The odds are that the PM is 'pettily vindictive'.

I never thought I’d be offering hat tips toward arch slob, horse-racing pundit and iconic bag lady of fashion, John McCririck.

But after his tribute speech at the funeral of his late friend, Robin Cook I have a sort of grudging admiration for the buffoon of the betting fraternity. He kicked off with the usual reminiscences, the little funnies and horse racing ditties of a long and friendly relationship with Cook - and their joint love of the sport of Kings. Then, oh dear, out of the blue and before you could say ‘Labour Spin Machine’ McCririck went completely off message.

Dressed head to toe in his finest suit of funereal purple and blinged out for all he was worth, and could cram onto his fat, porcine fingers, he turned his double chinned ire onto our glorious leader and his unavoidably enforced absence from the funeral of his former colleague.

Yes, good old Tony Blair, master of the illusion of indispensability – except when he is on his hols, was in absentia and not in Scotland, was too busy turning lobster red to wear mourning black.

Spontaneous applause broke out from Blair’s fellow Scotsmen crowded outside St Giles' Cathedral, Edinburgh as McCririck launched into his rant…….
"What an impressive attendance. But there is one exception and that is the nation’s leader – the Prime Minister. I believe the PM’s snub demonstrates a petty vindictiveness and moral failure, opting to continue snorkelling instead of doing his duty..

A bit of slap in the gob for one of Edinburgh’s finest there, then. But mind you, snorkelling can be a pretty intensive – you need to concentrate ….. Especially after you’ve gone to the trouble of blagging a freebee holiday aboard a luxury yacht, in a hot location somewhere so secret that for the sake of national security and the preservation of the thinning pate of the anointed one, no one knows where. The only clues we have of Blair’s holiday location is that it will be hot, it will be free, it will be a favour returned sometime in the future.

Regarding McCririck’s speech, fatty Prescott, Blair’s moronic lap dog in residence was reported to have been ‘incandescent with rage’. The sly man of Jack Straw was fuming. Gordon ‘Iago’ Brown, said nothing…. Now there’s a surprise.

What amazes me is McCririck should be surprised the glorious leader didn’t bother to turn up for the funeral. The last time Blair packed his dude shorts, sun block and strat’ was last Christmas. He didn’t come back when 350,000 souls were lost to the Boxing Day tsunami – so what chance did the relatives of Robin Cook have of the omnipotent one gracing them with his imperial presence on a dull, rainy August day in Scotland?…

Telly news......

On the telly tonight is the second part of BBC2’s ‘How to start your own country’ - hosted by comedian Danny Wallace. It’s all about Danny declaring a sort of UDI in his very own flat. Tonight, Danny's getting the pomp and circumstance organised for his new country - and I’ve just seen a trailer for it.

Danny was explaining that if you’ve got a new country, which he has, even though it is very small, which it is (the size of his flat) his country still has to have it’s very own Nation anthem.

As Danny reasoned on the trailer, "Every country has it’s own National anthem doesn’t it – and mine’s not going to be an exception"….

Err, Dan me old mate. Not having a national anthem isn’t an exception – In England it’s the rule.

Liberty is blind?

Shami Chakrabarti, Director of Liberty - this fenman is not on her 'to do' list....

Sorry, Shami is far too busy giving interviews, saving human rights and fluttering her big doe-like eyes at the PC BBC camera. Too busy making mountains out of mole-hills and trying to carry the entire disenfranchised of the third world on her caring sharing shoulders. And much, much too busy to be bothered to sort out one H. the Wake’s problems….

Yes hysterical Shami, director of the human rights (for some) organisation, Liberty has given me the old heave ho. She’s blown me out so to speak. She and her organisation just aren’t interested in the denial of my human rights. My original email asked that compared with the other 3 countries of the union, I as an Englishman am being politically disenfranchised because I don’t have a national parliament acting on my behalf.

I thought my arguments were salient, relevant and worthy of at least a considered response. I even quoted some stuff from their very own web site to illustrate the point:

"As it says on your web site you are concerned about 'Equality' and under that heading, your organisation says that :- 'Liberty believes that all people have the right to be treated equally and fairly'........

Well I'm not. Why? Because I do not have a National Parliament to represent me. Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland do - but England doesn't, and that cannot be right can it?"

I also gave examples of pernicious favouritism to the populations of the other 3 countries – free prescriptions, free student education etc, etc.

I emailed Liberty ages ago – and am still waiting for a reply. A phone call follow up a few days ago was a total waste of time. Apparently they are only going to act on letters via snail mail – as they were completely overwhelmed by the number of emails they were getting. So I told the lady on the other end of the line that there was a lot of human rights wrongery about….

They told me to re-send my email via Postman Pat.

I’ll keep you posted….. Anyone got a stamp?

Regional wwwhistle stops.....

Just spent a few minutes trawling around those fine windows on the world of democracy – the Regional Assembly web sites. Judging by the all-new, all-fraudulent slogans, they’ve obviously been at the sherry – and brought a few marketing men in from the planet Bullshit.

