Norfolk & Holmes – the estate agent of choice...

I watched a great programme on BBC3 last week. It was the sort of programme the BBC used to make years ago before the age of spin doctoring, inter-liaisonal projects with the resident party in power and the creation of BBC’s ‘Number 10 Brown-nosing unit’ (Motto, we’ll get so far up Brown’s backside, he’ll think we’re piles). It was part of the ‘Mischief’ series in which presenter Alex Riley had set up a new estate agency with a difference – ‘Norfolk & Holmes’ (not to be confused with the bookmakers ‘Norfolk & Chance’ and the Fat Friends Club – ‘Norfolk & Weigh’).

Who’d have thought it? Anglo Saxon irony on Auntie Beeb! Heads are sure to roll at the BBC when Gordon’s McStasi work it out.

Riley’s remit was to travel the length and breadth of England, finding just a small fraction of the estimated 1 million empty homes that blight our land –and then asking awkward questions to Council Dons and Government Lackeys as to why so many houses were being left empty and derelict while our glorious leader keeps banging on about the need to concrete over England with 3 million new rabbit hutches....

The most obscene part of the show was in Liverpool – row upon row of fantastic Victorian houses, some as big as five bedroom dwellings boarded up and awaiting demolition. It was a surreal site, Riley strolling around entire streets, no people, no cars, nothing. Every house empty, every community destroyed...... I mean, who could be responsible for such an arse up? Who do we know who’s as thick as pig sh*t, as dyslexic as a cooking funt and likes to have a Jag’ to transport his mighty corpulence to places where he just isn’t wanted...

There can be only one. John Prescott and his Pathfinder project.

In all, some 15,000 houses in the Anfield area of the city are empty. It’s the result of the Lib-Dem council (voted the worst run council in the entire country) trousering the cash from central government to help the moron Prescott realise his cretinous ‘Pathfinder’ dream . Anfield is now a ghetto, a suppurating monument to a shambolic cretin of a man and a money grabbing, no-honour cabal of local little Hitlers. And there they stand today. Street after street of brick husks – a gaunt, empty tribute to the consequences of the credit crunch and Labour’s continued obsession with the worst kind of unsocial engineering.

Riley interviewed a former resident of the community. She sort of hit the nail on the head, when she said the council told her the existing houses were jerry-built death traps – and it would be best if they were all knocked down to be replaced by bright, shiny new ones. The only problem was that the bright shiny new houses would be way out of the reach of the displaced community – so God knows where they would end up.....

Riley got a team of surveyors in to have a look at the state of the boarded up houses. They poured scorn on the claims of the council, stating that the quality of the existing houses, even in their abandoned state could not be matched by new build replacements. They took Riley round to see a street that had repulsed the unwanted attentions of Prescott’s chipolata fingers. Each house had been done up at around 20 grand each. The builders had sold them to locals – the place, as they say in Liverpool, was buzzin’....

And so it was ever thus. Agendas, no matter how bizarre, no matter how flaky are pushed by an administration so wrapped up in their own demented agendas, that everything they touch degrades England just a little more . In order to find out what the bloody hell is going on, Riley tried to have a word with the brassy hagged Minister for Housing, Caroline Flint.

In a nanosecond, gobby Flint became coy Caroline. She slipped out of a side entrance at the Ministry for Housing so she wouldn’t have to meet him.

Pathetic.

You can watch the show, here.

‘Dirty English’, the new fragrance for men – apparently.

‘Juicy Couture’ the hippest fashion house in America has brought out a new range of street cred’ smelly stuff for your not-so-average urban male...

The range is called ‘Dirty English’ – and according to Juicy, ‘it’s the scent of irresistible bad boys all over the world – Dirty English, the new fragrance for men’.... (Yeah, but it ain’t no Old Spice, is it?)



