Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Surprise, surprise… 'DaviesGate' despoils the beautiful game

The story so far….
Power mad maniac, Tony Blair has let it be known that he would like the 2012 Olympics to have a Team UK footy team competing – no matter who objects.

Reaction has been mixed to say the least.
The Scottish FA said to their favourite Son. "Tone, ye canna be serious ye posh power mad twat. We’ve got totally crap players at the moment, so no jocks will get in, we hate the English and the tartan army will hang us from the nearest lamppost from our booloocks if we agree to this insanity."…

The Welsh FA have also been less than enthusiastic – having even worse players than the Scots and hating the English even more than their Celtic cousins. "Play with those English baaaastards? I’d rather shove a prize leek up me arse - pointy end first!"…

So, if the English FA shows just a little bit of solidarity with the other Associations, this mad cap, hair brained, no brain idea would surely hit the Blairworld buffers. FA Chief Exec’ and ugly bastard, David Davies stepped forward with his little bit of paper. Reading from a prepared script, Davies, former cub reporter with BBC’s ‘Look Northwest’ (He used to do the ‘Dog bites man cos he’s a Man U supporter – and the dog dies of Rabies’ stories) knows how to take orders. He enthusiastically says what a very, very good idea it is. How wonderful a concept it is and how it will bring ‘the Country ’together….. Bla, bla bla. Grovel, grovel, grovel….

Every single English football supporter in the country immediately branded Davies, full time idiot, full time creep and full time ugly bastard a vile traitor to the beautiful game. Any credo he and his office possessed was blown out of the water at that precise time. Why should he back such a brain dead concept?

The answer is predictable and obvious and shameful.

Davies is due to jack in his job after the 2006 World Cup. The word in the corridors of power is that he’s getting a job in Whitehall as some sort of hissing Sid advisor. I feel like ringing him up now, right now at FA HQ in Lancaster Gate in London to give him a piece of my mind. Except I can’t. Dave has left the building. At the moment, Davies, full time arse licker and full time ugly bastard is with a high powered Trade delegation to China with his old mate and footy buddy, Tony Blair. Smelly? Absolutely - and I'm not talking horse linament either...

Career projection of former northern cub reporter, David Davies. (post 2006)

2006 - Become PM’s advisor on sport in the UK.
2007 – Get elected onto Board of Nike Sports Inc.
2008 – Head up sports think-tank quango with £500 million budget
2008 - Nike wins England jock strap contract. and unveil jockstrap-line - 'Put your prick in the tick'....
2009 – Win safe Labour seat for Parliament.
2009 – Become Minister of Sport.
2009 - Nike awarded exclusive 'tick' contract. From now on all Gov' policy white papers to have Nike tick logo in top left hand corner - plus strapline - '10 out of 10 from number 10'
2010 – Lecture electorate on the value of ‘Britishness’.
2010 – Resign seat and post to become Euro sports supremo.
2011 – Become Lord Davies of Skull Island.
2012 – Gets stabbed in back by irate England fan whilst watching Team UK footy team lose to Afghanistan in Olympic Games opener.

4 comments:

wonkotsane said...

An interesting prediction, here's the odds:

Become PM’s advisor on sport in the UK. (3/1)

Get elected onto Board of Nike Inc. (100/1)

Head up sports think-tank quango with 500 million quid budget (5/1 on the quango, 500/1 on the budget)

Stand in safe Labour seat for Parliament. (4/1)

Become Minister of Sport. (5/3)

Lecture electorate on the value of ‘Britishness’. (2/1)

Resign seat and post to become Euro sports supremo. (5/1)

Make Trevor Brooking his deputy. (40/1)

Become Lord Davies of Skull Island. (2/1 on the Lordship, 1,000,000/1 on Skull Island)

Gets stabbed in back by irate England fan whilst watching Team UK footy team lose to Afghanistan in Olympic Games opener. (100/1 on the stabbing, 2/1 on Afghanistan)

How's that grab you?

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