Waking Hereward

Stephen Fry is allowed to say 'English'. (But just this once, mind!)...

2011-01-16T16:23:00.007Z

The other night I was watching self proclaimed uber-brain, millionaire luvee socialist and tiresome twitterer Stephen Fry on QI XL.

I have always watched - basically because I find the programme 'Quite Interesting' I suppose. Saturday's programme lived up to its title - and especially this revealing conversation between Fry and his guest panellists regarding the Bayeux Tapestry. It sort of sums up everything about Fry and the Brit' loving, English-hating BBC. I've scripted the thread below the picture - and if you want to see it for youself, click here and go to 18minutes, 18 seconds into it.

Stephen Fry: (Looking at a picture of the Tapestry) 'Can you tell the British from the French in that picture?'

Rob Brydon: 'Are the British the four-legged ones at the top?'

Stephen Fry: I should say 'English' rather than the British of course'...

David Mitchell: 'The English are the ones not on horses?'

Stephen Fry: 'That's pretty much true - but also the other giveaway is moustaches.... Some of our English fighters were on horses but the British.... the ENGLISH... (smiles). I'm allowed to say 'English'.... I'm so unused to it, being allowed to say 'English'....

So why is that Mr Fry? Why are you not allowed to say the word 'English' except under very specific circumstances? Could it be BBC Guidlines? Afterall, you do have form on this don't you? Remember how you misquoted Cecil Rhodes on BBC Breakfast Time?

Oh, and by the way Mr Fry, The English were not fighting the French at the battle of Hastings, they were fighting the Normans - Norse men descended from Viking stock...

I have sent a complaint to the BBC - and have specifically asked them why the genius that is Stephen Fry would say 'I'm so unused to it, being allowed to say 'English'

Peter Davies, mayor of Doncaster. A few thoughts.

2010-12-30T17:11:00.003Z

The other night I was having a bit of a FaceBook trawl and came across a link on (English Democrats Chairman) Robin Tilbrook's page. The link took me to a piece written by EDP's Doncaster Mayor, Peter Davies on a site which most of the population have never heard of called ‘Critical Reaction’....

I read it with interest. Originally published in April 2010, Davies tells us how proud he is to be English and what it means to be English. He also tells us about England being balkanised by the EU, the West Lothian Question and our democratic deficit.... Whilst agreeing with the sentiments, I felt the mayor of Doncaster's declaration of love and concern for all things English was too little and definitely too late. To be honest, I have thought for some time that he had signally failed to highlight to the media (and defacto to the English general public) the injustices which Doncaster (and by definition, English) citizens suffer on a day-to-day basis(especially, straight after he was elected in June 2009).

In short, I thought it has been a golden opportunity missed. I left a comment on Mr Tilbrook's page giving my thoughts about it. The comment was considered, relevant and cogent to Davies' piece. It was not rude, nor filled with ignorant bile, it was just an observation about Davies' apparent inability to ever mention the E-word and E-word related issues during his many mayoral pronouncements.

Within 30 minutes the comment had been deleted. A comment so mildly critical had been airbrushed out of FaceBook world - I guess it was deemed just too off-message to be left alone (presumably, it didn't fall into the 'I think Peter Davies is really wonderful' category). Somewhat surprised, I left another message complaining about the tactics of deletion - comparing the action with the behaviour of a government censor. That too was deleted. My final comment asked Mr Tilbrook what were we fighting for? Don't know about anyone else, but I thought one of our immovable and non-negotiable pillars of principle was the preservation of free speech in England...... Again it was deleted. (I guess free speech is fine - just as long as you agree with the page administrator eh?)...

Understandably, I was irritated at such behaviour - and as a direct result of that over-the-top censorship, I have decided to write this piece about Peter Davies, mayor of Doncaster.

In my opinion, Peter Davies; Mayor of Doncaster has been a real disappointment for the English Democrats in particular - and the English movement in general. The shock of the new, his unbelievable victory in June 2009 at Doncaster produced a frenzy of media interest. The national press were beating down his door for a scoop; he came out of the blue and stole the prize right from under the noses of the establishment claque of mainstream parties. He represented a party that few had even heard of - and a cause which if sold to the public in the right way would change politics in this country for ever.

Davies' victory was the story - and it was a golden opportunity to let rip about the democratic and fiscal unfairness of people in England. Unfortunately, Davies didn't really seem to read the script. He seemed to be obsessed with giving us a diatribe in bluntness from a no-nonsense Yorkshireman. One thing's for sure, there was no way he should have been allowed to give us the benefits of his thought processes on the whys and wherefores of council-subbed gay parades in Doncaster and the apparent praising of the Taliban regarding their family and parenting skills. For by doing so he left a gaping goalie-free open goal for the political establishment via their media stooges to heap derision and scorn upon this well-meaning man. Predictably, they filled their boots.

And before long, Davies' left-of-field victory ceased to be the story - supplanted instead by the ruthless reportage of his somewhat individually held views.

During the first few months of his mayoral tenure, there was precious little evidence of a party line being adhered to. And that is the real tragedy, such a wasted opportunity to get the message out there. It should have been a perfect fit - Doncaster, a small town in Yorkshire with big problems is a microcosm for the ailments of England. Instead of telling us what he thought of the Taliban he could have stuck with subjects relevant to his remit - the people of Doncaster.

Doncaster's elderly have to flog off their homes to finance their residential care - just like many hundreds of thousands in the rest of England - but not in Scotland.... The sick of Doncaster still have to shell out £7.20 for a prescription, just like they do in the rest of England but not in Wales, and soon not in Scotland also... Doncaster's students are being unfairly fleeced via ever-rising tuition fees, just like students in the rest of England - but not in Scotland and to a much lesser extent in Wales... etc, etc, etc...

Doncaster's pain is Carlisle's pain, Bedford's pain, Rochdale's pain, Hartlepool's pain and ENGLAND's pain to Scotland's & Wales' gain... And the mayor of Doncaster had an unfettered opportunity to tell the 50 million people of England of that fact.

As soon as Davies won, a comprehensive campaign of information should have been rolled out. Nothing should have been allowed to see the light of day without approval from the collective body. It should have been about comparing and contrasting the standards of services of similar sized towns in other countries of the UK. Doncaster-relevant would, by definition be England-relevant. It was time for the English Democrats' to take hold of the situation and manage this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

It looks like they have utterly failed to do this. There appears to have been little or no strategic advice proffered - and if it was, it doesn't look like it was accepted. This is a real shame. Doncaster's problems are England's problems - and those problems have come about because of insufficient funding, incompetent infrastructures and the lack of any national accountability. It should have been a perfect fit. Davies, whilst talking about the problems of his Doncaster citizens would also be talking about the other 50 million people of England. But it was not to be. Instead, Davies assumed the role of the gobby pub bore. A man with an opinion on any subject you liked.... Which is fine if your audience is an old bloke with a pint of Guinness, a three legged dog and a busty barmaid called Edna... But not if you have the Establishment hacks of Fleet Street waiting for any opportunity to rip you to pieces and blow your credibility into the stratosphere..

I know what Davies thinks of council funded gay parades and the parenting skills of mummy and daddy Taliban - but what does he think of his Doncaster citizens getting far less of the UK spending cake per head than someone in Glasgow, Swansea or Londonderry?

I know what Davies thinks of the European Union, but what does he think of his Doncaster citizens having to sell their homes to finance their residential care when they don't have to do that in Aberdeen or St Asaph?

I know that Davies thinks global warming is a bit of a con - but what does he think of Doncaster students looking at a tuition fee bill of 27 grand for a three year course when it's free gratis and for nowt for a student in Inverness?

We don't know because apart from his general broad-brush article in the hardly known, ‘Critical Reaction’, Davies has as far as I am aware never uttered a word about any of it to the national mainstream and local media. Which is a bit of a surprise - especially as he is representing the English Democrats - a political party whose raison d’être is the enhancement of English empowerment. And that empowerment is only ever going to happen if the great majority of the people in England actually know the facts in the first place.

Like I said, an opportunity missed.

John Setanmu wonders why English students are getting screwed..

2010-12-19T22:13:00.003Z

In an interview with the Sunday Times today, John Setanmu, Archbishop of York asks the following question, 'In a UK governed by the Queen in parliament under God, why is England differently funded for university education?'

Answer: Because people in England don't have a national parliament looking after THEIR interests, Mr Setanmu.

Archbishop Setanmu continues, ‘We need a society that values every individual equally whether they live in Glasgow, Glamorgan and Gateshead’....

No we don’t John. We just need an English parliament...

Lord Barnett Regrets...

2010-12-11T15:30:00.009Z

The thoughts of Lord Joel Barnett... (in conversation with Gyles Dilnot, BBC).

GD: ‘Is the Barnett Formula a thorn in Lord Barnett’s side these days?’

LB: ‘Well, in one sense it is – in the sense that it’s so unfair and my name is attached to it’..
... Maurice Saatchi told me I should be very proud – some people don’t have these things named after them... Well, I’m not proud of having my name attached to something that’s so unfair now’....

Full interview here

Letter of complaint to the BBC - 24/11/10

2010-11-29T11:01:00.000Z

Last weekend we in England had to sit through yet another diet of Celtic Rugby Union whilst our own team of England's matches have been sold off to Sky. This is the second weekend it has happened and to be honest I as an Englishman am totally insulted and fed up with this blanket coverage of other countries matches. WE'RE NOT INTERESTED!!!

I don't care about Wales playing (whole of the game shown live last Friday night) I don't care about Scotland (whole of the game shown live last Saturday) - I care about England (no live games shown anywhere on the BBC). And if the BBC cannot afford to outbid Sky then I just wish you wouldn't serve up another country's team as some sort of dullard substitute. CAN YOU IMAGINE SCOTTISH VIEWERS PUTTING UP WITH WATCHING ENGLAND v SAMOA ON TERRESTRIAL BBC WHILE THEIR OWN MATCH IS SHOWN ON SKY?

I find it unbelievably insulting that the English viewer just doesn't seem to count..... But as there is no 'BBC ENGLAND' to fight OUR cause, I don't suppose I am that surprised at the arrogance of it all.

We are 85% of the UK poputation and should therefore be afforded a little more respect. Instead of paying the Scots and Welsh rugby authorities to cover their games - why not save the extra money up (as their matches are being shown to a much larger audience in England they will be paid a much bigger fee than if the respective games were shown purely in their own sparsely populated countries) and try to outbid Sky for England games...

ps - PERRRRLEEEZE do not use the excuse that there are lots of Scots and Welsh people living in England - there are lots of English people living in Scotland and Wales so what does that prove? And anyway - if you were catering for minorities, wouldn't you be covering French, Italian, Argentinian and Rumanian rugby matches as there are many of their ex-pats here also...

My Sunday Times letter...

2010-11-10T00:07:00.002Z

This is my letter, published in the Sunday Times, (6/11/10). The sentences in italics were the bits they edited out...

Sir / Madam,
Regarding last week's article on 'Educational Apartheid of English students by Scottish Universities' please remember all the other little exclusions that we in England have to routinely endure on a day-to-day basis (apparently in order to keep this gloriously unequal 'Union of Equals' together).

For example there's 'Health Apartheid' - prescription charges of £7.20 in England, free in Wales and soon to be free in Scotland, and expensive cancer drugs off-limits to those in England while freely available to everyone else in the union. Then there's our 'Democratic Apartheid'. England, founder of the modern two-tier parliamentary system is the only country in Europe without a national parliament and First Minister - that in itself is a shameful indictment of those self-serving turkeys in Westminster. We need a body who WILL fight for us in England - and we need it right now. An English Parliament is the only solution!

The Welsh National Opera – (60% funded by the English Arts Council, naturally)....

2010-11-01T13:40:00.005Z

Sunday mornings means wading through the half a forest worth of supplementary woodpulp that comes with the hernia-inducing Sunday Times newspaper. Most of it is pretentious dross, but now and again you can come across a story that buggers belief – this one is yet another for inclusion into the ever-increasing volume entitled ‘The Union Dividend’....

It's taken from yesterday's Culture magazine’s ‘Biteback’ column written by Richard Brooks...

I wonder if the fat lady is about to stop singing for Welsh National Opera. The 'Lady' is the Arts Council, which gives the WNO a whacking £6.7 million a year. Yes, the Arts Council of England, not its Welsh equivalent, which itself hands over £4.5 million a year to the Cardiff based company. Now, I accept that the Welsh company will perform 25 nights in England over the next year, but all operas, staged in places such as Birmingham and Bristol, opened in Wales, so the production start-up costs, the most expensive element, originate there.

WNO's money comes from the Arts Council, West Midlands. This seems unfair on others such as the innovative Birmingham Opera Company which gets only £350,000 a year, or the Warwick Arts Centre, which receives £525,000. Let's hope the Arts Council of England sorts out this daft anomaly and stops being so generous to the Welsh, particularly at a time of severe cuts....

BTW, in case you were wondering, this is supposed to be the English Arts Council’s Raison d'être as posted on their website...
Arts Council England is the national development agency for the arts in England, distributing public money from the Government and the National Lottery...

And as things are now so tough, Arts Council England have posted this page on their site telling us how they will implement 29.6% of budget funding cuts over the next four years.
Liz Forgan, Chair of the Arts Council, said: 'These are severe cuts, made worse by the fact that around 80% of them have to come in the first two years of the settlement. We are determined to lead the arts through this tough period, using all our knowledge, expertise, and brokering skills, and drawing on the resourcefulness and imagination around us'.....

To aid their quest to find money wherever they can (presumably they've already looked down the sides of the reception sofas) I have helpfully emailed them – letting them know where they can save a whole shed full of cash over the next four years from their West Midlands coffers....

To: Liz Forgan, Chair, Arts Council England.
From: Alfred the OK, English Arts lover..

Dear Liz Forgan,
I’ve got a great idea which can save you at least £26.8 million from your English Arts Council budget over the next four years. PLEASE STOP FINANCING THE WELSH NATIONAL OPERA.... Simples!
It isn’t smart, it’s not clever - and it isn’t even English.

Regards, A the OK.

The man who changed the course of English history... (and I bet you’ve never heard of him).

2010-10-25T09:13:00.004Z

Last year, we visited the mighty stone edifice that is Salisbury Cathedral. The interior space is just amazing, and walking underneath the massive scissor columns which have managed to hold up the 7,500 ton stone steeple you really do get a feel of the majesty of man’s homage to God Almighty.... How on earth did they manage to build this thing without it all crashing to earth? It’s like they’ve built a massive medieval anti-gravitational device with thousands of tons of stone suspended above our heads...

Down the centre of the space are a few monumental tombs of the great and the good.. Their stone effigies atop each tomb have been knocked about a bit – a nose chipped here, a finger missing there and a few puritan-inspired graffitos etched neatly into a couple of their foreheads. Most of them had an interesting story to tell. One bloke had actually fought alongside Henry V at the battle of Agincort in 1415. The guy next to him however didn’t appear to have done that much – and what’s more, his nose had received a fearfully bashing...

His name was, Sir john Cheney. And that is all that was said about him really. I took this pic’ of him for posterity..
Fast forward to this summer and I read a fine book on the Battle of Bosworth field and the events leading up to it. The psychology of a battle – Bosworth 1485 by Michael K. Jones is a worthy analysis of an epic event which defined the end of the viciously internecine civil war of the roses, the end of the middle ages and the end of the great royal York dynasty. And as I’m reading it, a name, pivotal to the outcome of the battle is mentioned – and what’s more, I recognised the guy as the man who is laid out in Salisbury Cathedral.

For those not familiar with the battle, the fate of King Richard centred on Lord Stanley’s involvement. Although provisionally promising allegiance to Richard, Stanley, his brother and their great private army held firm on a hillside overlooking the mayhem. They finally came down in favour of Henry Tudor. As they made their way to the ranks of the usurper Henry, Richard realised the game was up. Spurning a chance to leave the field and save his life - in a last, desperate attempt to win, Richard led a cavalry charge of knights specifically aimed at killing Tudor who was sheltering to the rear of his army. They came up against a phalanx of Tudor’s pikemen – the only way through was to dismount and fight hand to hand. As they hacked their way ever closer, Henry’s standard bearer was run through and killed by Richard himself.

Contemporary accounts tell of Richard fighting like a man demented, screaming “Treachery, treachery, treachery” as he fought for his crown – and his life. He was literally within striking distance of his great adversary when Sir John Cheney, the man from Salisbury Cathedral rode his horse between Richard and Henry. Richard’s impetus was halted, his shockwave stopped. Richard struck out at the knight’s horse. Steed and rider tumbled to the ground but by then, Henry’s personal bodyguard had rallied and Richard of York fell, hacked to pieces at the feet of Henry Tudor, the royal usurper.

But for Cheney and his horse getting in the way as Richard was about to strike down Henry, English history would have been very different. Richard’s English army had been defeated, Henry and his army of foreign mercenaries had triumphed largely because of Stanley’s treachery.....

The rest as they say, is history.

Growing history... Rufus oaks.

2010-10-22T09:53:00.007Z

In September last year we spent a few days camping in the New Forest. I'd never been there before, so seeing assorted pigs, ponies and donkeys meandering down busy highstreets of the pretty bustling towns was somewhat of a shock.

The whole area is weird - but in a good way. The locals seem to know the importance of keeping hold of their idiosyncratic traditions - and watching a line of traffic grind to a halt as a couple of donkeys ever-so-slowly crossed a busy road at the height of the rush hour seemed to confirm this...

The landscapes were fantastic, but there were two places I really did want to visit - and both concerned people who had slipped from the mortal coil. The first was to see the grave of an English legend - a man so mystical a huge folklore industry grew around him in life and especially after he had passed on. His name was Harry 'Brusher' Mills (1840 - 1905) - and he was a New Forest snake catcher.

Brusher caught snakes - mostly Adders and boiled them down to make snake lotions and tinctures - cure-alls for many a Victorian ailment. A true man of the forest, for many years he lived in an old shack deep in the woods - a place he called home. Unfortunately, in 1905, some vandals smashed up the shack and trashed his few possesions - Brusher never recovered from the shock and a few days later he died in a room at the back of his local pub, The Railway.

He was buried in St Nicholas' graveyard at Brockenhurst - the locals thought so much of him they held a collection and paid for this magnificent marble headstone.

The second port of call was to visit the spot where William II - Rufus, son of the bastard Conqueror was slain via an arrow loosed by Sir Walter Tyrell in 1100 AD. It's a really atmospheric place. Lincoln Greenery, broadleaves, dappled shadows, the gentle hum of the wind streaming through the gnarled branches of ancient oaks. The trees of England standing sentinel-like around a royal crime scene .... And there it is, the commemorative stone erected by the Georgians then added to by the early Victorians on the site of the battered oak stump - the tree from which the arrow supposedly deflected into the corpulent bulk of the ruddy red Norman king. 'Here stood the oak tree on which an arrow shot by Sir Walter Tyrell at a stag, glanced and struck William the Second, surnamed Rufus on the breast of which he instantly died on the second day of August anno 1100'...

Behind the stone is a big old oak tree. Tradition has it that it sprang from an acorn dropped from the original Rufus oak - and as it was September, the floor was littered with the year's crop of oak fruits. There before me was a direct link to the past and a monumental event in English history. It seemed too good an opportunity to miss. I gathered a handful of acorns and stuffed them into my pocket.

When we got home, I chucked some leaf mould and a bit of soil into some pots and planted them. This is the result. Two have germinated - and I am now the proud owner of a brace of my very own Rufus oaks..... Eat your heart out Alan Titchmarsh...

GET YOUR ECO ENGLAND BAG HERE - and give the supermarkets a dig in the ribs (or even in the man veggies)...

2010-07-21T12:13:00.006Z

Two handled ECO-BAG - great for holding your shopping in! Bin all your plastic baglets with those disgusting supermarket slogans on and get one (or more) of ours!

With our eco-friendly jute bags you'll be helping to keep England green and pleasant - and at the same time give a message to our power-mad supermarkets - none of whom want to admit that England actually produces stuff!

Price is just £3.25p + 1st class postage.
You can buy with confidence via eBay here..

Message says:
DEMAND ENGLISH PRODUCE IN TESCO, MORRISONS, SAINSBURY'S & ASDA.

Radio 4, In Our Time - Aethelstan, first King of the English

2010-07-01T10:20:00.003Z

This week's discussion on Radio 4 is chaired by Melvyn Bragg and discusses how Aethelstan managed to amalgamate the various Kingdoms of England under his own rule...

