!!!!

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

STOP PRESS 1......

English population has perfect eyesight - SHOCK

Well, we must have – right? Otherwise, we’d have the same eye care services as our northern cousins wouldn’t we? What am I talking about? Here’s a clue from a Scottish Executive source "It really will put Scotland some way ahead of the rest of the country. It is a ground-breaking agreement"

Read the full sorry story here

Those that are short of time can get the gist from this -
Scotland to get most comprehensive eye care policy in UK
Policy demanded by Liberal Democrats in 2003 coalition deal.

Racism, alive and well and living in the UK, courtesy of the LibDems.

STOP PRESS 2........

Scottish Minister shoves nose into ‘Ban on Smoking in Public Places - in England, Bill’ – SHOCK

The Cabinet are hastily rearranging the wording – in order to make the Bill a bit more palatable to a couple of affronted Government Ministers. Not a total ban any more, ‘loosely defined designated areas’ for smokers are favoured by the rebels. The ‘Sealed rooms for smokers’ option is to be stubbed out in the ash tray.

One of the most vociferous protesters is non other than our old Glaswegian McBovver Boy and reformed raiser of hell, ‘Doctor’ John Reid.

Rabid Doctor John, baldy git and pointy fingered nosey bastard.

Yes, Doctor John reckons that a total ban on smoking in public places (in England) outright is to infringe the rights of decent, working class people – and deprive them of one of their few pleasures in life.

Just a couple of points here John –
1) You’re Scottish, representing a Scottish Constituency – so mind your own damn business. If you want to mouth off, then do it in the Scottish Parliament. They’ve obviously already debated this and decided on a total ban in Scotland – to be enforced in the next few years.
2) I watched my Dad drowning to death in a sea of phlegm and bloody yellow bile, courtesy of lung cancer, courtesy of Old Holborn – so shove your civil liberties up your sanctimonious arse.
3) This issue – and whether THIS COUNTRY bans smoking or not, is a matter for people of England and no one else. Got it?

Monday, October 24, 2005

Time for a bit of martyrdom?

Hereward the ill is going to collect his prescription tomorrow from the quack. He will give it to his eldest Son to present to his local Boots. By doing this – said Son will be able to say that his Dad will pay for the goods when he comes in to collect.

When the medicine is slapped on the counter, Aitch will pull out a nice crisp five pound note. Aitch will then tell the bint behind the counter that he is not prepared to pay the full English prescription price of £6.50p – but will gladly pay the Welsh equivalent of £5……

No doubt, they’ll refuse to give Aitch the stuff until he stumps up the extra £1.50p….. which he most definitely will not do.

No problem, seeds will have been sown – and he’ll get better, eventually…

He will have made a bit of a scene – and told everyone who is prepared to listen of the health racism being widely practised within the various parts of the UK. He will also have told them of the commitment for every person in Wales to qualify for free prescriptions by 2007. By then, no doubt the English equivalent will have topped seven quid……

Unless there are a few more martyrs about?

Friday, October 21, 2005

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Pretty please apologies… The new fashion accessory.

Reading Wonko’s take on Liverpool’s grovelling apology to the downtrodden Welsh nation, I thought that I should demand a few apologies for this

And this….

And this….

And this is the way some of them think…

People of Wales – the entire world is not against you….. lighten up a bit - take the chips off your shoulders.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

LibDemons. The spawn of the Devil

Further to the pathetic reply from Vince Cable, I resolved to ring his boss, the whisky-soaked ginger muffin, to demand an explanation and abject apology for Cable’s outrageous ‘English Nationalist’ smear.

I rang the Westminster home for Scottish Rajanistas....

Unfortunately, Chaz was ‘unavailable’ (pissed / hungover / selling soul to P.R devil / sucking up to Prescott / at offy getting a take away). So I asked for Gurpreet Dosanjh, Kennedy’s senior correspondence go-fer, P.A. man and the guy who knows where all the local Thresher offies are situated around the Commons. He’s sounds like a nice man – almost reasonable, for a toady. He agreed that Cable’s reply was far from comprehensive. He said he’d get another reply to me – maybe even from Chaz, himself. I feel blessed, indeed!

We were getting on OK-ish….. OK that is, until we trod on the testy subject of the LibDem view on ‘Nations and Regions’ of the UK.

To be honest, Gurpreet didn’t seem to know his countries from his arse. Geoggers wasn’t his strong point, he just couldn’t bring himself to agree that England was a country in it’s own right – just like Scotland.

No, Gurpreet reckoned Scotland was a country and so was Wales, obviously. – And England? All regions apparently. Gurpreet wasn’t at home to any subversive chat like a national government for England – or self-determination for the English. Every time I raised it, he told me "The LibDems were committed to local government, like the Scottish Parliament for instance – and Regional assemblies for England"….

And anyway, he continued, "Scotland was culturally different from England". He body swerved the question about an English culture, preferring instead to proclaim the success of the Scottish Parliament as a victory for Proportional Representation. When asked why not an English Parliament voted in by that same P.R. system, Kennedy’s yes man stated that "P.R. in England would upset the current political status quo within this collection of regions"…

I didn’t say anything else – I couldn’t be bothered. What’s the point?

