PMQs - Car crash TV…..

Well, that was history in the making. Gordon Brown doing his first PMQs today, and falling flat on his bum after scarcely 5 minutes into it. After the slick, ‘Swiss-Tony’ years of evasion, waffle and grandstanding, we are now in the ‘Bumbling Brown’ period of parliamentary history. It promises much if today is anything to go by.

It wasn’t exactly a cushion moment – you know what a ‘cushion moment’ is, don’t you? When something you are watching is so embarrassing, you have to stick a cushion in front of your face and chant "Can’t hear, can’t hear, tra-la-la, can’t hear" to block it out…..

And so Gordon, the man with the supposed intellect as big as Ben Nevis, a mind as sharp as William Wallace’s Claymore and a brain as logical as Mr McSpock, (Mr Spock’s cleverer and more logical Scottish half-brother), floundered like a beached haddock.

It all started when Call me Dave, a man as threatening as a dead slug opened up with a question about a nasty and openly anti-Semitic Islamic organisation – "So why hasn’t it been outlawed?" said Dave.

Gordon, the steel-trap man immediately changed to Gordon the floundering fish….

Gordon was thinking…. What would Tony have said, something clever, something witty probably? Think, think, THINK!! Dammit man you’re a bloody Scottish genius, everybody says you are, so you must be – so think of the answer, come on Gordon, everyone’s looking at you - what’s the bloody answer? Gordon the answer, what’s the fucking answer!!!!! Come on you bloody genius, give that twat Dave the answer so he knows who’s boss.. SO WHAT"S THE ANSWER?… Got it, brilliant, Gordon, baby you’re a bleeding genius! The answer is…. "Errr, I’ve only been in the job for 5 days"…..

The Tories laughed their heads off.

He sat down, he got up, he sat down again, up, down, up down. Cameron looked stunned. This was a first, Call me Dave actually had a political opponent on the ropes… Was Dave mouthing "Back of the bloody orgasmic net, Brown you common little oik"…?

Oh God, could it get any worse for Gordon?

Yes! Of course it could!
All of a sudden, from the Labour back-benches, a baldy old git with a liking for living in a house with in-built cannabis resin stood to his feet. John Reid was putting his oar in for his ‘friend’, cod-fish Brown….

And of course, in ‘helping’ Gordon with all the facts concerning the question that Cameron asked, he showed Brown up for what he actually is.

A thick, ill-informed, uber-ruthless, power-mad politician with the thinking capacity of a sponge.

They ought to sell tickets for next week’s confrontation.