Well that’s a shock. Yet another Scottish writer living and working in England decides to slag off the natives with a barrage of sneering invective. This time it’s Times columnist, Kate Muir’s turn to indulge herself in the black art of England bashing, (along with some familiars down at the local hairdressers).
No longer content to pass the hair-drying time discussing the weather, boring sex life or latest episode of Corry, the word apparently down at Muir’s salon is how crap the English are.
"As a Briton living in London, I know the picture is weirder and darker than this. New stereotypes are emerging from the maw of England, and many of them are ugly. You need only ask your hairdresser. Mine is a well-read, well-travelled Spaniard who has lived here for ten years; her sidekick, holding the foils as we put tiger stripes in my hair, is Italian, and has been here for four years.
"What do you think about first when you think of the English?" They laugh, cagily. "I’m Scottish," I say. "You can trust me."
"Bling," says the Italian. "Particularly among the 15-25s. All that fake blonde hair and too-big, too-much jewellery. I mean, in Italy we wear gold, but not like that…"
"Drinking," says the Spaniard. "Being so drunk you can’t speak every time you go out; the lack of calm, civilised drinking." Her face contorted in horror: "Alcopops!"
"Incompetence," they both agree, as proved by the subjects of our reality TV shows. "In Spain, we know how to eat well, how to garden, how to look after our children. We don’t need the government sending us supernannies or Gillian McKeith looking at our shit. As for not knowing how to clean your house…" There’s a derisory snort. "The food’s not as bad as it was, though. At least you can get a good Indian or a gastropub in London." So that’s half a point in Britain’s favour. "But why is everyone so fat?"
So there you go – the current English national stereotype is a dna stuffed with blinging drinking incompetence wrapped around a suit of lard.….
What I don’t understand is if the English are so cruddy why would these three coiffures of opinion: a Scot, a Spaniard and an Italian bother to stay here? Why don’t they sod off home? But they won’t will they? They’ll stay here, hating us sneering at us, poncing off us, screwing us and abusing us. Maybe Muir is trying to escape her national dish of deep fried Mars Bars and a pint of heavy. Maybe the hairdressers are masochists…. Maybe they don’t do hairdos in Spain and Italy?…
One thing’s for certain, Ms Muir has joined uber Scottish jerk, AA Gill on the list of small minded Scottish tosspots who like to diss our country. Her article is lazy, cheap, ignorant and stereotypically formulaic. My suggestion for next week’s piece by Ms Muir is an in-depth study on the cuisine of the Scots… deep fried Mars Bars and Bridies included.
And Ms Muir, next time when you're at the hairdressers, I just hope you don't meet my Missus getting her fringe trimmed...... She has some very derogatory opinions on gobby Scots.... for some reason she has a problem with sneering hacks slagging an entire nation off.