Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Mea Culpa? Hmmmm, Is that an Aussie pop star?.

Another day, another nest of bumbling NuLabour Ministers trying to squirm their way out of the blame game for yet another ‘trifling oversight’. Just what does it take for a Minister from this shambolic administration to do a Carrington & Luce and fall on their swords?

For those too young to remember, Lord Carrington and Richard Luce, both from the Foreign Office were the last Government Ministers to admit a cock up, admit they’d made a mistake and insisted upon resignation. That’s right, bloody amazing isn’t it, Ministers actually owning up to a mistake then actually taking responsibility by resigning. Mind you that was 24 years ago in 1982 for God’s sake.

They weren’t hounded out by the media, they weren’t sacrificed by Margaret Thatcher, they just ‘went’…. As Lord Carrington said at the time, "I had to insist to Margaret (Thatcher) that she accept my resignation – I made a mistake, the Argentine Navy invaded the Falkland Islands. My department misread the signals and I as Foreign Secretary was head of that department - therefore it was my responsibility. I must do the honourable thing and insist on my resignation being accepted" Luce said much the same thing.

Since then, our Ministers have been just superb, apparently. And when they do make a small mistake, a simple declaration of responsibility will suffice – without the resignation obviously. Yesterday, we saw sweaty, Philsbury doughboy, Charles Clarke, stonewalling away for all he was worth on ‘freedlagsnotdeportedgate’. No, he didn’t think he should resign – and yes, he thought he should stay and ‘sort out the mess’….

His apprentice, the obnoxious Tony McNulty threw humility to the wind and declared he would not entertain resignation. Nutter McNulty got a bit tetchy when the interviewer asked him what he thought might actually warrant a resignation…..

Both Clarke and McNulty evidently reckon that having alien murderers, child molesters, rapists and drug traffickers strolling around the country is a real vote winner. Me? I’ll just put this little fiasco into my bumper big box of calamitous and incompetent acts committed by NuLabour Ministers. And when I say ‘bumper big’ I mean, ‘bumper big’…..

p.s. – Note to Doughboy and Tetchy McNutter….. taking ‘responsibility’ means not blaming underlings within the department and not looking for convenient scapegoats. On this occasion, ‘taking responsibility’ means doing the right thing, in the words of Lord Carrington, ‘the honourable thing’ and insist on resignation…. The trouble is, I don’t think you two guys, and the rest of the Cabinet knows what ‘honour’ means….

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Ding dong, NuLabour calling…..

Isn’t it always the way. You’re just tucking into the TV dinner, something interesting is on the telly……. Then the door-bell goes. The dog went mental barking his head off. He’s obviously a very good judge of character as I just made out Mr Creep through the glass as I walk towards the front door.

"Hello, can I leave this leaflet with you? It explains just what the Labour Party are doing for you in this area and….…"

"Whoa there matey. Who are you representing?"

"The local candidate for the Labour Party"

"No, who’s your head honcho – Tony Blair?"

"Well, yes"

"OK, firstly, you can take this leaflet, fold it up into a big pointy painful shape and post it where the Sun don’t shine. Then you can tell me why I had to pay for 2 prescriptions I’ve just picked up from the Chemist, when not 20 miles down the road in Wales they’re already under a fiver – and from next year they’ll be free, gratis and for nothing for every single one of them!!!!"

"Errrr, OK, so you’re not a fan of Tony then?"

"Not a fan? Not a ‘kin fan? The man’s a war criminal, a fraud, a serial liar, a control freak, a fantasist and a rubbish excuse for a man. The man wouldn't look out of place wearing a full length Gestapo leather coat and whistling Lily Marlene as he plans another invasion into another country as designated by Dubbya Bush. Blair is a bloody disgrace - he should be put down along with his Scottish mate in number 11"….

Sensing my vote may not be going to the local NuLabour candidate, Mr Creep started to back away down the path.

I trawled him back - a rabbit in my headlights, and anyway, my 15 year old son was walking up the path behind him… Manna from heaven. I grabbed him as he tried to squeeze past me.

"And what about this kid? He wants to go to Uni’ – but how the hell can he afford it – do you think it’s right that an English teenager should be lumbering himself with thousands of pounds worth of debt? But not to worry, not to sodding well worry because just a hundred miles up the M6, in Tony ‘kin Blair’s home country, it’s all ‘kin paid for, for their kids, no debt for them, courtesy of me and people like me down here paying for it all"…..

It was at that moment, I realised I had more than just a tight grip on my Son’s arm. It was going purple.

It was at that moment, I realised I had advanced down the path and was shouting and swearing and glottaling about an inch from this annoying little NuLabour man’s face.

It was at that moment, I realised why I had got the two prescriptions earlier that day. A wicked infection in my lungs leaving me with a ton of phlegm havering up and down inside me every time I breathed.

But not any more. The wheezing had gone, the phlegm had all but been expectorated to atmosphere….. and all over Mr Creep’s dripping features…

As he sloped away with his damp leaflets for Mrs Dull, my NuLabour poodle candidate in his hand, I helpfully reminded him that the impending virulent infection I had just passed onto him was going to cost him the neck end of 13 quid to get shut of….

So there you have it. Next time you feel a bit wheezy, just go and find yourself a NuLabour foot soldier to have a go at. It works better than antibiotics – and it saves on Kleenex and the prescription fee as well…. Unless you live in Wales and Scotland though, obviously……

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Looks like a job for Blairman and Gordin, the Boy Wonder....

