Friday, November 28, 2008

Gordon Brown - clueless imbecile

Gordon Brown really doesn't have a clue, does he? The man with the touch of a Jonah did it again yesterday. the appalling violence in Mumbai was the reason why BBC News had arranged for an interview with our great leader in order to get his view on the outrage.

Gordon stood erect, four-squared and square-jawed...... The nation waited to hear what the great man would say...

"Well, I think I speak for the entire world when I say how outraged I am......"

Sorry, did he just say he was speaking for the entire world? Yes he did! This unelected oaf of a control freaked Premier, a black belt in the dark arts of political manipulation and lying has just expanded his remit from Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath to encompass the entire globe!

Do you reckon he is going for the post of Global Guru and defacto World Premier?.... Only, I thought Tony Blair already had that job?

Friday, November 21, 2008

More smoke, mirrors and KY jelly...

More proof regarding the NuLabour disinformation project for England – and also evidence that yet again, we are going to have to bend over and take it...

Yesterday, I had a rather surreal telephone conversation with some government customer-relationed lackey at the Department of Transport.

I rang them in response to Road Safety Minister Jim Fitzpatrick's many, many telly appearances (mostly near a busy traffic junction) as he announced his great new ideas on life, the universe and hot hatch drivers....

Jim was in turbo drive, loving the cameras, loving the attention... looking like he was doing a piece to camera for Top Gear. He was determined to “Do something” about the terrible near 3,000 death toll on Britain’s roads each year.

Firstly, he was going to have a go at those psycho drivers who excessively speed. It’s a sort of two strikes and you’re banned strategy – and Jim warned every furry-diced-boy-racer in Britain that he was on their case. He also hinted that ‘they’ were looking at the current drink-drive limits – Jim rather portentously warned that this ‘may’ be looked into in the near future..

Jim repeated the day’s mantra – “We know that we can do more and that we can reduce the numbers of people being killed and seriously injured in Britain - and that means looking at speeding, drink driving, drug driving, careless driving and people not wearing seatbelts”...

It was yet another ‘fighting for Britain’ speech, so beloved of NuLabour’s budding iagos. But then, I started to wonder – was Jim’s initiative ‘Brit-relevant or English-relevant?.... I mean, all things Transporty are sort of devolved nowadays aren’t they? I decided to go to the people who should know.... The Department of Transport.

A quick butchers at the press release makes it clear. The opening paragraph says –
‘A crackdown on the menace of reckless driving was announced by Road Safety Minister Jim Fitzpatrick today as he unveiled a range of new proposals to tackle drink and drug drivers and other dangers on Britain's roads’.

And a direct quote from Jim within the press release clinches it - "Britain has one of the best road safety records in the world and the number of people killed or hurt has fallen dramatically in the last decade. But too many people are still dying on our roads".

Yup – it’s all about Britain all right.... Wondering if I had missed something - and that Transport had been de-devolved back to Westminster, I decided to ring them – just to make sure.

“Hi, is that the section responsible for road safety?”


“I’ve been watching Jim Fitzpatrick on the telly today – and the new initiative he is launching.... I notice that he keeps on saying it is a British-wide initiative. He keeps on saying it will cover ‘the whole country’. And that’s where I am getting a bit confused. I thought Transport was a devolved responsibility – so how, can Mr. Fitzpatrick be claiming a British jurisdiction when I know he simply does not have the power?”

“Errrrrrr, I’m not sure. Can you hang on a mo’?”

(I hung on for quite a few moes, actually).

“Hello – yes, well. Apparently, Mr. Fitzpatrick was only talking about England”.

“What!!!!!........ Only about England?”

“Yes. Only about England”

“So why has he not mentioned that fact in any of his interviews? Why has he been lying to the public, claiming false responsibilities much further than his remit? Is he some sort of imbecile? Does he not know the difference between Britain and England? Is he geography-deficient? Does he actually know where England is?”


“And why is your Press Release a complete lie – you mention Britain several times – but nowhere on that press release do you utter a word about England. Why is that?”

She put the phone down.

Surreal moment of the week...

On last night’s BBC QuestionTime the discussion got around to the financing of the NHS.

Because of the projected belt tightening, and the Tories commitment to dump Labour’s spending plans, the other panelists rounded on the Conservative member. Everyone piled in (including the audience) with their heated opinions, and their commitments to keep up the spending levels in the NHS.... But as this was a discussion relating to central government – and effectively the next Westminster administration, they were, by definition talking about the English NHS.

The programme came from Glasgow, Scotland.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

God's own brewery.....