Listen to the radio programme here

Alfie, two WAGS and Fabio.....

2010-06-27T19:28:00.003Z

In Alfie’s new exciting career as a mini cab driver, he has over the last 3 months met some weird, wonderful and sometimes very pissed people (especially on a Saturday night) from all walks of life.

But by far the most memorable meeting occurred last week whilst summonsed to pick up a lady from a gated idyll in the country.....

I knew it was a big gig because I recognised the name of the customer - so I got round to the area concerned double quick like.... Unfortunately, the grounds were so vast I couldn’t find the entrance to her gaff amongst the mile upon mile of neatly trimmed Beech hedging.

After cluelessly trolling up and down the lane past lots of other gated idylls stuffed to the gunwales with Mercs, Beamers and DeeBees I started to feel a bit out of place in my crappola bog-standard wheels with magnetic taxi signage - as well as just a bit panicky because I was beginning to run late.

But no sweat because there in front of me, tottering on her super elevated Jimmy Choos stood a beautiful real live England WAG.... And she was flagging me down.

She climbed into the back seat of my 3 year old black Ford Focus Sport mini cab (classy or what?) – and we were off - on our way to the bright city lights for a girls’ night out. Almost immediately, she got out her Apple iphone and started to ring round a few of the girls.

She spoke in that sort of girly lilting scouse accent that Premiership footy players appear to find so sexy..

“Hiya babe, how are ya?”
“Great, see you there, caiou”....
“I’m feeling great hun”....
“Yeah, it was just, ai-maizing”...

In between textings and phone calls she told me she was off to see her hubby at the England squad HQ in Rustenberg, South Africa at the weekend....

“That’s nice” I said... The ice now broken, and as she knew the England captain, I decided to ask her a question that had always bugged me... “So errr, why does Stevie Gerrard always look like he’s just lost the rent money and swallowed a wasp then?”......

True to the WAG code of waggy-omerta , she stayed waggy-shtum on that controversy, preferring to tell me about her recent waggy holiday in the Med’....... And as she alighted into the throbbing nightlife of the city, she asked if I could pick her up at around 2am and take her home.....

Bang on schedule, I picked her up at the appointed hour. But something was different. This time she had a mate with her and “Would I mind dropping her off?”..

No probs – it was on the way back – and who knows, I might get a bigger tip. I even decided to overlook the fact that the mate was shoving a monster sized BurgerKing flame grilled down her throat in the back of my car – scandalously ignoring the ‘no eating in my cab or I’ll smack you one’ rule...

Ear-wigging the conversation between the two of them, I realised that ‘the mate’ was yet another England squad WAG. Imagine that! Not one but two England squad WAGGERS in the back of my cruddy car!

They talked about how only hours earlier, England had put the mighty Slovenia to the sword. winning 1-0 and thus qualifying for the knockout stage of the World Cup. The mate told WAG 1 that she was not bothering to go out to see her hubby in South Africa unless they got to the Semis.

Some hope, Bob Hope... and no hope.

Eventually, we turned down a tree-lined Avenue and pulled up just in front of a private security van loaded with two 7-foot ex-rugby prop forwards and a couple of guard dogs.

The place, ‘Chez Premier Footballer’ was absolutely enormous. The surrounding walls were sort of castellated in a Colditz kind of way and the only way I could see to get in was through a really small access door cut into the brickwork. I wondered if it had some cunningly hidden murder holes and cauldrons of boiling oil in wait for unsuspecting Jonny Burglars?

WAGS 1 and 2 air-kissed their farewells and we continued our journey a WAG light.

Now alone again, we talked about England. And as she was on her way to the England camp, I asked her if she could relay a few points from this concerned Englishman to her hubby who could then hopefully pass them onto Fabio...

1)Why is England not playing Stevie Gee where he is best and most effective? Why in the whole of Gerrard’s England career, has he been played out of position – usually stuck out on the left in order to accommodate Frank Lampard and other less capable midfielders?
2)Why is Capello obsessed with the pathetic 'footballer' that is Emile Heskey when he cannot even get into the Aston Villa team?
3)Why does Capello persist in playing 4-4-2 when most of the top Premiership teams do not play that system – thus making it an alien playing experience for the England players?
4)Why can’t England have her own national anthem – as GStheQ is the British anthem and definitely not English?

After that bit of a rant it all went a bit quiet save for the gentle guitar riffing of Pink Floyd’s ‘Wish You Were Here’ on the CD.... Eventually, Dave Gilmour’s gruffy growl fell silent and the WAG mused that I appeared to be a real England fan.

“In every sense of the word.” I confirmed.

I told her the word ‘England’ was written across my heart - I told her how I loved this country more than anything, how I thought it the best in the world - bar none. And how it was being completely bolloxed up by a political ruling elite who couldn’t give a toss about us just as long as the union was left intact...

And the fact that England, a country of 50 million people was left bereft of an anthem and parliament of its own showed what a basket case of a nation we had become.

I said that an England World Cup victory was far bigger than just football – a victory would galvanise our nation – a nation systematically pillaged of all self esteem and idea of worth & identity in favour of a pseudo British model...

After that it all went silent. A full 15 minutes had elapsed without anyone talking about shoes, handbags, OK magazine or shopping.....

Eventually, we pulled up outside her pad, she thanked me, tipped me and bade me goodnight.

As I drove away, I hoped against hope that somehow my little list of requests would get through to the one they call Fabio... But after today’s God-awful performance against Germany it would appear not. Stevie Gee was still playing on the left – the team was still attempting to play 4-4-2 without having a clue.... and just when we need a proven goal scorer to get amongst the Germans, the man they call Fabio took off one (Defoe) and brought on the plank Heskey while leaving ‘goals for fun’ Crouchy still sat on his backside....

But still, as I said to the WAG as she got out of the cab, “I’m a taxi driver driving a crappy car in the early hours of a summer’s morning and he’s the England manager on £6 million a year, so what do I know?”...

Gordon Brown arrives in student-land - so where's Danny the Red when you need him?...

2010-05-04T11:21:00.003Z

Gordon Brown, his living crutch Mrs Brown, faux hard-man Ross Kemp, Ed 'Gonads' Balls and a cabal of Labour henchmen breezed into some crummy College in Leamington Spa this morning. There, resplendent in sober suit, winning smile and Caesar-Imperial purple tie, the Brownster waved the wave whilst Kemp tried his best to keep the adoring studenty hoards from touching the self-annointed Kirkcaldy one...

No sign of protest here, they're too busy trying to worship the son of the Manse. Young students cheered and whooped - a shoving throng tried their best to bypass the fat bouncer Kemp. The former Eastenders bad boy began to look a bit panicky and a tad sweaty on his baldy bonce as the collective Midlands massive tried to get near the great smirky one. Was it as bad as Helmand Province? Was Basra ever as pushy-shovey as this? Unfortunately, Kemp had forgotten his AK47, stun grenades and TV brother Grant Mitchell - so the only defence was Gordon's strategy of boring the arses off everyone..

"Hi, how's it going?"

"It's good to see you."

"It's great to be here"...

"Hi, how's it going?"

"It's good to see you."

"It's great to be here"... and so on....

No one screamed "Fascist bastard" or "Scottish one-eyed moron" or anything like that...No one said they would like to give Mrs B one, no one shouted out any knob jokes in the direction of Mr Balls - and definitely no one called Ross Kemp a 'Baldy-Headed Twat'...Which was all a bit disappointing really.....

Because when I was a student in the early seventies, no politician would have dared to saunter into our art college touting for votes. Because then, apart from Che, Jan Palach and Danny the Red, us young Turks were pretty much against everything and everyone - especially figures of authority, routinely dismissed as old fart fascists. The plod were piggies and our parents were contemptuously ignored - except when we wanted picking up from town at 3 in the morning, obviously...

Back to the Leamington Spa love-in.....
Gordon and Ross started a carefully choreographed Q and A with Jonny and Jennie Student. "Jobs, Education, Student Places, Health, Jobs, Jobs, Jobs and...... Tuition Fees" were the subjects of choice from Gordon.

Predictably, the student mass of Leamington Spa never asked why they as English students have to pay tuition fees whilst everyone else in Britain especially those in Scotland, don't. Predictably, they failed to spot the irony of Gordon's oft spewed phrase "Labour, the party of fairness." Predictably they never picked up on the fact that Gordon used the default 'Ooor Country' when talking about English Health, English Policing and English Education matters.... They just smiled blankly, their easily fobbed-off star-struck gobs reflected in the shiny billiard-ball bonce of Ross Kemp's head.

Education, education, education clearly ain't what it used to be...

VOTE NOW FOR JERUSALEM AS OUR ENGLISH ANTHEM AT THE COMMONWEALTH GAMES

2010-04-25T20:36:00.008Z

After years of pushing, letter writing and email correspondence from many English patriots, it appears there may just be a little bit of light regarding a national anthem for England.

England's Commonwealth Games Committee Board of Trustees have acquiesced to public pressure and are actually asking us to vote on which anthem victorious English athletes should be upstanding to at the next Commonwealth Games in Delhi, India. Appropriately, the vote opened on Friday - St George's Day, so get voting!

The press release spells it out - Commonwealth Games England announced today that they will let the nation decide which anthem is to be played at this year’s Commonwealth Games in Delhi by allowing the public to vote for the song of their choice.....

There are only 3 candidates - and only one that is England-specific - so it should be a no brainer.

Option 1: God Save the Queen. British anthem and hence really nothing to do with England..... Gordon Brown take note: England is not Britain. Apart from that, the tune is about as uninspiring as a tune can be.

Option 2: Land of Hope and Glory. British imperialistic Edwardian anthem which gloried in the ever-expanding British Empire (especially in Africa) during the country-collecting activities of the late Victorian and early Edwardian eras. Irrelevant to England as the 'Land of Hope and Glory' referred to is Britain. Erroneously used in the past as England's victory anthem at previous Commonwealth Games - in our view totally inappropriately. It really does need to change in favour of option 3.

Option 3: Jerusalem. This scores on all fronts. For a start, it actually mentions and is about England. Also, opinion polls have consistently shown it to be by far the nation's favourite choice for an English anthem. The words by William Blake are nothing to do with invading anyone, nor are they disparaging to any of our neighbours - they just embody what a vision of England could be.

Jerusalem really should be England's National Anthem. SO PLEASE DO VOTE FOR IT RIGHT NOW!!!!
If we can get Jerusalem to be accepted as England's Victory Anthem at Delhi in October then it is more likely to be taken up by organisations such as the FA, RFU and the ECB as England's pre-game anthem of choice...

Power2010 - my new best friends....

2010-04-23T11:09:00.005Z

After a bit of an unsteady start, Director Pam Giddy and the crew from Power2010 just might be getting the hang of this here democracy malarky. That's the kind that listens to what the majority want rather than obeying the malign thought processes of the ruling elite.

At long last, Giddy looks as if she has shed the shackles of New Labour's bizarre idea of democracy - and Helena Kennedy's long shadow of remote controllery appears to have run out of batteries.

Power2010 have today published the findings of an ICM poll which concerns the very biggest of elephant-in-the-room subjects, namely..... “England should have its own parliament with similar powers to those of the Scottish Parliament”.

A full 68% of those asked were in favour of that statement, almost 7 out of every 10 people. Even using Gordon Brown's much thrown 1978 Amstrad Power Calculator, that's a clear and unequivocal majority.

Giddy says: “England was not mentioned once in the leaders’ debate and has not featured at all during this campaign so far. Yet we now know people want a fairer way of making decisions that affect England.

“It suddenly feels like we are on the cusp of seismic changes to the way our politics is done. But so long as the unfair system we have at the moment persists it can only play into the hands of undemocratic voices like the BNP. With all the talk of reform in the air politicians should not duck the English question, but use the opportunity of St George’s day to say where they stand".

So, in the face of a growing and unstoppable grassroots demand for a national legislature in England, what can the Establishment cronies do to rubbish this latest hammer blow to their cosy little club of vested interests and majority disenfranchisement?

Will New Labour poodle Prof' Robert Hazell from UCL's Constitutional Unit again tell us that there is no demand for an English Parliament?

Will Gordon Brown simply ignore us and continue with his strategy of burying England in favour of the ever-so-precious Union?

Will Lord Mandelson blame it on the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud?

Will David Cameron tell us that this poll proves that almost 70% of people in England are in fact 'sour little Englanders'?....

Will Nick Clegg tell us that it would be best all round if England were subsumed into the greater Euro region of Francania?...

Will Jack Straw tell us that the latest poll clearly shows that 7 out of 10 people in England are very violently aggressive and a bit too arrogant for their own good in wanting self-determination for their country?

Or will someone, anyone in the halls of power at Westminster come out of the closet of denial, declare it's a fair cop and that the reinstatement of England's Parliament is the only right and fair action to take.....

Don't bet on it.

One thing is as clear as Gordon's glassy eye. The agenda for devolution has now passed from the control of power crazed politicians and into the consciousness of the English public. The door to self-determination is now unlocked and swinging open. Change is now inevitable, as is an English Parliament. Gordon, Dave, Nick et al, you'd better get used to it - and quick.

So why not register your ire here...

You'd be mad (or a Poodle Prof') not to....

Gordon Brown - LIAR

2010-03-30T09:06:00.003Z

GORDON BROWN - LYING BASTARD.

Andy Burnham, the Secretary of State for ENGLISH health will be rolling out an initiative today concerning the care of elderly people. As per usual, Andy will try to give a UK Brit feel to the policy - even though it is 100% relative to England alone.

And while we are talking about 'as per usuals' - Gordon Brown, his pathological liar of a boss has got in early for a bit of glory grabbing. This is his piece on the Number 10 website about the proposed announcement. True to form, as with all Health initiatives, Liar Brown gives the impression that the policy will be UK wide

'I’m proud to say that in Britain we don’t just look out for ourselves, we also look after each other. It’s part of the soul of our nation, underpinned by our core values of fairness and responsibility.

And today we face a challenge no other generation has had to confront.

First, from a rapidly ageing population rightly demanding greater dignity, self-respect and support when they are frail and need care most.

And from those with disabilities rightly demanding care that enables them to learn, to work and to contribute to society.

Our current care and support system is no longer adequate for these challenges we see ahead. It cannot meet all our needs, nor match our aspirations. And if left unchanged, it would not cope with the extra demand in years to come.

Our answer is bold, ambitious reform to create a system firmly rooted in the proudest traditions of our national health service: personal care, there for you when you need it.

So today Andy Burnham, our health minister, is setting out the route to a national care service that will benefit every family in the country.

Alongside our decisions to re-link earnings with the state pension in 2012 this will mean a much better deal for our older people - for those to whom we owe so much.

Reform will come in three stages; each affordable, each fairer and each offering more protection to your homes and your savings.

We will start with a radical overhaul of care in the home - helping more of our old people cope longer at home and protecting those of you with the greatest needs from charges and fees for care in your own homes.

Then we will build up the care service, so that people who have been in care homes for more than two years will get their care for free, while also removing the postcode lottery of provision that exists today.

And then these reforms will pave the way towards the introduction of a comprehensive national care service available to all - whoever you are, wherever you live, whatever your circumstances.

Our plans will realise for the first time a vision of personalised care; providing not just physical support but also peace of mind.

These are tough decisions to take in times of economic restraint. But with a rapidly ageing society the costs of inaction are far greater than the costs of reform.

And this is an issue about the future of Britain and the future of our society from which we must not hide. In the national interest we will seek consensus on the right way forward.

So today sees a new chapter opening in the proud history of our public services – founded, as ever, on our enduring belief in fairness and responsibility.'

'If'.......

2010-03-28T20:13:00.005Z

One of my favourite films ever is 'If' starring Malcolm McDowell and directed by the great Lindsay Anderson. They've been showing it again on one of the digital channels - and it gave me a chance to rediscover a great piece of music used in the film....

When I first saw it at the flicks in the late sixties, I was knocked out by this track - and (pre Google) spent bloody years trying to find it... Which I eventually did.

Thankfully, YouTube makes it a lot easier...

QuestionTime for dullards, n'er do wells, liars and conniving snake oil salesmen..

2010-03-26T10:59:00.002Z

Last night, BBC's QuestionTime (along with Dumbleby and his thick-as-a-brick panel) broadcast from Glasgow, Scotland. The audience was really pumped - so worried about all kinds of domestic stuff which might get clobbered in these 'no more boom and bust' times. High on the list of concerns was the great domestic triumphvirate of Health, Education and Policing.

Would 'Health' be 'OK' in these belt-tightening times? Slaphead coffee addict (and Harry Potter character) Liam Byrne confirmed that Health would indeed be 'OK' - but that real savings of over 3 billion would have to be made in the 'NHS' by telling the staff not to take so many sickies, turning used disposable paper undies inside out and giving them to another day-patient... and top & tailing patients 2 to a bed (just as long as they don't have any foot fungus infections, obviously)....

Conservative shadow minister for communities Baroness Warsi, put her oar in as did the hysterical (but not in a funny way) Liberal Democrat communities spokesman Julia Goldsworthy MP.

Uber media honcho Sir Martin Sorrell gave his considered perspective while flashing his ever-so-big and expensive timepiece to camera.

And so it continued. Education and Policing got the same treatment. Concern and worry eminated from all corners as everyone craved reassurance and clarification......

So it was all the more surprising then that the man who had most control over these issues in Scotland was also sitting there on the panel. Scottish government boss Alex Salmond and his cabinet have direct responsibility for the devolved portfolios of Health, Education and Policing in Scotland. But it was like no one was admitting it - especially Salmond. Last night on QuestionTime, presumably for the purposes of deception and spin aimed at us saps south of Carlisle, Health, Education and Policing were once again reclaimed back into the UK fold...

But in reality, the discussion on Health, Education and Policing was totally irrelevent to the invited Scottish audience - no one said a word about the cuts being referred only applying to the English NHS. No one admitted that massive 'savings' are going to hit the English Education System and English Policing...

And then the discussion moved to Stephen Byers and his gang of political prostitutes. The audience mused why had trust in politicians fallen to an all time low?......

Why indeed.

The Seven Ages of..... England.

2010-02-19T11:33:00.004Z

Last Sunday, I watched the third in the series of David Dimbleby's BBC series 'The Seven Ages of Britain'.

And to be truthful, I am still waiting to see it..... The 'Britain' part of the show, that is.

Because so far, it's been the three ages of England all the way. And a butchers at the BBC's blurb per iplayer edition attempts to reinforce that old habit of the Corporation in trying to Britify everything that is English....

1/7. Britain's story through art and treasure, from the Roman invasion to the Norman Conquest...
Yeah, well actually apart from a cursory reference to the Roman influence in Scotland and Wales, the opening episode of the series concentrated on the treasures of England. It's definitely England's story told through some amazing objects including the head of Emperor Hadrian found in the river Thames, the Mildenhall Treasure found in Suffolk, the World's oldest surviving bible written and illustrated in Northumbria and the fantastic Royal treasure of King Raedwald at Sutton Hoo.... in East Anglia... (that's in England you know!)

Then Dave cuts to the Ashmolean in Oxford, dons his white gloves and starts to excitedly fondle the Alfred Jewel (which possibly hadn't been fondled since Alfred's Queen had a go some 1,200 years ago). It was dug up in the 17th century from an Oxfordshire field...in England. Finally we're over to Bayeaux, France to have a look at the Tapestry - needlework completed by English Saxon women of Suffolk and Essex some dozen years after the Conquest.... (If the Elgin Marbles ever get given back, I think we should have the Tapestry repatriated)...

2/7. Britain's art from the murder of Thomas Becket in 1170 to the death of Richard II in 1400. Wrong BBC! It's more England stuff and in particular, English art. Dave is seen swooning beneath the magnificent hammer beam roof in Westminster Hall, the Mappa Mundi in Hereford Cathedral, a crown from the Crown Jewels of Richard II as well as the King's very own travelling altar piece..... amongst other English stuff...

3/7. Spanning from Henry VIII's accession in 1509 to Shakespeare's Henry VIII 100 years later. You've guessed it! More English art. The amazing Drake Jewel had Dave slavering - and the best miniature portrait painter ever, Englishman Edward Hilliard was given suitable emanence.... Admittedly, there was a bit of a feature about court painter Hans Holbein - but I thought he was a German rather than hailing from the Rhondda or the Gorbals...