Sometimes, sometimes, I really do feel I live in a madhouse, full to the brim of ignorant, thick, bootlicking arses who add 2 + 2 together and after carefully considering all options, propose a 3 nations + 9 regions answer.

It really is going to be a long, hard road to national recognition.

Media savvy....

Someone has sent me a useful link to a site for finding media contacts throughout the UK. It is called Media UK

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Dr Vincent Cable. A compelling case for a smack in the squirrel nutkins.

After a very long wait of over 3 weeks, the good Doctor Cable has managed, at last to wrestle with his inner self and search the lexicons for just the right amount of political puissance and produce a complex, in-depth, high quality and well thought out response to my email.

Sorry, exaggerated a bit there. Vince was probably a bit rushed as Coronation Street had a bumper double episode bundle on the telly last night – so you’d expect a bit of a precis job on the reply, wouldn’t you?

This is the drivel he sent me –

Dear Mr. The-Wake,

Thank you for your letter concerning English nationalism.

I, and the Liberal Democrats, have argued consistently in favour of devolution, in order to distribute governmental power more fairly. We have argued for elected regional government in England.

Nationalism calls for independence, which is not something that I support for England.

I value the collective multiple identity from which we benefit in the UK. Nationalism is not the same as devolution, and it is in no way hypocritical to support one and criticize the other.

I hope I have answered your concerns.

Dr Vincent Cable MP

Well, you haven’t answered anything have you Vinny mate?
And Vincent, you do know don’t you, that this means war.

First thing tomorrow, I shall be ringing a man I have got to know very well over the past few weeks, and a man who I’m sure will be made up to hear from me again. I refer to Mr Gurpreet Dosanjh, Senior Correspondence Secretary, Office of Charles Kennedy MP.

I absolutely demand a bloody apology, and I assert that you ‘Doctor’ are an utter arse who should be struck off. (Preferably with a baseball bat) I have 7 questions which I would like answering, which should be easy for a brain of a planet politician like you – I list them below…..

This letter was originally sent to Charles Kennedy – as I was absolutely assured of a reply by Kennedy’s staff. After 2 weeks, they sent it off to Cable HQ.

Mr Kennedy,
I really must complain in the strongest possible terms at Vincent Cable’s appallingly inaccurate assertion in his piece on ‘Multiculturalism and Britishness’ via the ‘Demos’ website. I enclose the address here so you can view it if you are not aware of it:

In the article Cable states -"The threat to harmonious social relations in Britain comes from those who insist that multiple identity is not possible: white supremacists, English nationalists, Islamic fundamentalists. This is the opposition and they have to be confronted. An important element in that confrontation is the assertion of a sense of Britishness."

I’d like to inform you that I am an English Nationalist – and I object most strongly to being lumped with ‘white supremacists and Islamic fundamentalists’. What a damn cheek! Who on earth does Mr Cable think he is? What an utterly ignorant and nonsensical thing to say by one of your supposed ‘heavy hitters’.

I really do feel that I should receive an apology from you or Mr Cable for such a bizarre and ill-informed statement. He is saying that because I want the same equal rights for my Country that Scotland and Wales have, then I’m some sort of right wing fascist.

Can you answer the following questions please and number your answers to correspond with my questions – that way, I’ll be sure you have considered my questions properly – and hopefully given considered, in-depth answers.

1) Does Mr Cable include Scottish and Welsh Nationalists in the same bracket as white supremacists and Islamic fundamentalism? And if he does, has he told Alex Salmond that he equates him with being akin to a white supremacist?

2) Why has Mr Cable not mentioned Scots and Welsh Nationalists in the article as well?

3) Don’t you think that the rise in ‘English Nationalism’ is as a result of the people of England being short-changed constitutionally and economically when compared to the other home countries? And don’t you think this is an entirely natural reaction to cynical, constitutional favouritism?

4) If Mr Cable really does think English Nationalism is a wicked and flawed prospectus, please can you tell what differences there are between Scottish, Welsh and English Nationalism?

5) Perhaps Mr Cable was really referring to the British National Party and the National Front? But there’s a problem here isn’t there? The BNP and the NF like to foster a British identity – along with their Union Flags and their bizarre ideas of British values. And ‘Britain’ was the very essence of Cable’s speech. Do you think Mr Cable has got mixed up and doesn’t know the difference between Britain and England? (After all, politicians at Westminster seem to do that a lot)

6) Can you tell me of any democratic constitutional advantage of any kind that the nation of England has enjoyed over the past 8 years? Please bear in mind that over that same period, Assembles and Parliaments galore – and the consequent dream of ‘responsive and responsible Government’ have been set up in the other home countries.

7) As a democrat, I want what everyone else has – as of right the same as the rest of the UK gets. No more, no less. We ALL pay the same tax rates, yet people in Scotland, Wales and N.I. get substantially more per head out of the public purse than do the people of England, don’t you agree?

