Priorities.....

Just got back from dropping my Son off at the local College - and on the way drove past Southport's Magistrates Court. It's wall-to-wall snappers with telephoto lenses sticking out of every vantage point. There must be at least 100 of them, some on ladders, some standing on garden walls - and a few nutters have hired a couple of cherry pickers - and are dangling some 40 ft from the ground. A battalion of bright yellow-coated Rozzers are out in force to keep order as the papparazzi corps push, shove and manouveur in order to get the best angle possible for the shot...

And the reason for all this media scrummaging?

Stevie Gerrard and his two scally mates are due up before the Beak this morning for the little fracas in a Southport club a couple of weeks ago....

I mean, it's not as if there ain't any other news about, is it?

It's Barak Obama day, you'll find me behind the sofa.....

...or under the stairs, or hiding in the bog. Anywhere where I can escape the mantras spewing forth from every TV and radio station.

"Change"

"Yes we can"

"We can fix it"

You know, it's funny but you just never see Barak Obama and Bob the Builder on the same podium, do you?

Yes folks. Today, Barak Obama is due to be sworn in as head honcho - and as our state run TV station is set to poodle servitude mode, you can be sure the 51st state will be celebrating more than the other 50 put together. Just to make sure, the BBC will (as per usual) have sent hundreds of commentators, fixers, camera crew, pundits and David Dimbleby out to DC to cover the great event. As per, the usual suspects will be wheeled out on this side of the pond to weep, blub, clasp hands and choke as the great man swears the oath of allegiance. David (I met him once and now he's my bezzy mate) Lammy, Keith (Nero syndrome) Vaz and Dianne (am I being paid for this) Abbot will no doubt mention just once or twice that Obama is the the first black man to get to head honcho level. But they needn't bother - because the BBC will have already stated it as fact at least 40 times an hour.

Except that he isn't, is he? He isn't black at all. He's of mixed race - as much white as he is black, as is Lewis Hamilton. Still, getting that wrong is more of a minor irritation compared to the expectation of great daring dos being built up by the BBC. They could almost be running a Barak Obama night on BBC TV tonight in celebration. Let's check the schedules -

7.00pm: Its a Barak Obama Knockout. Stuart Hall introduces a special episode of the zany show in which citizens of the 51st state try to build a 100 ft effigy of the big O out of foam sheeting and 6 ft square sponges - while being attacked by reactionaries armed with custard flans and water hoses.

8.00pm: DIY SOS, Obama Style. Nick Knowles and the DIY gang lean on their shovels in wonder as the 44th President rewires, rebuilds and makes good the entire world out of MDF, swags and matching throw cushions.

9.00pm. Credo. Today, our religious discussion group will tackle the vexing question: Who does God think he is, Barak Obama?

I just wonder how long before the blinkers fall off. How long before the whispering of long forgotten scandals is heard around the West Wing corridors of power. What if Obama has history - just like virtually every other Prez has had? For to get to the top of that greasiest of greasy poles, to rise to the head honcho job of jobs surely means, by definition that corners have been cut..... That dodgy land deal in Hicksville.... This affair with the blonde dolly bird..... The other agreement with cigar smoking men in smoke filled rooms.... possibly.

So that's why our telly will stay off, as will the radio. The newspapers have been cancelled and I am settling down to a loud and very long session with Led Zeppelin. My old mates Jimmy and Robert will help me forget all that hubris, forgot all that weeping and watery eyed sentimentality wobbling out of DC for the next 48 hours..

God Bless Led Zepp' - God Bless Amnesia...

Tony Hart...

Sad to hear that Tony has morphed to the other side. He really did inspire me to take up a career in art - I used to watch him on 'Vision-on' in the early sixties.... I liked the programme - although it took me a while to catch on that the show was actually intended primarily for deaf people. I suppose the enthusiastic finger waggling by the lady presenter should have given me the clues - but 10 year old kids see what they want to... And anyway, I was watching in black and white.