It looks a bit suss though. Either most of them have been copying off each other – or 40 monkeys, dressed in red braces and patent leather shoes have managed to type out nearly similar strap lines…. Oh, and the complete works of Shakespeare to boot.

For example, first on my tour was the South East RA. Not content with just the one misleading strap-line of ‘The Voice of the Region’ – the main head on the intro states it’s ‘The Representative Voice of the Region’ ..... As if we were in any doubt.

Breathtaking isn’t it?

Anyway, next we fly northwards to the East of England RA web site. This Region does not have a sexy slogan – just a one word ‘Welcome’ to one and all. The marketing men obviously haven’t been here, maybe they don’t like cow shit on their patent leather shoes?

Travelling onwards and upwards to Yorkshire and Humber RA. Ahhh, this is more like it. Trumpet solo please because Y&YRA is ‘The Voice of the Region’ But not only that, the first sentence on the intro proudly proclaims, completely wrongly that ‘Yorkshire and Humber is Britain’s biggest region’. Not according to Prescott and Brussels it ain’t - Scotland is.

Further north is Herron’s tormented target – the North East RA. Slogan? ‘The Voice of the Region’ (obviously)…. Apparently, (so it says on the intro) the Assembly’s unique strength lies in its ‘breadth of representation’. (But not representation of the people though)….

Across to the North West RA – which it incredulously proclaims is ‘England’s Leading Region’… Not content with that major inaccuracy they further compound it with this little porky – ‘The North West Regional Assembly is an inclusive organisation, with representation from local government, business organisations, public sector agencies, education and training bodies, trade unions and co-operatives together with the voluntary and community sector’ ….. A bit too inclusive though to be bothered asking for legitimacy from Mr and Mrs Public?

Down to the Midlands – East Midlands RA is apparently achieving ‘Progress Through Partnerships’, while the West Midland RA is rather bizarrely ‘Speaking out for the Region’… (Not ‘Speaking up for the Region)….

Our final virtual destination is the South West RA – which is surprise, surprise ‘The Voice of the Region’

Looks to me that the marketing boys have been trolling around the country with the same ideas boards…. I reckon a few identical invoices have been flying around… except to the East of England RA that is. The only Assembly without the regulation strap line. I think we should right this wrong, I think we ought to have a competition to think of a suitable strap for the EERA.

We could offer a prize for the winner. Meeting the Chief Exec’? A tour of the Assembly rooms? A chance to chuck rotten eggs at the jumped up little Assembly Hitlers from the public gallery?

I’ll get the ball rolling – The East of England Regional Assembly – it’s diabolical to your liberty.

Someone’s having a laugh….

The Hereward family has just received a letter plus a brand spanking new Direct Debit form through the post from the World Wide Fund for Nature. It’s from a Mr Steve Andrews, Head of WWF Supporter Relations….. Basically, his job is to stop cash from haemorrhaging out of WWF coffers because of their pathetic anti English stance…

Mr Andrews grovels -
"I am writing to you today to offer my help in continuing your regular support of WWF. You may not realise it but your bank has just notified us that your direct debit gift to WWF has stopped, and I am worried that something has gone wrong" ……. Bla, bla, grovel, grovel, sure there has been a misunderstanding, please don’t go, please give us your cash back, etc, etc.

Mr Andrews concludes –
"If you have stopped giving because you think that we don’t value your support, or you’re unhappy with our work, please give us a chance to put that right"…

Yeah right.

I don’t know where to begin. We are getting back to them with a few home (regional) truths. Therefore, the rotweiller, Mrs ‘H’ is going to pen the reply and she’s not too happy. I can promise the said reply will be vitriolic, will be telling Mr Andrews exactly where to shove his Direct Debit form and will be copied on to WWF Chief Executive Robert Napier…

Anyway, for those of you who haven’t seen the brand spanking new ‘improvements’ to the WWF site, you can have a butchers

here.

I personally wouldn’t bother. ‘England’ still isn’t there…. But some alien amorphous blob called ‘WWF English Regions’ is, thoughtfully positioned underneath the alphabetically listed other UK WWFs of Cymru (Wales), Northern Ireland and Scotland. We know our place all right…..

As for the 'Contact Us page' - total amnesia there I'm afraid – Under the heading of
'WWF-UK also encompasses:', WWFs Cymru, Northern Ireland and Scotland are listed, (but not apparently the WWF English Regions)....

Tell it like it is Joannie!

"A great civilisation is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within, said the American historian Will Durrant about ancient Rome. This self destruction of values is exactly what is happening in England today.

Yes, I still call the country of my birth England in spite of the peculiar political correctness that it be called ‘the UK’ and that we, its denizens, must be ‘Britons’….

Even though the Welsh are proud to call themselves Welsh as are the Irish and certainly the Scots, woe betide the Briton that calls himself ‘English’ – a much-frowned-upon no-no"……

Full page Joan Collins article in the Daily Mail this morning….

Stop Press: John Prescott catches ‘Les Dawson Syndrome’

John Prescott, suffering from Morcambe, Melancholia, Mothers-in-Law and L.D.S.

