I understand you are looking around for some special people for your team – to heal, to soothe, to rebuild the YooKay in all its HeeBeeGeeBee glory.…. A sort of Cabinet of the Talents to replace Blair's Cabinet of the Scotsmen. Well look no further, Gordon baby, today is your lucky day – I’m available.
Can I please, please, please be Minister for Kirkcaldy – and can I please have sole responsibility for the education, health, transport, planning and old people’s social care of that fair town?
Of course, the post will be ‘off limits’ to you and everyone else – I will be totally independent of any interference from your good self and your fellow Brownites, obviously…….
I will administer my new job from 300 miles away and remotely stick my nose in whenever I see fit to do so. And if the good folk of Kirkcaldy decide they don’t like me or my policies - and wish to be rid of me, then that’s just tougherama. I’m there to stay, nosing away, shoving my oar in and jabbing away with my big nosy jabbing stick whenever the opportunity arises…
No? I thought not.
Come on Gordon, new broom and all that. There must be something I can do in the Cabinet of the Talents?. Something, something, something that no one else is doing at the moment…… maybe a whole new post… Think, Gordon, think!
How about making me the very first, First Minister for England please?