The next programme is all about the English Civil War. So that'll mean yet more stuff from England then?

The Drake Jewel.

The Parliament Oak.... What if...

2010-02-04T10:50:00.004Z

On the Countrytracks programme last Sunday, (5 minute report, then and now 44:26 in) there was a feature on the Parliament Oak. Situated just outside Sherwood Forest, the tree, at over 1,200 years old, is an ancient and still alive noble oak - and has had an illustrious and specifically English history. It once spanned 8 metres, but now, as with most old oaks, the centre of the tree has gone leaving a few old knarly but still impressive stumps.

A few years ago, the tree was in danger of collapse and the surrounding site was being used as a giant fly-tip. Thankfully, the Woodland Trust have skipped all the rubbish, cleared away the brambles, stabilised the tree, provided information panels and car parking for visitors - and now its future is looking a lot more optimistic.

For hundreds of years, the tree been used as a meeting place. King John conducted a parliament underneath its boughs, as did Edward 1st on his way up to Scotland for a bit of hammering.. But looking at the tree five years ago, you'd hardly know of its importance in England's democratic process, neglected, abused, ignored - a sort of metaphor for our existing non-national democratic process?

That's the history - what about the 'what if?'..

So what if, someone proclaimed a reconvening of the English Parliament under these self same boughs, tomorrow, next week or next month?

What if an elected body - a coalition English Cabinet in waiting was formed - and a manifesto published with outline policies specifically for the benefit and well-being of the people of England?

What if, during that spontaneous English Parliament, it was proclaimed that we, the people of England demanded our God given right for national democratic self determination?

What if that English coalition cabinet applied for international recognition - and asked to join the United Nations?

What if all the media was invited, press releases were prepared and it was widely publicised - so that people in England at last began to wake up?

What if?.....

The Parliament Oak is easy to find and easy to get to, just off the B6035....

Nige calls it a day, (but will he take his desk with him when he goes?)....

2010-02-01T10:55:00.006Z

Sex mad lothario and Scottish MP Nigel Griffiths is standing down at the general election. He told party members in his Edinburgh South constituency last night that he would not be standing for re-election and would instead take up a job with an "international educational institution".

Well, he had to go didn't he? Griffiths was caught bang to rights, in flagrante delicto with a nice young brunette lady amongst the staplers, tippex and post-it noted detritus of his Westminster desk..

So when he goes, who is going to inherit his government issue ash effect laminated desk - the one with the signed portrait of Gordon Brown and a couple of sweaty naked bum prints on?.....

Nige will not be sadly missed by anyone, least of all by his constituents, who probably didn't even know he was there in the first place. He didn't do much for them - but like virtually every other MP with a Scottish constituency, he claims credit for stuff which falls within the juristiction of his MSP counterpart.

On his website, Griffiths loves to big himself up. Throughout his site, Nige is portrayed as a sort of McRambo man of action for his constituents. It’s photos, photos, photos of Nigel as he gets to grips with the great issues concerning the folk on his patch. Got a problem? Call for Nige – if nothing else, he’ll give you a signed photo of himself to stick on your mantelpiece....

Nigel’s news section on his website is a joy to behold. Within are a series of photo opportunities in which Nigel manages to get himself associated with Al Gore (green issues), Aung San Suu Kyi, the Burmese Opposition leader(human rights issues), a couple of survivors from Nagasaki(nuclear arms race issues) and film star Jackie Chan. But as far as I know, none of these people actually live in his constituency of Edinburgh South..

My appraisal of this vacuous pillock can be found here

Nigel Griffiths with a couple of honeys...

Team Kernow disqualified?

2010-01-28T13:50:00.003Z

Campaign Kernow (formally the Cornwall Commonwealth Games Association) has been told that it has no hope and Bob Hope of fielding a team in any Commonwealth Games gig in the future. That said, campaigners are hoping that Cornwall can be represented at the Games in Glasgow in 2014.

They are considering submitting a judicial review against the Commonwealth Games Federation. Games organisers called it a "frivolous" act and said they would oppose any legal action.

Graham Hart, CK head honcho, campaign leader, Cornish musician, sportsman and renowned Cornish campaigner (his words, not mine) says, "It is a sad day indeed when the so-called “ Friendly Games “ has forced us to take this action but we will not be denied our birthright, go away or take no for an answer. We are now at the point of taking what we hope will be the final step for acceptance into the Federation."

From the opening lines of the campaign website, Campaign Kernow is clearly a bit of divine cause for Mr Hart - "In October 2002, I was given the vision of taking a Cornish team to the Commonwealth Games. By December 2003 I had put together a quality executive committee, which include international and professional sportsman to form the CCGA. Exactly one year later we applied for membership of the CGF, who refused us ‘ out of hand ’. Since then further researches have strengthened our claim to bring us to where we are now."

Kirsty Winstanley - an English victim of an unequal union

2010-01-25T17:38:00.009Z

Every now and then, you come across a story which sort of sums up this unequal union of equals and the appalling price that citizens in England are expected pay for New Labour's Grand Plan. When, because you are English, you just don't seem to qualify for stuff that is routine everywhere else in Britain.

Today, supporters of the late young mother Kirsty Winstanley, have been lobbying at Westminster to try and get cerival cancer screening down to the same age levels as the rest of the UK.

This from Sky.com -
"Kirsty Winstanley, 23, from St Helens, died ten months after being diagnosed with the disease.

She had been too young to be screened in England. If she had lived anywhere else in Britain, she would have qualified.

Kirsty had called for the cervical cancer screening age in England to be lowered to 20, in line with Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. Currently, women in England are not invited for the test until they reach 25.

Kirsty's brother Ian Atherton said: "She felt bitter that she didn't have the chance to save her own life.

"If the Government hadn't raised the screening age from 20 to 25 in 2003, she could have had the opportunity to have the smear test, and could have caught it. She would have had two years from 20 to 22 to catch this disease, and actually be able to survive."

Dear Peter.......

2010-01-15T09:51:00.004Z

To Peter Hain, Secretary of State for Wales

Mr Hain, whilst watching BBC's Questiontime on 14th January, I noticed that in reply to a question from the audience (34 minutes in), about David Miliband and his loyalty message, you said, (and I quote directly from BBC iPlayer), "And actually, when it comes down to it, my constituents say to me... They're not interested in all this nonsense and all this media Westminster bubble stuff,what they're interested in is who's going to take this country forward so that jobs are protected, so that schools are protected, so that the health service continues to be invested in and continues to perform....."

Well, that surprises me somewhat. I mean, seeing that Health and Education are now devolved issues, are the good people of Neath in Wales really that bothered about the English education system and the English health service? Surely, they will be thinking of their own health and education issues when they can actually vote for them - in the elections to the Welsh Assembly?

But maybe they are confused? If they are indeed raising such subjects to you, maybe you should be correcting them - and telling them that Welsh health and education has nothing to do with you. But as Secretary of State for Wales, you can vote on English Health and Education issues but not Welsh ones - and that all enquiries should be addressed to the Welsh AM for Neath?

As you are the Secretary of Wales - and so are presumably defacto aware of the devolution settlement, I am somewhat surprised that you should have made such an elementary error. I would be grateful if you could reply to this and let me know if what you said was, indeed a slip of the tongue - or an attempt to continue to confuse the people of England as to who is responsible for what..

Q & A with Nick Clegg.... (via some geezer called Duggie Dowell)..

2009-11-25T20:53:00.003Z

Questions sent, September 21st:During yesterday's conference speech by Nick Clegg he talked about abandoning your no tuition fee policy because of hard financial times...

HOWEVER, he talked very generally about where the policy would impact. For example, he talked about the need to act responsibly for the sake of the British people etc...
Am I right in thinking that he was only talking about tutition fees in England? (As I understand it, education is entirely devolved, apart from in England, obviously).
So if it is only about England that he is talking why did he never once mention England by name?

As the LibDems were supposed to be the party of honesty - how can Clegg do exactly the same as Brown and Cameron when talking about devolved issues - ie give the impression that he is talking about a British-wide policy when in actual fact he is only referring to policy in England

Also, I notice you have official Scottish LibDems and Welsh LibDems websites and organisations - but where are the English LibDems?

Two questions - I would appreciate an honest and unspun reply to both.

Answer received November 25th: Many thanks for your email to Nick Clegg MP. Nick has asked me to contact you on his behalf and I apologise for the delay in responding. I hope you will understand that, due to the sheer volume of correspondence that Nick has been receiving, it can take some time for us to reply.

Liberal Democrats recognise that the advent of devolution to Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland poses difficult questions for the governance of England within the Union. Solutions, however, are in many ways equally problematic. The ‘English votes for English laws’ solution is extremely complicated – partially because the Speaker would have to decide whether issues were England only; England and Wales; Great Britain; England, Wales and Northern Ireland; or UK-wide. Given the fact that changes in spending on English services which would be devolved in the rest of the UK directly affect the devolved administration’s budgets, this is by no means a simple question. More fundamentally, in situations where English MPs had a majority of one political colour and the House of Commons as a whole another, it would mean that the government’s writ would not run over most of its legislative programme. An English Parliament would address some of these points, and we would not necessarily rule it out. However, it does beg the question of why we should wish to create a new level of government covering nearly 85% of the population. This might be a logical response, but it does not meaningfully move power closer to the people, which is the ultimate point of devolution. Furthermore, given the different levels of powers allocated to the different devolved assemblies, inconsistencies would still remain. We believe this question should be a matter for our proposed Constitutional Convention.

Our own party structure has always had a high degree of autonomy for regional and local parties, before and after devolution. We believe issues should be decided at the most appropriate level close to our constituents. I hope you’ll understand that, due to the nature of the current devolution settlement, it can be a little difficult to avoid moving from a devolved issue (e.g. education) to a UK-wide one (e.g. taxation policy) at the moment – but Nick certainly didn’t intend to cause confusion and I do apologise if you were irritated by it.

Finally, with respect to finance – as the Scottish Parliament, Welsh Assembly and Northern Ireland have devolved bloc grants, I hope you’ll understand that Nick can’t generally lay down Lib Dem policy on matters like tuition fees in Scotland. However, it’s worth bearing in mind that the level of bloc grant in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland is automatically linked to total ‘English’ spending, so reductions in spending south of the border will translate into an equivalent reduction in the devolved nations.

Thank you once again for emailing. Once again, I’m very sorry for the delay in replying to you.

Best wishes,

Douglas Dowell
Office of Nick Clegg MP

Cross-dresser goes cross-country.... and gets cross!

2009-08-14T08:42:00.007Z

On Wednesday, I almost took out one of the nation's favourite comedians.

Eddie Izzard, currently pounding the roads of Britain almost went the way of countless insects, a few birds and a cyclist (it was his fault, honest!) in disappearing under my bonnet. Thankfully, this time, I avoided adding to my bonnet fodder count by managing not to mount the pavement and flattening him.

Eddie Izzard, here in Nowheresville, West Lancashire, doing his bit for Comic Relief? I mean, what are the chances? At first I thought he was alone in a loneliness of the long distance runner kind of way ('cept for the flag of St George strapped to his arm). But then I noticed the S Type Jag', the 4x4 with countless bikes strapped to the back, the weird motorised trap thing being ridden by a few hippie types....

We went back to get the Nikon.

By the time we found him again, he was a few miles up the road and into countryside. I reckon a certain amount of rules interpretation had been explored by Team Izzard - Had the back seat of that Jag' suddenly become all sweaty?

But even though he was in the country, Eddie was hardly alone. A camera crew had suddenly materialised - which along with the team meant there was a bit of a bottleneck on one of the most dangerous stretches of the A59 - one of the most dangerous roads in the country. Still, there's a celeb at work so who cares?

We drove past a mile or two to turn round and drive back up towards the Izzard show. Camera primed, foot on the accelerator Eddie had broken away from the group and was running in a walking kind of way towards us. He looked a tad grumpy and no mistake....

I'm multi-tasking. One hand on the wheel, one hand holding the Nikon, we're doing about 40 mph as we draw near...

I try to get his attention.

"Hey, Eddie baby, I love ya!"

"Piss off" said Eddie...

Must be a showbizz greeting thing.

Mean, moody, magnificent. Eddie against the West Lancashire skyline.

Craven ignorance?

2009-07-27T07:51:00.002Z

TO: BBC Complaints Dept:

Countryfile - BBC 1, 26/7/09.
John Craven's report about Mink and the need to eradicate it.

25:10 into the programme, Craven said this -
"It's not just Alex who believes we should control foreign species to preserve our natural heritage, the English Government's wildlife advisory agency thinks so too"...

Sorry, did John Craven just say 'English Government'?

Clearly, all those years dressed in absurd wooly jumpers whilst anchoring 'John Craven's Newsround' has done nothing to hone his grasp of political reality.

For his and the BBC's benefit, England has no English Government. To be honest, England is hardly recognised as a country by anyone - least of all, the BBC!

And if we did have an 'English Government', don't you think we would only be voting in people to rule us who actually represented English people in English constituencies!?? (Last time I looked on a map, Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath was a constituency most definitely in Scotland).

So, PERRRRLLLEASE do not insult me and 50 million other English people by telling us we have an English Government when we quite clearly do not. You are supposed to speak the truth unto nations - not pedal myths!

Just remember, England is the only country in the WHOLE OF EUROPE without any national representation - and that is a shameful indictment on the craven power-mad baggage currently loafing around in Westminster..... And we went to war in Iraq so we could give them democracy!!

'Double standards', don't ya just love them????

Please reply as soon as possible - and send Craven (along with all the other BBC journalists) on a crash course in politics.

Yours,

Kim Cattrall, me - and a Bobby Ewing stepping-out-of-the-shower moment...

2009-07-13T09:59:00.003Z

You know when something so weird happens in your life, you just cannot take it in. Something, if written in a soap opera you would think it so outrageously improbable - even for Dynasty or Dallas?..

It happened to me, my sisters and my Mum just 8 weeks ago.

It started, just like any Agatha Christie novel does with an advert placed in the personal column of a newspaper - the Liverpool Echo in early May to be precise. It asked whether anyone knew the wherebouts of a man last seen in the Toxteth area of Liverpool in the mid 1930's. His name was George Baugh. His surname is quite unusual - and significantly, it also happens to be my Mum's maiden name. What's more, she had an eldest brother who she called 'Georgie' - and as a young teenager, she was the last person in her family to see him storm out of his father's home and disappear down the road forever in the mid 1930's....

Our family are now living all over the place - and none of us actually saw the advert - but my youngest sister has been building our family tree for the past 20 years and has many times tried to find our missing Uncle Georgie without any success. One of her friends in Liverpool saw the advert and contacted my sister to ask whether it could be my long lost Uncle....

We reckoned that more than likely it was. But there was only one way to find out - ring the number on the advert.

We already knew a bit about Uncle Georgie. He was the eldest of 7 kids, was a bit of a tearaway and had been running away from home since his early teens. He had got married at an early age, and had three daughters to Marian, his wife. After he ran away for the last time, (leaving his wife and kids behind) we know he had tried to get into America but was refused entry. He spent a few months banged up in Ellis Island chokey before being shoved onto a boat home... That was over 70 years ago... since then, nothing until now.

We rang the number. It was a researcher from the BBC. They were producing a new episode of 'Who Do You Think You Are?' and they thought Uncle Georgie, my Mum and us kids were all related to their celebrity subject.

"So who is it then?"

They wouldn't tell us. The only thing they did confirm was that the subject of the episode was very, very famous...

Please God, don't let it be Derek Hatton or Jimmy Tarbuck or Cherie Blair or Les Dennis or Cilla Black or especially Keith Chegwin..... But maybe they're not a scouser? The awful thought comes into my mind that Jimmy Krankie is a long lost relly....

We ruminate. Then we cogitate. Our brains have never been so racked. Who the hell is it?

To be honest, I didn't care who it is - just as long as we feel honoured to call them one of our relatives. Footy genius, Stevie Gerrard would be good. We could have a kickabout in our back garden - and I could show him how fab my demon left foot is. Jimmy Page would be better, because if nothing else, I might at last get to actually see Led Zepp' live - possibly in my front room with a wall of Marshall speakers, a four pack, a bottle of Jack Daniels and a couple of cigarette lighters (for the Stairway to Heaven number)... Then maybe I could dig out my Son's classic Gibson Les Paul Studio electric guitar and me and Jimbo could have a bit of a sesh, jammin' the night away..... Sweet.

It wasn't either of them. Nor thankfully was it Degsy, Cherie or Cilla.

All they would tell us was that the subject was internationally famous, born in Liverpool but now lives in the states.

Blimey. Gobsmacking. We are related to someone internationally famous who now lives in the states!..

They ring us back. They want to come round and screen-test my old Mum with a view to interviewing her on camera for the programme. Not only that, if all goes well then the celeb will drop in to do a face to face with her!..

It's all going too fast. We're having difficulty getting our collective heads around this one... and they still won't tell us who it is!

All I can say is 'Thank God for Google'...

We type in Mum's maiden name and start working through all the famous people we can think of who were born in Liverpool. We are forensic in our search.

And then we find it. We find it but we cannot believe it. It ain't really registering.

Us, the Ordinary-Nobody family from Liverpool really are related to someone who has already been to the White House as a guest of President Obama. Someone who is instantly recognisable right around the globe....

It really is sort of getting to be like a plot from Dallas or Dynasty - improbable, not to say impossible! But it appeared to be true!

Amazingly, our relation is Kim Cattrall.

Although dying to blab to anyone we meet, we don't crack on to anyone (well, hardly anyone) - especially my Mum. The programme makers want it to be as natural experience as possible when she meets the people from the Beeb.

The researchers come round. They are impressed with my old girl. She's 87 years old but is still dealing from a full pack (including the jokers). Her recall of her long lost brother is undiminished by a 70-odd year gap. They tell my Mum that they would like to come round with a camera crew and the subject of the programme to do a few scenes. My Mum agrees.

Finally, I tell my kids that they could be related to someone famous. They press me, I capitulate and tell them who it is. Three nanoseconds later, my 25 year old son had shoved it straight onto his FaceBook page.

So much for discretion.

The big day comes - Spring Bank Holiday Monday to be precise and by now, my Mum has been told who it is. She invites us kids to her house to meet our newly discovered relation. Knowing that my Mum's house is a tad on the bijou side - and that around 20 people are likely to be tramping around inside, I reluctantly decide to decline the offer - in the hope that I might meet Kim in less fraught surroundings at a later date.

Three cars turn up the little street in Sheffield where my Mum now lives. Out steps the Director, two researchers, camera crew & sound man, make-up lady, minder and Kim Cattrall... Already in the house are my three sisters, a nephew, a niece, my Mum's younger sister and her daughter.

They are there for a couple of hours filming before they depart. Now is the time to take stock. Basically, my Mum is Kim's Great Aunt - her brother was Kim's Grandfather. That makes me her mother's cousin and my kids are Kim's second cousins.

We've kept a collective embargo on the information while the rest of the programme was being made. The reason being that there is one hell of a story to come out regarding my Uncle Georgie - alot of it is very very painful and upsetting to those concerned. We didn't feel it was our job to publicise the story - especially as we have only just found out about it all. It is really amazing - but not in a positive way. And to be honest, we were all very shocked when we heard what my uncle Georgie had been up to. After he left his wife - he laid low for a few years then remarried. In short, Georgie was a bigamist.

For my Mum it's closure. She was pretty much the last person to see her eldest brother as he did his last runner all those years ago and has always wondered what had happened to him. Well now she knows - where he settled and when he died. Last Saturday I met Kim's Auntie - she's another cousin of mine; and is Georgie's third child. She was really nice, as was her husband. They had loads of photos of their niece - including one with her and Leonard Nimoy playing a couple of Vulcans in a Star Trek movie.

We've heard that the programme is due to air on August 12th. My Mum is getting a private showing beforehand because some of the stuff the programme uncovers is a bit painful....

The process has been surreal, the story has been shocking and painful for all concerned - but I have to say how thrilled we all are to have discovered a new arm of our family - and yes, we do feel honoured to have Kim as one of our relatives.

Well, that's the story - I wrote this piece a few weeks ago and have been wondering when to whack it up on the blog. Well, I reckon now is the right time as the new series of Who Do You Think You Are? is about to start and a piece about Kim's story was featured in Saturday's Daily Mail magazine..

