Brain of a planet panel forget about England (Somehow)….…..

Question Time – BBC 1 – they really don’t like me
I applied again to get into the audience on the BBC Question Time Show tonight. It was broadcast from Preston, a mere 15 miles away. I didn’t manage it, they didn’t even reply to my application – but then again, they never do. Over the years, I must have applied around 20 times in all….. The silence is deafening…. Do you think it’s something I've said (or maybe something I might say?)

Never mind, I’ll be a virtual member of the audience
Still, I always watch it on the box – and every week it’s always the same old Dimbleby inspired waffle. Forensic and analytical it ain’t, broad brush and inaccurate it most certainly is. This week’s panel had a crew straight from the planet Motley. The LibDem rep’ was a guy with the name like a 70’s pornstar, Lord ‘give it to me baby’ Razzall. The Tory presence was Theresa ‘Jimmy Choo’ May, Vain Peter Hain and his amazingly tanned skin was the yes monkey Government mouthpiece…….

And so to the independents. These, supposedly cerebral, supposedly intelligent free thinkers, unfettered by the Pavlovian party instincts of the other three are there to represent us and not just any dogmatic political cause. Step forward former political heavyweight, wearer of enormous white Y-fronts and confirmed Thatcher hater, John ‘jowls’ Sergeant.

To offset Sergeant’s smacked arse complexion and Quasimodo good looks, the Beeb wheeled in Kat Fletcher, President of the Students Union. She’s young, blonde and gobby… (and a lot easier on the eye than the rest of the panellists)…

The show
Basically the usual. Dimbleby avoiding controversy, cutting short any thread of debate. Ignorance, dogma, simplistic rubbish repeated ad nausiem by all of them - but especially by the Tanned-Man. He really is an absolute berk. He must be thankful Prescott is still in the Cabinet, otherwise Hain would undoubtedly assume the mantle of Government Turnip (as opposed to Government tin of creosote)…..

Anyway, I sat there waiting for it. The question. The question that will justify exactly why Kat Fletcher, funky young Pres’ of the SU was on the panel. With five minutes to go, some guy in the audience with a 70’s mullet hair do, asks it.

The question
Mullet man "Does the panel think that the reason for lower student numbers at Universities is due to the imposition of tuition fees"….

The reaction
Tanned-man could be heard whittering away in the background…. "No, no, no, no".
God, a 2 year old could have done better.

The other panellists all had a go, "It’s got to be paid for, bla, bla, bla" ….. "The LibDems would get rid of it, bla, bla, bla"…. "That’s not right, student numbers are going up, and where’s the top-up tan cream, bla, bla, bla"….

Well that was predictable, 4 proverbial eggheads all sort of forgetting that the fall in the number of students going to universities only applies to England. Scottish and Welsh universities are getting record student applications, thanks very much. Never mind I thought. Kat will do the bizz and let everyone know the truth. I daydreamed… "Look ‘Tan-Man and the rest of you old fart dudes, like, you know, when are students in England going to get the same deal as their Scottish and Welsh dude bro’s and sisters? I mean, like, you know, it just isn't like fair, man, is it?"

Here it comes, Hain’s going to have his tan sweated out of him. His collar looks tight, healthy tan is turning high blood pressure lobster red. Kat drew breath. Kat spoke. This rebel, this disrespecter of old panellists, old establishment farts, old party doormats who cannot tell the difference between Britain and England and are content to see inequality within the union, would surely put the student boot in.

Conclusion
Blimey, how wrong can I be? Kat’s a younger version of all the others, she seems completely oblivious to Scottish and Welsh students good fortune and English students tough taters. She, along with everyone else on the panel haven’t mentioned England, preferring to insert the word ‘Britain’ instead…… She said she was "against tuition fees, and wished Britain free of them"….. I’m stunned, maybe she didn’t do Geoggers at school?

Epilogue
Good bloody grief, I just do not bloody well believe it, are these people having a bloody laugh or what? Why can’t anyone ever tell the truth about the rubbish deal handed out to the English on tuition fees, on healthcare, on old people’s care, on the democratic deficit…….. "Like it ain't fair man is it, creosote dude?".