Tonight, I shall mostly be meeting, then drinking some old friends at the Moorhouses brewery tour in Burnley.

Oh yes, they'll all be there - all my old pals, the impeccable Pendle Witch, the superb Pride of Pendle, the smooth as silk Black Cat Mild and the sexy Blonde Witch..

As well as that, we're in for a Pie 'n' Peas supper and some freebee gifts....

It just doesn't get any better than that....

Monday, November 03, 2008

The Union dividend cost me £21.30p today....

Today, I took two prescriptions round to my local chemist. One was a repeater, the other detailed a double dose of drugs prescribed by my Doctor to try and combat a flaring up of my Psoriasis....

All in all, there were three seperate drugs to collect.

All in all, it cost me the princely sum of £21.30p for the priviledge of getting them.

All in all, I'd say it was one hell of a rip off - especially as in the other three countries of the Union have already or are soon to be 'prescription-cost free'.

Hmmmm, don't ya just love that Union dividend?

I do hope that the £21.30p I have given (ever-so gladly) has gone to a more deserving health case in Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland.

Anyway, so pleased was I to be given the opportunity of subbing one of my more deserving Unionistas, I have decided to go and have a word with my MP about it...

Labour Glenrothes - fighting to open a cinema and preserve golf courses...

You've just gotta laugh! Well I did when a had a quick peek at the 'Action Plan of Linday Roy (Labour candidate for the Glenrothes by election).

Lindsay is standing on a programme of ACTION! And if the people of Glenrothes want to keep their golf course and get a cinema, then socialist Lindsay is the man to do it.... (Well, not really as planning and local government are both devolved issues)...

Anyway, back to the 'Action Plan'... Lindsay is under the impression that he can actually do something for the people who he hopes will elect him to a nice comfy leather seat at Westminster...

This taken from the Scottish Labour web site...

Lindsay Roy says:
“My Action Plan for Fife will help people here with their own lives".

A summary of Lindsay’s Action Plan for Fife

Crack down on anti-social behaviour
Visible policing, zero tolerance to drugs, action on underage drinking.
REALITY: Devolved issues – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

A citizens’ panel to decide where new CCTV should go.
REALITY: Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Fight for more opportunities for young people
More sports and recreation facilities for Fife , including public consultation with young people to decide where new pitches should go.
REALITY: Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Campaign against Fife Council privatising golf courses and convene an urgent meeting with top cinema chiefs to start bringing a new cinema to central Fife.
REALITY: FORE!! Really, really irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Sort out the roads and buses
Support dualling and upgrading the A92.
REALITY: Yawn – guess what? Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.
(However, if you wanna mess with an English A road, then fill your boots!)

Demand a clear timetable and funding plan for the Forth Road Bridge that the SNP have delayed.
REALITY: Don’t bother mate, they won’t take any notice of you as this is a devolved issue and therefore has bugger all to do with the likes of you!
(Mind you, English road tolls have bugger all to do with as well - but it won't stop you voting on them at Westminster, will it?)

Give powers back to Fifers so local people can make decisions about their buses.
REALITY: Sorry, yet again you no can do – bus stuff is a devolved issue).
(How about giving power to Englishers?)

Help Fife families through tough times
Benefit “check-ups” to ensure pensioners get the benefits they deserve – including the new, free insulation.
REALITY: Oy, nosey! You can’t do anything about this - again! Nowt to do with you old Son as it is a de-bleeding-volved bleeding-issue, geddit?
(But what about English pensioners, Lindsay? They don't get any of those nice, juicy benefits, including free insulation, do they).

Outlaw overcharging people on pre-pay meters and fight the SNP local income tax.
REALITY: Lindsay, mate - fighting the SNP over their local income tax can only be done in the place where they are producing the legislation. And that ain’t in Westminster!(HA ha.... You should see what we are charged down here Lindsay!)

Oppose greedy oil bosses who keep petrol costs high.
REALITY: Hal-ay-bleeding-leuauh!!! Who’d have thought it! Finally, finally on Lindsey’s action plan, SOMETHING that actually concerns him!...... But as oil prices are set at an international price, and as HM government takes over 70% in tax from the selling price, and as both Brown and Darling have said they cannot touch the oil companies, I don’t think there is much chance of anyone taking any notice of Lindsay... Will they?

Our tip: Lindsay baby, if you want to actually do something, actually try to effect any of those items on your ‘action plan’, we reckon you should try and get elected to the Scottish Parliament..... but who knows, maybe you’d rather be content with doing bugger all at Westminster?