Amazing

Co op - good with food (but not with geography)...

2009-07-01T09:31:00.003Z

Co op's latest BBQ advert - now reinforced with added flaggage - (Scottish and Unionist of course)...

Why not complain?
The Co-operative Group
Customer Relations
Freepost MR9473
Manchester
M4 8BA

Email: customer.relations@co-op.co.uk

Phone: 0800 0686 727

Just as if....

2009-06-17T16:39:00.002Z

In tribute to the imminent disclosure of over a million MP receipts, West Lancashire poet Tom McDonald, inspired by Kipling's best known poem has penned the following tome....

Just as if...

If you can keep your houses when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
About your freebies of which there’s quite a few

If you can bait and not be tired of baiting,
When you tell the voters that you’d never tell them lies
If you are hated and care not of the hating,
When you’re up to no good and think that it’s wise

If you can scheme for light-bulbs and cracked plaster,
If rising damp in the swimming pool is to blame,
You could tell your bankers of this dire disaster,
Because you know that you and they are just the same.

If you don’t know the truth of what you’ve spoken,
With your twisted way of rigging complex rules
When you see the things we gave our lives to broken,
As we stoop and build ‘em up with worn out tools.

If you can make one heap of what you’re claiming,
And compare it with the hoard of Jonathon Ross,
And brood and start again at what you’re aiming,
And never breathe a word unto your boss.

If you can stake your claim for heating up the lawn,
And the contents from a horse’s steaming stall
Get paid for nappies, bath plugs, and for steamy porn,
While chandeliers swing gaily in the hall.

If you can talk with crowds and feign your virtue,
Or walk with kings nor lose the commons touch,
If neither friends nor Jeremy Paxman can hurt you,
And if some men count with, you but not too much.

If one’s denied as middleclass in classy mags.
And they say that person is not what he seems
Then how is it that he owns two brand new jags
And the place he lives has brand new Tudor beams.

If you would like your fortune to continue,
To serve your turn and keep you as a toff,
Don’t tell Joe Public what they think is in you,
Even though you’d tell these peasants to sod off!

If you can talk on telly for one minute,
About the rules and what you never hid,
Then yours is the oyster and the pearl that’s in it,
And what’s more, you’ll be an MP, our kid....

Tom McDonald, West Lancashire.

The default English First Minister says "It's oooor country!"..

2009-05-19T09:26:00.004Z

..."This, the launch day of the 2018 World Cup bid. It's a great day for football, it's a great day for our country"....

Quakes in the Lakes....

2009-04-28T12:32:00.006Z

This morning there was an earthquake measuring 3.2 on the Richter Scale. It was centred around Ulveston, South Lakes, Cumbria..... That isn't that far from Sellafield's family of expanding nuclear power stations and also the proposed underground nuclear waste dump at Copeland.

Although only small, this quake shows that there is seismic activity in the area around the Lake District - last month for instance, they had another quake measuring 2.8.

Do you think we should we be building nuclear stations and storing nuclear waste anywhere near what is becoming a potential problem area? After all, the projected danger time for the most radioactive waste to be stored is around 100,000 years - that's 25 times the age of Stonehenge - and quite a bit longer than a 5 year parliamentary term...

Still, in their various cabinet guises, the Miliband boys have assured us that everything is A-OK and there's nowt to worry about....... So that's alright then?

Geology extra! - The most stable rocks in the UK are in the Cairngorms, Scotland. They are also amongst the oldest in the world, vying for longevity with the Laurentian Shield rock formation in Canada.

Politics, eh. Don't you just love it!

A celebration...

2009-04-23T08:49:00.003Z

Today is our day.
Time for a bit of tradional music from Carolanne Pegg - The mouse and the crow.

Happy St George's Day to you all.

Hey, our Chief Exec' says it's OK to celebrate Englishness!

2009-04-20T14:36:00.005Z

Bill Taylor, our local council's Chief Exec' is a larger than life character - especially for the staid types of West Lancashire.

Bill, resplendent in nice tan, designer spex and personalised number plate on his Range Rover is the type of dude who likes to keep up with the times. One of his current projects is a weekly video blog where he likes to tell it as it is to the West Lancashire masses.... The world according to Bill...

This week, Bill (a Scotsman by the way)expounds his belief that we should all celebrate our proudyness in being English - and hey, you too need not feel ashamed.

It was all going so well until Bill-baby said this -

'...Being patriotic is second nature to most Scots and Irish people, but sometimes it seems to me at least that English people have some difficulty in expressing their patriotism. Until recently, to be found waving a Union flag was to somehow be associated with far right politics. Fortunately, the ability to fly the Union flag and to be English is much more mainstream'

Bill, in my humble opinion, you should 1) invest in a book of flags 2) invest in an autocue for your videos.

Nuclear sites announced.... where will they go I wonder?

2009-04-15T09:26:00.004Z

Is this what the average Lake District fell walker will be wearing in 50 years time?

Possibly.... Anyway, great news!
List of 11 new nuclear sites released.....

10 of the 11 sites are in England, the third most densely populated country in the world!

Solitary token site announced in Wyfla north Wales, but due to vociferous local opposition from Welsh nationalists, it is expected that this power station will never be built.

HOWEVER, due to the passing of the new planning bill last winter, local opposition in England will not be allowed to deflect the government from their new-build zeal. That planning bill was obviously shepherded through parliament by the 'Aye' votes of Welsh, Northern Irish and especially Scottish Labour MPs.

All the government have to do is quote the mantra enshrined in the new bill.... And that mantra is... 'For the common good'... It means 'for the common good of the people of the whole of the UK'....

Yet again, England is left, bereft of any national representation. Yet again, it is England's few remaining green spaces which will bear the brunt of this massive round of toxic new builds - and all because we like to leave out tellies on stand-by..

And yet again, during the winter parliamentary session, it will be Scottish, Welsh and Northern Irish MPs who will 'legitimise' this process when they vote it through.....So that's alright then.

And as for all you people out there who believe that English local planners still have the power to reject the planning permission, think again. This extract taken from the super friendly Office of Nuclear Development website 'Hey, thank God for nuclear power!'...

'Developers may apply to the Infrastructure Planning Commission (an independent body set up to decide on planning applications for projects of national significance) for development consent for those sites which are found to be strategically suitable in the Nuclear NPS. Before a developer applies for permission it has to consult relevant Local Authorities and local communities'.

For those that don't know, the Infrastructure Planning Commission is a government appointed quango of yes-monkeys each with a wad of cash in one hand and a rubber stamp in the other. They have the power to impose anything Gordon Brown wants, anywhere in England.

Oh....... and just in case you were wondering where all the toxic nuclear waste is going to be buried? Got it in one! beneath the green sward of the Lake District...... William Wordsworth will be pleased.

Come, come......

2009-03-30T09:02:00.003Z

Just one question.... Did Jaquii Smith's second-house hubby put a claim in for the bumper box of man-sized Kleenex to go with the porn double-bill?

Gordon Brass-Neck feels our pain.....

2009-03-19T10:39:00.003Z

This Q and A from yesterday's PMQs perfectly illustrates both the arrogance of the Prime Minister and the supine, roll-over and tickle-my-tum puppy-pleasing uselessness of yer average English MP. (Especially when tricky questions on English vindictiveness are raised)....

Mr. Fraser Kemp (Houghton and Washington, East) (Lab): Six months ago today, a constituent of mine, Claire Walker, died of cervical cancer. She was 23 years of age. Will the Prime Minister join me and Claire’s family, friends and supporters who are campaigning in London today in wholeheartedly welcoming last Friday’s announcement that there will be a full, independent and comprehensive review to consider the urgent case for the reintroduction of cervical cancer screening for young women under 25?

The Prime Minister: I appreciate everything that my hon. Friend said. Any family that is suffering because of cervical cancer—or, indeed, because of any form of cancer—has all our sympathies. We want to do everything we can to help, which is why we have introduced the vaccinations for teenagers—we have extended that programme and are ready to extend it further—and why the independent review that he mentioned will consider the case for making cervical cancer screening available to women under 25. It is our responsibility to look at all the available medical evidence about the risks as well as about the advantages of such screening. That will be done and I assure him that we take seriously the needs of anyone who is facing cancer at this time.

As I've said before - there ain't no case to consider by any independent jobsworth-quango. The case has already been proven for screening to begin at 20 - just like they do in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland...

Yet another opportunity lost to hold the administration to account by an English MP. But then again, maybe lives in England aren't quite so precious as those in Mr Brown's constituency?

Jade Goody will be pleased.....

2009-03-17T11:43:00.010Z

A panel of experts is to carry out an evidence review to determine whether women (in England) under the age of 25 should be routinely screened for cervical cancer, Health Minister Ann Keen announced today.

SPIN - "We are very proud of our cancer screening programmes in the NHS, which are internationally recognised as world-class." said Ms Keen.

REALITY -Yeah, but not quite as 'world class' as screening in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland - which all start screening women from 20 years onwards.

SPIN - "Cervical screening saves around 4,500 lives every year and we want to ensure that our programme remains in the best interests of young women. Experts will review the latest available evidence in this area as well as consider how we can increase awareness of the importance of screening and encourage more women to decide to take up this important service."

REALITY - The tragic case of Jade Goody and the negative publicity it has generated has caused a problem for English NHS spin doctors. In order to try and diffuse the dawning realisation that all is not as equal as the sharing, caring Unionists would like us to believe, they have hurredly announced a review.

SPIN - 'The Advisory Committee on Cervical Screening will consider the latest evidence available, including evidence from the key cancer charities who will be invited to contribute to the review. The board of experts will then recommend whether it is beneficial for women under 25 to be screened'. The evidence review will be presented to Ann Keen later this year.

REALITY - Another 'long grass' exercise. By the time this snouts-in-the-trough quango eventually get back with the report, Jade Goody will be dead, the story will have disappeared from the celeb press, and Posh will once again be dominating the front cover of Heat magazine..

SUMMARY - The case is proven. There is nothing to find out because the Welsh, Scots and Northern Irish Health Services have already completed all the necessary checks and balances -and then committed those findings to paper. If the English NHS was truly interested in saving the lives of young English women, they would pick up the phone today, and get those reports delivered to English NHS HQ by tomorrow morning. Hours later, they would be announcing a change in the age of screening down to 20..... IF, they were interested.

Clive Anderson, Sarah Miles, English imperialism and me...

2009-03-17T09:26:00.005Z

To:
Clive Anderson,
President, Woodland Trust.

Mr Anderson,

I am currently a member of the Woodland Trust.

During a recent radio edition of 'Loose Ends', you interviewed the actress Sarah Miles. During the conversation, she expressed her pride in being English - and also bemoaned the fact that so many English people are apparently shy about celebrating their Englishness....

Your reaction was to utter a statement along the lines of 'Well, 200 years of English imperialism might have something to do with it'.....

As a proud Englishman, I was frankly amazed that you, a barrister and de facto, a supposedly intelligent man would make such a bizarre statement. Can you tell me when this 200 years of English imperialism happened? Do you mean the last 200 years and the days of Empire? If so, then you are mistaken. It was not 'the English Empire' - it was the BRITISH Empire'. Last time I looked, 'Great Britain' consisted of Wales, Scotland and England....

Maybe you were referring to the Middle Ages - a time when Scotland did more than its fair share of imperialistic invading...

Sarah Miles was right. Those born in England should be proud. Aside from coming second (behind China) in the list of nations responsible for the greatest number of inventions in the UN top 100 that have most benefitted civilisation, England has given much to the world. For example, England produced Magna Carta, the world's first document to formally set out the rights of the individual - a document much copied throughout the world, including the Declaration of Independence. And the 2 tier model of modern democratic representation originated in England, also.

England is a great country which is suffering grievously under New Labour. The only time people at the BBC mention England is to comprehensively rubbish it - and you appear to be no exception to that rule.

As you are a barrister, I am sure you would agree that we, the English should have our own national parliament. We are currently the only country in Europe without any national representation. No First Minister for us, no parliament - we aren't even allowed our own national anthem for God's sake!!!

I joined the Woodland Trust at the end of 2008 - I am passionate about the ever few remaining green spaces left in England (the 3rd most densely populated country in the world). However, I will not stay in an organisation which has as its head a man who apparently so flippantly rubbishes England.

Can you please explain your comment - your reply will decide whether I retain my membership or not.

Alfie the OK
Englishman (and therefore rubbished)
England (a country with no national representation).

Dear Mr OK,

Thank you for your E mail.

I’m sorry a remark of mine on Loose Ends has caused you so much distress. I particularly regret that it might lead you to disaffection with the Woodland Trust, an organisation you rightly identify as addressing an important issue.

When on Loose Ends Sarah Miles raised the question of Englishness, somewhat tangentially to the main thrust of our conversation, I attempted an off-the-cuff and, I hope, amusing explanation as to why England or Englishness might be unpopular.

If I had specified 200 years of imperialism I think your point, as far is it goes, would have been a fair one, as perhaps I would have been confusing England and Britain (or the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland , or in later years the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland)– an error that almost everyone risks falling into from time to time – but one which I would have wanted to avoid in the context of the conversation we were having, however light-hearted.

In fact according to the BBC transcript of the programme I said

I think it’s a few hundred years of imperialism that have made England very unpopular.

This is vaguer, but I think more apt. In any event , I had in mind not just the years of the British Empire but also the centuries before that in which English kings, queens and state attempted, with some success, to acquire dominion over the rest of the British Isles and elsewhere. All in all I think there is a perception that Britain, and particularly England, has over long periods of history sought to rule parts of the world beyond its borders. While there is much to be proud of in England’s history it is perhaps understandable that this has provoked a certain amount of resentment in Scotland, Wales, Ireland and overseas.

Or perhaps there is some other explanation for the situation Sarah Miles identified?

With best wishes,

Clive Anderson.

Perfect Day...

2009-03-16T11:20:00.003Z

On Saturday, we tootled down to Cambridgshire to meet up with our Son. He's joined the Army with a view to becoming a helicopter engineer and is currently completing his basic training. Pleasantries over, we decided to spend the day in the county town.

I've never been to Cambridge before. What a place. I haven't felt as English since we visited Bath last year. The centre is a synergy of fantastatic architecture, bicycles and Mensa'd grey matter in long wooly scarves. It was weird really - the place is one of the most cosmopolitan cities I have ever been in. There are students and visitors from all over the world - but at the same time, it is quintessentially English.

First stop was a look at the simply awesome King's College Chapel building. If anyone wants to see the best medieval building in the world then this is it.

From the wafer thin fan-vaulted roof to the enormous size of the beautiful stained-glass windows, this building is just sensational. Built in 1441 under the patronage of Henry VI, it is the zenith of medieval master masonary. So it was a bit of a let down then that we couldn't get inside because of a students' function. Never mind - there was always the pub.

And this being Cambridge, we ended up in a hostelry with an illustriously intellectual past. The Eagle is a gorgeous pub, ancient, heaving, warm. and hearty. It was the place where Francis Crick interrupted patrons' lunchtime on 28 February 1953 to announce that he and James Watson had "discovered the secret of life" after they had come up with their proposal for the structure of DNA. The anecdote is related in Watson's book The Double Helix and commemorated on a plaque next to the entrance. How civilised. The meaning of life cogetated and chewed-over on the back of a beer mat in an English Pub.

The place was absolutely stuffed to the rafters with the world's intellectual humanity. Behind us, a group of South American students were having a deep discussion about the culture of Sao Paulo. To the side, a dozen Chinese people chatted about the Science Fair and the lecture they had just attended. A middle aged bloke in a panama hat and a crumpled linen suit ambled into the courtyard and greeted a couple of friends smoking roll-ups.

"Hey man, how's it hanging?"...

To be honest, I think his mate was past caring how anything was hanging...

It's funny, but not one person talked about football - especially as the biggest game of the season was happening in the north west as we drank.

We strolled around the back street medieval lanes and ginnels. It sort of reminded me of Venice - you turn a corner and in an instant you've gone back in time 500 years. I was brought back to the 21st century by my Jerusalem ring tone.

It was my youngest Son telling us that Liverpool had just spanked United, 4-1.

Like I said, perfect day.

Overheard in our local last week...

2009-03-16T10:58:00.002Z

Man to new Landlord - "So what's happening this St Patrick's Day then?"

Landlord to man - "Bugger all".

"What do you mean, 'bugger all'?"

"I mean, bugger all is happening here on St Patrick's Day. No stupid floppy big green foam hats, no stick-on beards, no blow-up Shillelaghs, no special Guinness promos - nothing."

"But why? Why aren't you celebrating St Paddy's Day then?"

"Because I am not Irish. Because I don't live in Ireland. Because this pub is not in Ireland."

"But you must! Last year, it was wall-to-wall green and white, the 'craic' was all over the place and everyone got pissed on Guinness and felt all lovely and Irish for the day."

"Not this year they won't - at least not in my pub."

"Well that's a bit of a shame - I mean, it's traditional isn't it..... to celebrate the saint's day?"

"That's right. And that's what we're doing on 23rd April."

"Ohhhhh right. St George's Day......Hmmmm. Isn't that a bit, you know......"

"No it isn't. Not at all. On St George's Day, we will be having the biggest damned celebration of Englishness this pub has ever seen. English beers, English food, English Morris Dancers and English Folk Music. Why? Because I am English, I am proud to be English, I live in England - and this pub is situated in Lancashire, which is a county of England. So be sure to tell your friends!"

Compare and contrast....

2009-03-03T12:25:00.004Z

It's great to see that the St George's Day event at Sandwell has been saved by the timely intervention of local businessman, Chris Kelly and his patriotic wallet.

To celebrate, my good friend Fred, a native Black countryman and English patriot sent this letter to the local wrags -

Dear Editor,
Declaration of interest, I am an Englishman and not a member of the BNP.

It is interesting to note the difference between the Stone Cross St Georges Day parade and Notting Hill Carnival. Both are run under Labour administrations.

Notting Hill Carnival:
An Ethnic Minority event.
3 murders, over 400 arrests. 190 offences involving violence, robbery and theft.
Over 400 injuries at one event and 94 people hospitalised. 2 shootings at one event.
Handguns, CS gas canisters and a stun gun confiscated before one event.

Public funding given.
£401,390 ENGLISH ARTS COUNCIL!
Police costs £3,000,000!
£8.7 million pledged by London Development Agency and the Arts Council to provide a Notting Hill carnival Enterprise Centre!

Sandwell St Georges Day Parade.
An English Event.
Not one reported instance of any disruptive incident. One recognisable member of a rival party photographed walking quietly in the parade.

Public funding withdrawn. £10,000

Perhaps Sandwell Council would like to justify their actions.

Hey Jimmy, it's your round!...

2009-03-03T08:20:00.004Z

Today, I shall be mostly trying to buy a couple of industrial sized off-licences in Berwick and Carlisle, stock them with bottles of ginger wine, nippy-sweeties, gallons of heavy and a favourite brand of super-strength lager. Because if this law is passed I dare say there'll be one hell of a marketing opportunity on our side of the borders....

Cheers!

RBSgate - summed up perfectly by an unknown Englishman........

2009-02-26T10:28:00.003Z

This taken from a BBC message board (amazingly, not yet taken down by the BBC PC PCs)..

One thing needs to change...

The Royal Bank of Scotland is no longer Scottish - with 80% of "UK" taxpayers being English - the English taxpayer is now the majority shareholder.

Time to change it's name to something more representative:

"The mainly English Bank"

or

"The English Taxpayers Bank"

by EnglandRise.

URGENT! - Please sign the 'Ministry Jobs' petition on the number 10 site...

2009-02-20T11:57:00.003Z

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to amend the existing job descriptions of some of his ministers. With the advent of devolution, and the consequent reality that some Ministers of HM government now only have responsibility over England alone, we believe it is wrong both factually and descriptively for those Ministers to continue to describe their job functions as ‘Secretaries of State’.

The term ‘Secretary of State’ has a UK wide remit. A Secretary of State is literally a Minister acting on behalf of all the people of the UK state – as in the case of the Foreign Secretary (official title being ‘'Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs').

So how can devolved Ministries such as Health, Education, Transport and Culture, honestly be described as having Secretary of State responsibilities - when those responsibilities apply to England and England alone?

