Thursday, October 18, 2007

The BBC gets thrifty.....

The BBC are currently 2 billion down on their budget. Consequently, they are having to make some fairly radical decisions in order to save a few quid here and a couple of million there. But how can this be? The Beeb have always been skint haven't they - so how could they actually ever be in a position to waste our hard earned moula?

Question 1
How much money does the BBC spend per day on taxis and hire cars?

Is it -
a) £15 including a 3-bob tip to Tommy the cab driver.
b)£145.56p because we cannot expect our celeb' talent to get the bus - and anyway, we have a contract with 'Happy-Cab cab hire, Shepherds Bush'.
c) £12,000 - well, we have to ferry a lot of very important people like Natasha Kaplinski around and Mondeos ain't cheap.
d) £50,000 because it's C-Class Merc turbo-testosterone for us - and anyway, we're far too important to ride in Mondeos.

Question 2.
How much money did the BBC spend on entertaining MPs, hangers-on and media luvvies at this year's Glastonbury festival?

Is it -
a) £28 plus a communal barrel of whacky backy
b) £500 not including a complimentary pint of specially brewed Glastonbury mud beer for each visitor.
c) £20,000 because you just have to create a good impression.
d) £70,000 because it's not our money so we don't really give an Arctic Monkeys.

Question 3.
How many people did the BBC send to cover the 2006 World Cup?

Was it -
a) Motty, Lawro, Hansen, a cameraman and a sound engineer.
b) Motty, Lawro, Hansen and a technical staff of 20.
c) Motty, Lawro, Hansen and a technical staff of 20 plus a back up staff of 30 to make sure everything ran smoothly.
d) Motty, Lawro, Hansen and a technical staff of 20 plus a back up staff of 30 plus over 200 hangers on, ne'r do wells, Motty-mates, P.R. dross, glad-handers and highly paid flotsam.... Plus a batallion of caterers making a grand total of over 300 people*.

*ITV sent 64 people and Sky sent under 50.

Question 4.
Jenny Abramsky, the BBC Director of Audio and Music has amassed, (courtesy of a gold plated BBC pension) a retirement wedge of how much money?

Is it -
a) Hardly anything because, like those in the private sector, Jenny's pension wedge has taken a huge hit from the Chancellor and the markets.
b) A modest amount because unlike the private sector, BBC pensions are a bit more flexible to manage.
c) Not that bad really, through careful husbandry and sensible investment management, Jenny should have a contented old age without too much worry.
d) Kerrrching City! Jenny's pension pot is 3.5 million and climbing fast! And if there is a little blip in the markets - no worries, we can just top-up using the 3 billion plus that the public give the Beeb every year.

Sir Michael Lyons, Chair of the BBC Trust - "What we have to make sure is that the BBC squeeze every penny they can out of every licence-fee pound.

Answers - 1,d). 2,d). 3,d). 4,d)

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