Man to new Landlord - "So what's happening this St Patrick's Day then?"
Landlord to man - "Bugger all".
"What do you mean, 'bugger all'?"
"I mean, bugger all is happening here on St Patrick's Day. No stupid floppy big green foam hats, no stick-on beards, no blow-up Shillelaghs, no special Guinness promos - nothing."
"But why? Why aren't you celebrating St Paddy's Day then?"
"Because I am not Irish. Because I don't live in Ireland. Because this pub is not in Ireland."
"But you must! Last year, it was wall-to-wall green and white, the 'craic' was all over the place and everyone got pissed on Guinness and felt all lovely and Irish for the day."
"Not this year they won't - at least not in my pub."
"Well that's a bit of a shame - I mean, it's traditional isn't it..... to celebrate the saint's day?"
"That's right. And that's what we're doing on 23rd April."
"Ohhhhh right. St George's Day......Hmmmm. Isn't that a bit, you know......"
"No it isn't. Not at all. On St George's Day, we will be having the biggest damned celebration of Englishness this pub has ever seen. English beers, English food, English Morris Dancers and English Folk Music. Why? Because I am English, I am proud to be English, I live in England - and this pub is situated in Lancashire, which is a county of England. So be sure to tell your friends!"