How do I feel about this? Insulted, obviously – but then again, am I being a tad over sensitive? For all I know, the marketing men at Juicy might have chucked other similarly contentious monikers for consideration by the focus groups...
‘Corpulent Gobby Yanks’, maybe. Or how about ‘Sweaty Jocks (trap)’.... ‘Garlic Eating Surrender Monkey French’.... ‘Whinging Minging Aussies’..... ‘Stormtrooping Germans’......

Or maybe they didn’t – for obvious reasons.
So why do they think it’s OK to insult us?

Spot the Union Flag...

Cardiff, a Union flag-free zone
In today's Gordon Brown world of total Britishness, I tuned into BBC News to witness five bemedalled Welsh Olympians being presented to an ecstatic crowd outside the Welsh Assembly building.

I expected to see the beaming athletes wrapped in their British flags - while an adoring crowd waved their little Union Flags for all they were worth.....

Some hope.

It was dragons all the way, the crowd, the flagpoles and the athletes were dripping with the dragon rampant. Not a Union Flag in sight, anywhere. Cue interviews. They were so proud to be Welsh. They were no longer British, they were Welsh - and it was fab....

The Scottish version will happen tomorrow, as wil the Northern Irish one....
But what about the English?

Oh yeah, of course. We are 'British' aren't we?

UPDATE....

I'm back.
For the last few weeks I have been a bit busy putting together the latest edition of 'English Voice' - which has, as usual been a bit of a labour of love (and a hell of a lot of hard work).

My email facility has been goosed for a few weeks - a result of a row between myself and my provider about which accounts I wanted to renew (and pay for) - and which I wanted to dump. Happily, Henry Kissinger was passing by the other day and has now sorted everything out - the result being that we are all friends again, and at last, I have my email back.

So now English Voice has safely been despatched to the printer I have got a bit more time - and will be posting more often from now on ('whoopy do', I hear you cry).

On another matter, over the past few months, I have been travelling around England - as a start of my personal journey to 'See it while I can before it becomes a Gordon Brownfield site' I will be writing about the places I have visited and posting them on the 'Alfred the OK' blog. First essay coming up will be concerning the City of Bath, the Mendips and the 700 year old 'George' pub which is one of the oldest hostelries in the whole of England and was the Headquarters of the Duke of Monmouth shortly before his defeat at the Battle of Sedgemoor.

The UK Youth Parliament - It’s young, it’s dynamic, it’s all happening - NOT!

Hooray, it’s the UK Yoof Parliament!

They’re there to speak up for the kids, to tell all those old fart controlling fuddy-duddies at Westminster exactly what they can do with their skewed view of democracy, the appalling West Lothian fit-up, the English-only tuition taxes fiasco - and the tax on lollipops..

And guess what, this isn’t some tin-pot rabble of supa-strength cider-drinking delinquent losers – oh no, they’re organised, their leaders press the flesh with lots of Establishment movers and shakers, and only last week, some of their members were on the BBC news 24 station waxing lyrical about ‘knife crime’ and how to solve it, innit.

Of course, in order to spread the word of the young right across the UK, they have devolved youth organisations in Northern Ireland, Wales and Scotland ....... But not in England, obviously.

And after an email to ‘Tom’, one of their funky, young leaders (I’ve put a tenner on him becoming Prime Minister within 30 years), I was told that there were no plans to introduce an English Youth Parliament.... and they also had no thoughts on devolution, or on how the skewed UK constitutional model could be fixed.... “As an organisation we don’t have a particular viewpoint on devolution.... Basically we are a youth organisation and the creation of an English parliament is not an issue which is at the top of young people’s priorities.” Regards, Tom, FPM (Future Prime Minister).

I don’t know about you, but I thought being young was all about swimming against the flow, having an attitude, being a bit of a pain in the arse for what you believe in – and asking ‘Why’, ‘Why should I?’ and ‘Why not’ a lot. But apparently, I’m wrong. The UKYP appears to be little more than a sort of Kindergarten, ’Toddling-Politics Crèche’ for budding Establishment politicians –‘Join the UK Youth Parliament – and ready yourself for a life in politics, courtesy of the taxpayer’

Just what is the point of setting up a youth parliament that is not only a ‘Mini-me’ clone of the flawed, self indulgent and corrupted big boys version at Westminster - but again ignores the English and national English representation?

