The Seven Ages of..... England.

Last Sunday, I watched the third in the series of David Dimbleby's BBC series 'The Seven Ages of Britain'.

And to be truthful, I am still waiting to see it..... The 'Britain' part of the show, that is.

Because so far, it's been the three ages of England all the way. And a butchers at the BBC's blurb per iplayer edition attempts to reinforce that old habit of the Corporation in trying to Britify everything that is English....

1/7. Britain's story through art and treasure, from the Roman invasion to the Norman Conquest...
Yeah, well actually apart from a cursory reference to the Roman influence in Scotland and Wales, the opening episode of the series concentrated on the treasures of England. It's definitely England's story told through some amazing objects including the head of Emperor Hadrian found in the river Thames, the Mildenhall Treasure found in Suffolk, the World's oldest surviving bible written and illustrated in Northumbria and the fantastic Royal treasure of King Raedwald at Sutton Hoo.... in East Anglia... (that's in England you know!)

Then Dave cuts to the Ashmolean in Oxford, dons his white gloves and starts to excitedly fondle the Alfred Jewel (which possibly hadn't been fondled since Alfred's Queen had a go some 1,200 years ago). It was dug up in the 17th century from an Oxfordshire field...in England. Finally we're over to Bayeaux, France to have a look at the Tapestry - needlework completed by English Saxon women of Suffolk and Essex some dozen years after the Conquest.... (If the Elgin Marbles ever get given back, I think we should have the Tapestry repatriated)...

2/7. Britain's art from the murder of Thomas Becket in 1170 to the death of Richard II in 1400. Wrong BBC! It's more England stuff and in particular, English art. Dave is seen swooning beneath the magnificent hammer beam roof in Westminster Hall, the Mappa Mundi in Hereford Cathedral, a crown from the Crown Jewels of Richard II as well as the King's very own travelling altar piece..... amongst other English stuff...


3/7. Spanning from Henry VIII's accession in 1509 to Shakespeare's Henry VIII 100 years later. You've guessed it! More English art. The amazing Drake Jewel had Dave slavering - and the best miniature portrait painter ever, Englishman Edward Hilliard was given suitable emanence.... Admittedly, there was a bit of a feature about court painter Hans Holbein - but I thought he was a German rather than hailing from the Rhondda or the Gorbals...

The next programme is all about the English Civil War. So that'll mean yet more stuff from England then?

The Drake Jewel.

The Parliament Oak.... What if...

On the Countrytracks programme last Sunday, (5 minute report, then and now 44:26 in) there was a feature on the Parliament Oak. Situated just outside Sherwood Forest, the tree, at over 1,200 years old, is an ancient and still alive noble oak - and has had an illustrious and specifically English history. It once spanned 8 metres, but now, as with most old oaks, the centre of the tree has gone leaving a few old knarly but still impressive stumps.

A few years ago, the tree was in danger of collapse and the surrounding site was being used as a giant fly-tip. Thankfully, the Woodland Trust have skipped all the rubbish, cleared away the brambles, stabilised the tree, provided information panels and car parking for visitors - and now its future is looking a lot more optimistic.

For hundreds of years, the tree been used as a meeting place. King John conducted a parliament underneath its boughs, as did Edward 1st on his way up to Scotland for a bit of hammering.. But looking at the tree five years ago, you'd hardly know of its importance in England's democratic process, neglected, abused, ignored - a sort of metaphor for our existing non-national democratic process?

That's the history - what about the 'what if?'..

So what if, someone proclaimed a reconvening of the English Parliament under these self same boughs, tomorrow, next week or next month?

What if an elected body - a coalition English Cabinet in waiting was formed - and a manifesto published with outline policies specifically for the benefit and well-being of the people of England?

What if, during that spontaneous English Parliament, it was proclaimed that we, the people of England demanded our God given right for national democratic self determination?

What if that English coalition cabinet applied for international recognition - and asked to join the United Nations?

What if all the media was invited, press releases were prepared and it was widely publicised - so that people in England at last began to wake up?

What if?.....

The Parliament Oak is easy to find and easy to get to, just off the B6035....

Nige calls it a day, (but will he take his desk with him when he goes?)....

Sex mad lothario and Scottish MP Nigel Griffiths is standing down at the general election. He told party members in his Edinburgh South constituency last night that he would not be standing for re-election and would instead take up a job with an "international educational institution".

Well, he had to go didn't he? Griffiths was caught bang to rights, in flagrante delicto with a nice young brunette lady amongst the staplers, tippex and post-it noted detritus of his Westminster desk..

So when he goes, who is going to inherit his government issue ash effect laminated desk - the one with the signed portrait of Gordon Brown and a couple of sweaty naked bum prints on?.....

Nige will not be sadly missed by anyone, least of all by his constituents, who probably didn't even know he was there in the first place. He didn't do much for them - but like virtually every other MP with a Scottish constituency, he claims credit for stuff which falls within the juristiction of his MSP counterpart.

On his website, Griffiths loves to big himself up. Throughout his site, Nige is portrayed as a sort of McRambo man of action for his constituents. It’s photos, photos, photos of Nigel as he gets to grips with the great issues concerning the folk on his patch. Got a problem? Call for Nige – if nothing else, he’ll give you a signed photo of himself to stick on your mantelpiece....

Nigel’s news section on his website is a joy to behold. Within are a series of photo opportunities in which Nigel manages to get himself associated with Al Gore (green issues), Aung San Suu Kyi, the Burmese Opposition leader(human rights issues), a couple of survivors from Nagasaki(nuclear arms race issues) and film star Jackie Chan. But as far as I know, none of these people actually live in his constituency of Edinburgh South..

My appraisal of this vacuous pillock can be found here

Nigel Griffiths with a couple of honeys...