John Prescott, compulsive pie eater, compulsive purchaser, compulsive liar, Deputy Prime Minister and general all round interfering busy body has fallen prey to the vicious and highly contagious disease, ‘Les Dawson Syndrome’.


Prescott, pre-syndrome, happy, dictatorial and stupid.

"It’s a real shocker" claimed a close friend last night. "It all happened so suddenly – one minute he was goose stepping around his bunker, making plans to flatten the South East, invade Poland and blitzkrieg the Low Countries, the next he’s complaining about his mother-in-law and moaning about women's bits in a tragi-comic, tragi-ironic way…. It’s just so tragic"

Unfortunately, ‘Les Dawson Syndrome’ isn’t fatal, it just gives the sufferer a melancholic countenance and improves their comic timing. Symptoms include miserablility, an obsession with bloomers and bad piano playing. Prescott’s Consultant said "The syndrome is fairly aggressive – and will attempt to displace Mr Prescott’s current illness of ‘Delusions of Adequacy’.. "

Prescott refused to answer any questions except to say how ugly his Mother-in-Law was and how miserable he was feeling. Now you know how we all feel, Jonny!

Last night, Mr Prescott was put into quarantine, in a room alongside fellow syndrome sufferer, Tony Blair… or the ‘Little General’ as he likes to be known.

Water, water everywhere... (Crocodile tears from John Prescott)

There was an article on the BBC's 'Breakfast' telly programme this morning about 'the drought' in the South East of England. Some reporter was standing in a dried up bed of the River Lavant and lecturing us tap turners on the need to conserve the wet stuff.

The reporter just went on and on about us wasters of water, the need to get filthy – and stay that way for the sake of conserving what little water there is…. But what about ‘the big guy’? What about Prescott and his ‘plan’ for turbo-house building in the area?
Of course, being the BBC they never said a word about how the hell Prescott's 'sustainable housing plan' to build another million houses in the south east was going to be serviced by the water companies - when they can't even meet the needs of the people currently living there. So Prescott’s ‘plan’ isn’t a plan at all – and it isn’t sustainable is it?

Will it stop him? Will he reconsider? Will he talk to water people?

Of course not! Being a brainless, publicity seeking moron, Prescott hasn't even considered talking to the water companies to see if they can actually supply the new homes with mains water. As far as Prescott’s concerned, there is no ‘f’ in ‘failure’ (But we know differently, don’t we?)

Of course, being private companies, sold off during the Thatcher era, the water companies have as their first priority an obligation to their shareholders to make profits - then comes the consumer. A poor third is the environment.

Every year, for the past 5 years, the water companies have gone to the Government, tap in hand to request they take ever more water from the river network of the South East. It’s a sort of ‘skim-off’ from a national resource. (No change there, then). Every year, without fail that request has been granted. More and more water is being pumped from the system. First rivers to suffer are the chalk streams – they, as in the case of the River Lavant completely dry up and what was in there is consigned to the great reservoir in the sky. The rest barely operate as ecosystems at all. Low water equals low oxygen, less dilution of fertilisers leeching into the system from surrounding farmland means poisonous blooms of green weed flourish.

The reason the water companies do this is because it’s a cheap, short-term fix. No capital build of reservoirs, no costly renewal of a leaky colander like pipe system……

There is actually talk of desalination plants being built along the south coast. No doubt, as taxpayers we’ll be picking the tab up for those then. No doubt, the great pie himself will herald the building of these structures as a ‘sustainable’ answer to water shortage. No doubt water charges will go through the roof as water becomes as rare as a politician with a knowledge of the meaning of the word ‘SUSTAINABLE’….

Monster conglomerate admits mistake - and amends it double quick!

What can I say? The boy ‘Troy’ has done the business for American conglomerate Eaton Corporation Inc – and all in under 2 hours!

I came across their website yesterday – they do everything across the world and they do it ‘big’ – by any stretch of the imagination Eaton are a multi billion dollar organisation. So I thought that maybe, I could get a few bobs worth of business out of them.

I surfed through to the ‘Locations’ page and clicked onto the customary drop down button with ‘Select a Country’ written on it. The button expanded and revealed loads of ‘proud and historic nations’ from around the world.

Antilles, Poland, Costa Rica and India are all there. Hmmmm, so is Wales, Ireland and Scotland – so England must be there also, right? After much scanning, I found it, masquerading under the moniker of ‘United Kingdom’…

I banged off an email under the title ‘A grave error on your web site’ to Eaton HQ in Cleveland, Ohio –

Dear Sir or Madam,

I've noticed on the 'Locations' page on your Eaton web site that you have a 'Select a Country' button.

When this is pressed, a drop down menu appears with lots of Countries. 'Scotland' is mentioned, so is 'Wales' and 'Ireland' - but no 'England' .... Instead there is a 'United Kingdom' button.

As a proud Englishman, I feel fairly insulted at this exclusion. England is a country with a population of 85% that of the UK - 50 million souls, so it really shouldn't be ignored. It has also given an enormous amount to the culture and technology bank of the world.