And now it seems all so predictable! Delving a little deeper, it appears that the UK Youth Parliament is bankrolled by the UK Government, while the devolved youth parliaments are financed by the corresponding devolved administrations.....

This taken from the UK Youth Parliament News Archive -

'UKYP received from Government only £110k for the 2002/3 year and £165k this current year whereas we understand that Funky Dragon(the Welsh Youth Parliament) received around £280k in 2002/3'.

The DfES sponsored review we hope will address such resourcing issues as well as structural options. As the report points out, there is no English Youth Parliament so UKYP effectively provides that function as well. It works in particular with local authorities and the emerging English regional structures. This is a direction favoured in many political quarters rather than an England wide approach. Mrs Hodge’s comment on the "need for [a separate] English Youth Parliament" brings an added dimension to the debate."

Amazing, the Welsh version gets not far off three times as much as the the UK model, no doubt thanks to the good old Barnett Formula cash box - and the UKYP is doubling up as an English Youth Parliament. Some things never change - don't you just love it?

Alfie versus the Co op (ethical fraud monkeys)....

“Hi, is that the PR section of Co-op banking?"

“Yes”

“Are you the environmentally sensitive Co-op that defends Amazonian Indians and who will not accept business customers unless they fit into your ethical matrix?”

“Well yes, that’s correct. We think it’s important to have standards. We will not deal with businesses who engage in nefarious activities such as arms trading, the destruction of the rain forests... or indeed, those who would wantonly exploit native peoples”.......

“Like the native indigenous people of Amazonia?”...

“Exactly..... And our fantastic new Co-op ‘THINK’ credit card really does spell out in full our ethical credentials. Not only does it reward you for making ethical choices on your purchases, but also makes a contribution of 25p for every £100 spent to Cool Earth, a charity that buys and protects the rainforest against development. But thinking ethically doesn't stop with thinking green, which is why we have identified Ethical Partners that consider other important issues, such as fairtrade, sound sourcing or animal welfare - it's all important in making a difference to our world.....”

“And that policy regarding the protection of indigenous peoples – that applies to all indigenous peoples around the world, wherever they might live in the whole wide world, right?”

“Exactly right....... If you are interested, I can send you some literature on our ethical and green credentials if you like?”

“No, no, let’s save a tree or two - don’t bother sending me anything...........
But, before I go, can you answer me this one nagging question I have?”

“Absolutely”

“My question is – If you consider it totally wrong to put a concrete development in the middle of the Amazon....”

“Absolutely wrong”

“Yeah, if the Co-op considers it totally, absolutely wrong to build a town in the Amazon, then why is it totally, absolutely right to build a new town on a verdant green field site in the middle of the Leicestershire countryside? And not only that, why is it totally, absolutely right that the wishes of the indigenous people of rural Leicestershire will be ignored for the sake of a fast buck – and the consequences of that fast buckery will be that they will be displaced by the bulldozers so that a new town can be built? And why is it totally absolutely right that the developers of this projected new town on verdant green Leicestershire countryside is none other than the Co-op?.......

“You know, the very same 'ethical', 'moralistic' and supposedly ‘green’ Co-op that apparently defends the rights of indigenous peoples, everywhere...... except those who live in England, apparently......

“Tell me, in view of this appalling abuse of ethics and the total disregard afforded to green issues, will the ethically inspired Co-op be cutting up all the credit cards of 'the Co-op' – and refuse to bank for them because of the wanton vandalism, exploitation of the indigenous population of rural Leicestershire and for putting naked greed above your ethical mission statement so brazenly forwarded at every single opportunity?

“Well, will you?”

“Let me put you on hold”.....

A minute later, and he’s back......

“Hello..... Yes, well, the ECO development in Leicestershire is an ECO driven initiative. It is reclaiming some old land, including an airfield – and putting it to good use, in the most ECO sensitive way.”

