Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Tesco celebrate the Union....

You've gotta laugh haven't you?
I sent a query to Abigail at Tesco customer services asking why they were selling English Mild Cheddar Cheese under the flag of the Union. Yes, yes, I know it's futile, yes I know Abigail, Carol and the rest of the nazis at Cus-Serv-Tesco(motto: Bollocks to all English people) have been on re-education courses and every morning chant the mantra "England does not exist, Scotland and Wales are noble countries. Tesco rules the world, yeah, yeah, yeah".. ­ But hey, I like a challenge..

It's something to do with the chipper English spirit of optimism and never say die attitude I reckon. What did Edwardian Englishman George Mallory say when he was asked why he wanted to climb Everest dressed in only a smoking jacket, corduroy slacks and a stout pair of brogues - and almost certainly die in the attempt. "Because Sir, it is there, and also because I am fed up writing letters to Tesco... They don't have a Katmandu branch do they?"

Anyway, I bought the cheese, photographed it and gave it to the dog.

Then I emailed them - ­
I recently bought this packet of English Mild Cheddar Cheese at a Tesco store. It has a Union Jack flag on it. The Union Jack flag is not the flag of England - the St George's flag is. Aside from me feeling utterly insulted and marginalised ­ the packaging is wholly inaccurate.

English cheese is from ENGLAND - it should therefore be identified with the flag of ENGLAND. I notice that the Scottish, Welsh, Irish, French, Italian cheeses you sell all have their own NATIONAL flag on them.

I am English and want to support my own national produce - I have a national loyalty to them - and to be honest, I feel incredibly insulted that you continue to choose to ignore my country of England on your packaging.

Abigail replied - ­
Please note that the Union Jack flag on the item shows that the item was sourced from the UK. Due to the celebrations of the 300th anniversary of the British Union.

So there you go ­ aside from the bizarre sentence construct, Tesco celebrate 300 years of exploitation with a commemorative pack of mouldy cheese. A fitting memorial from a crap company.


Toque said...

Stupid bastards, they've been putting the Union flag on English cheese for years.

Their cheese is like greasy plastic anyway, the English flag is too good for it. Surprised the dog ate it.

JohnJo said...

"Suprised the dog ate it."

Haha, now THATS'S funny!

JohnJo said...

Oh no, I sound like Gollum.

Man in a shed said...

My local Sainsbury's sell Scottish Carrots and the other sort. How can you tell the difference - no idea.

W G Gruff said...

The difference is that 'the other sort' are, as 'every schoolboy knows', efficacious in improving the vision of night fighter pilots, whereas Scotch carrots merely exacerbate chronic McStigmatism in Jocks suffering from that peculiarly North Br*tish occular defect that results in a view of the world that is best described as like looking through tartan tinted spectacles.

W G Gruff said...

Apropos of Tesco and the calibre of functionaries such as Abigail: I once worked for a Scotch company that produced smoked salmon for Tesco. Every so often a team of various management types, usually 'twenty something' females, engaged in the less arcane aspects of marketing and purchasing would come to inspect the factory. On one occasion a colleague of mine was asked by one Tesco woman where the fish came from. He explained that most of it came from Scotch farms but that some was caught wild. The woman (recte bimbo) expressed genuine surprise. 'Really?' she said. 'I had no idea there was such a thing as wild salmon'. It's absolutely true, I swear.

Snuffleupagus said...

Your post is very funny. Even funnier that you are quite serious, as are your readers. I mean, does it matter that much? Clearly it does.

Shame on Tesco for not realising such offence could be caused...

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