I had a worrying thought this morning in bed. It’s so horrifying that I can hardly contemplate it. But could it happen? Nah, surely not…… but maybe so.
The thought that couldn’t be contemplated, and is too horrifying to dwell on goes like this…..
Gordon Brown wants to be Prime Minister more than anything else in the world. He’s desperate – like he wants it now! But there’s a problem, Gordon knows that the English population, an increasingly critical media and English MPs will add to the deafening chorus of NO MANDATE’ to pass legislation that will only affect England and not his own Scottish constituents….
That is why Gordon has gone all pro-British, all watery eyed about the true values of today’s proud Briton. He hopes, in his desperation and naivety that the rising tide of English Nationalism can be somehow conflated into a British identity….. (Some hope)
But what if the ‘Brit offensive’ doesn’t work? What then?
The Nightmare Solution
After a bit of expansive thinking, Gordon secretly asks the Boundary Commission via his pal, 40 chins Prescott, to ‘get rid’ of his current Scottish constituency of Dunfermline East. Get it amalgamated into a neighbouring one – and quote the need to slim down Scottish representation at Westminster, citing the already substantial powers of the Scottish Executive as the reason why…..
That then frees Gordon up to pursue another constituency in a Labour heartland, just in time for the next General Election. A Labour heartland where they’d vote for a cardboard box, a used nappy, or even a cardboard cut out of John Prescott if it was entered as a Labour candidate. The old Labour incumbent will move aside to let Gordon in - and accept a peerage in the process for falling on his sword and opting to 'retire early'.....
The Labour heartland would obviously be in England – somewhere Northern, somewhere industrial, somewhere dour and rainy……
Brown can practice his pie eating skills, buy a whippet & a flat cap and integrate himself seamlessly into the local Labour club scene with the help of a pint of mild and a clack of Party worker sycophants…..
The End Game
Now that Brown has an English constituency, he has the Premiership, he has a mandate.
And with that it's Carry on Scottish Raj starring Gordon Brown as Jocky McEvil.....
Well, that’s my nightmare. Could it happen? What do you think?….