“What’s with all the ECO prefixing? You know, and I know that Caroline Flint, the Housing Minister has admitted that the ECO Town initiative is little more than an exercise in opening up the English countryside to urban development. ECO does not stand for ‘Ecological’ it stands for ‘Economy’ – making money at the expense of others.

“And anyway, I think you will find that the airfield is actually nothing more than a very thin airstrip. It is a thin strip of tarmac on a green field – unfortunately, you don’t just want to build on the thin air strip, or even on the green field which has the thin airstrip on it – you want to build on all the other many green fields that surround the green field with the airstrip, don’t you? 15,000 people are projected to be living in this new town, with many more to come. Isn’t it a fact that a lot of that supposedly brown field land is currently being farmed by you the Co-op, currently the UK’s biggest farmer with over 70,000 acres under the plough.

“Silence”

“Let’s cut to the chase. Let’s just stop with all the ethical bull. Let’s tell it like it actually is. The Co-op is just the same as every other massive money business, greedy, mendacious, opportunistic. Only in your case, you’d sell your Granny for a few bob – just as long as she was wearing green slippers and that her false teeth weren’t made of elephant ivory.

"You need to think of a new slogan. Instead of the all the green ethical stuff, just try and be honest.... How about ‘The Co-op, greedy low lives, eager to shaft the locals, even those in the Amazon (once we open our Rio branch)......"

“But......”

Don’t try to flannel me with the ethical rubbish, the green rubbish or any other eco waffle. You are planning to concrete over and despoil forever another piece of English countryside. You’ve been bought by a dour Scotsman’s gold. You should be bloody ashamed of yourselves..........

CO-OP DEFINITIONS -
Non-indigenous English farmer....

Indigenous Amazon hunter....

English countryside, redefined as 'brown field'....

The Amazon, the jewel in the Co-op's crown....

It's started. English-only Planning Laws clear way for new nuclear power stations in double quick time...

'At least eight new nuclear power stations are to be approved within the next two years and built swiftly under fast-track planning procedures....

Gordon Brown believes that they will be needed to avoid an energy crisis in the next decade, and more will follow as the world tries to reduce its dependence on oil for power'......

Paying the ultimate price....

One of my sons has signed up for the army. He’ll be joining REME and will be training as a helicopter technician – but as he is in the army, his first priority will be as a soldier. That means going to Iraq, Afghanistan or wherever else the closet dictators in number 10 deem to start the next war. It will mean servicing helicopters in those theatres of battle – but it will also mean going out on patrol....

I am not too happy about it at all. Fighting to defend your own country is one thing – but putting your life at risk in a God forsaken desert village to preserve Tony Blair’s flawed credentials is quite another. The problem is, there is nothing else to do around where we live – his previous job was working part time at Tesco.

All the labouring work has been taken by Poles, all the farm working jobs are being done by Latvians and all the engineering and production jobs that used to abound round here have all gone to China......

So there seems not a lot of choice if you cannot afford Uni' and are not interested in IT - so he has decided that the army is his chosen career move. And last week, the risk that is run when you join up was brought home to us in the most brutal of fashions... Sarah Bryant was killed in Afghanistan, courtesy of a roadside bomb. She was the first British woman soldier to die there.

Sarah and her Dad, Des Feely on her wedding day.

Although shocked, with the daily inevitability of casualties, I did what millions of others do when we heard the news. We tutted, we cursed Blair for getting us involved in the first place, we cursed Brown for stripping the defence budget to the bone..... But essentially, she was just another casualty of a pointless war..

And then last Thursday, I picked up our local paper and clocked the story about the tragedy in Afghanistan. It transpired that Sarah Bryant had actually been born in our village. She was the only daughter of Des Feely, the then landlord of the Red Lion public house, situated not half a mile from our house.