I’m a former life long Labour voter of over 30 years. My politics are left of centre and I’m thoroughly, thoroughly disillusioned. Scotland and Wales have their own Parliaments – England does not. The people in Westminster spend 80% of their time discussing purely English matters – even those with constituencies in the far North of Scotland. Transport, Health, Foundation hospitals, top-up fees, foisted on us by a clack of Scottish Labour MPs. Free prescriptions in Wales next year and free eye tests in Scotland. Free old persons care in Scotland, free central heating systems installed as of right north of the border also.

All these goodies are obviously not available to English people. No Barnett formula dividend for us – the English taxpayer just pays for it all. Consequently, people in England have the least per head spent on them in Health, Education, Transport, etc, etc.

When people in England ask for a Parliament for themselves, we are looked upon as being just a little bit strange. No, Regional Assemblies, one step up from Parish Councils are the way ahead for us apparently. Except that the people of the N.E. hadn’t read the script and kicked it in the bin where it belonged.

Prescott just COULDN’T give US a NATIONAL referendum on whether WE wanted a national Parliament or not. Instead he tried to chip away, using the area of England that feels most ‘independent’ in a sorry and utterly appalling attempt to get a bandwagon movement rolling. He was, of course aided and abetted by the enthusiastic Lib Dems. What very strange bed-fellows you have.

So England is in a sort of limbo. No National democracy for us is there? 85% of the UK population have no representation at national level. England is the ONLY nation in Europe without a National Parliament – and you great pontificating democrats at Westminster presumably think this status quo is perfectly acceptable. How undemocratic, what arrogance!!!

Even Iraq has a Parliament for goodness sake!

In conclusion, statements of utter ignorance by the likes of Mr Cable just reinforce how out of touch Westminster MPs really are. There are huge injustices within the UK and as supposed Democrats, you and your Party should be absolutely ashamed of your support for a patently undemocratic and unfair system that is loaded against the people of England from cradle to grave.

Can you please forward me an explanation of Mr Cable’s ill informed statement, or better still an abject apology on his behalf. Or even better and more honourable, an apology from him to me personally – I don’t appreciate being called a fascist, nazi, etc by someone who is supposedly intelligent. Well, you wouldn’t would you?

Mr Cable’s comments are both foolish and dangerous, he should retract them immediately and perhaps you should severely censure him for such irresponsibility.

I look forward to your prompt response.

Friday, October 14, 2005

Hoorah for democracy! (I think)

This weekend, Iraq will vote nationwide on a referendum regarding the fiercely negotiated brand spanking new Iraqi Constitution document.

That is good news, isn't it?…. Just a couple of questions though -

If we are the cradle of democracy - and an unwritten constitution is good enough for us, why are they 'making do' with a pen and ink version?

And - what the hell is a ‘referendum’?

Cable – lost his pen, obviously.

OK, I’m still waiting for a reply from bad boy bigot, Vince Cable, for lumping me in with white supremacists and Islamic fundamentalists. Mind you, plenty of fellow complainers have since had from him the standard I too am a proud Englishman….. drivel from his office – but not me. I got in touch with Charles Kennedy’s Westminster office and asked for a personal apology from Chaz himself. I spoke to Kennedy’s P.A. and he profusely apologised for not sending a reply, he would get one off right away.

"Whoa there Tiger", I replied. A standard ‘sorry you were offended, but the phrase was taken out of context’ letter simply would not do. Cable made an outrageous comment – and I require satisfaction. If this were 18th century France, I would be dressed in a frilly shirt, with my faithful Second at my side and tooled up with a pair of duelling pistols demanding satisfaction from that snivelling wretch of a LibDem..

I put 6 questions in my letter – and I’ve asked for every one to be answered - plus an abject apology……

I have a feeling I’ll be waiting quite a long time yet…..

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Wanted, the cable guy.

Have you seen this man?
Aliases include 'Vince Bigot, Vince Vance and Vince Mince

Talking to a mate of mine last night, he told me how he had just got back from his local plod shop. The reason? To report Vince Cable, LibDem Treasury spokesman and baldy bigot for his derogatory and inflammatory remarks about English nationalism.

My mate had apparently complained about Mr Cable on an 'incitement to provoke racial hatred' ticket. He produced the original text from Cable's article on the Demos website as Exhibit A. He also had Cable’s stock, sod off written reply to my mate’s complaint - and his final, final ‘bugger off you sad little Englander’ email.

The fuzz have taken down all the particulars – and are probably, even now putting out an A.P.B. on the slap-headed desperado…..

Errr, probably not, but they really should investigate the complaint shouldn’t they? I would have thought it was the very least they could do.

But let’s be honest, they’re probably more likely to investigate my mate for being a dangerous agitator, agent provocateur and all round trouble-maker instead.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Free the Monmouth 1

I had an interesting discussion recently about the ancient county of Monmouthshire, currently residing in the South East corner of Wales. It’s not, strictly speaking, a typically Welsh county – it’s not really Welsh at all.

Monmouthshire was an English Marcher county until 1968 when it was formally absorbed into Wales. Most of its inhabitants have always thought of themselves as being of English extraction. The county town of Monmouth is a quintessentially English town - and the County voted very heavily against a Welsh Assembly in 1997.

