Waking Hereward: How long is a week in politics? (Or should that be a weak in politics?)

Haven’t posted for a few days. Been too busy watching from the sidelines as our glorious leader and his pox ridden government do a passable imitation of a collective hari-kiri (Have you got that mental image of John Prescott’s guts spilled out all over the place? Gaaaaghhh – Euro tripe mountain discovered in Hull, shock!)

The Blair 'tower of babble' is falling to earth faster than the price of a three-bedroom semi in Oil Sites Avenue, Hemel Hempstead. The joints have rotted away, the spun web of deceitfulness and the cement rendering mixed with purest bullshit is cracking and flaking. The edifice is crumbling to a mendacious dust.

Everywhere you look, the Blair regime is in flight. First team ‘Blair-nosers’, Reid, Jowell and Hewitt unmercifully slagged off by a Commons Select Committee for thinking of their own egos rather than the health of English bar staff workers. The Committee described their ‘compromise’ solution on smoking in pubs and restaurants as ‘bizarre and unworkable’ – and at odds with the rest of the UK who are instigating total bans within the next two years. The silence from the Glasgow pitbull is really quite deafening. (Maybe he's having a quiet drag round the back?)

The totally embarrassing, yet deeply satisfying spectacle of our very own ‘deep-throat’, Education Secretary of State, Ruth Kelly being intellectually stripped naked before the Education Commons Select Committee was something to see.

Boy, did they put the boot in? There she was squirming in her seat. Was it the hair shirt itching away under that twin-set ‘Opus Dei’ exterior? Did she get off on the masochistic martyrdom of it all? Watching it on the telly – it sure looked like she was a victim of Torqamada’s Spanish Inquisition, no mercy was being shown, Kelly looked like exactly what she is – a no talent lap dog with a weird religious bent (just like Blair)..... It was like she hadn’t been briefed, didn’t know what to say and hadn't read the script – she just wasn’t expecting it.….. But as Michael Palin once said in a Monty Python sketch, "NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

Committee members prepare to give Ruth Kelly a damn good seeing to.

Then fatty Prescott just couldn’t keep it in any longer. Over the past few months, it’s clear that the Old Labour bile has been rising within Prezza’s twisted giblets. Glottal has been shooting up from the very bowels of Prezza’s pancreas, just there, next to that half digested meat 'n' tater pie scoffed in a hurry at that visit to 'MeatProdCo' last July. Something was bound to give. On Sunday it did. He blurted it all out, bits of carrot included, all over Tone and Ruth’s great Education experiment. Prezza’s not happy. He doesn’t like the prospect of selection in secondary education. After all, Prezza himself was a victim. Believe it or not, John Prescott failed the 11+, shock! That last statement has the same predictability value as ‘Bruce Forsythe wears toupee, shock’ and ‘Cherie Blair is a money grabbing opportunist after all, shock!

A small quantity of Prezza's Old Labour meat 'n' bile pies.

Even the arch Scottish Iago-creep that is Gordon Brown wasn’t immune from the ‘wheels coming off’ virus. It was great to see mega oil conglomerate Shell, deciding not to invest any more cash into the North Sea oil fields if Brown goes ahead with his recently ‘thought out’ billion pound tax on them. I’m no fan of big business, but I’m no fan of arrogant Scottish control freaks shoving extra taxes on companies at a moments notice purely to cover their own financial incompetence either.

The absolute nadir moment of the week for the Blair regime however, was watching UKIP’s Euro MP, Nigel Farage utterly condemn Blair to his face yesterday as "A cheese eating surrender monkey" after his abject performance at the Euro budget summit. What’s more, the insult was delivered via the state of the art communications system in front of the entire European Parliament, full to the rafters with every Euro MP available. The look on Blair’s face was an utter picture. The sudden realisation that, ‘yes, Tone, the entire nation really does hate you – period’ suddenly seemed to break through the façade that is ‘Tony Blair – religious missionary’….

And that was the act that sort of started the week of catastrophe. Tony Blair’s attempt at 'hard ball' with Chirac and the EU budget reforms. Over the past 3 months, Blair has shifted his position on the rebate issue. From, "No negotiation – period" to "We’ll only negotiate if it’s linked with reform of the CAP" to "We must play our part in the development of new member nations" to "This is not total surrender of any kind"……. Oh yes it is Tony. And what’s more we all know it is, (smoke and mirrors have just completely sold out at Toys’R’Us)…