The things I remember about Hart was his sticky-on smile - he always looked as if he was about to say 'My dear, how very nice to meet you', his checky shirts and his Adam Faith quiff. In those early days of Vision-on, when Morf was merely a distant thought, Tony would invite kids to send in artwork so he could stick it on his 'Viewers Gallery Wall'.... So I did. My 'Snowy Scene' was inspired by the winter of '63 when it snowed forever, and then some. For weeks after, when Tone would say 'And now, let's go to the wall to see some pictures from our very talented viewers' I would search and search for my picture.

Was that mine? That pic of a kid on a sledge with a bobbly hat? No it wasn't. The camera would weave a path around the wall, seeking out really woeful efforts from young Billy aged 8 in York and Denise aged 11 from Southampton. it was always accompanied by that legendary music..... Tum, te tum ta te tum, tum, titty tum, tum titty tum, tum, tum...... Tum ta, tum, ta tummm...........

It took me many, many years to forgive Tony Hart for not sticking up my superb work of genius of a snowy scene onto his viewers wall......

But I did, I had to - well he couldn't stick it up, if he never actually received it, could he? What really happened to my picture became apparent some 20 years later when I was clearing out my parents loft prior to them moving to pastures new. There, just underneath the water tank and 2 inches of detritus was my picture - signed 'Snowy Scene by Stephen from Liverpool, aged 10'.... Yes, she said she would post it for me. Yes, she said she would buy a stamp to cover the postage. Yes, she promised faithfully to do it, definitely, the next time she went to the shops......

Of course, my Mum never did. Post it I mean.

Tum, te tum ta te tum, tum, titty tum, tum titty tum, tum, tum...... Tum ta, tum, ta tummm...........

Gordon's gang are all Scousers just for today...

Gordon's not happy - he's just been told someone has forgotten to pack the shell suits, curly wigs and sticky-on moustaches...

Yes, Brown and his cabinet of all the talents rolled into town last night for a B&E start in Liverpool. It's all part of their continuing electioneering roadshow to convince people that they really do care... "Day reellie do ker doh don't dee doh?"

How exciting, the great one and his cohorts are in my neck of the woods just for today - but in spite of the very best of efforts, Alfie has been unable to get a personal one 2 one with the great Macaroon. For some reason, he has failed to get an invite to the meet-and-greet sessions so adored by our beloved leader.... "Eh lar, j'wanna buy a boss ticket for de Boss's gig?"

Hey, but never mind, I am contributing to the event in other ways - specifically, the 200 grand plus it is costing the taxpayers in security, logistics, hotel roomage and the purchase of copious amounts of Ferrero Rocher choccies for this one day of grandstanding, hand-pressing and I-feel-your- pain four-squarynessing..... "Gizz them choceeze or I'll rob yer wheelz an' torch yer wheelie bin, yer Scotch twat"....

ITV's Planning Wars - an exercise in smoke and mirrors...

Last night's ITV's Planning Wars programme concerned itself with the imminent concreting over 'of Britain'. It majored on new must-have runways running straight through someone's front room, mega huge warehouses the size of Shropshire and 3 million new houses.

As per usual with such productions, they sanitised the info. England, the real target of this concretia was sort of buried and forgotten - much like the average English citizens democratic rights. According to the Gravelly-Voiced narrator, it was 'Britain' which was bracing itself for the flop of wet concrete on a verdant green belted landscape. It was Britain which was about to be trowelled into oblivion. It was 'Britain' which was about to suffer from the obscene new planning laws....

Even the guy from the CPRE - the Campaign to Protect Rural England, interviewed amongst a middle England rural idyll background failed to mention the dreaded 'E' word.

And so the media deception continues. The disinformation spews forth - England is Britain when there is bad news to be swallowed, England is non-existent when there is good....

'Films of Record' were the producers of the programme. That's the outfit run by Roger Graef - the guy who likes to big up his factually accurate credentials. What a pity that instead of telling it as it is, his production company elected to follow the usual new Labour snail-trail of fudge, inaccuracy and lies.

One day, the people of England will wake up and smell the coffee. I just hope that when they do, we still have some countryside to enjoy.