Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Honest Steve Byers…. (a fairy story)
Stephen Byers – an utter disgrace
Disgraced former Secretary of State for Transport, Stephen Byers – has been cleared of lying by Parliament’s (No) Standards Committee. Steve can now rejoin society and the Cabinet to become the token Englishman that everyone hates, without a stain on his character or his underpants.
After a good 2 minutes of hard analysis, ferreting and investigating that would have had even Sam Spade in a flap, the No-Standards Committee have found him not guilty of lying, but ‘sort of guiltyish’ of telling an ‘untruth’.
A swift butchers at my ‘Lie-ometer’ says that an ‘untruth’ is somewhere between an ickle-wickle fibby-wibs and a bit of over exaggeration and is nowhere near a lie. As the No Standards Committee explains, ‘lying is only ever committed by paedophiles, despotic Dictators (not including Tony Blair), tabloid journalists and LibDem MPs……
The Committee has also banned anyone from using the rhyming couplet ‘Prince of liars, Stephen Byers’ from now on.
The Committee have sanctioned a competition in which prominent poets are to be invited to submit a new, more appropriately upbeat and honest appraisal of the character of Mr Byers.
I’ll save them the trouble, here’s my effort – Stephen Byers, you are devoid of any morals whatsoever and are a conniving has-been lying bastard.
(Needs a bit of tweeking on the rhyming bit, possibly).