I would be extremely grateful if you could amend this error as soon as possible - take out the United Kingdom reference and replace it with 'England'

Thanking you in anticipation,

H the W……

Well, not much hope of change there then. Eaton Corporation are bloody huge. They employ 56,000 employees worldwide – last year they achieved sales of nearly $10 billion and this is their corporate website we’re talking about, so what chance did I have to effect any change whatsoever?

I should have known better, I’ve obviously been depressed and brow-beaten too many times by the Government obsessed lackeys in this country. I was expecting - silence.
I was very, very wrong. Within 2 hours, I received this -

Subject: RE: A grave error on your web site.

Good Afternoon!

Thank you for taking the time to point out this error. I have forwarded your message to our web administrator for review.

Best Regards,

Danielle

Ms. Danielle Williams
Eaton Corporation- World Headquarters

A mere 10 minutes later, this dropped into my in box.

Subject: eaton.com location changes in England


Dear Mr. The-Wake,

We are extremely sorry for this error on our locations page.
Amendments have been made to accommodate for Eaton locations in England.

Thank you for your inquiry, and I hope you continue to visit Eaton.com.

Sincerely,

-Troy

Troy D. Chafin
Digital Communications
Eaton Corporation


Hey presto, the site has been changed – just like that. Why? Because Troy D. Chafin isn’t worried that Prescott’s uber nazis will withdraw Government work from them. He’s just concerned about accuracy, so he changed it – and quick.

But not only that, he’s also ‘extremely sorry’ it was wrong in the first place. Hats off to Danielle, Troy and Eaton for a rare example of reason. British companies on Wonko’s anti English list, please take note.

The amended Eaton page

Give me Freedom and Liberty.......

(That's easy for Wallace to say, but what about Grommit - and me for that matter)......

Feelind a bit 'Serf-like' and a bit 'Put upon' I thought I should bang off a quick email to me old mate Shami Chakrabarti, the Director of 'Liberty'. (slogan 'Protecting Civil Liberties, Promoting Human Rights') and tell her so....

Why? God only knows. I'm sure it will be yet another exercise in head-banging futility.

I've noticed lately that the fenland campaigns tend to follow a familiar, predictable and wearisome course -
Phase 1 is to write the email.
Phase 2 is to wait in a pregnant pause limbo land, while hoping that someone, anyone will get back to me.
Phase 3 is to ring them up and try and get someone squirming on the other end of the phone - and actually admit the injustice.....
Phase 4 - add them to the list of cretinous 'yes men' and Government brown nosers.....

I'm clearly into 'Phase 2' territory with Liberty at the moment. The email was sent about 10 days ago... so tomorrow, 'Phase 3' will be instigated. I'll attempt to get through to Shami herself and make her squirm - which could be fun!

Anyway, Phase 1 - my original email is reproduced below, I'll keep you posted on progress.

Dear Shami Chakrabarti, Liberty Director,
Can you please help me. I am being quite deliberately being excluded from the democratic process - so much so that I believe my human rights are being compromised.

As it says on your web site you are concerned about 'Equality'
and under that heading, your organisation says that :-
'Liberty believes that all people have the right to be treated equally and fairly'........

Well I'm not. Why? Because I do not have a National Parliament to represent me. Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland do - but England doesn't, and that cannot be right can it?

The Welsh Assembly has been able to vote in free prescriptions for everyone in Wales and offers substantial financial help for its students. There's a similar story in Scotland - lots and lots of goodies on offer to their own inhabitants - but not to me and my fellow countrymen in England.

We all pay the same taxes, but thanks to the unjust 'Barnett Formula' , more is spent per head on the inhabitants of Scotland, Wales and N.I. than is spent on people in England.

In order to right this wrong, this country needs a parliament - NOT unelected regional quangos or no power regional assemblies.

Surely 'Liberty' should be fighting for equality for 80% of the UK population. If Scotland, Wales and N.I. have national parliaments - then so should England. Anything less is pernicious racism don't you think?

Can you please get back to me to let me know of any action that 'Liberty' will consider taking against the Government in order to restore democracy to me and preserve my human rights.

No matter where I look, no matter what I do, he's in my face

I didn’t want this to become an ‘I hate John Prescott’ blog, but it’s very, very difficult to avoid. He’s such an oaf, such an unadulterated whally with a whole sycophantasy of people behind him, only too willing to do his bidding….
Oh, and a shed full of cash and power to boot …..

Anyway, I’ve just heard a bit of a whisper that yet another, yet another bit of Prezza-pomposity has bitten the dust. I’ll provisionally add it to Prescott’s ‘tits up’ list, (which is well on the way to the second page by now).

The grandly named ‘Pathfinder’ project for the North of England – you know, that’s the brain dead initiative where nearly half a million perfectly sound Victorian and Edwardian built houses were to be demolished – and replaced with crappy jerry-built boxes for the discerning New Labour voter…..