We think this needs to be rectified – and that under the terms of the Government’s contract of trust with the people, Ministers of devolved Ministries are currently misleading the public who elect them on both the scope and the magnitude of their positions by continuing to use the term ‘Secretary of State’. We therefore think the amended job title for Ministers of devolved responsibilities would more truthfully reflect their area of relevance – for example, ‘Secretary for Health in England’.
Note: If the job responsibility for a particular Minister also includes Wales then ‘and Wales’ can simply be inserted after ‘England’

Please sign up here - Name only please, otherwise, the number 10 petition police will delete your contribution.

The Fred shredded....

2009-02-11T11:01:00.003Z

It was immeasurably satisfying to see that over-arsed vain-glorious bully, Sir Fred Goodwin get his botty smacked during yesterday's Commons Select Committee session. What comes around goes around - and even though that bespectacled yob still has his obscene pension, his golden goodbye-wad and his massive collection of classic cars, Goodwin, famed for his draconian management style, axe man-like tendencies and narcissistic love of all things Freddish is now persona non grata in civilised society. In less enlightened times he and his gang of 4 conspirators would have been expelled from the city limits and tethered to a post outside so that the wolves could have their fill.....(if they could stomach him).

The Piranha has become the Pariah.

I once had the misfortune to have met that odious man when he was busily sacking lots and lots of people from the Clydesdale Bank - he was CEO there before getting the job at RBS. I have seen grown men cry after being summoned to his office for a dressing down and completely broken after being fed through the wringer by him.

My contact at the bank had a nervous breakdown. He ended up a nervous wreck - all due to the Shred and his Caligula-like tendencies. The man is a complete inadequate. And after yesterday’s inquisition, it was obvious to all that the Fredster still believes his own delusional view of himself. Yes he apologised, but no, he didn't think he was at fault - for anything, really.

I just wonder how long it will be before we see him get another high-profile post. Rumour has it that because of his love of classic cars and the sponsorship of Formula 1 by RBS, Goodwin has built up a lot of friendships amongst the sport’s management elite. Apparently, he is being touted as the successor to Formula 1 supremo Max Mosley, son of Oswald-the-fascist and lover of sadistic sex games with prostitutes. I suppose by giving Goodwin the job, Formula 1 could claim they were cleaning up their act..........

But maybe not. Maybe it’s a case of carry on regardless? Is there any difference between them? One is the son of a leading fascist – the other was seen as a fascist by his long suffering staff. Both appear to be fans of sadism – with Mosley it was a physical thrill while Goodwin was a fan of sadistic mind games on underlings.....

You never see them in the same room together, do you?

The LibDems - pedalling more lies and deception....

2009-02-06T11:20:00.003Z

Yesterday saw the launch of the Liberal Democrats grand plans to 'fix' the class based education system in Britain.

I know that this new policy initiative applies to the whole of Britain because their leader, legover-lethario Nick Clegg said so -

“While fighting the recession is currently the top priority, Britain cannot afford to get stuck in thinking only of our present - we must plan for the future. This means the best education for the youngest children to deliver a truly free society.

"The enormous gap that still exists in Britain today between the performance of our most disadvantaged children and those from richer families is an outrage. The Liberal Democrats believe that every child should be entitled to the best possible education no matter what their background is".

I know that the policy applies to the whole of Britain because Ming Campbell, MP for North East Fife in Scotland said 'right across the country' on yesterday's edition of 'The Daily Politics'

I know that the policy applies to the whole of Britain because on the LibDems website, it says -

Nick Clegg announced radical new education policies to fix inequalities in Britain’s ‘class-based education system.’

And I know that this policy applies to the whole of Britain because on last night's BBC 6 o'clock news, ace education correspondent Rita Chakrabarti told me so by not mentioning England or English even once during her non-depth and factually crap report. (Don't you just love all that BBC impartiality?)

Except that this being post devolution Britain, it doesn't, does it? Apply to Britain, I mean.....

I found out that it only applies to England because - At the very bottom of the Lib Dems web article it says in tiny text -

This item refers to England. Due to devolution, detailed policy may be different in other parts of the UK.

I found out that it only applies to England because on yesterday's Daily Politics show, Ming Campbell used the phrase 'Right across the country' a lot. And we of the nationalist fraternity know that 'right across the country' is politician's code for England.

I found out that it only applies to England because Ming Campbell has a Scottish constituency with bugger-all to do with the education of kids in England - and therefore feels more than qualified to shove his nose into business that doesn't concern him. (Well, what else has he got to do?)

I found out that it only applies to England because I rang LibDem HQ this morning to get confirmation from a PR foot soldier that the policy only applied to England. "Yes, it only applies to England" he said........

STOP PRESS - Coming soon. A fly-on-the-wall video documentary on life as a particular kind of MP...

Priorities.....

2009-01-23T10:56:00.003Z

Just got back from dropping my Son off at the local College - and on the way drove past Southport's Magistrates Court. It's wall-to-wall snappers with telephoto lenses sticking out of every vantage point. There must be at least 100 of them, some on ladders, some standing on garden walls - and a few nutters have hired a couple of cherry pickers - and are dangling some 40 ft from the ground. A battalion of bright yellow-coated Rozzers are out in force to keep order as the papparazzi corps push, shove and manouveur in order to get the best angle possible for the shot...

And the reason for all this media scrummaging?

Stevie Gerrard and his two scally mates are due up before the Beak this morning for the little fracas in a Southport club a couple of weeks ago....

I mean, it's not as if there ain't any other news about, is it?

It's Barak Obama day, you'll find me behind the sofa.....

2009-01-20T11:25:00.003Z

...or under the stairs, or hiding in the bog. Anywhere where I can escape the mantras spewing forth from every TV and radio station.

"Change"

"Yes we can"

"We can fix it"

You know, it's funny but you just never see Barak Obama and Bob the Builder on the same podium, do you?

Yes folks. Today, Barak Obama is due to be sworn in as head honcho - and as our state run TV station is set to poodle servitude mode, you can be sure the 51st state will be celebrating more than the other 50 put together. Just to make sure, the BBC will (as per usual) have sent hundreds of commentators, fixers, camera crew, pundits and David Dimbleby out to DC to cover the great event. As per, the usual suspects will be wheeled out on this side of the pond to weep, blub, clasp hands and choke as the great man swears the oath of allegiance. David (I met him once and now he's my bezzy mate) Lammy, Keith (Nero syndrome) Vaz and Dianne (am I being paid for this) Abbot will no doubt mention just once or twice that Obama is the the first black man to get to head honcho level. But they needn't bother - because the BBC will have already stated it as fact at least 40 times an hour.

Except that he isn't, is he? He isn't black at all. He's of mixed race - as much white as he is black, as is Lewis Hamilton. Still, getting that wrong is more of a minor irritation compared to the expectation of great daring dos being built up by the BBC. They could almost be running a Barak Obama night on BBC TV tonight in celebration. Let's check the schedules -

7.00pm: Its a Barak Obama Knockout. Stuart Hall introduces a special episode of the zany show in which citizens of the 51st state try to build a 100 ft effigy of the big O out of foam sheeting and 6 ft square sponges - while being attacked by reactionaries armed with custard flans and water hoses.

8.00pm: DIY SOS, Obama Style. Nick Knowles and the DIY gang lean on their shovels in wonder as the 44th President rewires, rebuilds and makes good the entire world out of MDF, swags and matching throw cushions.

9.00pm. Credo. Today, our religious discussion group will tackle the vexing question: Who does God think he is, Barak Obama?

I just wonder how long before the blinkers fall off. How long before the whispering of long forgotten scandals is heard around the West Wing corridors of power. What if Obama has history - just like virtually every other Prez has had? For to get to the top of that greasiest of greasy poles, to rise to the head honcho job of jobs surely means, by definition that corners have been cut..... That dodgy land deal in Hicksville.... This affair with the blonde dolly bird..... The other agreement with cigar smoking men in smoke filled rooms.... possibly.

So that's why our telly will stay off, as will the radio. The newspapers have been cancelled and I am settling down to a loud and very long session with Led Zeppelin. My old mates Jimmy and Robert will help me forget all that hubris, forgot all that weeping and watery eyed sentimentality wobbling out of DC for the next 48 hours..

God Bless Led Zepp' - God Bless Amnesia...

Tony Hart...

2009-01-19T11:35:00.004Z

Sad to hear that Tony has morphed to the other side. He really did inspire me to take up a career in art - I used to watch him on 'Vision-on' in the early sixties.... I liked the programme - although it took me a while to catch on that the show was actually intended primarily for deaf people. I suppose the enthusiastic finger waggling by the lady presenter should have given me the clues - but 10 year old kids see what they want to... And anyway, I was watching in black and white.

The things I remember about Hart was his sticky-on smile - he always looked as if he was about to say 'My dear, how very nice to meet you', his checky shirts and his Adam Faith quiff. In those early days of Vision-on, when Morf was merely a distant thought, Tony would invite kids to send in artwork so he could stick it on his 'Viewers Gallery Wall'.... So I did. My 'Snowy Scene' was inspired by the winter of '63 when it snowed forever, and then some. For weeks after, when Tone would say 'And now, let's go to the wall to see some pictures from our very talented viewers' I would search and search for my picture.

Was that mine? That pic of a kid on a sledge with a bobbly hat? No it wasn't. The camera would weave a path around the wall, seeking out really woeful efforts from young Billy aged 8 in York and Denise aged 11 from Southampton. it was always accompanied by that legendary music..... Tum, te tum ta te tum, tum, titty tum, tum titty tum, tum, tum...... Tum ta, tum, ta tummm...........

It took me many, many years to forgive Tony Hart for not sticking up my superb work of genius of a snowy scene onto his viewers wall......

But I did, I had to - well he couldn't stick it up, if he never actually received it, could he? What really happened to my picture became apparent some 20 years later when I was clearing out my parents loft prior to them moving to pastures new. There, just underneath the water tank and 2 inches of detritus was my picture - signed 'Snowy Scene by Stephen from Liverpool, aged 10'.... Yes, she said she would post it for me. Yes, she said she would buy a stamp to cover the postage. Yes, she promised faithfully to do it, definitely, the next time she went to the shops......

Of course, my Mum never did. Post it I mean.

Tum, te tum ta te tum, tum, titty tum, tum titty tum, tum, tum...... Tum ta, tum, ta tummm...........

Gordon's gang are all Scousers just for today...

2009-01-08T10:58:00.004Z

Gordon's not happy - he's just been told someone has forgotten to pack the shell suits, curly wigs and sticky-on moustaches...

Yes, Brown and his cabinet of all the talents rolled into town last night for a B&E start in Liverpool. It's all part of their continuing electioneering roadshow to convince people that they really do care... "Day reellie do ker doh don't dee doh?"

How exciting, the great one and his cohorts are in my neck of the woods just for today - but in spite of the very best of efforts, Alfie has been unable to get a personal one 2 one with the great Macaroon. For some reason, he has failed to get an invite to the meet-and-greet sessions so adored by our beloved leader.... "Eh lar, j'wanna buy a boss ticket for de Boss's gig?"

Hey, but never mind, I am contributing to the event in other ways - specifically, the 200 grand plus it is costing the taxpayers in security, logistics, hotel roomage and the purchase of copious amounts of Ferrero Rocher choccies for this one day of grandstanding, hand-pressing and I-feel-your- pain four-squarynessing..... "Gizz them choceeze or I'll rob yer wheelz an' torch yer wheelie bin, yer Scotch twat"....

ITV's Planning Wars - an exercise in smoke and mirrors...

2009-01-07T18:29:00.001Z

Last night's ITV's Planning Wars programme concerned itself with the imminent concreting over 'of Britain'. It majored on new must-have runways running straight through someone's front room, mega huge warehouses the size of Shropshire and 3 million new houses.

As per usual with such productions, they sanitised the info. England, the real target of this concretia was sort of buried and forgotten - much like the average English citizens democratic rights. According to the Gravelly-Voiced narrator, it was 'Britain' which was bracing itself for the flop of wet concrete on a verdant green belted landscape. It was Britain which was about to be trowelled into oblivion. It was 'Britain' which was about to suffer from the obscene new planning laws....

Even the guy from the CPRE - the Campaign to Protect Rural England, interviewed amongst a middle England rural idyll background failed to mention the dreaded 'E' word.

And so the media deception continues. The disinformation spews forth - England is Britain when there is bad news to be swallowed, England is non-existent when there is good....

'Films of Record' were the producers of the programme. That's the outfit run by Roger Graef - the guy who likes to big up his factually accurate credentials. What a pity that instead of telling it as it is, his production company elected to follow the usual new Labour snail-trail of fudge, inaccuracy and lies.

One day, the people of England will wake up and smell the coffee. I just hope that when they do, we still have some countryside to enjoy.

Off topic: Death Star Canteen..

2008-12-18T11:41:00.002Z

Yes, I know Izzard is a bit of a Europhile, but this sketch animated by a 15 year old kid in America is one of the best YouTube moments of the year....

Rosie Cooper: my evasive MP.....

2008-12-09T11:37:00.005Z

Question: Just how hard is it to try and make a surgery appointment with Rosie Cooper, my local Labour MP to discuss the amount of prescription charges I am paying?

Answer: Well, after her secretary found out who I am, bloody nigh on impossible!

Two weeks ago, I had a very unhealthy few days. Not only was my physical wellbeing suffering, but my wallet took a hell of a beating also. In the space of little more than 72 hours, I had to buy 4 lots of prescription drugs and was charged £3 to exit a hospital car park.

All told, it cost me over 30 quid in medical Celtgelt taxation.

I thought I would try to speak with Rosie Cooper, my local MP to complain - to vent my spleen so to speak - and to get her to fight my corner.

I clicked onto her web site. The home page screams -

'As your local Labour MP I am committed to working hard for you, the people of West Lancashire, and to fighting to get the best deal for every single local person.....

I am here to be YOUR voice on the issues that matter to YOU!.....

As your Member of Parliament, I trust you will contact me on the matters that are important to you, your family and your community.

Best wishes,

Rosie Cooper MP'.

Yeah, well that's the spin, the reality is somewhat different. Troublemakers like me and issues like Celtgelt taxation and West Lothian are to be kicked into the long grass and forgotten about whenever possible. So far, I've made 5 phone calls. Each time her secretary has told me that they are arranging surgery appointment times - and that they will contact me by phone 'that day', 'the next day', 'the end of the week', and by 'Monday, 8th December, definitely'....
Needless to say, I have rung again this morning...... they are going to get back to me.... definitely today.

"Now, when you say you'll 'definitely' get back to me today, this time you really do mean 'definitely', don't you?

"Definitely...... definitely"

Well, they'd better. Because if they don't I am turning up regardless, in person, all high-blood pressured, 20 stoned, 6ft2 of me. And I will not be happy.

My MP next to Big Ben. One is two faced, the other is four faced... Democracy, England style.

To: Editor, Simon Mayo radio show....

2008-12-08T09:49:00.003Z

The 'phone-in' with Gordon Brown on Thursday's FiveLive Simon Mayo Show was an utter waste of time. It was nothing but a vehicle for our glorious leader to repeat his propagandist mantras of 'hard working families', 'global downturn' 'not our fault mate' and 'I'm getting on with the job'...

WHY was it advertised as a 'Q&A session between public and Premier' when in reality, it was a Simon Mayo interview? When Mayo introduced Brown at 1 o'clock, he kept telling people to phone in with their questions. Some hope! - The phones just rang out and were then disconnected - I should know, I was trying to get through for nearly an hour. Mayo interviewed Brown at the beginning of the session for about 15 minutes, then took a couple of telephone calls and a couple of emails from the public. More Mayo questioning followed until the 1.30 news bulletin.

After that bulletin, Mayo invited phone calls and emails because as he said himself "We've only got the PM for another 15 minutes - so come on, get your questions in"....

Mayo then proceeded to Brown-nose for Brittttain without bothering to read any more questions out or take any more calls from the public.

WHAT WAS THE POINT?

For the whole 45 minutes, Brown only had to field 3 phone calls and a couple of emails. The content of which were credit crunchingly bland. The rest of the time was taken by Mayo interviewing and toadying. For those of us who bothered to put a question together - it was an utter insult.

I mean, Brown can field friendly full toss questions all day from the likes of Mayo. It is the public who are much more likely to hold him to account - but they were comsumately ignored - as per usual (apart from the very few dullards allowed to put their friendly questions to their party leader). I wouldn't have minded not having my question read out - if it had been because there were loads of other questions from the public being tackled by Brown. They weren't.

Mayo is basically a NuLabour luvvie anyway - hasn't he had grand weekends at Chequers as a guest of Tony Blair... (something else the public pays for). Why bother to advertise it as a public/PM Q&A when all along it was only ever going to be Simon Mayo honing his interviewing skills - is he going for the Jonathan Ross spot?

Pathetic.

Gordon Brown - clueless imbecile

2008-11-28T10:52:00.003Z

Gordon Brown really doesn't have a clue, does he? The man with the touch of a Jonah did it again yesterday. the appalling violence in Mumbai was the reason why BBC News had arranged for an interview with our great leader in order to get his view on the outrage.

Gordon stood erect, four-squared and square-jawed...... The nation waited to hear what the great man would say...

"Well, I think I speak for the entire world when I say how outraged I am......"

Sorry, did he just say he was speaking for the entire world? Yes he did! This unelected oaf of a control freaked Premier, a black belt in the dark arts of political manipulation and lying has just expanded his remit from Kirkcaldy & Cowdenbeath to encompass the entire globe!

Do you reckon he is going for the post of Global Guru and defacto World Premier?.... Only, I thought Tony Blair already had that job?

More smoke, mirrors and KY jelly...

2008-11-21T11:33:00.003Z

More proof regarding the NuLabour disinformation project for England – and also evidence that yet again, we are going to have to bend over and take it...

Yesterday, I had a rather surreal telephone conversation with some government customer-relationed lackey at the Department of Transport.

I rang them in response to Road Safety Minister Jim Fitzpatrick's many, many telly appearances (mostly near a busy traffic junction) as he announced his great new ideas on life, the universe and hot hatch drivers....

Jim was in turbo drive, loving the cameras, loving the attention... looking like he was doing a piece to camera for Top Gear. He was determined to “Do something” about the terrible near 3,000 death toll on Britain’s roads each year.

Firstly, he was going to have a go at those psycho drivers who excessively speed. It’s a sort of two strikes and you’re banned strategy – and Jim warned every furry-diced-boy-racer in Britain that he was on their case. He also hinted that ‘they’ were looking at the current drink-drive limits – Jim rather portentously warned that this ‘may’ be looked into in the near future..

Jim repeated the day’s mantra – “We know that we can do more and that we can reduce the numbers of people being killed and seriously injured in Britain - and that means looking at speeding, drink driving, drug driving, careless driving and people not wearing seatbelts”...

It was yet another ‘fighting for Britain’ speech, so beloved of NuLabour’s budding iagos. But then, I started to wonder – was Jim’s initiative ‘Brit-relevant or English-relevant?.... I mean, all things Transporty are sort of devolved nowadays aren’t they? I decided to go to the people who should know.... The Department of Transport.

A quick butchers at the press release makes it clear. The opening paragraph says –
‘A crackdown on the menace of reckless driving was announced by Road Safety Minister Jim Fitzpatrick today as he unveiled a range of new proposals to tackle drink and drug drivers and other dangers on Britain's roads’.

And a direct quote from Jim within the press release clinches it - "Britain has one of the best road safety records in the world and the number of people killed or hurt has fallen dramatically in the last decade. But too many people are still dying on our roads".

Yup – it’s all about Britain all right.... Wondering if I had missed something - and that Transport had been de-devolved back to Westminster, I decided to ring them – just to make sure.

“Hi, is that the section responsible for road safety?”

“Yes”...

“I’ve been watching Jim Fitzpatrick on the telly today – and the new initiative he is launching.... I notice that he keeps on saying it is a British-wide initiative. He keeps on saying it will cover ‘the whole country’. And that’s where I am getting a bit confused. I thought Transport was a devolved responsibility – so how, can Mr. Fitzpatrick be claiming a British jurisdiction when I know he simply does not have the power?”

“Errrrrrr, I’m not sure. Can you hang on a mo’?”

(I hung on for quite a few moes, actually).

“Hello – yes, well. Apparently, Mr. Fitzpatrick was only talking about England”.

“What!!!!!........ Only about England?”