As Wikipedia says ‘The modern border between Wales and England is highly arbitrary; it was largely defined in the 16th century, based on medieval feudal boundaries. It has apparently never been confirmed by referendum or reviewed by any Boundary Commission (except to confirm Monmouthshire as part of Wales in 1968).’

So, if we ever do get an English parliament, do you think we should ask for our county back? After all, we’re not talking hundreds of years – the boundary change took place less than 40 years ago.

Maybe we should ask the inhabitants what they would like to do?

Monday, October 10, 2005

Kilroy was not here......

Amongst the ‘Fox eats chickens’ and ‘Hitler was a psychopath’ stories in yesterday’s papers was this little article in the Sunday Times.

It explains how the great egotist, Robert Kilroy Silk, ex MP, ex TV host, ex UKIP man and ex Veritas leader has been ‘milking’ the European MEP gravy train for all its worth. This in spite of the fact he never, ever attends the European parliament at Strasbourg.....

Just goes to prove the old adage - power corrupts, but tanning salons, monstrous egos and dodgy comb-overs corrupt absolutely….

Democracy Day needs you!

It's ‘Double D for Democracy Day’ on the Biased Broadcasting Corporation's The Politics Show. Join presenter Jon Sopel for a Democracy Day Special on Sunday 16 October 2005 at Noon on BBC One.

The Politics Show is mounting a special programme examining and questioning many aspects of our changing democracy throughout the UK.

They will report on how the government hopes to move on from its failed devolution plans in the north of England, steering a course towards the possible establishment of self-governing city regions…….

p.s. – They want to hear what you think about the Government's failed democracy agenda in England – so let ‘em have it with both barrels.(And a couple of howitzers)……

Friday, October 07, 2005

Sheep with no brain, no guts, no principles and no mandate, returns to fold….

After a dizzying Summer of freedom from Prescott’s North West Regional Assembly (or NWRA for short), Lancashire County Council have ceased gambolling about in the clover field of democracy and decided to rejoin the unelected, non representative and deeply unpopular, NWRA flock.

Apparently the Assembly has been revamped, sexed up and had a bit of a Tommy Walsh makeover. So much so, that the bright gleaming Assembly HQ or ‘Nearly Democracy Ivory Towers’ has presented an irresistible ‘come on’ to my dumb-arsed County Council.

The reason given is quite startling. In fact it’s bloody unbelievable. To be honest, I find the cold hand of Prezza and the threat of a big jar of mint sauce behind the Council’s decision to rejoin the quango.

Mutton dressed as lamb County Council Leader, Hazel Harding is clearly made up. She cited the reason for rejoining was because it followed significant changes to the Assembly which will make it more streamlined and accountable.

Accountable to who then? John Prescott, obviously.

Regional Assembly Chairman, John Joyce looked as pleased as a Welshman with a new pair of wellies as he welcomed the wayward lamb back into the NWRA flock.

The new ‘accountability’ branding of the NWRA means wholesale changes. Oh yes, we’re all drowning in a democratic overdose up here. A new, streamlined, 18 person Assembly Board has been created, including leading decision-makers from the public and private sector.

Their first meeting is on October 10th. I have a feeling; the first item on the agenda is to issue new dictionaries to everyone in the North West with a revised definition of the word ‘Accountable’.

‘Accountable’ adj 1Accountable to no one. 2Metamorphosis of sheep to pigs - in trough, pigs in clover, pigs in denial. Collective noun, An assembly of unelected pigs. See also Politbureau

Seeing their HQ is only a spit away from where I live, I might just try and gate crash the party. Does anyone know if there is a public gallery in these dens of iniquity, or don’t I qualify?

I’ll be ringing all parties to question them about this shameful U-turn. I’ll keep you posted. Meanwhile, the whole sorry story is here

>BBC ‘Question Time’ broadcasts without your truly…..

David Dimbleby chaired the programme of Auntie’s flagship Q&A output last night from Manchester. Yet again, the programme went out without me in the audience to ask the questions that no one wants to answer.

I’ve applied to be in the audience each time the show has been in the North West - by phone and email for years – and hey, guess what? Zilcho success. Maybe I don’t fit the right demographic? ’Middle aged white guy with crap pension and a mega chip on shoulders from Lancashire’ is hardly going to excite a sushi eating, Notting Hill liberal, BBC researcher. It’s well known that the BBC over-egg the audience mix on Question Time. Most broadcasts are shamefully weighted and shamefully over represented towards some groups and not others. Maybe, they know my politics – maybe they know I’m a bit gobby. Maybe they know I’m not from the right group of people that are habitually seen on the show?

However, on last night’s episode, there was a real gem of a moment. Pompous Scot and New Labour Minister for Europe, Douglas Alexander was called a "little twit" by brain of a planet historian, David Starkey. In fact, Starkey was the only panellist who said it like it was all night. Especially when the issue of that breast cancer drug that I can’t spell being freely available in Scotland, but not in England. And how it’s taken a cancer sufferer to appeal to the courts, in order to get ‘NICE’ to cough up…. And that was brought up by a member of the audience, for God’s sake

The no-nothing, instantly forgettable Scottish LibDem MP panellist (at 25 years old, the youngest in Westminster) and Duggie Alexander expressed almost comical surprise and panic-blathered a bit. They didn’t ’think’ it was freely available in Scotland….. No, they were almost sure it wasn’t. Starkey burst into sarcastic laughter and proclaimed that thanks to New Labour, Scotland was a totally separate country doing bloody well out of the status quo anyway – so they’ll definitely have it. He was about to educate the mushroom audience of specially selected fungii as to what the Barnett formula really meant.