Pathfinder house demolition was meant to stretch from Liverpool to Newcastle, and was sure to resurrect a whole new generation of corruption, Poulsons and T.Dan Smiths along the way. Not to mention the heartache as stable, organically grown communities are ripped apart in order to massage a blubbery fat man’s ego…

The natives weren’t happy – neither was English Heritage. Nobody wanted to be pathfindered into a crappy new estate – and they told the fat controller and his acolytes so in no uncertain terms.

Well apparently someone in Number 10 has taken notice and has ‘had a word’ with him. Has managed to locate Prezza’s rib cage under tons of pie-inspired blubber and shoved a sharp, politically incorrect elbow straight into them.

The word is that the ‘Pathfinder’ project apparently no longer stands for ‘demolition and renewal’. Oh no, no, no. The spin meisters have had another look at the meaning of ‘pathfindery’ in the Spin Dictionary….

The word has been redefined. The buzz word now emanating from B.S.H.Q. is ‘Refurbishment’…….

So now you know, the Pathfinder project is now one of Refurbishment of decent and quality built houses…..
It’s just a rumour from ‘a source’ – so it’s bound to be true.

Prezza mad - shock

Don't you think it's spooky? 'Two people bent on destroying the environment. One fiddles on his musical instrument - the other just 'fiddles'.......You just never see Emperor Nero and John Prescott in the same room together do you?

Anyway.....

The Sunday Times yesterday claimed that arch ‘Fat Controller’ - John ‘mad-pie’ Prescott is the man that has broken Britain….

The full-page article gave just a few examples of Prezza, the maestro of the science of ‘tit-uppery’ and his more bizarre Stalinistic meddling-mania.

They talked about Prezza’s planning policy. Jonny has got total and unfettered power to give the thumbs up or down on what actually gets built. That man is playing King Solomon – without the wisdom or the where with all to do it.

They talked about his big project to build ‘affordable’ houses on some land next to the River Thames. It’s part of his ‘Thames Gateway’ initiative. Unfortunately, Prezza and his clack of snivelling brown-nosers should have stayed with the original name for the land – ‘The Thames Floodplain’. He didn’t even consult with the local water authority about the problem. Insurance companies have also told him these houses would be uninsurable if built. I don’t know, maybe Prescott thought he was a latter day King Cnut – ordering the rising tide to go away and flood somewhere else… I can see the similarity, Prescott and Cnut, one and the same….

His disastrous ‘Pathfinder’ projects for us flat capped, clog wearing wooly backs "ooop North" is also going as pear shaped as the great man himself.

Honestly, reading the article was like scanning a Monty Python script, it was so weird - is this guy for real or what?….. It got me thinking - and inspired by the ‘Dead Parrot Sketch’ when Palin and Cleese are arguing about whether ‘Bolton’ was a palindrome or not…. "No it isn’t, my good man, ‘Bolton’ backwards is ‘Notlob’….

Anyway, inspired by this, I wondered just what the two words ‘John Prescott’ would make if read backwards…

Amazing, if you read Prescott's full name backwards it comes out as ‘Powermad Wanker’….

It’s a pity though; the article never mentioned the Regional Assemblies debacle, the denial of democracy to 85% of the UK population and the constant haemorrhaging of money from his department. But the biggest faux pas was that the Sunday Times couldn’t even get the facts right on the headline…… Surely it should have said ‘John Prescott, the man who has broken England….

Shock – an open mind!!!!

Well there you go. Just when you start to lose all faith in anyone changing their minds regarding an English issue, along comes Anne Hogbin……

Who’s Anne Hogbin then?

Well she’s the Chief Executive for the Commonwealth Games for England Organisation (http://www.cgce.co.uk). She and her colleagues are currently putting together the England team for next year’s Commonwealth Games in Melbourne.

I thought I’d whack off an email to her to (wearily) ask her whether England could have a proper national anthem for next year’s podium presentations instead of the entirely predictable and inappropriate ‘Land of Hope and Glory’

Judging by her reply, there does seem to be a bit of a chink of light there for changing the ‘victory anthem’ for England. I suggested in my email that perhaps ‘Jerusalem’ or ‘I Vow to Thee my Country’ would be more appropriate. You never know, with a bit more friendly persuasion, the anthem might get changed to something that most English people want – and who knows, if it is changed, you can almost dream of it becoming a bit of a catalyst……

I wrote to her -

Hello,

Can I first say that I am a real English patriot - always anxious to reinforce our culture and way of life to the world.

And that's the reason I've contacted you. I understand that the anthem that will be played again at next years Commonwealth Games for English winners will be 'Land of Hope and Glory'.....

I personally do not like this - Elgar himself hated the words - and I don't particularly think it says anything about England. Also, with lines such as 'Thine Empire shall be strong'.... it just doesn't seem that relevant - has England ever had an empire? I thought it was the 'British Empire'.

Why can't we have an anthem that actually mentions the Country? But doesn't go on about empires and glory and subjugation. How about 'Jerusalem'? - a brilliant tune with fantastic words by William Blake. (Which you no doubt already know).