“Yes. Only about England”

“So why has he not mentioned that fact in any of his interviews? Why has he been lying to the public, claiming false responsibilities much further than his remit? Is he some sort of imbecile? Does he not know the difference between Britain and England? Is he geography-deficient? Does he actually know where England is?”

“Err”

“And why is your Press Release a complete lie – you mention Britain several times – but nowhere on that press release do you utter a word about England. Why is that?”

She put the phone down.

Surreal moment of the week...

2008-11-21T11:21:00.000Z

On last night’s BBC QuestionTime the discussion got around to the financing of the NHS.

Because of the projected belt tightening, and the Tories commitment to dump Labour’s spending plans, the other panelists rounded on the Conservative member. Everyone piled in (including the audience) with their heated opinions, and their commitments to keep up the spending levels in the NHS.... But as this was a discussion relating to central government – and effectively the next Westminster administration, they were, by definition talking about the English NHS.

The programme came from Glasgow, Scotland.

God's own brewery.....

2008-11-18T14:19:00.003Z

Tonight, I shall mostly be meeting, then drinking some old friends at the Moorhouses brewery tour in Burnley.

Oh yes, they'll all be there - all my old pals, the impeccable Pendle Witch, the superb Pride of Pendle, the smooth as silk Black Cat Mild and the sexy Blonde Witch..

As well as that, we're in for a Pie 'n' Peas supper and some freebee gifts....

It just doesn't get any better than that....

The Union dividend cost me £21.30p today....

2008-11-03T17:01:00.004Z

Today, I took two prescriptions round to my local chemist. One was a repeater, the other detailed a double dose of drugs prescribed by my Doctor to try and combat a flaring up of my Psoriasis....

All in all, there were three seperate drugs to collect.

All in all, it cost me the princely sum of £21.30p for the priviledge of getting them.

All in all, I'd say it was one hell of a rip off - especially as in the other three countries of the Union have already or are soon to be 'prescription-cost free'.

Hmmmm, don't ya just love that Union dividend?

I do hope that the £21.30p I have given (ever-so gladly) has gone to a more deserving health case in Wales, Scotland or Northern Ireland.

Anyway, so pleased was I to be given the opportunity of subbing one of my more deserving Unionistas, I have decided to go and have a word with my MP about it...

Labour Glenrothes - fighting to open a cinema and preserve golf courses...

2008-11-03T13:26:00.006Z

You've just gotta laugh! Well I did when a had a quick peek at the 'Action Plan of Linday Roy (Labour candidate for the Glenrothes by election).

Lindsay is standing on a programme of ACTION! And if the people of Glenrothes want to keep their golf course and get a cinema, then socialist Lindsay is the man to do it.... (Well, not really as planning and local government are both devolved issues)...

Anyway, back to the 'Action Plan'... Lindsay is under the impression that he can actually do something for the people who he hopes will elect him to a nice comfy leather seat at Westminster...

This taken from the Scottish Labour web site...

Lindsay Roy says:
“My Action Plan for Fife will help people here with their own lives".

A summary of Lindsay’s Action Plan for Fife

Crack down on anti-social behaviour
Visible policing, zero tolerance to drugs, action on underage drinking.
REALITY: Devolved issues – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

A citizens’ panel to decide where new CCTV should go.
REALITY: Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Fight for more opportunities for young people
More sports and recreation facilities for Fife , including public consultation with young people to decide where new pitches should go.
REALITY: Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Campaign against Fife Council privatising golf courses and convene an urgent meeting with top cinema chiefs to start bringing a new cinema to central Fife.
REALITY: FORE!! Really, really irrelevant to a Westminster MP.

Sort out the roads and buses
Support dualling and upgrading the A92.
REALITY: Yawn – guess what? Devolved issue – irrelevant to a Westminster MP.
(However, if you wanna mess with an English A road, then fill your boots!)

Demand a clear timetable and funding plan for the Forth Road Bridge that the SNP have delayed.
REALITY: Don’t bother mate, they won’t take any notice of you as this is a devolved issue and therefore has bugger all to do with the likes of you!
(Mind you, English road tolls have bugger all to do with as well - but it won't stop you voting on them at Westminster, will it?)

Give powers back to Fifers so local people can make decisions about their buses.
REALITY: Sorry, yet again you no can do – bus stuff is a devolved issue).
(How about giving power to Englishers?)

Help Fife families through tough times
Benefit “check-ups” to ensure pensioners get the benefits they deserve – including the new, free insulation.
REALITY: Oy, nosey! You can’t do anything about this - again! Nowt to do with you old Son as it is a de-bleeding-volved bleeding-issue, geddit?
(But what about English pensioners, Lindsay? They don't get any of those nice, juicy benefits, including free insulation, do they).

Outlaw overcharging people on pre-pay meters and fight the SNP local income tax.
REALITY: Lindsay, mate - fighting the SNP over their local income tax can only be done in the place where they are producing the legislation. And that ain’t in Westminster!(HA ha.... You should see what we are charged down here Lindsay!)

Oppose greedy oil bosses who keep petrol costs high.
REALITY: Hal-ay-bleeding-leuauh!!! Who’d have thought it! Finally, finally on Lindsey’s action plan, SOMETHING that actually concerns him!...... But as oil prices are set at an international price, and as HM government takes over 70% in tax from the selling price, and as both Brown and Darling have said they cannot touch the oil companies, I don’t think there is much chance of anyone taking any notice of Lindsay... Will they?

Our tip: Lindsay baby, if you want to actually do something, actually try to effect any of those items on your ‘action plan’, we reckon you should try and get elected to the Scottish Parliament..... but who knows, maybe you’d rather be content with doing bugger all at Westminster?

Scottish MPs – what do they actually do?

2008-10-21T14:28:00.004Z

Part 1 of a weekly series of web delving.....

Yes, yes, I know they seem to spend their entire time shoving their noses into English business at Westminster – but what about their constituents, what do they do for them? Is it busy, busy, busy-all or bugger, bugger, bugger-all?

Because now that devolution has well and truly taken constituent enquiries for Planning, Local Government, Transport, Health and Education out of the in-trays of Scots MPs and piled them up in ever increasing numbers onto their MSP counterparts, we at Hereward House have been wondering what an average Scottish MP now actually does to occupy their time and earn their corn – and what constituency queries they tackle in their surgeries....

Let’s find out by taking a dip into the varied and interesting life of your average Scottish MP via their paid-for-by-the-public websites...

First stop is to the website of Gavin Strang (Labour, Edinburgh East). We are at Gav’s site first because he has provided a useful ‘MP or MSP’ button on his website. This will presumably stop all those embarrassing episodes at his surgery when he has to tell a constituent that he will have to take up the matter with the MSP Organ Grinder and not with him, the MP oily rag....

According to his site, Strang is responsible for - The Constitution, Defence, Foreign affairs, Electricity, coal, oil & gas, Nuclear energy, Employment, Financial and economic matters, Social security...

Susan Deacon the local MSP is responsible for - Agriculture, fisheries and forestry, Economic development, Education, The environment, The arts & sport, Food standards, Health, Housing, Social work, Local Government & planning, Transport policy (Scottish Ports & roads), Tourism....

As can be seen from the Gav-list, Strang is responsible for foreign affairs and defence – I wonder how often someone has sat down at his surgery desk and said “Mr Strang, I’ve been having a lot o’ trouble with Paraguayans parking their tanks on ma lawn – can ye write a letter?”

It is clear to see that Deacon has control of most of the real life day-to-day concerns of an average constituent – who therefore will see their MSP as being more relevant to their aspirations, achieving their goals and righting their wrong.

Assessment of Strang: Thumb twiddler.

Frank Doran (Labour, Aberdeen North) likes to think he has been very busy – as he keeps telling us just how busy he is... Under the sub head of ‘Local Issues’ and the bravura statement which follows it - ‘Below will give you an idea of the varied work that I have undertaken over the years in Aberdeen. Also you will find coverage of other local issues that are important to me personally'.

If you were expecting a typographical tirade of all things passionate from Frank then you really will be disappointed.

Frank’s last entry for the local issues that are apparently important to him personally is about how he was chosen to be a judge a Christmas Card competition. The competition was for Christmas of 2007 – a full year ago. There are no entries for 2008. All in all, there are just 10 ‘Local Issues’ that are important to Frank, stretching all the way back to 1997 – roughly one important issue per year...

Assessment of Doran: Useless lead swinger who isn't passionate about much at all.

Meanwhile, over at Aberdeen South, Anne Begg (Labour) has, according to her web strapline been ‘Standing up for her constituents' In her web page entitled ‘Working hard for you’, Anne shares with us punters exactly what passions have been driving her lately. First story is her protesting about job cuts in the local council (not relevant to her as Local Government is a devolved issue). Then there are three stories about the opening of a Health Centre, a Roving Surgery and a Coffee Morning for a local cancer charity. (All but the last item is not relevant to her as Health is a devolved issue).

Assessment of Begg: Not enough to do, not working hard for anyone. Desperate to get herself linked to local issues that simply have nothing to do with her.

And talking about ‘linkage’, over at Dunfermline West, Willie Rennie (Liberal Democrats) tries a different approach in order to try and hide his rather emasculated constituency duties. Willie has ‘teamed up’ with Jim Tolson, his MSP LibDem counterpart to head up one website. According to the site strap Both Willie and Jim are ‘fighting for Dunfermline and West Fife’.... Phew, that is a relief!

At every opportunity on the site it’s Willie & Jim pictured together doing stuff and fighting for Dunfermline and West Fife. Willie & Jim in hard hats, Willie & Jim in front of hospitals, Willie & Jim pressing the flesh.... It’s like they are joined at the hip. The deception is further enhanced with the single email address, you can only send to info@dunfermline.org.uk for any query – so it is the LibDem constituency backroom boys who decide which Dunfermline Defender of Democracy a constituent eventually gets to see.

Assessment of Rennie: The Willie & Jim show is more of a joke than a comedy act – although admittedly, one is short and fat while the other is tall and thin.

Willie & Jim - "It's 'good job' from him and 'no job' from me"....

Nigel Griffiths (Labour, Edinburgh South) on the other hand comes out fighting. Nigel is an aggressive, tough and no-nonsense type of MP... Throughout his site, Nige is portrayed as a sort of McRambo man of action for his constituents. It’s photos, photos, photos of Nigel as he gets to grips with the great issues concerning the folk on his patch. Got a problem? Call for Nige – if nothing else, he’ll give you a signed photo of himself to stick on your mantelpiece....

Suddenly, I’m getting the faint vibe of the Ghostbusters theme...
If you’ve got a prob,
And it don’t seem real,
Who’re gonna call?
Nige Griffiths!!
(and he will put you in touch with the local MSP who can actually do something)...

Nigel’s news section is a joy to behold. Within are a series of photo opportunities in which Nigel manages to get himself associated with Al Gore (green issues), Aung San Suu Kyi, the Burmese Opposition leader(human rights issues) and a couple of survivors from Nagasaki(nuclear arms race issues). That’s all the world stuff taken care of – but what about the mundane constituency stuff?

No problem! Nigel has simply sashayed over to MSP reserved issues like Education, Transport, Local Government and Health to fill his pages. One news story proclaims - “Fighting to ensure that our schools have proper funding is one of Nigel's key priorities”.... But Nigel baby, surely that is the business of Scots Lib Demmer, Mike Pringle, who is your constituency MSP! Surely it is him who is doing all the fighting on the education, health, transport and planning front. Nigel, thanks to Labour’s great devolution experiment, you have as much influence as any other constituent of Mr Pringle’s?... Surely the best way for you to try and get extra funding is for you to go to one of Mr Pringle’s surgeries and ask him to do what he can to persuade the Scottish Nationalist government to stump up more Barnett cash?

Hey! Who the hell is that guy shaking hands with Nige Griffiths?

However, the prize for brass neckery goes to this entry on his news page –
‘Nigel has produced a leaflet for every resident on the new free medicines service. Everyone who is entitled to free prescriptions can now obtain free medicines from your local pharmacist. This scheme is designed to encourage people to seek the professional advice of a pharmacist for minor conditions to relieve pressure on our doctors. The scheme applies to all children, expectant mothers, senior citizens, unemployed people and others who are on low income. It covers every condition from sore throats to bunyons (sic). Local pharmacist Fiona McCready helped Nigel prepare the leaflet - she is a key Government advisor on community health matters’.

So that’s nice isn’t it? Nigel’s constituents have got free prescriptions all thanks to the Scottish Nationalist administration – and Nigel produces a leaflet about it! What about the seven quid ten pence that we have to pay down here Nige?

Assessment of Griffiths – Likes the rich and famous. Got a narcissistic complex of galactic proportions..... Has delusions of adequacy.. Is he related to Peter Mandelson or what?

Next week – more revelations from the cybersofa of the well paid idle.... Also, we’ll be offering hints and tips to those MP folk north of the border on how to more convincingly look busy without actually doing anything. We'll also be giving them some important daytime telly schedules and be asking them 'is the Jeremy Kyle Show really all that bad?'....

FEAR AND LOATHING OF ENGLAND AT TESCO...

2008-10-14T08:13:00.002Z

After an illuminating telephone conversation with some bolshy Scottish woman at Tesco Customer Care Centre, yesterday, I have received some disquieting news.
I was informed, that due to specific, constant and deafening requests by their English customers, the existing, very few own brand references to English products in Tesco stores are to be dumped – and replaced with the ‘British’ moniker.
I really do have to say that the conversation was one of the most surreal I have ever had – even by Tesco standards.

I thought I should ring them to discuss ‘CountryLife-Gate’ – and that company’s shameless rebranding of English butter to British butter. I thought it would be a good opportunity to talk (yet again) to Tesco about their branding policy.

I told the Tesco lady that I was looking for another butter to buy with ‘English’ written on the pack – and couldn’t help noticing that Tesco own brand butter did indeed say ‘English Butter’, but unfortunately, the accompanying flag was not the flag of St George but was the flag of the Union.....

I then tried to expand the discussion, sort of telling her that I would like to buy English stuff in Tesco, but there are precious few products in Tesco with the English ident on – and how I thought it was about time they expanded their English range – and as a start, they could change the flag on the Tesco English Butter pack to make it consistent.

“But we are changing it to make it more consistent”

“Well that’s bloody great!”

“Yes, in the very near future, our butter will be labelled as British butter – and of course we will keep the Union flag to make it all consistent”....

“WHAT?”...

She repeated it – and then added “In fact all the remaining products with England of English on them are to be rebranded as British”.

“WHY?”

“Because all our customers in England want their products labelled as British – while all our customers in Scotland, Wales and Ireland want their produce labelled as Scottish, Welsh and Irish”....

“Well who decided that then?”

“Our customer focus groups”

“So let me get this straight – customers in England have specifically demanded that the very few English branded products that Tesco sells must be rebranded to British – because, presumably they find it all too upsetting? “So why haven’t the Scots etc demanded that their products are to be labelled as British also?

“Well they don’t see themselves as British – they see themselves as Scottish – it’s the same with the Welsh and the Irish”...

“How very convenient..... So what you are saying is that the few remaining English products are soon to be bulldozed from the shelves in favour of British ones”....

She did indeed confirm that rogue products like Tesco own brand English Butter and Mild Cheshire Cheese are to be axed for a more apparently palatable British version.

She then read out a communiqué from Head Office –

“Regarding product branding, this is what our Customer Forum has asked us to do”
‘As most English inhabitants look on themselves as being British first – therefore, a Union flag is used to identify the region. NOTE: Regional information is printed on the pack to indicate which area within the region it comes from’.

There then followed a deep and meaningful discussion. The Scots lady said that every time she came south of the border she couldn’t move for union flags – because apparently, all English people are revelling in their British ident... While in her own country she and all her fellow compatriots were Scots first, second and third.

The whole conversation ended in a vexatious row. She just couldn’t grasp how insulted I felt to have my country rebranded as both a ‘region’ and as default Britain’. There is now a definite shift in strategy. They are now quoting ‘Focus Groups’ from the region of England as justification to rebrand to a British ident – and it’s all coming to a Tesco near you.

Utterly shameful....

Today’s action – To ring Wembley Stadium to ask exactly who gave the instructions for Saturday’s pre-match announcement to supporters to ‘stand for the national anthems’ just prior to the England footy match....

Tesco rebrand Cornwall as a country....

2008-10-08T10:03:00.003Z

Shabby attempt to rewrite geography and history by the world's most hated supermarket chain.
The Tesco 'finest' range includes a flurry of stuff from the English county of Cornwall. And as a craven slave to the pc agenda (and another opportunity to rubbish England), they have seen fit to whack on the Cornish county flag onto the whole product range. As this is Tesco - the hand wringing Rottweiler of the High street, county flagism does not extend to any other own brand produce from the rest of the counties of England.

Lancashire celery, Devon biscuits, Lincolnshire potatoes, Yorkshire Puddings and Cheshire Cheese - all devoid of their county flag moniker - well, they would be, wouldn't they?....

So it's official - even non-countries like Cornwall qualify as a bone fide nation state in the eyes of Tesco - and is suitably rewarded with de facto national patronage. Why? Could it be they are playing the Celtic card yet again? Probably.

Whatever the reason, it's an outrage that Tesco don't apply the same articles of nationhood to England - a country consisting of many, many counties - one of which is Cornwall.

Brian Simpson - Labour MEP getting a bit fed up with the English..

2008-10-02T12:50:00.004Z

ARE YOU ENGLISH OR BRITISH?
Asks Brian Simpson,North West Region Labour MEP in a recent edition of the Labour magazine “Egremont Today”

“I don’t know about you, but I am getting a bit fed up with those who keep telling me we need to have an extra public holiday centred around St George’s Day. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for an extra public holiday, but I am afraid I do not consider myself English. I consider myself British and I believe the extra public holiday should be on a day that is close to all of us British people, not one of its regional parts.

So, I find myself in agreement with George Galloway MP, when he says Battle of Britain Day in September would be the ideal candidate. It is an important date in our history and September can still offer some reasonable weather on which to have a public holiday. Unfortunately English nationalism is on the rise and although 56% of the population still favour being in the UK, 34% believes we should separate into 4 different countries, which I believe would be a disaster. Fuelled by Margaret Thatcher who did her level best to destroy all three of them. For the Welsh, Scottish and Irish, a national identity exists, but what identity exists in England?

I feel as a born and bred Lancastrian, that I have more in common with the Scots and Welsh than I do with Southern England. For me, the English Parliament would be an object disaster for the North of England, as it would be dominated by London and the South East and we would be treated like second-class citizens. No, keep the England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland for the sports field; but in the world that really matters, let’s stick to the United Kingdom and end all of this nationalism nonsense. I am proud to be British, so let’s have a public holiday on a day relevant to Britain. What do you think?”

Brian Simpson’s email is:- Briansimpson.Labour@virgin.net

Labour - just not fair...

2008-09-24T16:05:00.002Z

This from the Labour Party web site -

A new party political broadcast by the Labour Party will be shown for the first time on Wednesday evening.

The Prime Minister and Leader of the Labour Party Gordon Brown MP and a host of cabinet ministers are shown meeting nurses, teachers, children and business people and hearing of their hopes and concerns.

It highlights Labour's overriding mission of fairness. The fair society. Fairness at home. Fairness in the world - that's the new settlement for new times, and that is what we're fighting for......

And after Gordon's speech on fairness yesterday, it is now more than obvious that 'Fair' and 'Fairness' are the new must-have strap-ons to any statement uttered from any member of the Cabinet of 'None of the Talents'.

I watched the party political. Every single minister managed to shove a lexicon of Fairnesses into his or her spot.

I decided to ring the helpful chaps at Labour HQ to ask them why they thought giving England so little per head of the public purse and also denying us any national democracy were 'fair' things to do?

I ranted.

He stayed mum.

I asked him whether he thought it was 'fair' that people in England still had to pay for prescriptions, still had to pay tuition fees, still had to sell houses to pay for residential care, still had to die for the want of cancer drugs freely available in Scotland.

Still nothing.

I told him I had been a Labour voter - solid for nearly 30 years. But now I had stopped voting for them since 1998 because I considered them nothing more than a bunch of anti-democratic English-hating bastards who wouldn't know a democratic model if she came up and smacked them in the man vegetables with a standard gauge house brick. I furthered that their cringeing policies of celtic patronage will do for the UK within 10 years - and that Gordon Brown was nothing more than a wrong-wired, power-mad arse-nob with an acute Braveheart-Napoleon complex, a sense of humour by-pass, a really crappy smile and a set of reject Charlie Chimpy ears....