Euro Minister, Duggie looked a bit panicky, the smoke and mirror strategy was looking a bit flaky. The sh1t was arcing it’s way towards the fan… Fortunately, before this dangerous mole from the audience, could do any more damage, ace master of flannel and avoider of all things too political, David Dimbleby jumped in to go onto another question….

Unfortunately, that next question was about Tory leadership candidate, Liam Wassisname and his Union Flag flying from every British school project. Sorry, Union Flag flying from every English school project, because the Welsh and the Scots have been specially dispensated to fly their own…..

The Editor of the London Evening News expressed distaste at the very thought of it – she reckoned it was a slippery slope to fascism. Francis Maude, chair of the Tory Party, said how proud it would make him feel for every school to fly the flag no matter where they came from. He qualified this statement by saying that everyone in this country comes from immigrant stock, he gave examples of the Jutes, Angles and Saxons coming over from Europe.

It’s funny, but ‘they’ always say that, don’t they? They always quote ‘Jutes, Angles and Saxons’ as examples of mass immigration – as if it happened yesterday. They never include ‘Picts’ or ‘Celts’ do they? For they too are immigrants – originally coming from the Middle East.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

See you there?

On Saturday, I will be at the English Democrats AGM in London. Anyone else going? If so, I’ll see you there. (You’ll know me, I’ll be wearing a St George’s flag in my lapel)…

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

English = Racist, apparently.

Anne Owers, Chief Inspector for Prisons, hang your head in shame, you bigoted old witch, for what your report says about my national flag. Read on and weep to discover why she made prison officers in Wakefield Prison remove their St George’s flag tie pins (bought to support a local cancer charity) for fear of the flag being "Misinterpreted as a racist symbol"…

Anne Owers, you are as ignorant as they come - and if anyone should be banged up, it should be you.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Talking Turkey……

Two things struck me last week about Turkey’s attempt to enter the EU. It says everything about where we are as a Country, at this moment in time.

On Wednesday, the U.S. State Department let it be known that Turkey’s full membership of the E.U. was an absolute imperative. Bringing them into western democracy would, as they see it, strike a blow against fundamentalism. To deny them entry into the club would, to quote a State official be "An absolute disaster"……

On Thursday, Princess Tony gave an interview to a Turkish newspaper. When asked what he thought about Turkey joining the Union, Blair, by now, fully briefed on what to think by Washington, said "To deny Turkey entry into the European Union would be an absolute disaster"…..

I wonder who’s hand is up who’s jacksy?
Come to think of it – there really are some striking similarities between Blair and Archie Andrews……

Institutional racism rears it’s tartan head…….

Over the weekend, Aitch, via his mouse and hard drive has had a bit of a clear out. After a bit of digital delving he found a few letters of righteous indignation to the Scottish Raj, and a few, very simple easy to understand, Janet and John type pictograms sent to John Prescott. (mostly suggesting where Prezza should shove his agenda).

Anyway, in the dark recesses of one of my soon-to-be-deleted files, I found this little ‘anyone but the English, Welsh or Northern Irish’, gem. It’s part of a student fee guidance document from the University of Edinburgh. "Full-time students domiciled, as defined by the Student Awards Agency for Scotland (SAAS), in Scotland or in other European Union countries outside the United Kingdom, will not be required to make a personal contribution towards the costs of their annual tuition if they are studying at publicly funded institutions in Scotland for the first time. The Scottish Executive will pay all such tuition fees through SAAS".

Well that’s OK then. Apparently, the good old SAAS will pick up the tab for everyone except students from Wales, Northern Ireland and England……

But wait! Assemblies to the rescue! Look, it’s OK, don’t worry about those Uni’ bods from Wales and Northern Ireland – those guys will get financial support from their own Governmental organisations, won’t they?

So that just leaves plucky, unlucky, skint English students to stump up the cash….

Is it coz we is English?

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Blair ignores Aitch ..... (again).

Tony Blair didn’t actually answer my question about the need for an English Parliament during his Q&A session with Eddie Izzard on Monday night. (Now there’s a surprise)


The great smiley one has sent me another email.It says –

"There is another chance to ask me a question later today when Tessa Jowell and I will be online for a live web-chat and between us we will be taking your questions and comments from 6.00pm until 7.20pm.

If there is one issue you would like to raise with me, this is your opportunity by logging onto here"


Your most omnipotent and glorious leader,

Tony Blair.

Oh well, call me a glutton for punishment, but I’ll give it another go. I’ll email my question to him again.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

I’ve been thinking again….

In bed to be precise. Occasionally, I indulge in a bit of power thinking when I’m ‘in-between-states’, in-between the sheets. I find it the best time to do my thinking, no distractions, no telly, no nooky…. (but that’s another story).