The Red Lion was my local, we used to go there around twice a week for a natter with Des. Sometimes he would organise a lock in and we would stagger out around 3 in the morning. Des loved the life, but then, his wife delivered him a daughter and suddenly his priorities changed. A pub was no place to bring up a child – so around 20 years ago, they sold the pub and Des took a desk job in a brewery. That was the last time I saw them, we had a right good knees up on his last night and wished him and his family all the best for the future.

And now his life is in ruins. His only child blown to pieces in a ‘snatch’ landrover (code for having very little armoured protection).

What a waste.

The NHS at sixty...

I wonder what Nye Bevan would make of it all?


The father of the NHS must surely be spinning in his grave at the state ‘his baby’ has got into, courtesy of New Labour’s reorganisation police...

Lord Darzi, one of Gordon Brown’s apparently bestest, most glitteringly talented of the ‘talents’ in his Cabinet of all the Talents is about to publish his seminal work on improving the NHS in England.

Lots of paper trailing has been going on. Health Secretary Alan Johnson has been doing the TV studio rounds over the last few days telling the gullible public that this report is all about radically improving the service across ‘the whole country’. As per usual, the BBC has been doing its not-level-playing-field best to queer the pitch. Key soundbites like ‘ending the post code lottery’ and ‘a fairer deal for patients’ have been spewing from the mouths of eager young BBC Brownanistas like a rampant case of the bloody flux....

Gordon Brown, the guy with the clunking club fist has posted his thoughts in the report’s preface - "It is a bold vision for an NHS which is among the best healthcare systems in the world - a once-in-a-generation opportunity that we owe it to ourselves and our families to take".....

Not really, is it Gordon? I mean, this isn’t even a sticking plaster solution to the problem. Because unless and until you give an extra £400 to every man woman and child in England and thus achieve parity with the spending per head in Scotland, Darzi is merely rearranging the MRSA infected furniture. We’ll still be denied the life saving drugs, standard to everyone else in this union of the unequals.

I mean, the English NHS isn’t even one of the best healthcare systems in the UK – in fact it’s the worst. Fourth out of four.

If the 4 healthcare systems were cars, the Scots would be driving a Roller. The Welsh a Range Rover and the Northern Irish a Mondeo..... And the English? A second hand Ford Capri.

What Darzi is proposing is a few go faster stripes, a new Magic Tree car scent freshener and a couple of furry dice hanging from the rear view mirror.
Tarting up will not do. The English NHS is still a shed. The tragedy is that Brown, the quisling Johnson and the rest of this government of occupation are perfectly willing to see English lives sacrificed for the sake of Celt Gelt bribery.


Our Health Secretary shows exactly what he thinks of the English sick

Youngest nation in Europe gets anthem.....

(so what about one of the oldest getting one as well then?)

Kosovo, Europe's massaged bright new nation, hewn out of solid Serbian dogma by freedom loving Tony Blair and Georgy Bush, has been living the dream via her very own national anthem. It got its first airing at the weekend amongst watery eyes, fanfairyness and Serbian teeth-gnashings in the shiny new capital of Pristina.

Even the BBC was there – reporter Helen Fawkes enthused “For the authorities, it is a crucial part of nation building and is something which is designed to unite the people of Kosovo”...

Well, that’s nice, isn’t it? Apparently, according to the BBC, having your own national anthem is a crucial part of nation building....... I expect that’s why England doesn’t have one then?

Allowing England to have her own national anthem? Absolutely preposterous and dangerously seditious to even go there.... Why, we’ll be asking for our own national parliament next....

Gordon Brown doesn’t do kissy-kisses.....

(but then he does, and obviously gets it hopelessly wrong)

Did anyone see Gordon Brown and his lady wife greeting the Bushes yesterday outside Number 10? If you did, it would have told you absolutely everything you needed to know about what is wrong with our man at the top.

George and his Missus, got out of their huge stretched limo, (does it do hen night tours at the weekend?) and strode over to the Browns. Gordy stretched out his great clunking fist and shook George’s hand. No problem there. Mano e mano – Scottish Son of the Manse meets Southern Bible basher.