Cooly, Mr Labour man said he would pass on my concerns.

Somehow, I cannot imagine he will. Somehow, I cannot imagine, when Gordon touches base at Labour HQ my Mr Labour man, leans over to him and says, "See Gordon, it's not just me, here's another guy who thinks you've got Charlie Chimpy ears"...

If you too would like to pass on your concerns to Mr Labour man, please ring this number 08705 900 200...

.

'FAIR' - the 4 letter word...

2008-09-23T14:43:00.003Z

Well, that's it, I've stood as much as I can. I cannot stomach Gordon 'Stigmata' Brown any more. His speech is as sugary sweet as Bertie Bassett's wedding tackle coated in syrup.

Some people in the crowd are crying - maybe they wish it was all over - or more likely, they have been compromised by the Brown bullshittery. It's like Snow White meets the Muffin Man as Gordy talks about kids, rugby-gouged eyes, Mansey stuff, hard working families, how fantabulous Brrrrrritain is, social justice ......... and FAIRNESS!

Fairness - is the new black, the new Labour Tour de Farce, the backed-up, back-to-basics commandment of the new Gordon Brown relaunch. Fair is good. Fair is fab.

Fair is a four letter word.

According to Gordon, "Fairness is in Labour's DNA" and Labour is "The rock of stability and Fairness upon which people stand" and apparently, Gordon gets really miffed - he "Gets angry when people are treated unfairly!"

What breathtaking hubris. What utter drivel. What a skip-load of lies.....

As per usual, Brown couldn't tell the difference between Brrrrritain (mentioned billions of times) and England (mentioned twice) when talking about health, education and planning issues.

As per usual, English-only health and education initiatives were buried under the Brrrrritish ident. Again, fairness for England is not on the agenda - again, English fairness is a foreign, almost Kafkaesque concept out of reach and out of mind of the Caledonian cretin.

And as per usual, Gordon managed to get into his speech the usual suspects on his check list..

Hard working families - Check
Loss of an eye - Check
Hard working families - Check
Britain is fabulous - Check
Son of a Manse - Check
Hard working families - Check
Union stronger than ever - Check
International conditions so it wasn't my fault - Check.
Hard working families - Check

He's still the Irony Chancellor.....

2008-09-23T09:37:00.003Z

Big beast, Gordon Brown delivers his big beast of a beasty speech today at the sheep dip formerly known as the Labour Party Conference.

Gordon, who bleeds for Britain via the stigmata on his hands & feet has ordered an extra large truck load of Kleenex today in preparation for the spontaneous sobbing from delegates on the floor. The reason? Well, fair minded Gordon will remind us how important 'fairness' is in today's union of happy nations.

He'll stress how he will crawl over red hot coals in order to deliver his fairness agenda to everyone.... (apart from the English, obviously).

To deliver the speech with the utmost gravitas, he'll also go on about the poor little children in Africa, his rugby injury, his Mansey Dad, his Scottish roots, his kids, his dumpy wife, his Cabinet of all the talents, Nelson Mandela and his fantastic ability to deliver this country from the moron who got us into this mess in the first place - Tony Blair's Chancellor (whoever he was!).....

But most offensively, he'll go on about 'fairness'.

The irony is truly staggering.

Oh to be in England (now the twister season is upon us)...

2008-09-03T12:09:00.002Z

A procession of twisters forming over a sodden housing estate in West Lancashire, late August, 2008...

Hospital Parking - Scot free (well nearly)...

2008-09-02T13:43:00.004Z

What a laugh.

The Scottish Government has announced that they are scrapping all parking fees at their Scottish hospitals.

Well nearly. They are all going to be scrapped apart from in the car parks of 3 major hospitals - these are tied into PPP-PFI agreements and the Scottish Government reckon it would cost a small fortune to get out of the agreements...

Unfortunately, while everyone is welcoming the abandonment of the charges, there is some vexation that 3 hospitals are still going to be charging punters and patients alike. Unison branch secretary (Glasgow and Clyde) Cathy Miller said: "No-one agreed with this additional tax on staff, patients and visitors. But we are angry that the minister seems unwilling to be bold enough to remove charges from PPP-PFI sites. This decision will create a two-tier system with staff and patients who are unlucky enough to be on a PFI site such as Glasgow Royal Infirmary being charged for the pleasure."

Hmmm, a two tiered system, eh?

She's right of course - a one tier system is far fairer...... like we have in England!

In England, all hospitals charge for parking, so that's all right then.

And then there's our one tier system for prescription charges, our one tier system for the absence of expensive drugs, our one tier system for tuition fees, our one tier system for abusing the aged and our one tier system for bugger-all national democracy.

Don't you just love our one tiers of joy?

Norfolk & Holmes – the estate agent of choice...

2008-08-29T11:25:00.005Z

I watched a great programme on BBC3 last week. It was the sort of programme the BBC used to make years ago before the age of spin doctoring, inter-liaisonal projects with the resident party in power and the creation of BBC’s ‘Number 10 Brown-nosing unit’ (Motto, we’ll get so far up Brown’s backside, he’ll think we’re piles). It was part of the ‘Mischief’ series in which presenter Alex Riley had set up a new estate agency with a difference – ‘Norfolk & Holmes’ (not to be confused with the bookmakers ‘Norfolk & Chance’ and the Fat Friends Club – ‘Norfolk & Weigh’).

Who’d have thought it? Anglo Saxon irony on Auntie Beeb! Heads are sure to roll at the BBC when Gordon’s McStasi work it out.

Riley’s remit was to travel the length and breadth of England, finding just a small fraction of the estimated 1 million empty homes that blight our land –and then asking awkward questions to Council Dons and Government Lackeys as to why so many houses were being left empty and derelict while our glorious leader keeps banging on about the need to concrete over England with 3 million new rabbit hutches....

The most obscene part of the show was in Liverpool – row upon row of fantastic Victorian houses, some as big as five bedroom dwellings boarded up and awaiting demolition. It was a surreal site, Riley strolling around entire streets, no people, no cars, nothing. Every house empty, every community destroyed...... I mean, who could be responsible for such an arse up? Who do we know who’s as thick as pig sh*t, as dyslexic as a cooking funt and likes to have a Jag’ to transport his mighty corpulence to places where he just isn’t wanted...

There can be only one. John Prescott and his Pathfinder project.

In all, some 15,000 houses in the Anfield area of the city are empty. It’s the result of the Lib-Dem council (voted the worst run council in the entire country) trousering the cash from central government to help the moron Prescott realise his cretinous ‘Pathfinder’ dream . Anfield is now a ghetto, a suppurating monument to a shambolic cretin of a man and a money grabbing, no-honour cabal of local little Hitlers. And there they stand today. Street after street of brick husks – a gaunt, empty tribute to the consequences of the credit crunch and Labour’s continued obsession with the worst kind of unsocial engineering.

Riley interviewed a former resident of the community. She sort of hit the nail on the head, when she said the council told her the existing houses were jerry-built death traps – and it would be best if they were all knocked down to be replaced by bright, shiny new ones. The only problem was that the bright shiny new houses would be way out of the reach of the displaced community – so God knows where they would end up.....

Riley got a team of surveyors in to have a look at the state of the boarded up houses. They poured scorn on the claims of the council, stating that the quality of the existing houses, even in their abandoned state could not be matched by new build replacements. They took Riley round to see a street that had repulsed the unwanted attentions of Prescott’s chipolata fingers. Each house had been done up at around 20 grand each. The builders had sold them to locals – the place, as they say in Liverpool, was buzzin’....

And so it was ever thus. Agendas, no matter how bizarre, no matter how flaky are pushed by an administration so wrapped up in their own demented agendas, that everything they touch degrades England just a little more . In order to find out what the bloody hell is going on, Riley tried to have a word with the brassy hagged Minister for Housing, Caroline Flint.

In a nanosecond, gobby Flint became coy Caroline. She slipped out of a side entrance at the Ministry for Housing so she wouldn’t have to meet him.

Pathetic.

You can watch the show, here.

‘Dirty English’, the new fragrance for men – apparently.

2008-08-27T09:40:00.004Z

‘Juicy Couture’ the hippest fashion house in America has brought out a new range of street cred’ smelly stuff for your not-so-average urban male...

The range is called ‘Dirty English’ – and according to Juicy, ‘it’s the scent of irresistible bad boys all over the world – Dirty English, the new fragrance for men’.... (Yeah, but it ain’t no Old Spice, is it?)

How do I feel about this? Insulted, obviously – but then again, am I being a tad over sensitive? For all I know, the marketing men at Juicy might have chucked other similarly contentious monikers for consideration by the focus groups...
‘Corpulent Gobby Yanks’, maybe. Or how about ‘Sweaty Jocks (trap)’.... ‘Garlic Eating Surrender Monkey French’.... ‘Whinging Minging Aussies’..... ‘Stormtrooping Germans’......

Or maybe they didn’t – for obvious reasons.
So why do they think it’s OK to insult us?

Spot the Union Flag...

2008-08-26T12:36:00.003Z

Cardiff, a Union flag-free zone
In today's Gordon Brown world of total Britishness, I tuned into BBC News to witness five bemedalled Welsh Olympians being presented to an ecstatic crowd outside the Welsh Assembly building.

I expected to see the beaming athletes wrapped in their British flags - while an adoring crowd waved their little Union Flags for all they were worth.....

Some hope.

It was dragons all the way, the crowd, the flagpoles and the athletes were dripping with the dragon rampant. Not a Union Flag in sight, anywhere. Cue interviews. They were so proud to be Welsh. They were no longer British, they were Welsh - and it was fab....

The Scottish version will happen tomorrow, as wil the Northern Irish one....
But what about the English?

Oh yeah, of course. We are 'British' aren't we?

UPDATE....

2008-08-04T08:21:00.004Z

I'm back.
For the last few weeks I have been a bit busy putting together the latest edition of 'English Voice' - which has, as usual been a bit of a labour of love (and a hell of a lot of hard work).

My email facility has been goosed for a few weeks - a result of a row between myself and my provider about which accounts I wanted to renew (and pay for) - and which I wanted to dump. Happily, Henry Kissinger was passing by the other day and has now sorted everything out - the result being that we are all friends again, and at last, I have my email back.

So now English Voice has safely been despatched to the printer I have got a bit more time - and will be posting more often from now on ('whoopy do', I hear you cry).

On another matter, over the past few months, I have been travelling around England - as a start of my personal journey to 'See it while I can before it becomes a Gordon Brownfield site' I will be writing about the places I have visited and posting them on the 'Alfred the OK' blog. First essay coming up will be concerning the City of Bath, the Mendips and the 700 year old 'George' pub which is one of the oldest hostelries in the whole of England and was the Headquarters of the Duke of Monmouth shortly before his defeat at the Battle of Sedgemoor.

The UK Youth Parliament - It’s young, it’s dynamic, it’s all happening - NOT!

2008-07-16T09:21:00.008Z

Hooray, it’s the UK Yoof Parliament!

They’re there to speak up for the kids, to tell all those old fart controlling fuddy-duddies at Westminster exactly what they can do with their skewed view of democracy, the appalling West Lothian fit-up, the English-only tuition taxes fiasco - and the tax on lollipops..

And guess what, this isn’t some tin-pot rabble of supa-strength cider-drinking delinquent losers – oh no, they’re organised, their leaders press the flesh with lots of Establishment movers and shakers, and only last week, some of their members were on the BBC news 24 station waxing lyrical about ‘knife crime’ and how to solve it, innit.

Of course, in order to spread the word of the young right across the UK, they have devolved youth organisations in Northern Ireland, Wales and Scotland ....... But not in England, obviously.

And after an email to ‘Tom’, one of their funky, young leaders (I’ve put a tenner on him becoming Prime Minister within 30 years), I was told that there were no plans to introduce an English Youth Parliament.... and they also had no thoughts on devolution, or on how the skewed UK constitutional model could be fixed.... “As an organisation we don’t have a particular viewpoint on devolution.... Basically we are a youth organisation and the creation of an English parliament is not an issue which is at the top of young people’s priorities.” Regards, Tom, FPM (Future Prime Minister).

I don’t know about you, but I thought being young was all about swimming against the flow, having an attitude, being a bit of a pain in the arse for what you believe in – and asking ‘Why’, ‘Why should I?’ and ‘Why not’ a lot. But apparently, I’m wrong. The UKYP appears to be little more than a sort of Kindergarten, ’Toddling-Politics Crèche’ for budding Establishment politicians –‘Join the UK Youth Parliament – and ready yourself for a life in politics, courtesy of the taxpayer’

Just what is the point of setting up a youth parliament that is not only a ‘Mini-me’ clone of the flawed, self indulgent and corrupted big boys version at Westminster - but again ignores the English and national English representation?

And now it seems all so predictable! Delving a little deeper, it appears that the UK Youth Parliament is bankrolled by the UK Government, while the devolved youth parliaments are financed by the corresponding devolved administrations.....

This taken from the UK Youth Parliament News Archive -

'UKYP received from Government only £110k for the 2002/3 year and £165k this current year whereas we understand that Funky Dragon(the Welsh Youth Parliament) received around £280k in 2002/3'.

The DfES sponsored review we hope will address such resourcing issues as well as structural options. As the report points out, there is no English Youth Parliament so UKYP effectively provides that function as well. It works in particular with local authorities and the emerging English regional structures. This is a direction favoured in many political quarters rather than an England wide approach. Mrs Hodge’s comment on the "need for [a separate] English Youth Parliament" brings an added dimension to the debate."

Amazing, the Welsh version gets not far off three times as much as the the UK model, no doubt thanks to the good old Barnett Formula cash box - and the UKYP is doubling up as an English Youth Parliament. Some things never change - don't you just love it?

Alfie versus the Co op (ethical fraud monkeys)....

2008-07-14T10:46:00.010Z

“Hi, is that the PR section of Co-op banking?"

“Yes”

“Are you the environmentally sensitive Co-op that defends Amazonian Indians and who will not accept business customers unless they fit into your ethical matrix?”

“Well yes, that’s correct. We think it’s important to have standards. We will not deal with businesses who engage in nefarious activities such as arms trading, the destruction of the rain forests... or indeed, those who would wantonly exploit native peoples”.......

“Like the native indigenous people of Amazonia?”...

“Exactly..... And our fantastic new Co-op ‘THINK’ credit card really does spell out in full our ethical credentials. Not only does it reward you for making ethical choices on your purchases, but also makes a contribution of 25p for every £100 spent to Cool Earth, a charity that buys and protects the rainforest against development. But thinking ethically doesn't stop with thinking green, which is why we have identified Ethical Partners that consider other important issues, such as fairtrade, sound sourcing or animal welfare - it's all important in making a difference to our world.....”

“And that policy regarding the protection of indigenous peoples – that applies to all indigenous peoples around the world, wherever they might live in the whole wide world, right?”

“Exactly right....... If you are interested, I can send you some literature on our ethical and green credentials if you like?”

“No, no, let’s save a tree or two - don’t bother sending me anything...........
But, before I go, can you answer me this one nagging question I have?”

“Absolutely”

“My question is – If you consider it totally wrong to put a concrete development in the middle of the Amazon....”

“Absolutely wrong”

“Yeah, if the Co-op considers it totally, absolutely wrong to build a town in the Amazon, then why is it totally, absolutely right to build a new town on a verdant green field site in the middle of the Leicestershire countryside? And not only that, why is it totally, absolutely right that the wishes of the indigenous people of rural Leicestershire will be ignored for the sake of a fast buck – and the consequences of that fast buckery will be that they will be displaced by the bulldozers so that a new town can be built? And why is it totally absolutely right that the developers of this projected new town on verdant green Leicestershire countryside is none other than the Co-op?.......

“You know, the very same 'ethical', 'moralistic' and supposedly ‘green’ Co-op that apparently defends the rights of indigenous peoples, everywhere...... except those who live in England, apparently......

“Tell me, in view of this appalling abuse of ethics and the total disregard afforded to green issues, will the ethically inspired Co-op be cutting up all the credit cards of 'the Co-op' – and refuse to bank for them because of the wanton vandalism, exploitation of the indigenous population of rural Leicestershire and for putting naked greed above your ethical mission statement so brazenly forwarded at every single opportunity?

“Well, will you?”

“Let me put you on hold”.....

A minute later, and he’s back......

“Hello..... Yes, well, the ECO development in Leicestershire is an ECO driven initiative. It is reclaiming some old land, including an airfield – and putting it to good use, in the most ECO sensitive way.”

“What’s with all the ECO prefixing? You know, and I know that Caroline Flint, the Housing Minister has admitted that the ECO Town initiative is little more than an exercise in opening up the English countryside to urban development. ECO does not stand for ‘Ecological’ it stands for ‘Economy’ – making money at the expense of others.

“And anyway, I think you will find that the airfield is actually nothing more than a very thin airstrip. It is a thin strip of tarmac on a green field – unfortunately, you don’t just want to build on the thin air strip, or even on the green field which has the thin airstrip on it – you want to build on all the other many green fields that surround the green field with the airstrip, don’t you? 15,000 people are projected to be living in this new town, with many more to come. Isn’t it a fact that a lot of that supposedly brown field land is currently being farmed by you the Co-op, currently the UK’s biggest farmer with over 70,000 acres under the plough.

“Silence”

“Let’s cut to the chase. Let’s just stop with all the ethical bull. Let’s tell it like it actually is. The Co-op is just the same as every other massive money business, greedy, mendacious, opportunistic. Only in your case, you’d sell your Granny for a few bob – just as long as she was wearing green slippers and that her false teeth weren’t made of elephant ivory.

"You need to think of a new slogan. Instead of the all the green ethical stuff, just try and be honest.... How about ‘The Co-op, greedy low lives, eager to shaft the locals, even those in the Amazon (once we open our Rio branch)......"

“But......”

Don’t try to flannel me with the ethical rubbish, the green rubbish or any other eco waffle. You are planning to concrete over and despoil forever another piece of English countryside. You’ve been bought by a dour Scotsman’s gold. You should be bloody ashamed of yourselves..........

CO-OP DEFINITIONS -
" /> Non-indigenous English farmer....

Indigenous Amazon hunter....

English countryside, redefined as 'brown field'....

The Amazon, the jewel in the Co-op's crown....

It's started. English-only Planning Laws clear way for new nuclear power stations in double quick time...

2008-07-14T08:45:00.002Z

'At least eight new nuclear power stations are to be approved within the next two years and built swiftly under fast-track planning procedures....

Gordon Brown believes that they will be needed to avoid an energy crisis in the next decade, and more will follow as the world tries to reduce its dependence on oil for power'......

Paying the ultimate price....

2008-06-30T14:34:00.003Z

One of my sons has signed up for the army. He’ll be joining REME and will be training as a helicopter technician – but as he is in the army, his first priority will be as a soldier. That means going to Iraq, Afghanistan or wherever else the closet dictators in number 10 deem to start the next war. It will mean servicing helicopters in those theatres of battle – but it will also mean going out on patrol....

I am not too happy about it at all. Fighting to defend your own country is one thing – but putting your life at risk in a God forsaken desert village to preserve Tony Blair’s flawed credentials is quite another. The problem is, there is nothing else to do around where we live – his previous job was working part time at Tesco.

All the labouring work has been taken by Poles, all the farm working jobs are being done by Latvians and all the engineering and production jobs that used to abound round here have all gone to China......

So there seems not a lot of choice if you cannot afford Uni' and are not interested in IT - so he has decided that the army is his chosen career move. And last week, the risk that is run when you join up was brought home to us in the most brutal of fashions... Sarah Bryant was killed in Afghanistan, courtesy of a roadside bomb. She was the first British woman soldier to die there.

Sarah and her Dad, Des Feely on her wedding day.

Although shocked, with the daily inevitability of casualties, I did what millions of others do when we heard the news. We tutted, we cursed Blair for getting us involved in the first place, we cursed Brown for stripping the defence budget to the bone..... But essentially, she was just another casualty of a pointless war..

And then last Thursday, I picked up our local paper and clocked the story about the tragedy in Afghanistan. It transpired that Sarah Bryant had actually been born in our village. She was the only daughter of Des Feely, the then landlord of the Red Lion public house, situated not half a mile from our house.