It’s that state, just between sleep and consciousness where things suddenly come ‘as clear as day’…. I can analyse, follow things through to a logical conclusion – and generally solve my own problems. Tony Blair should try it sometime instead of sleepwalking through his Premiership.

Anyway, as I was saying, my latest bit of power thinking threw up a sort of odd conundrum.

I’ll explain.

It’s all to do with complaining – and who to go to.

If I want to complain, say about some crappy service in my local hospital, or a hole in the road outside my house – I’ll go, as a last resort to my local MP. (A very last resort because my MP is bloody rubbish). I bet most constituency surgeries are full to the brim with complaints and queries about Health, Transport and Education. What do you think is the total time taken on these three subjects in a typical English MP’s surgery and letter enquiries? What percentage would it be? Pretty high, I’ll bet.

I reckon the only other stuff an MP gets is complaints about the war in Iraq, making poverty history and wanting to punch Tony Blair in the gob…… in other words, international or leadership issues.

So, the domestic trinity of Health, Education and Transport must take up most MPs time I reckon. Add to that a smidge of pension moaning and a dollop of council tax indignation and there you have it – an MP’s ‘in box’.

But What if I lived in Scotland? Who would I go to if wanted to have a chat about any one of the domestic trinity? My Member of the Scottish Parliament of course because the Scottish Executive has responsibility for most domestic stuff in Scotland. Would I also moan to them about the Iraq war and world poverty? Possibly.

So while I’m moaning about this Health issue, that Transport problem and the fact that my kid isn’t being taught Scottish history in school to my very own MSP, what the hell is my Westminster version doing? (You know, the one that costs around half a mill a year each once ‘exees’ have been taken into consideration).

And that’s where the virtue of power thinking comes in. After much doze-zone musing, I reckon the only thing left for Scottish MPs to do, with their surgeries in stasis and their in-trays incommunicado is to busy body into other people’s lives.

No prizes for guessing which people are on the receiving end then…….

I feel a letter writing frenzy coming on…….

Monday, September 26, 2005

The McDauphin speaks at Brighton....

Couldn’t help noticing that the McDauphin, Gordon Brown in his speech to conference this morning stated the following – "I will make it my business this next year to visit every region and every nation of the country…."

Now what regions and nations are those then, Gordon?

Power to the people….

On ‘Trevor McDonald Tonight’ on ITV at 8:00pm is a programme all about protesting about stuff being built in communities that do not want them. You know what the usual ‘stuff’ is - 4 million ‘sustainable’ homes, requisite infrastructure, motorways, incinerators, etc, etc. It highlights the current ways to complain, what to do for maximum effect and how to foil the developer – and the politician.

I should watch it if I were you.

Welcome to Prescott-in-the-Mire - a suitable case for demolition.

Can you believe it? It’s happened again! Jonah Prescott, Minister of Mayem, Meddling and Mischief has cocked something else up. The utterly incompetent, utterly ignorant, utterly stupid fat control freak has presided over another total waste of time, effort and money.

Oh yes, lots and lots of money.

I refer, of course to Jonny’s very own pet ‘Pathfinder’ project. Sweeping away old, perfectly fine, perfectly well built Victorian and Edwardian houses in the North of England and replacing them with crap. Lots and lots of modern crap. Houses that will last only 50 years, tops. Houses with paper thin walls, built on the cheap by New Labour cronies; houses with no sense of community – that’s all been bulldozed.

Us ooooop-northerners always knew it was a bogus proposition – the usual rule of Prescott’s flabby thumb is the sexier the project title, the crappier the idea – and ‘Pathfinder’ is a pretty sexy word, ergo the idea is shite. Anything with Prescott’s name on it is bound to be so.

The whole premise of Pathfinder is to replace supposedly ancient, jerry-built slum dwellings in Northern inner cities with fab, new, modern, jerry built slums, using the building skills of Prescott’s developer mates – who are all known by the name of ‘Jerry’…..

To get ‘Operation Pathfinder’ up and running, Prescott, has been rather undemocratically busily buying up, via his compulsory purchase rubber stamp, whole streets in Liverpool and other northern cities. The clever men at the Ministry agreed to pay the going rate for the ‘slums’. I assume they thought the price would be around a bag of beans and a couple of free condoms ……… And that’s the problem.

Due to the property boom, the build quality of the housing stock and the attractive and stable community location, people just cannot get enough of living in slumland.

Kelvin Grove could be, just could be Prescott’s Pathfinding Waterloo. Some houses in the road have been valued at as much as 180 grand. One hundred and eighty grand for a slum? That means to buy the whole street will cost, not John Prescott, but us mug taxpayers, three and a half million quid!

The phrase ‘John Prescott is a Responsible politician’– is an oxymoron. Why? Because Prescott is a moron and has something of the bovine about him, obviously…… Prescott is not responsible, he’s an idiot, but an idiot with real and dangerous levels of power. The sooner he’s committed to a padded cell and ensconced in a cast iron straight jacket, the better.