And then Brown moved onto the l’il lady. He shook Laura Bush’s hand as outstretched as he could make it. The Broon personal space was left secure as Laura was kept at arm’s length from the great moral crusader. They disengage. Laura isn’t going to get a kissy smooch from Gordy – she looks relieved. Unfortunately, George Bush has, by this time moved onto wasshername. Mrs Brown and George exchange a light cheek to cheek kiss – hardly surprising I suppose when you remember that the Bushes have just flown in from Paris.

As all this up close and personal was going on, Gordon looked over his shoulder at his wife’s tete a tete. Obviously, if his missus is doing kissy kisses, then he is going to have to do them also. With that, lips puckering for Scotland, he lunges at the wilting flower that is Laura Bush. The First Lady turns her left cheek in readiness to accept the peck. Unfortunately, Gordon has decided he is going to kiss her on her right cheek.

Awkward. Cringing. Embarrassing.....

But as the pro she is, Laura Bush readjusts to accept Brown’s puckered lips. He plants a big slobbery one on her right cheek. You can almost see her sigh with relief. Thank God that is over..... Except, it isn’t. True to form, Brown the unetiquetted slob just doesn’t get it. He’s kissed her on the right – now he’s going totally OTT and giving her one on the left, also.


The whole episode sort of sums up what Brown is all about. Nothing is natural with him, nothing is spontaneous..... it’s all connived, 100% robotic, 100% false. Anne Widdecombe once famously described Michael Howard as having “something of the night” about him..... But what is it about Gordon Brown? If John Redwood is a Vulcan, what is Gordon Brown? Some say he’s a Klingon, others think he’s a moron. One thing’s for sure, he’s a guy devoid of social skills, he has no idea of social intercourse – his people skills are about as sophisticated as a knee in the groin...

Dianne Abbott said last week on ‘This Week’ that in an effort to get her to vote for the 42 day detention proposition, Gordon Brown actually rang her. Abbott said it was the first time he had talked to her in over 20 years.... She then said it wasn’t that unusual as he hadn’t even spoken to some of his own ministers..... Gordon Brown doesn’t do communication – he’s lost in a world of hair-shirted self repression and puritanical zeal.....

I would suggest he has ‘something of Marvin, the paranoid android’ about him.....

42 DAYS – the great conundrum...

Today, the Labour rebels will have to decide –

Vote for 42 days without charge – and save Gordon Brown from a crippling defeat that may well trigger a ‘government in office but not in power’ scenario – which will then spiral to an inevitable early General Election.....

OR,

Vote against 42 days without charge – and uphold the ancient traditions of this country - and of our hard won and precious freedoms, even though this may well trigger a ‘government in office but not in power’ scenario which will then spiral to an inevitable early General Election, and to inevitable landslide defeat.

Lots and lots of rebel Labour MPs will lose their seats, lots and lots of them will end up out of a job and unemployable, save for flogging their parliamentary paper clips on eBay...... No more 125k package, no more ‘with balls’ pensions, no more think of a number, double it, then treble it, then add a couple of zeros, expense claims. No more free second homes, no more free Sky TV package, no more free food, no more claiming 30k a year for secretarial services provided by the family dog, no more ‘research trips’ to the dregs of the world, like Barbados, Acapulco and Monte Carlo, no more 18 weeks paid holiday a year....

I wonder which way they will vote?

Labour admit to being ‘bigotist’ towards the English....

It’s official, the NuLab project of annihilation of all things English has reached the end game. England’s very own Culture Minister, the flawed and deeply unpleasant champagne socialist Margaret Hodge has admitted that over the last 2 years, a pathetic 230 quid had been spent by her department on celebrating St George’s Day. Three years before that, they spent bugger all.

This year, their £120 budget amounted to around 0.0000023 of a penny for each of England’s 50 million souls.....