My personal favourite however is 'I vow to thee my Country'

Words as follows by Cecil Spring-Rice.
to the tune of 'Jupiter' from the 'Planets Suite' by Gustav Holst

I vow to thee, my country
Entire and whole and perfect, the service of my love;
The love that asks no question, the love that stands the test,
That lays upon the altar the dearest and the best;
The love that never falters, the love that pays the price,
The love that makes undaunted the final sacrifice.

And there’s another country, I’ve heard of long ago
Most dear to them that love her, most great to them that know;
We may not count her armies, we may not see her King;
Her fortress is a faithful heart, her pride is suffering;
And soul by soul and silently her shining bounds increase,
And her ways are ways of gentleness, and all her paths are peace.


These are truly great words to a fantastic tune. Why can't we have this one as the anthem or Jerusalem? Going for 'LofHandG' is just so typically wide of the mark. Instead of glorying in jingoistic waffle and of non existent Empires ....
the words of I Vow to Thee' are classically understated and so moving.

Can someone please get back to me asap about this most important matter and if you couldn't help me, who I could talk to that actually makes the decision..


She wrote to me…

Thank your for your e-mail and your interest in the Victory Anthem utilised by England at the Commonwealth Games.

It is certainly within the gift of each country to choose their own Victory Anthem and as a result of your e-mail I will ask the Council, when they next meet in October, to re-consider whether they feel that ´Land of Glory´ remains their preferred anthem or whether they would wish to use another composer as you suggest.

Thank you for your interest and for taking the trouble to contact us.

ANN HOGBIN

I don’t know, what do you think? The reply she’s given me almost sounds like they can INDEPENDENTLY make a decision without the interference of the New Labour busy-bodies….. Can that be true?

Anne Beggs to differ…..

Firebrand Scottish Labour MP, Anne Begg has replied to Hereward’s cogent and pithily worded email – asking whether she had got her facts wrong during this week’s Prime Minister’s Question Time.

Anne rather naughtily and quite outrageously claimed that the World’s most successful author, JK Rowling was a daughter of Scotland…..

To make matters worse, arch war criminal and member of ‘NA’ (Narcissism Anonymous), Tony ‘ballsy’ Blair – only went and agreed with her by claiming JK as a legitimate piece of tartan tail.

Ever anxious to get at the facts, ‘H’ did some delving and found that JK is from the Cotswold area of England – so he told Ms Begg so. (See previous post). He also informed the reporters of all things uttered at Westminster, ‘Hansard’. I don’t think I have ever been given such short shrift. What a bolshy lot they are in that organisation.

Anyway, for the record, please find detailed below Anne Begg’s reply.

"Dear worried English person,

I said she was Scotland's most successful author. She lives and works in Scotland. I did not say she was Scottish. Hansard is therefore correct".


Right, perfectly clear there then. I just need to tell Spain’s most successful actor - Sean Connery, and England’s most successful female singer – Madonna.

Harry Potter and the question of nationality…..

Tony smiled a smile. You know, ‘smirky’ the way he does. He had, after all, just had the easiest PMQs of his entire Premiership and it was nearly end of term time at Westminsterwarts School for Ingrates and Idlers.

Slimy Mike, the school creep and Chubby Chaz, the off-licence obsesssive and serial donut scoffer, were pushovers – the hardest question he had to field so far was whether anyone could seriously get away with wearing a dark blue tie with chucky egg stains down the front. Why not guffawed Tony, Prezza does it all the time…..

Soon I’ll be on my freebee holidays – where I’ll save loads of quidd-ich thought Tony, just got to field this last question from Anne Begg, Labour MP for Aberdeen South – then I’m off!

Anne, the proudest of proud Scot that could ever be, (apart from Tony Blair behind closed doors) asked Tony if he had read the latest Harry Potter book ‘Harry Potter and the Licence to Print Money’ – ...."For Prime Minister, you'll be well aware that it is written of course by that fantastically brilliant Scottish author JK Rowling"……….

Tony smiled and revelled in the Scottishness of it all ....... before he suddenly remembered that he actually wasn't a very posh public school boy from Edinburgh at all, but was, in fact a snotty geordie kid from the wrong side of the tracks.... who just got 'lucky' cos he's a regular, decent kinda guy.

Sorry Raj people – you can’t claim JK as one of your own. I know she now lives in Edinburgh and that she occasionally buys the odd haggis – but face it, she ain’t Scottish. She’s one of ours.

A bit of a bummer for Tony, Gordon and Charlie Falconer, they like to associate themselves with all things successful – and if it’s all things ‘Scottish’ as well – then so much the better!!!!

For the sake of accuracy in Parliament (a rare thing indeed) and to stop Ms Begg uttering this untruth ever again, for the record I have gleaned this info from a JK web site.
Joanne Kathleen Rowling was born in Chipping Sodbury General Hospital in Chipping Sodbury, England on July 31, 1965. Her father, Peter, was an engineer and her mother, Anne, who was half-Irish and half-Scottish, was a homemaker who stayed at home to care for her and her younger sister Di, who arrived two years after J.K.
At the age of four, she and her family moved to Winterbourne, in the outskirts of Bristol. She enjoyed school very much and liked playing with neighborhood kids, one of which was named "Potter." She would never forget those kids and would eventually name the main character in her books after one of them.

