Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Stop Press: John Prescott catches ‘Les Dawson Syndrome’

John Prescott, suffering from Morcambe, Melancholia, Mothers-in-Law and L.D.S.

John Prescott, compulsive pie eater, compulsive purchaser, compulsive liar, Deputy Prime Minister and general all round interfering busy body has fallen prey to the vicious and highly contagious disease, ‘Les Dawson Syndrome’.

Prescott, pre-syndrome, happy, dictatorial and stupid.

"It’s a real shocker" claimed a close friend last night. "It all happened so suddenly – one minute he was goose stepping around his bunker, making plans to flatten the South East, invade Poland and blitzkrieg the Low Countries, the next he’s complaining about his mother-in-law and moaning about women's bits in a tragi-comic, tragi-ironic way…. It’s just so tragic"

Unfortunately, ‘Les Dawson Syndrome’ isn’t fatal, it just gives the sufferer a melancholic countenance and improves their comic timing. Symptoms include miserablility, an obsession with bloomers and bad piano playing. Prescott’s Consultant said "The syndrome is fairly aggressive – and will attempt to displace Mr Prescott’s current illness of ‘Delusions of Adequacy’.. "

Prescott refused to answer any questions except to say how ugly his Mother-in-Law was and how miserable he was feeling. Now you know how we all feel, Jonny!

Last night, Mr Prescott was put into quarantine, in a room alongside fellow syndrome sufferer, Tony Blair… or the ‘Little General’ as he likes to be known.

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