It makes Justice Minister Jack Straw’s recent declaration that “the English should reclaim the day from 'bigots'.....” all a bit of a sad, sick joke. Jack, baby. The only bigots in town appear to be yourself and your Brown nosing Cabinet colleagues.

I wonder how much money England’s very own Culture Minister has given to celebrate St Patrick’s Day(Ireland), St Frumentius Day(Ethiopia), St Casimir Day(Poland), St Francis of Assisi Day(Italy) and every other Saint’s day you care to mention over the past few years?...

Nu Labour are practising cultural genocide on this country – pure and simple. England’s 50 million people are being rebranded and repackaged as Britain-Lite, while England the country, the entity, the cultural giant is left to wither and die.

New Labour - English-hatin', gobsmackin', awful-governin', control-freakin', lyin'shits...

Mild cheese terrorist outrage in Tesco...

Tesco Chief Executive, Sir Terry Leahy, put his 'Flying Flag Squad' on full alert last night as it emerged that a desperate cell of cheese and flag guerrillas had stuffed his stores with dairy products bearing the flag of St George.

Last night, every Tesco store in the country was ruthlessly searched for the rogue 'Mild Cheddar' packs, which were stripped from the shelves and unceremoniously dumped into landfill sites 'somewhere in the UK' .

Trying to reassure a panicking public, a Tesco spokesperson, said that if customers had inadvertantly bought a pack, they could claim a full refund with no questions asked - but those in Scotland would also each qualify for a free bonus of 100,000 Tesco shopping points and a 4 pack of Tennent's Super Strength Lager to get over the shock of it all (well, every little helps!).

In a desperate bid to repair this PR disaster, Sir Terry said he was organising a massive TV campaign using well known Big Yin, Billy Connolly as the voice over.

A strap line for the campaign have not yet been finalised but a few possible options are being analysed by Tesco focus groups... a strong early favourite is believed to be...

"English f***ing mild f***ing cheddar? Are ye 'aving a f***ing laugh or what? I'd rather eat one of ma own f***ing kidneys, ye soft southern f***er'....."

NOTE - Only the 'mild cheese versions of the product line have a St George's flag on them - the medium and strong products are devoid of our national ident...

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nah it's just a sad, delusional control freak...

Has Ed Balls, our glorious leader's Hissing-Sid pal back at the McBunker been whispering even more poison into Brown's big fleshy chimpy ear? Or has our beloved leader finally lost his marbles (along with his cohonas, judgement, honesty and integrity)?

Well summat's up. How else do you explain Brown's comedic gatecrashing of the today's Oil Barons meeting at Banchory in Scotland. Accompanied by his pocket Chancellor Allistair Darling, the dynamic duo swooped into the meet to tell the JR Ewings of the North Sea world that they needed to increase oil production - like right now, in order to flood the market - and in the process, reduce the price of a barrel of crude...... And save Western civilisation as we know it.

Dutifully, the Brown-nosing Broadcasting Corporation were there to record the great event. Brown and Darling, the rescue squad were in town along with square jaws, calculators and a copy of the riot act..... Oh my Gard, the price of crood has garn through the roof, who will save us?"....

Fear not, taxed-to-death citizen, tis I,Sadman and Bobbins, my grey sidekick are here to turn on the taps"..

"Gard bless you, great clunking fist - whoever you are"....

Cut to the inside of the hall. Brown, centre stage is hunched telling the boys with the black stuff exactly how it's going to be. All the clunking fist hand gestures are there, furrowed brow, jabbing finger, blood pressure on simering. A Glasgow kissed frenzy is about to break out unless Messers Shell and co 'do something'...

All is well with the world, the BBC's Gordon Brown's Brand is back - and he means business......

And that's where the 'reality' stops. This clown and his stooge have no power to do anything about the price of cake - much less the price of oil - except that is, to take off some of the duty - and of course they'll never do that, will they?