Thick as a brick

Tony Blair’s biographer, Dr Anthony Sheldon says that the great leader is not the gung-ho cerebral psychopath that everyone thinks he is. Basically, Blair is a bit of an intellectual weather vane (or is that ‘vain’?) – pushed around by all and sundry – including Bill Clinton, Dubbya and Rupert Murdoch.

Dr Sheldon describes Blair as being a ‘weak man with no clear principles or ideas’ "He doesn’t have the intellectual apparatus" commented Sheldon. "He’s not an intellectual, He’s not capable of constructing a coherent platform himself"

Yes, this news is a real ‘water is wet’ type of story. Doc, mate, everyone in the entire world knows just what a vain, no brain puppy dog duffer he really is. That’s what makes him so very dangerous. He’ll do anything to please others, he’ll do anything to show how macho-sincere he is.

All Dubbya has to do to get him to roll over at his feet is to promise him a pair of authentic cowboy boots and a real Texican stetson.... (and a bonio, possibly).

Anointy nointy nointy, your pencil's very pointy.

This week’s New Labour seaside extravaganza at Brighton will see the main man with two brains (pea and no),Tony Blair name his successor.

Emperor Tiberius Blairium will anoint his extra special pen-pushing pal, Gordon Brown, Son of Ebeneezer & Prudence as the McDauphin in waiting.

It’s not about Labour Party voting in a new leader any more. It’s grooming favourites, bestowing gifts & favours to a fellow dour Scottish Raj club member. Tone has given Brown the imperial purple handkerchief – his destiny is assured. Will anyone in the Labour Party do an Eric Heffer, Ian Mikado or even a Dennis Skinner and actually raise a point of order – or even an eyebrow at the arrogance, the effrontery and the imperialist manner of the intended succession?

Oooh no, I shouldn’t think so – they’ll be too busy munching grass, wondering where the sheepdog is – and when the big van is coming to take them to the abattoir.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Friday’s caption competition…

Using your skill and judgement, what do you think geordie footy meister Sir Bob Robson is saying to the plastic geordie fraud Tony Blair?

The winner will win a very thin volume of Tony Blair’s footy tactics book – ‘Blair with Flair’ and a tube of extra strength horse liniment….

I’ll get the ball rolling –

Robson: "I fucking hate you Blair, you’re a crap number 10".
Blair "Let me stay in your holiday villa and I’ll forgive you"…

Update on the student chat…

I met my student contact in the Ring o’ Bells pub last night. The talk is on at the college – my subject is English Nationalism, and I’m raring to go. The audience? About 125 bods that’s bloody all! My stint will be some time near Christmas, just in front of some no-mark called Jack, Man o Straw. Should be interesting…..

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Dear Tone, I think you're fab, can I have your baby?

In my role as a secret double agent (codename ‘sludge gut’), Matt Carter, general secretary of Noo Labour has sent me an email. He’s asking me "as a New Labour supporter" if I would like to ask the great smiley bloke a question – to be included in his ‘Trust me, I’m a regular kinda guy road-show’ at next weeks party conference.

Being a gobby, gossipy kinda double agent, I thought I would share this chance to ask the great leader any question you like. I’ve already sent off my questions, loosely based around English Parliaments, back handed holidays, the Scottish Raj and the Barnett formula. Being a trusting, puppy dog-eyed kinda agent, I’m absolutely convinced Tone will answer all my queries in full and without any little porkies thrown in.

It’s not exactly Ask Aspel, more Ask a War Criminal

Pushing an anthem at an open door….

To: Ann Hogbin,
Chief Executive,
Commonwealth Games Council for England

Dear Ms Hogbin,

I emailed you a couple of months ago about the possibility of changing the England Commonwealth Games victory anthem from Land of Hope and Glory to something more appropriate to an English perspective. I suggested 2 alternatives - 'I vow to thee my Country' and 'Jerusalem' ....

You very kindly emailed me back saying that you and your committee would review the choice of anthem at your next meeting.

With this in mind, I couldn't help noticing that during the successful Ashes cricket series, 'Jerusalem' has virtually been adopted by the people of England as their National Anthem. I therefore think it would be a really fantastically positive move to choose 'Jerusalem' as the England victory anthem.

Dear Aitch,

Thank you for your further e-mail and I will certainly ensure that your comments are considered by the Council members when they have their next meeting - on 16th November.

Ann Hogbin
Chief Executive
Commonwealth Games Council for England

I reckon there's a real chance that Jerusalem will be adopted as our Victory anthem at next year's Commonwealth Games. Fingers crossed!

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Freedom loving ratings - totally free!

Freedom House – is an American freedom-loving sort of organisation based in New York. They’ve has taken it upon themselves to rate national states through the whole world – ranging from the scumbag commies of North Korea to the freedom loving people of Uncle Sam-land.
Freedom House is a bastion of…. errr... ‘freedom’ mate – so you’d better believe it bud. (Anyone got a hankie)

As it says on their web site ‘We are a non-profit, non-partisan organization, a clear voice for democracy and freedom around the world.

OK – I like freedom as much as the next red neck – so how have they rated our country? They have 2 categories that concern me, political rights and civil rights. Their rating systems are pretty simple – from 1(so free you can’t believe it) to 7(the land of the despots).

