Gordon Brown arrives in student-land - so where's Danny the Red when you need him?...

Gordon Brown, his living crutch Mrs Brown, faux hard-man Ross Kemp, Ed 'Gonads' Balls and a cabal of Labour henchmen breezed into some crummy College in Leamington Spa this morning. There, resplendent in sober suit, winning smile and Caesar-Imperial purple tie, the Brownster waved the wave whilst Kemp tried his best to keep the adoring studenty hoards from touching the self-annointed Kirkcaldy one...

No sign of protest here, they're too busy trying to worship the son of the Manse. Young students cheered and whooped - a shoving throng tried their best to bypass the fat bouncer Kemp. The former Eastenders bad boy began to look a bit panicky and a tad sweaty on his baldy bonce as the collective Midlands massive tried to get near the great smirky one. Was it as bad as Helmand Province? Was Basra ever as pushy-shovey as this? Unfortunately, Kemp had forgotten his AK47, stun grenades and TV brother Grant Mitchell - so the only defence was Gordon's strategy of boring the arses off everyone..

"Hi, how's it going?"

"It's good to see you."

"It's great to be here"...

"Hi, how's it going?"

"It's good to see you."

"It's great to be here"... and so on....

No one screamed "Fascist bastard" or "Scottish one-eyed moron" or anything like that...No one said they would like to give Mrs B one, no one shouted out any knob jokes in the direction of Mr Balls - and definitely no one called Ross Kemp a 'Baldy-Headed Twat'...Which was all a bit disappointing really.....

Because when I was a student in the early seventies, no politician would have dared to saunter into our art college touting for votes. Because then, apart from Che, Jan Palach and Danny the Red, us young Turks were pretty much against everything and everyone - especially figures of authority, routinely dismissed as old fart fascists. The plod were piggies and our parents were contemptuously ignored - except when we wanted picking up from town at 3 in the morning, obviously...

Back to the Leamington Spa love-in.....
Gordon and Ross started a carefully choreographed Q and A with Jonny and Jennie Student. "Jobs, Education, Student Places, Health, Jobs, Jobs, Jobs and...... Tuition Fees" were the subjects of choice from Gordon.

Predictably, the student mass of Leamington Spa never asked why they as English students have to pay tuition fees whilst everyone else in Britain especially those in Scotland, don't. Predictably, they failed to spot the irony of Gordon's oft spewed phrase "Labour, the party of fairness." Predictably they never picked up on the fact that Gordon used the default 'Ooor Country' when talking about English Health, English Policing and English Education matters.... They just smiled blankly, their easily fobbed-off star-struck gobs reflected in the shiny billiard-ball bonce of Ross Kemp's head.

Education, education, education clearly ain't what it used to be...