The end of a beautiful world wide fund for nature relationship….

Because of this, we, the ‘The-Wake’ family are leaving the WWF – and taking our standing order with us.

They said –

Dear Mr The-Wake,

Thank you for your reply.

I would like to stress that WWF is not a political organisation but that we have to work within the political system to work towards our conservation aims. You might be aware that WWF is working on conserving biodiversity (endangered species, forests, rivers etc.) and addressing global threats (climate change, consumption etc.) by working with people for sustainable solutions.

Yours sincerely,

Stefanie Wenke
Supporter Care Executive.


We replied in our letter of resignation from the WWF -

To - Stefanie Wenke
Supporter Care Executive.
World Wide fund for Nature

Dear Ms Wenke,
Thank you for the reply – Quite apart from your condescending lecture on the WWF remit – don’t forget, we have been members for nearly 25 years, the info within your reply is as if written by one of those highly paid government think tank, spin gurus. I also notice that you did not answer any of my questions in my last email –

I detail them again -

1) In order to receive co-operation/grants from the British Government and to preserve your charitable status within the UK, has the WWF been leaned on by the government to divide its organisation into EU inspired Euro regions?
In essence, will they only recognise a REGIONAL agenda - that fits the Euro matrix, and not a national English one.

2) Will you have on the revamped web site, the very VERY reasonable and non-controversial heading of *WWF England’ - with a list of regional offices underneath or not? Ideally, the regional offices should be very reasonably
entitled 'North West England Office’ etc .. AND NOT 'The North West’ etc.. (Apparently, the omission of any reference to England on the new web site was due to an 'oversight' - as told to me by someone from 'damage limitation', WWF HQ)...

3) The current Chief Exec’ for 'WWF English Regions’ is Steve Micklewright (smicklewright@wwf.org.uk) - Will the job description be changed on all future literature to, Chief Executive for WWF England?
(Incidentally, I wrote to him over 2 weeks ago about this matter and have yet to receive a reply. Sort of sums it up doesn’t it?)

You and your organisation may have to work within the flawed and undemocratic political system that Blair's junta has imposed - but my family and I don't.

WE THEREFORE REGRET THAT AFTER 25 YEARS OF SUPPORT WITH WWF, WE WILL RESIGN OUR MEMBERSHIP WITH IMMEDIATE EFFECT. We are cancelling the standing order forthwith

We now regard your organisation as being 'anti-English' - it has now been placed on our anti English list. We will simply not deal with or finance anti English organisations. All items in our house with a panda logo on them will be chucked away or burnt.

Regards,

Mr H the Wake and family.

So I said to the lady at NHS HQ….

"Hello, I wonder if you can help me, a Government Minister has hailed the increase in dental check-up charges as "Making the system fairer and simpler for everyone."

"The rise in charges is envisaged to be up to around £12 – but I understand that there will be no check up charges whatsoever for people living in Scotland. They will pay absolutely nothing, it will be totally F.O.C"…..

"F.O.C.?"

"Free of charge."

"Oh dear, I thought everyone in the UK had to pay. I didn’t know that some people got it free while other people have to pay.

"Well it ain’t, people in England always have to pay. In Scotland it’s free, courtesy of the Barnett formula. Now that’s the kind of system that really is fairer and simpler – don’t you think? The Barnett formula modus operandi is to get some other mug to pay for your health obligations… It just isn’t right is it?"

"Oh I agree."….

"So why can’t the people living in England have free, free, free check ups – as of right?" And why is charging us in England £12 per check up more 'simpler and fairer' than charging the Scots 'nix'?

………………………………………………………………………
- Pause pregnento interminable – and then some………
………………………………………………………………………

"Let me get back to you with an answer."

I’m still waiting.

"Trust me, I’m just trying to sell you a credit card"..

Strolling into the foyer of ‘Chez spoon de greasie’ – a motorway service station straddling the M62 today, I notice some young bit of tottie is starting to eyeball me.

Well that’s nice! There’s no doubt about it aitch, you’ve still bloody well got it son. I look straight into her dark, smouldering eyes and as if caught in a Blofeld tractor beam, I reel her in.

I’ve clicked!

Errr, correction – no I haven’t.

She’s got a clip-board with her.

It dawns on me, I’m not the spider, I’m the fly…. I’m not the one with the white cat on his lap – she is…..

She’s got me. Shit!!!!

"Hello Sir, have you ever thought of having a credit card that will help the National Trust?"

"Errr, no I hadn’t ever thought of having a National Trust card"

"Well now’s your chance – and you can gain free entry to all En-Tee’s property"…

I’m completely underwhelmed. I’m desperately trying to find an exit strategy where I can leave with my money in my pocket and she will still be in possession of most of her gobby teeth.