Anyway, can you guess how we rate? I’ll put you out of your misery…..

‘Freedom House has rated the UK on political rights with a 1 and on civil rights with a 1, both on a scale of 1 to 7 (in which 1 is the most free). Freedom House considers the United Kingdom to be a free country’.


Monday, September 19, 2005

The FA, the English Nationalist and a dodgy survey

Dear FA,
After the amazing success of the England cricket team - and the fantastic unifying effect that the singing of 'JERUSALEM' had with the crowds, don't you think it's about time that the FA joined this patriotic bandwagon and adopted "Jerusalem' as our national football anthem?

God Save the Queen is NOT an English anthem - it's the UK one.... so why on earth sing it? Let's have something uplifting, relevant to the country of England and is stirringly patriotic. 'JERUSALEM' ticks all those boxes, don't you agree?

Come on the FA - time to adopt 'Jerusalem' as OUR National Anthem.

Dear Aitch,
Thank you for contacting The Football Association.

'God save the Queen' is the national anthem for the UK. Compared to other home nations, England does lack a sporting anthem; but this is not isolated to football, as the same situation also exists in many other sports, for example rugby.

The Football Association has done research on this subject, finding that while many fans want an English anthem, others do not. Football would be the perfect starting point for what is certainly a laudable initiative. The problem lies with the selection, ownership and familiarity of a new anthem.

During the world cup The Football Association carried out a web forum where fans could air their views on various FA/England matters. One of the questions that was mentioned was The England Team National Anthem where the results where(sic) as follows:

God Save the Queen - For 205-48 Against
Land of Hope and Glory - For 100 -34 Against
Jerusalem - For 49 -14 Against
Rule Britannia - For 27-7 Against
Another - For 13-5 Against
A specific England Football team anthem - For 10 -8 Against
None at all - For 7-0 Against

Kind regards,

Meg Hewitt
Customer Relations
The Football Association

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Yes, you there in the front, with the blue shirt.......

I was in the pub last night, minding my own business, doing the quiz, drinking the beer and talking the talk. Someone came over to me, explained they were a student at a local college, knew I was involved in the English Nationalist movement and asked if I’d like to give a talk to his politics group.

I said "Yes"

It’s a challenge, I know – this guy sort of thought I and the movement was somewhere to the right of Attila the Hun – he reeled off some unsavoury subjects that he thought I supported……. Up to that point, I was going to say "No" - but there really is a job to be done out there in 'Regioland'.... People need to be put straight, they need to know the truth.Only then can they make an informed decision.

I don’t know, maybe LibDem bigot, Vincent Cable has already given them a talk?

I’m really looking forward to it, who knows, if it goes well and it looks like I am getting somewhere, I might try to expand it into other colleges.

Wish me luck.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

The fat lady's back, without one of our flags (again)

Apparently, this fat lady has made yet another appearance in last week's Radio Times. She was used to advertise Sunday's Last Night of the Proms programme on BBC 1. Strange really, because it was used last year to support that very same programme and managed to antagonise a hell of a lot of indignant English people.... - and a hell of a lot of complaints, and some grovelling apologies from Beeb Flannel HQ.

Nice to know the BBC are 'listening' to their paying audience eh?
I must write a letter to head honcho, Chairman of the Board and listener-in-chief, Michael Grade to say so.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Given short shrift by a LibDem stroppy cow......

After the great work by several patriots in bringing to light the facile, ignorant and racist comments of Vincent Cable, LibDem bigot, I decided a phone call was in order. Unfortunately, due to work commitments, I could only ring LibDem HQ fairly late in the day on Friday afternoon.

I wanted an explanation – and an abject apology for Cable’s outrageous comments. This cerebral ‘deep-thought’ type man has lumped me, an English Nationalist in with white supremacists and Islamic fundamentalists. In previous telephone calls to LibDem HQ I’ve had quite a lot of success. Once, in the run up to the North East referendum, I even managed to get through to Kennedy’s office. His P.A. fielded the call – and I could hear in the background, the clink of glasses, the glugging of whisky being poured and the gravel vowelling of a half pissed ginger politician.

"Can I speak to Charles please?"

"Charles who?"

"Charles Kennedy"

"Sorry, no you can’t – he’s busy"

(Yeah, busy looking at the World through the bottom of a glass, I thought)

"Oh dear that’s a shame – are you sure he’s too busy to talk, I can hear him in the background…. It’ll only take a mo’ or maybe we could meet in the pub?."….

"Quite sure, perhaps I can help?"

There then followed 15 minutes of argument about the shameful support by the LibDems of Prescott’s crap Regional referendum in the North East.

So, I thought I might ring again – and hopefully get a bit more of a response, than an email……

I rang. The conversation was short, very short.

"Hello, I’ve got a complaint to make about an article by Vincent Ca"……..

"Sorry, you’ll have to write to Charles Kennedy at Westminster"

"Will I get a reply – guaranteed?"


If I didn’t know better, I’d think that many, many patriots have already had a go at LibDem HQ, they seemed a bit tetchy, a bit sensitive and a bit embarrassed. GOOD.

I’ve banged off the letter to red nosed Chaz, my breath is baiting for the reply.