An everyday tale over the breakfast table…..

Dave: "Pass me the marmalade please".

Tessa: "But why do you want the marmalade? Can’t you make do with jam? What’s the hidden agenda… it just smells so ‘fishy’ to me"

Dave: "I hope not – I’d rather hoped for Seville oranges actually…. Look Tessa, you’ve got to start trusting me. The marmalade is for the toast…. Savvy?"

Tessa: "Of course. I’m sorry…. It’s just that…
You know I have to be ‘careful’….. Being that I’m an incredibly important and intelligent woman at the heart of a passionate and talented government and everything….. I mean, I don’t want ‘Gus’ coming down on me over failure to declare stuff"…

Dave: "Oh for God’s sake. I’m going to work"……
Oh, before I go, can you just put your moniker on this bit of paper please?"

Tessa: "Yes, of course, but what is it, I mean – you know, I have to be careful, you do understand don’t you darling?"

Dave: "Now, now Tess old girl, you know better than to ask me that, don’t you?"

Tessa: "Look Dave, I really must insist on knowing what the signature is for"….

Dave: OK, OK, old girl. You’re right, you’re just too clever for me. Remember that nice Italian gent I’ve been telling you about?"

Tessa: Who? You mean Mr Omerta from Cosa Nostra Villas, Camorra Avenue, Naples?

Dave: "That’s the chap. Well, apparently, Mr Omerta has started to collect autographs of great British political heavyweights… He wants to start right at the top"…

Tessa: … "so he’s come straight to me!!!"

Dave: S’actly!! I thought this official looking document might be suitable – you know, to add a bit of gravitas……

Tessa: Got a pen?

Well it just might have happened that way, good old Tessa signing for a re-mortgage of over 350 grand without asking or realising exactly why she was doing it……

Although,, it’s not as bizarre as tonight’s interview with arch perjurer, and poison pen letter writer, Margaret Hodge giving her "full and unequivocal support" and opining how ‘integrity’ veritably oozes out of every pore of Jowell’s intelligent brow….

You just couldn’t make it up…..