Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Tesco celebrate the Union....

You've gotta laugh haven't you?
I sent a query to Abigail at Tesco customer services asking why they were selling English Mild Cheddar Cheese under the flag of the Union. Yes, yes, I know it's futile, yes I know Abigail, Carol and the rest of the nazis at Cus-Serv-Tesco(motto: Bollocks to all English people) have been on re-education courses and every morning chant the mantra "England does not exist, Scotland and Wales are noble countries. Tesco rules the world, yeah, yeah, yeah".. ­ But hey, I like a challenge..

It's something to do with the chipper English spirit of optimism and never say die attitude I reckon. What did Edwardian Englishman George Mallory say when he was asked why he wanted to climb Everest dressed in only a smoking jacket, corduroy slacks and a stout pair of brogues - and almost certainly die in the attempt. "Because Sir, it is there, and also because I am fed up writing letters to Tesco... They don't have a Katmandu branch do they?"

Anyway, I bought the cheese, photographed it and gave it to the dog.

Then I emailed them - ­
I recently bought this packet of English Mild Cheddar Cheese at a Tesco store. It has a Union Jack flag on it. The Union Jack flag is not the flag of England - the St George's flag is. Aside from me feeling utterly insulted and marginalised ­ the packaging is wholly inaccurate.

English cheese is from ENGLAND - it should therefore be identified with the flag of ENGLAND. I notice that the Scottish, Welsh, Irish, French, Italian cheeses you sell all have their own NATIONAL flag on them.

I am English and want to support my own national produce - I have a national loyalty to them - and to be honest, I feel incredibly insulted that you continue to choose to ignore my country of England on your packaging.

Abigail replied - ­
Please note that the Union Jack flag on the item shows that the item was sourced from the UK. Due to the celebrations of the 300th anniversary of the British Union.

So there you go ­ aside from the bizarre sentence construct, Tesco celebrate 300 years of exploitation with a commemorative pack of mouldy cheese. A fitting memorial from a crap company.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

More lies, lies, lies from the BBC….

The BBC Cancer Week news special is really getting on my nerves. Every day they spew forth more smoke and mirrors rubbish for English consumption.

Today’s effort was from a special medical reporter broadcasting from a French hospital. Obviously, the French standard of cancer healthcare makes our efforts look feeble indeed. After interviewing lots of recovering patients, the hack donned his gravely concerned furrowed brow and informed a shocked UK audience that "Avastin, whilst available free to everyone in France is not available to any NHS patients in the UK because NICE have not approved it.

Sorry ace medical reporter, but last time I looked, Scotland was part of the UK – I also believe they do actually have NHS patients…… and they are certainly receiving Avastin free of charge….. So that’s alright then.

For the benefit of the hack – and every other BBC ignoramus
please find below a detailed explanation of Avastin downloaded from ‘The Independent’ website.

Avastin (bevacizumab)
COST: £20,000 a year
WHAT IT IS: Another monoclonal antibody for use primarily on colon cancers. It attacks the tumour cells while causing little damage to the body's normal, healthy cells.
WHAT IT DOES: Trials have shown it can shrink tumours by up to 40 per cent by reducing the cancer's oxygen and nutrient supply.
HOW TO GET IT: Available in Scotland for colon cancers. Nice is expected to decide this autumn on its use for colon cancers in England and Wales

Alex Salmond knows which side he’s batting for…

Mr Salmond was voted in as Scottish First Minister today. The opening line of his acceptance speech went like this…

"Today, I commit myself to leadership wholly and exclusively in the Scottish National interest"…..

Sort of says it all really. I wonder if Gordon Brown will use exactly the same line when he takes the reins as PM?

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Of course Oona, you do realise - this means war…

Oona King, Brown Babe, Galloway scalp and editor - moderator of Gordon Brown’s Blog has blanked me for the very, very, very last time. Alfie is not happy at having his pithy, off-message comments routinely chucked into the delete bin because they’re not saying how fab Gordon Brown is and how wunderbar his English-centric policies are..

Blogging is a byword for a free exchange of opinions, a la Voltaire (I may not agree with what you say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it) Apparently not in Oona King’s case.

Oona, Gordon and the rest of the backroom Gordstapo at GB Blog HQ you just don’t get it do you? You don’t operate a blog – you operate a propaganda machine from Gordon’s Ministry of Bull.

And so I have to warn you, Alfie has never been a fan of propaganda machines and is plotting revenge on the supposed 'listening man' and his conniving cohorts…..

Watch this space.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Blair is dead..... bring on the book deal.

I know it’s not a time for soundbites but I really did feel the gonads of climactic euphoria when I watched Tony Blair deliver his leaving speech from Sedgefield.

It had the lot, pure Disney from start to finish. Bambi without Thumper, Pathos without the other Musketeers, Mills and Boone without a plot, misty eyes and snotty noses without a hankie, manic rentacrowdsters without brains clapping and a-whooping for Britain - and great dollops of Barbara Cartland bad-taste for extra effect….

Who does Blair think he is? Martin Luther King? Jesus? Mandela? St Francis of Assisi? Moses? Stig of the Dump? God Almighty?…..

It was ‘Goodbye Mr Chips’ meets ‘Done up like a kipper’ all shoved into a mega sized sick bag 'to go'.

The Narcissist is dead, bring on the Dour man... we’re waiting for ya….

Hiding bad English news with UK smoke again….

A Swedish study has found out that the ‘UK’ has one of the worst records over access to cancer drugs in the Western world.

Researchers ranked the ‘UK’ in the bottom group for its "slow and low" uptake of drugs after analysing the sales of 67 treatments in 25 countries…….

So, is it a ‘UK’ wide problem? I should cocoa. Those grubby little oiks at NICE are being blamed – so that means it is England that is at the bottom of the league and not ‘the UK’

Lead researcher Dr Bengt Jonsson said: "It is our hope that this report will inspire policy-makers and decision-makers to take action to address these imbalances so that access to new innovative cancer drugs does not become dependent on the patient's country of residence.

"Countries need to address urgently how they are going to accommodate newer drugs into health care systems and pay for them."

Unfortunately Bengt baby, my little Swedish bundle of intellectual naivity, in England there are 2 Hopes.

When compared with the other countries of the UK, it's strictly.‘Bob Hope’ and ‘No Hope’ as far as equitable and fair cancer treatment for English citizens,

Full smoke and mirrors story here courtesy of the BBC red pen department…..

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

The Seven Sins of England – and a Mojo rediscovered..

Thanks to Channel 4 for re-igniting my passion - post J4E March and the Local Election dramas. The last week has been hard, tiring and wearisome – but more about that in a later post. Consequently, I’d sort of lost a bit of my English mojo…… that was of course until I watched ‘The Seven Sins of England’ on Channel 4 last night.

If you didn’t see it, you didn’t miss much – just the usual diatribe of anti English bile. Skinheads, Chavs, Divvies and Ne’r do wells – they were all there, giving their ‘man on the street’ perspective and letting us know, (through various readings taken from old manuscripts) how the English have, for over a thousand years, always been a drunken, bigoted, intolerant lot.

Somehow, I don’t think they’ll be following up the programme with ‘The Seven Sins of the Scots’, ‘The 101 Sins of the French’ or 'The Several Billion Sins of the Germans’……

Oooops, pardon me. There I go, referring to type in my foreigner-hating English kind of way….