Friday, May 30, 2008

Mild cheese terrorist outrage in Tesco...



Tesco Chief Executive, Sir Terry Leahy, put his 'Flying Flag Squad' on full alert last night as it emerged that a desperate cell of cheese and flag guerrillas had stuffed his stores with dairy products bearing the flag of St George.

Last night, every Tesco store in the country was ruthlessly searched for the rogue 'Mild Cheddar' packs, which were stripped from the shelves and unceremoniously dumped into landfill sites 'somewhere in the UK' .

Trying to reassure a panicking public, a Tesco spokesperson, said that if customers had inadvertantly bought a pack, they could claim a full refund with no questions asked - but those in Scotland would also each qualify for a free bonus of 100,000 Tesco shopping points and a 4 pack of Tennent's Super Strength Lager to get over the shock of it all (well, every little helps!).

In a desperate bid to repair this PR disaster, Sir Terry said he was organising a massive TV campaign using well known Big Yin, Billy Connolly as the voice over.

A strap line for the campaign have not yet been finalised but a few possible options are being analysed by Tesco focus groups... a strong early favourite is believed to be...

"English f***ing mild f***ing cheddar? Are ye 'aving a f***ing laugh or what? I'd rather eat one of ma own f***ing kidneys, ye soft southern f***er'....."

NOTE - Only the 'mild cheese versions of the product line have a St George's flag on them - the medium and strong products are devoid of our national ident...

3 comments:

Terry Heath said...

Have they actually put an English flag on the English cheddar, or is this a mock up?

Alfie said...

Terry - YES, Tesco own mild cheese DOES in fact have the CofStG upon its packaging. I was so gobsmacked, I had to buy it.... Interesting to see though that all the other cheeses in the range didn't have the flag on. For instance, the medium Cheddar right next to the mild was the same in every way, except for the flag. It could be a marketing exercise, it could be they are wondering whether the increase in English nationalism is going to mean greater sales...... Maybe this is a sort of test?

And you know that Leahy would sell his granny for a couple of bob...

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