Gordon, my poor deluded leader, oil is a globally quoted commodity - the price of Brent Crude is, and always has been linked to OPEC's price. The UK's oil production is absolutely miniscule when compared with Saudi, Russia and the States. And anyway, we no longer have the capacity to increase output - especially as a result of Brown's last North Sea 'Windfall' tax grab of a few years ago. As a consequence of that act, Shell and BP publically declared they would no longer attempt to look for new, more difficult, more expensive North Sea oilfields.

So today's futile act of gonadship, an embarrassing hoo-haa of no consequence has echoes of previous delusions of adequacy. I haven't laughed so much since Tony Blair said he was going to crack heads around the Middle Eastern table over a glass or two of sherry*....

NOTE: *That's 'Sherry' the drink, not 'Cherie' the mad woman.

The shape of things to come..( 2 up, 2 down - and a recycle bin).

Eco-Towns, that oxymoron on acid are about to be railroaded through as part of Caroline Flint’s Brassy-Cowed, trowel-it-on legacy. So says the Goverment’s top planning adviser in yesterday’s Sunday Times...

’Ministers are plotting to “crash the planning process” for their new eco-towns, restricting the opportunity for residents to object, according to the government’s own expert adviser.

Professor David Lock claims the communities department wants to fast-track the towns, intended to provide environmentally friendly housing. This is despite the government’s public declaration that normal procedures will be followed...

Eco-Towns, along with their close neighbours Eco-Motorways, Eco-Factories, Eco-Red Light Districts (all the Jonnies are made from recycled Gimp Masks, you know) and Eco-Sink Estates are threatening to swamp England under a billion tonnes of concrete.

Flint, famous for wearing a two inch thick layer of Rimmel make-up in a futile attempt to somehow get ‘the London look’ last month took the art of speaking utter bollocks to a whole new level. She declared that soon-to-be second largest city in the UK, Milton Keynes was greener, more environmentally friendly than the as yet unspoilt countryside that surrounds it.

I expect she was referring to the abundance of wildlife drawn to the bright city lights. Rats, feral foxes, feral yooves, yard dogs, bar flies, man eaters and asbo monkeys......

So determined is Ms Flint to get her Eco-Towned Valhallas built that Prof Lock reckons that the normal planning procedures (which could take around 10 years) will be chucked into the bin in favour of ‘fast-track-city’. And the tools with which to do the chucking are currently doing the rounds at Westminster. The new English only planning bill will enable central government to hex all local opposition under the broad brush wording of ‘For the greater good’....

Full story here....

COMING SOON! The full shameful list of land grabbing companies who own the green field land which are to be Eco-Towned. If you know who they are – then you can boycott them – and help save England from obliteration.

The battle of Crewe and Nantwich...

At bloody last..

For the past week, Blogger has been well irritating the tripes off me. No matter what I did, what I tried, I couldn't bloody upload anything!

This morning however, everything seems to be working....... Wordpress is beckoning so it better not happen again.

Another England vid...

Now there's tricky...... isn't it?

This taken from the FA web site.....

Following Sunday's FA Cup Semi-Final, The FA has been discussing the issue of Cardiff City entering the UEFA Cup next season should they win The FA Cup.

We will also continue to discuss this with The FA of Wales and UEFA.

At this stage we have not ruled out Cardiff City being entered into Europe via The FA Cup should they win it.

However, further conversations need to take place but we would expect to have final clarification on this before the end of the month - well before The Final takes place on 17 May........

So there you go. If the Welsh football club, Cardiff City win the FA Cup then they could qualify for the UEFA Cup next season - as one of England's representatives...

I wonder if the English Premier clubs, Aston Villa or Portsmouth - (one of which is likely to miss out on qualification) will go to the courts to challenge that decision, bearing in mind that the Welsh FA will be submitting a full allocation of clubs from their own Welsh League for participation in next season's competition?

Also, I have asked the PR people at the FA whether they will be playing the Welsh national anthem - 'Land of my Fathers' before the commencement of the FA Cup Final. I think it seems likely, bearing in mind that they played it after Cardiff's victory in the Semi-Finals. They haven't got back to me yet - will post it when they do......