Holy disaster!
Peugeot announced today that their English car plant at Ryton is to close in the ever so near future.

So what happens when an English car factory hits the buffers? Let’s look at the archives. Let’s look at what happened in April, last year when Longbridge, the Rover flagship suddenly found they had no money, no future – oh, and they owed the Taxman over 100 million quid.

Fear not, the dynamic duo, Blair and Brown were through those factory gates (using the Queen’s flight, obviously) faster than you could say ‘photo-opportunity’

Holy cow!
Cue jackets off and rolled up shirtsleeves, cue spray-on sweaty armpits, half drunk cups of coffee, half eaten BLTs and bottles of water. Tone and Gord are here and boy, do they mean business....

Gordon, the boy wonder, immediately writes off the hundred mill’ tax debt.

Tony sweats profusely as he feels the angst, he lives the agony that the Longbridge workers are going through.

Blairman, the caped crusader reaches into his Utility Belt and hands over a few more mill’ of Cherie's housekeeping in support and pledges super-hero brotherhood with the workforce forever, or until just after May 5th, whichever came first.

Well, the 5th May came first, which just happened to be General Election day – Labour and the control freakery trolls won for a third term…. and Longbridge? Flogged off for a song, dismantled and re-erected near Shangai in China.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Border patrol.....

Hmmm, someone's blabbed....

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Whispers, whispers, whispers.....

Is there any truth in the rumour that ’Boots the Chemists’ are to open up a new service on the high street? Apparently, they're responding to the demand from cancer suffering English women trying to get the wonder drug ‘Herceptin’ from a skint English NHS. The new service is to be rolled out as 'Boots the Lawyers’……

Union Flag – 400 years old today….

Happy birthday to younion flag, happy birthday to……
Sorry, but I don’t care. What we once had – a ‘Union’ we have now lost, courtesy of the Blairy-man. I no longer respect it – how can I when the values and aims of the Union have been so undermined and compromised by this awful Labour agenda……

A prediction – I doubt we will be celebrating its 425th birthday.

The Blairy man can......

His omnipotence, the St Tone of Sedgefield is, at this very moment having a pow-wow with Head Health Honchos at Number 10. The first miracle of the day will be performed over power croissants and holy water by St Tone - "Yea verily, let the NHS in England spend as much per head as it does in Wales and Scotland"…

Sorry, major plot loss there. It’s a miracle we want, not a flight of fantasy. No, the way to solve the English NHS problems are easy…… You gotta problemo? Can’t cope with the shelling outta 75 billion quid? Then call in the professional, St Tone to the rescue. He’ll give that old ‘trust me, I’m an ordinary sort of miracle worker’ smile. A wave of the hand, a dip into the bumper book of bullshit for a suitable quote – a promise of a Peerage or two and it’s ‘job done’…

Well, it has to be solved by 11 this morning doesn’t it? He’s got a busy diary ahead…… This afternoon he’s solving African debt. Over an early evening coffee he’s making Iraq a contented democracy and tonight he’s going to find the Holy Grail and re-examine whether there was actually another gunman on the grassy knoll…….

Tony Blair - 100% pure bullshit.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Health apartheid in the the UK

Email sent to Patricia Hewitt, Secretary of State for Health and to Rosie Cooper, my useless MP - 5/4/06.

Ms Hewitt, I see the whole Scottish population now qualify for free eye tests. Hooray for them then! When do you think this free goody will be available in England to me, my wife - and also to you?

And while we are on the subject of Health apartheid within the UK, when do you think the entire population of England will qualify for free prescriptions - as the entire population of Wales are due to get next year?

And while we are on the subject of English lives apparently mattering less than others in the UK, when do you think English women suffering from breast cancer will be prescribed Herceptin, as of right (as already happens in Wales and Scotland) - or will they continue to have to find a Lawyer first rather than a Chemist?

Could you give me YOUR answers on these 3 important questions, rather than a bland reply from the Dept of Health waffle division. And please, can you reply via email - it saves on postage, is kind to the the environment and is 'expenses neutral' to the taxpayer.

Needless to say, my local MP has already sent me an email saying she has forwarded my enquiry to the Department of Health, waffle division. Hewitt has yet to reply.

Friday, April 07, 2006

MPs – what are they for?

What’s your MP like? Do they work hard and smart for the benefit of the constituency and of you, their constituent? Do they take their respective Leaders to task when they attempt to introduce bizarre and fraudulent legislation? Do they vote against that flawed legislation if, in their view it was likely to be contrary to their constituents’ best interests?

Do they fight hospital closures, champion the oppressed and say what they actually believe? When you write to them, do they vow to get to the bottom of the issue, right the wrong, no matter what?

Nah, thought not.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Prescott sticks boot into Kent…

Another day, another illustration of John Prescott’s single-handed attempt to wipe the English countryside off the map. This time it’s the village of Wye and an area of outstanding natural beauty on the Kent Downs. A Science Park and 4,000 houses are earmarked for the site. The village of Wye is inside the Kent Downs area of outstanding natural beauty - an area supposed to have the same protection as a national park - and is surrounded by Grade 1 agricultural land.

Environmentalists fear that if this area of English countryside gets bricked over – then God help the rest of it. Will someone please do me a favour and give Prescott the biggest pack of Lego they can find – he’ll do less damage that way.

Welcome to England, the world’s biggest Barrett Housing Estate….