"Sorry, I’ve no money….
"My wife will kill me….
"I’ve got enough credit cards thanks"….

All this is happening at a trot – I just cannot shake her off.

It’s no good, nothing is working. Nothing, nothing at all (as ‘Bros’ once said). Even the rapidly advancing rancid smell of ‘meato-rendo corp’ – or ‘Burger King’ as it more usually known as, is not putting her off.

Then it hit me – the sure fire no holds barred get out clause of all get out clauses.

"You know, it’s the ‘National’ Trust…. Well what ‘Nation’ are we talking about?"

"The whole of the UK"

"The whole of the UK, eh"
"But not Scotland, because they’ve got their own organisation, the National Trust for Scotland, haven’t they?"

She agreed.

"So is ‘The National Trust’ a trust for the nation of England then?"

She looked in her little bag of National Trust bumf. "Hmmmmm, no. Apparently, The National Trust also includes Wales and Northern Ireland"……

"Okkkaaaaaaaay, so it’s an organisation of 3 Nations then?"

Before she could think of a suitably P.C. answer, I noticed a map showing the offices of the National Trust around the 3 countries on her leaflet.

"Ooooh, let’s have a look at that then". The map had Scotland shown as Scotland, Wales shown as Wales, Northern Ireland shown as Northern Ireland.

As for England? Chopped up into Regional slices obviously - under the cosy title of ‘National Trust Regional Offices in England’.
Wales and Northern Ireland have their own National Trust Offices – under the titles of ‘National Trust Office for Wales’ and ‘National Trust Office for N.I.’

"It’s just not right is it missus? My Country just isn’t there is it?"

"Oh yes it is – the National Trust is all of the UK… except Scotland"

Good bloody grief is this woman taking the piss or what?…. The credit agreement in my hand began to fail under the rapidly tightening grip of my hand. Soon it’s a little ball of wood fibre, then it’s a little missile heading for the basket called ‘bin’.

Michael Jordan, eat your heart out…..

"So don’t you want to sign up to the card then Sir?"…….

London bombings......

A terrible tragedy in London today. Terrorism requires a measured and resolute response frrom our Leaders at such a traumatic time. The Country looks for guidance and leadership.... needless to say, the slimeball Blair gave his customary haltering and gasping speech with outrageously long mid-sentence and sometimes even mid-word pauses. What an utter fraud that man is. Even at this God awful time he just cannot drop the act - the voice, the body language, the eyes fixed at a far off object.

Contrast the vacuous Blair's act with George W Bush's informal, shocked - but most of all, genuinely heartfelt statement outside Gleneagles at lunchtime today. I don't have much time for dubbya, but his was a much more convincing and genuine communication of solidarity with Londoners than the ghastly staccato glottal posturing of Blair, a man devoid of all honour and integrity. I wonder how many times Blair has practised that (act) speech in front of the mirror as part of the contingency plans. And what is really amazing, anyone actually reading this can just imagine Blair doing it.

The cynic in me wonders how long it will take him and members of his cruddy cabinet to visit the injured in hospital. - Contrast that with British soldiers savagely maimed in Iraq and now residing as busted flushes in army nursing homes. In spite of frequent requests to do so, not one, not one single Minister, has ever managed to visit them.

BBC Questiontime – and the question that cannot apparently be answered.

Last night’s programme was set in Gateshead. Towards the end of the show, a woman asked the panel whether it was a good thing to have a North East Regional Government.

Everyone on the panel quoted just how successful Scottish and Welsh devolution had been – and how ‘sensible’ it would be "for the rest of the Country"

"Why shouldn’t the North East have its own Assembly" bleated Harriet Harman MP. Approving nods from Shami Chakrabarti the lady from ‘Liberty’ and improbable Scrabble hand ‘Lembit Opik MP. Former British ambassador to Washington, Sir Christopher Meyer and Scottish Conservative candidate Michael Gove were against the proposition.

Just then, a googly was bowled from Jonny Audience. A brave soul stood up and went completely off message. He wavered, a little unsure – as if he was about to declare to the entire world that he was a child molester or something…

But no, much worse – the BBC must have been wondering whether to pull the plug and go straight to the girl, the clown and the blackboard picture.

"What I want…… is an English Parliament. A Parliament for England. Why can't we have an English Parliament?"

Silence.
Shocked, shocked silence.

The camera zoomed into the august body masquerading as ‘the panel’. Open mouths, slack jaws, gobs well and truly smacked. If Saddam Hussein wanted somewhere to hide his WMDs – then Harriet Harman’s mouth was just about big enough. All of them stared blankly into No-wheresville. Stepford Wives and Zombies of the Living Dead were suddenly sitting next to David Dimbleby.

Shami Chakrabarti suddenly came round, broke the spell and mumbled something about something or other – then Dimbleby hurriedly took the cue to move off onto another subject. Everyone looked relieved…. And a bit disgusted, as if they’d just stepped into something unpleasant and were looking for a clump of grass to take the smell away.

I salute the North Easterner – whoever you are. You are the English Parliament’s first TV martyr.