It was a bit disappointing really - especially in the ‘Best Actor’ category. Joaquin Phoenix was there for his portrayal of moody C & W hell-raiser, ‘snorting’ Johnny Cash – as was the bloke playing the gay cowboy in ‘Brokeback Mountain’……
But where was the consummate professional, the daddy of all actors, the real flimflam man of the cheeky-chappie smile and the ordinary kinda guy delivery. Yes, he, the ace of the pregnant pause, the on-demand friend of Dubbya and the greatest play actor of all time was missing…
I refer of course to arch thesp’ Tony Blair. What an actor. What an act! There he was on yesterday’s news cast, grasping, searching, desperately searching for the right words, the noble words that would somehow capture the sorrow of a grateful nation, united in grief at the tragic news of yet another fallen warrior in a far off field that will forever be known as Iraq….
He put a bit more method acting into yesterday’s performance. He had to, it was special. Hand wringing was on regulo 10, - the extra friction threatening to spontaneously combust the glorious leader’s tortured digits. The brow furrowed, purest angst oozed out of every anointed pore, the eyes wandered off into a far off distance, perhaps searching, ever searching for those WMDs, because he knows they’re out there….. somewhere.
He gasped out the pauses, staccato invective kicked in, can you feel his pain, his sorrow, his regret? He’s the leader – and it’s not easy being head honcho. It’s not easy having to order people to certain death on a futile and illegal prospectus…. I mean, Tony has kids – and they too are ‘doing their bit' in the war against terror. Only this week Euan, the Blair dauphain fell nobly on his career sword to sacrifice himself for a bit of paper sorting at the White House.. (well, someone’s got to do it). Do you think it was easy getting that job? Look, anyone could have replied to that ad' in the Sits-Vac page of the Sedgefield Whistleblower....... Euan got it on merit, no doubt about it......
Back to the tribute. The imperious leader was in trouble. Bravely, resolutely - stoically as any plucky Tommy about to throw his life away on our leader’s baggy-eyed conviction, Tony fought on barely controlling his life systems. Such was his grief, such was his regret as he paid tribute to Corporal Gordon Pritchard, the 100th British soldier to die in the flawed and illegal adventure that is the Iraq debacle.
He delivered the pastiche, the TV screen faded to black in tribute. I can only guess what the gollum-like creep in the background might have said to Tony as he strode off the set…
Tony, you were bloody brilliant, well done"
"Thanks Alastair, sometimes I really do think I could sell sand to the Arabs you know"…….
But unknown to good old Tone and his Campbell-crutch, the guy he had just paid tribute to - the late, Corporal Gordon Pritchard had actually met the imperious one during his whistle-stop, morale boosting tour of Basra just before Christmas.
One of these people is a dead lion,the other is a fraud monkey
The problem is Pritchard was in awe as he chatted, one 2 one to Blair, our citizen number 1…… Meanwhile, Blair’s lights were on but no one was at home because Tone was too busy thinking of his Christmas holiday at Sharm-el-sheikh – and anyway, seen one happy, laughing soldier, seen them all, chatted about the importance of the mission to one trusting government employee, chatted to millions…… delivered one dead soldier’s eulogy, delivered a hundred (and counting).
It’s all about priorities and practice Tony mate, don’t you think?.
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