The Red Lion was my local, we used to go there around twice a week for a natter with Des. Sometimes he would organise a lock in and we would stagger out around 3 in the morning. Des loved the life, but then, his wife delivered him a daughter and suddenly his priorities changed. A pub was no place to bring up a child – so around 20 years ago, they sold the pub and Des took a desk job in a brewery. That was the last time I saw them, we had a right good knees up on his last night and wished him and his family all the best for the future.

And now his life is in ruins. His only child blown to pieces in a ‘snatch’ landrover (code for having very little armoured protection).

What a waste.

The NHS at sixty...

2008-06-30T09:06:00.005Z

I wonder what Nye Bevan would make of it all?

The father of the NHS must surely be spinning in his grave at the state ‘his baby’ has got into, courtesy of New Labour’s reorganisation police...

Lord Darzi, one of Gordon Brown’s apparently bestest, most glitteringly talented of the ‘talents’ in his Cabinet of all the Talents is about to publish his seminal work on improving the NHS in England.

Lots of paper trailing has been going on. Health Secretary Alan Johnson has been doing the TV studio rounds over the last few days telling the gullible public that this report is all about radically improving the service across ‘the whole country’. As per usual, the BBC has been doing its not-level-playing-field best to queer the pitch. Key soundbites like ‘ending the post code lottery’ and ‘a fairer deal for patients’ have been spewing from the mouths of eager young BBC Brownanistas like a rampant case of the bloody flux....

Gordon Brown, the guy with the clunking club fist has posted his thoughts in the report’s preface - "It is a bold vision for an NHS which is among the best healthcare systems in the world - a once-in-a-generation opportunity that we owe it to ourselves and our families to take".....

Not really, is it Gordon? I mean, this isn’t even a sticking plaster solution to the problem. Because unless and until you give an extra £400 to every man woman and child in England and thus achieve parity with the spending per head in Scotland, Darzi is merely rearranging the MRSA infected furniture. We’ll still be denied the life saving drugs, standard to everyone else in this union of the unequals.

I mean, the English NHS isn’t even one of the best healthcare systems in the UK – in fact it’s the worst. Fourth out of four.

If the 4 healthcare systems were cars, the Scots would be driving a Roller. The Welsh a Range Rover and the Northern Irish a Mondeo..... And the English? A second hand Ford Capri.

What Darzi is proposing is a few go faster stripes, a new Magic Tree car scent freshener and a couple of furry dice hanging from the rear view mirror.
Tarting up will not do. The English NHS is still a shed. The tragedy is that Brown, the quisling Johnson and the rest of this government of occupation are perfectly willing to see English lives sacrificed for the sake of Celt Gelt bribery.

Our Health Secretary shows exactly what he thinks of the English sick

Youngest nation in Europe gets anthem.....

2008-06-17T12:58:00.003Z

(so what about one of the oldest getting one as well then?)

Kosovo, Europe's massaged bright new nation, hewn out of solid Serbian dogma by freedom loving Tony Blair and Georgy Bush, has been living the dream via her very own national anthem. It got its first airing at the weekend amongst watery eyes, fanfairyness and Serbian teeth-gnashings in the shiny new capital of Pristina.

Even the BBC was there – reporter Helen Fawkes enthused “For the authorities, it is a crucial part of nation building and is something which is designed to unite the people of Kosovo”...

Well, that’s nice, isn’t it? Apparently, according to the BBC, having your own national anthem is a crucial part of nation building....... I expect that’s why England doesn’t have one then?

Allowing England to have her own national anthem? Absolutely preposterous and dangerously seditious to even go there.... Why, we’ll be asking for our own national parliament next....

Gordon Brown doesn’t do kissy-kisses.....

2008-06-16T11:33:00.004Z

(but then he does, and obviously gets it hopelessly wrong)

Did anyone see Gordon Brown and his lady wife greeting the Bushes yesterday outside Number 10? If you did, it would have told you absolutely everything you needed to know about what is wrong with our man at the top.

George and his Missus, got out of their huge stretched limo, (does it do hen night tours at the weekend?) and strode over to the Browns. Gordy stretched out his great clunking fist and shook George’s hand. No problem there. Mano e mano – Scottish Son of the Manse meets Southern Bible basher.

And then Brown moved onto the l’il lady. He shook Laura Bush’s hand as outstretched as he could make it. The Broon personal space was left secure as Laura was kept at arm’s length from the great moral crusader. They disengage. Laura isn’t going to get a kissy smooch from Gordy – she looks relieved. Unfortunately, George Bush has, by this time moved onto wasshername. Mrs Brown and George exchange a light cheek to cheek kiss – hardly surprising I suppose when you remember that the Bushes have just flown in from Paris.

As all this up close and personal was going on, Gordon looked over his shoulder at his wife’s tete a tete. Obviously, if his missus is doing kissy kisses, then he is going to have to do them also. With that, lips puckering for Scotland, he lunges at the wilting flower that is Laura Bush. The First Lady turns her left cheek in readiness to accept the peck. Unfortunately, Gordon has decided he is going to kiss her on her right cheek.

Awkward. Cringing. Embarrassing.....

But as the pro she is, Laura Bush readjusts to accept Brown’s puckered lips. He plants a big slobbery one on her right cheek. You can almost see her sigh with relief. Thank God that is over..... Except, it isn’t. True to form, Brown the unetiquetted slob just doesn’t get it. He’s kissed her on the right – now he’s going totally OTT and giving her one on the left, also.

The whole episode sort of sums up what Brown is all about. Nothing is natural with him, nothing is spontaneous..... it’s all connived, 100% robotic, 100% false. Anne Widdecombe once famously described Michael Howard as having “something of the night” about him..... But what is it about Gordon Brown? If John Redwood is a Vulcan, what is Gordon Brown? Some say he’s a Klingon, others think he’s a moron. One thing’s for sure, he’s a guy devoid of social skills, he has no idea of social intercourse – his people skills are about as sophisticated as a knee in the groin...

Dianne Abbott said last week on ‘This Week’ that in an effort to get her to vote for the 42 day detention proposition, Gordon Brown actually rang her. Abbott said it was the first time he had talked to her in over 20 years.... She then said it wasn’t that unusual as he hadn’t even spoken to some of his own ministers..... Gordon Brown doesn’t do communication – he’s lost in a world of hair-shirted self repression and puritanical zeal.....

I would suggest he has ‘something of Marvin, the paranoid android’ about him.....

42 DAYS – the great conundrum...

2008-06-11T09:32:00.004Z

Today, the Labour rebels will have to decide –

Vote for 42 days without charge – and save Gordon Brown from a crippling defeat that may well trigger a ‘government in office but not in power’ scenario – which will then spiral to an inevitable early General Election.....

OR,

Vote against 42 days without charge – and uphold the ancient traditions of this country - and of our hard won and precious freedoms, even though this may well trigger a ‘government in office but not in power’ scenario which will then spiral to an inevitable early General Election, and to inevitable landslide defeat.

Lots and lots of rebel Labour MPs will lose their seats, lots and lots of them will end up out of a job and unemployable, save for flogging their parliamentary paper clips on eBay...... No more 125k package, no more ‘with balls’ pensions, no more think of a number, double it, then treble it, then add a couple of zeros, expense claims. No more free second homes, no more free Sky TV package, no more free food, no more claiming 30k a year for secretarial services provided by the family dog, no more ‘research trips’ to the dregs of the world, like Barbados, Acapulco and Monte Carlo, no more 18 weeks paid holiday a year....

I wonder which way they will vote?

Labour admit to being ‘bigotist’ towards the English....

2008-06-11T07:57:00.002Z

It’s official, the NuLab project of annihilation of all things English has reached the end game. England’s very own Culture Minister, the flawed and deeply unpleasant champagne socialist Margaret Hodge has admitted that over the last 2 years, a pathetic 230 quid had been spent by her department on celebrating St George’s Day. Three years before that, they spent bugger all.

This year, their £120 budget amounted to around 0.0000023 of a penny for each of England’s 50 million souls.....

It makes Justice Minister Jack Straw’s recent declaration that “the English should reclaim the day from 'bigots'.....” all a bit of a sad, sick joke. Jack, baby. The only bigots in town appear to be yourself and your Brown nosing Cabinet colleagues.

I wonder how much money England’s very own Culture Minister has given to celebrate St Patrick’s Day(Ireland), St Frumentius Day(Ethiopia), St Casimir Day(Poland), St Francis of Assisi Day(Italy) and every other Saint’s day you care to mention over the past few years?...

Nu Labour are practising cultural genocide on this country – pure and simple. England’s 50 million people are being rebranded and repackaged as Britain-Lite, while England the country, the entity, the cultural giant is left to wither and die.

New Labour - English-hatin', gobsmackin', awful-governin', control-freakin', lyin'shits...

Mild cheese terrorist outrage in Tesco...

2008-05-30T11:18:00.002Z

Tesco Chief Executive, Sir Terry Leahy, put his 'Flying Flag Squad' on full alert last night as it emerged that a desperate cell of cheese and flag guerrillas had stuffed his stores with dairy products bearing the flag of St George.

Last night, every Tesco store in the country was ruthlessly searched for the rogue 'Mild Cheddar' packs, which were stripped from the shelves and unceremoniously dumped into landfill sites 'somewhere in the UK' .

Trying to reassure a panicking public, a Tesco spokesperson, said that if customers had inadvertantly bought a pack, they could claim a full refund with no questions asked - but those in Scotland would also each qualify for a free bonus of 100,000 Tesco shopping points and a 4 pack of Tennent's Super Strength Lager to get over the shock of it all (well, every little helps!).

In a desperate bid to repair this PR disaster, Sir Terry said he was organising a massive TV campaign using well known Big Yin, Billy Connolly as the voice over.

A strap line for the campaign have not yet been finalised but a few possible options are being analysed by Tesco focus groups... a strong early favourite is believed to be...

"English f***ing mild f***ing cheddar? Are ye 'aving a f***ing laugh or what? I'd rather eat one of ma own f***ing kidneys, ye soft southern f***er'....."

NOTE - Only the 'mild cheese versions of the product line have a St George's flag on them - the medium and strong products are devoid of our national ident...

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nah it's just a sad, delusional control freak...

2008-05-28T13:39:00.003Z

Has Ed Balls, our glorious leader's Hissing-Sid pal back at the McBunker been whispering even more poison into Brown's big fleshy chimpy ear? Or has our beloved leader finally lost his marbles (along with his cohonas, judgement, honesty and integrity)?

Well summat's up. How else do you explain Brown's comedic gatecrashing of the today's Oil Barons meeting at Banchory in Scotland. Accompanied by his pocket Chancellor Allistair Darling, the dynamic duo swooped into the meet to tell the JR Ewings of the North Sea world that they needed to increase oil production - like right now, in order to flood the market - and in the process, reduce the price of a barrel of crude...... And save Western civilisation as we know it.

Dutifully, the Brown-nosing Broadcasting Corporation were there to record the great event. Brown and Darling, the rescue squad were in town along with square jaws, calculators and a copy of the riot act..... Oh my Gard, the price of crood has garn through the roof, who will save us?"....

Fear not, taxed-to-death citizen, tis I,Sadman and Bobbins, my grey sidekick are here to turn on the taps"..

"Gard bless you, great clunking fist - whoever you are"....

Cut to the inside of the hall. Brown, centre stage is hunched telling the boys with the black stuff exactly how it's going to be. All the clunking fist hand gestures are there, furrowed brow, jabbing finger, blood pressure on simering. A Glasgow kissed frenzy is about to break out unless Messers Shell and co 'do something'...

All is well with the world, the BBC's Gordon Brown's Brand is back - and he means business......

And that's where the 'reality' stops. This clown and his stooge have no power to do anything about the price of cake - much less the price of oil - except that is, to take off some of the duty - and of course they'll never do that, will they?

Gordon, my poor deluded leader, oil is a globally quoted commodity - the price of Brent Crude is, and always has been linked to OPEC's price. The UK's oil production is absolutely miniscule when compared with Saudi, Russia and the States. And anyway, we no longer have the capacity to increase output - especially as a result of Brown's last North Sea 'Windfall' tax grab of a few years ago. As a consequence of that act, Shell and BP publically declared they would no longer attempt to look for new, more difficult, more expensive North Sea oilfields.

So today's futile act of gonadship, an embarrassing hoo-haa of no consequence has echoes of previous delusions of adequacy. I haven't laughed so much since Tony Blair said he was going to crack heads around the Middle Eastern table over a glass or two of sherry*....

NOTE: *That's 'Sherry' the drink, not 'Cherie' the mad woman.

The shape of things to come..( 2 up, 2 down - and a recycle bin).

2008-05-19T09:03:00.003Z

Eco-Towns, that oxymoron on acid are about to be railroaded through as part of Caroline Flint’s Brassy-Cowed, trowel-it-on legacy. So says the Goverment’s top planning adviser in yesterday’s Sunday Times...

’Ministers are plotting to “crash the planning process” for their new eco-towns, restricting the opportunity for residents to object, according to the government’s own expert adviser.

Professor David Lock claims the communities department wants to fast-track the towns, intended to provide environmentally friendly housing. This is despite the government’s public declaration that normal procedures will be followed...

Eco-Towns, along with their close neighbours Eco-Motorways, Eco-Factories, Eco-Red Light Districts (all the Jonnies are made from recycled Gimp Masks, you know) and Eco-Sink Estates are threatening to swamp England under a billion tonnes of concrete.

Flint, famous for wearing a two inch thick layer of Rimmel make-up in a futile attempt to somehow get ‘the London look’ last month took the art of speaking utter bollocks to a whole new level. She declared that soon-to-be second largest city in the UK, Milton Keynes was greener, more environmentally friendly than the as yet unspoilt countryside that surrounds it.

I expect she was referring to the abundance of wildlife drawn to the bright city lights. Rats, feral foxes, feral yooves, yard dogs, bar flies, man eaters and asbo monkeys......

So determined is Ms Flint to get her Eco-Towned Valhallas built that Prof Lock reckons that the normal planning procedures (which could take around 10 years) will be chucked into the bin in favour of ‘fast-track-city’. And the tools with which to do the chucking are currently doing the rounds at Westminster. The new English only planning bill will enable central government to hex all local opposition under the broad brush wording of ‘For the greater good’....

Full story here....

COMING SOON! The full shameful list of land grabbing companies who own the green field land which are to be Eco-Towned. If you know who they are – then you can boycott them – and help save England from obliteration.

The battle of Crewe and Nantwich...

2008-05-18T15:14:00.001Z

At bloody last..

2008-05-12T08:45:00.003Z

For the past week, Blogger has been well irritating the tripes off me. No matter what I did, what I tried, I couldn't bloody upload anything!

This morning however, everything seems to be working....... Wordpress is beckoning so it better not happen again.

Another England vid...

2008-05-01T16:22:00.001Z

Now there's tricky...... isn't it?

2008-04-22T12:00:00.003Z

This taken from the FA web site.....

Following Sunday's FA Cup Semi-Final, The FA has been discussing the issue of Cardiff City entering the UEFA Cup next season should they win The FA Cup.

We will also continue to discuss this with The FA of Wales and UEFA.

At this stage we have not ruled out Cardiff City being entered into Europe via The FA Cup should they win it.

However, further conversations need to take place but we would expect to have final clarification on this before the end of the month - well before The Final takes place on 17 May........

So there you go. If the Welsh football club, Cardiff City win the FA Cup then they could qualify for the UEFA Cup next season - as one of England's representatives...

I wonder if the English Premier clubs, Aston Villa or Portsmouth - (one of which is likely to miss out on qualification) will go to the courts to challenge that decision, bearing in mind that the Welsh FA will be submitting a full allocation of clubs from their own Welsh League for participation in next season's competition?

Also, I have asked the PR people at the FA whether they will be playing the Welsh national anthem - 'Land of my Fathers' before the commencement of the FA Cup Final. I think it seems likely, bearing in mind that they played it after Cardiff's victory in the Semi-Finals. They haven't got back to me yet - will post it when they do......

A tale of two boxers - Calzaghe v Hatton....

2008-04-20T12:11:00.004Z

Ahhh, Boxing. The noble art of all things pugillisticky. Horse linement, smelling salts, jock-straps, grease, snot, blood, sweat and bitten-off ears - love it or hate it, you just have to admire the toe-to-toe ballsyness of the protagonists. And because these guys are passionate people, they like to wrap themselves in the national identity of their birth - flags, anthems, supporters. Can you feel the proudyness of it all?

Ricky Hatton's big fight against Floyd Mayweather last December was a case in point. Before going out to Vegas, the Hitster proudly proclaimed he was fighting for Britain - and with God's help, he would bring the title back to these British shores - and everyone would feel very Britishy - and it would be yet another victory for our Britishy values - why, I bet Gordon have even laid on a nice cream tea at number 10, should Ricky have won .... Hoorah!...

The 'Hitman' dressed in his Manchester City coloured boxing shorts, shimmied and shadow boxed from dressing room to ring to the sound of patriotic British hoopla, Union flag to the fore, he stood to attention for the British national anthem of God Save the Queen and fought, for Britain against his classy opponent......

Ricky lost - but never mind, the media - and especially, the BBC, portrayed his display as plucky, brave - and British.
Ricky lost, which was a shame, because apparently, he wanted to win 'for Britain', for 'the British', for Queen and unionised country....

Compare and contrast with the Welshman, Joe Calzaghe's fight against Bernard Hopkins in Vegas last night.. In virtually every news cast, web report and radio bulletin (especially by the BBC) it left the listener/viewer/reader in no doubt as to where Calzaghe's origins came from...Apparently, Joe was fighting for 'Welsh pride', he was a 'Welsh dragon', and a 'fighter from the valleys'......

Calzaghe himself has often said that he is a boxer first, Welsh second and Italian third. But never mind what he thinks, he's British, right? Just like the Hitman, Joe is pure red white and blue...... So as Joe stood to attention in front of the flag of the Welsh dragon (maybe they couldn't find a union flag?) dressed in his Welsh colour-coded boxing gloves and his boxing shorts with the Welsh dragon emblazoned on the side of them - (no doubt covering his Welsh jock strap made from 100% Welsh pot noodles), what anthem did he listen to before getting ready to rumble? What tune defined his origins, his cultural DNA, his national ident?

Need you ask? God Save the Queen was nowhere as Sir Tom Jones, the 'Boyo from the San Fernando Valley' resplendent in blue suit, very tight Welsh dragon underpants and bright yellow daffodil (cos he's Welsh, you know, no, honestly, he is!) stepped onto the canvas to deliver Land Of My Fathers (Mae Hen Wlad Fy Nhadau)......

It was all very emotional, it must have been because in the crowd, in the posh seats, weeping quietly into her 8 foot long Welsh flag stood Catherine Zeta Jones......

Hey Joe, congratulations on your victory - and no doubt, First Minister of Wales, Rhodri Morgan will even now be laying on a bit of a tea of Welsh Lamb, Leek Pie and Lava Bread at the Assembly cafe....... while over at number 10,Gordon Brown grinds his teeth and wishes that Joe had been born British instead....

Tom Jones - he's Welsh and he's proud

Those English Democrats posters....

2008-04-11T09:33:00.016Z

Oh, the faux outrage. Racist apparently, At the very least, grossly insulting to our northern neighbours.....

The read of the week was looking over the comments of Iain Dale's take on the story. While Iain was fairly ambivelent about the posters, quite a few of his readership appear to be members of 'Self Righteous Indignation Incorporated'.

Apparently, according to some of Iain's readers, political advertising has never before descended to such depths. Some even seem to think that political advertising is a noble arm of the professional communicator. The facts are rolled out before the public, they read, make a decision and vote appropriately.

Sorry, 'fraid it doesn't work like that. Politics is a dirty business. And politicians are the lowest of the low. They say they want to 'serve' the public - and to do that, they must put themselves forward for public office, sacrificing a no-doubt stellar business career in fizzy drinks and plastic widget production in order to get their hands up the backside of the parliamentary cash cow.... If they really wanted to serve the public, they'd be bog attendants or binmen.

Gordon Brown, Cameron and rest of the members of the best club in town don't 'serve' anyone but themselves. And as for the public - they are ruthlessly controlled at all times....

And the means of that control is 'they' say whatever they damn well like - any lies will do, just as long as the voters swallow it.

Back to the posters, When I first saw them, sure, it made me think - and yes, I knew some people would shout 'foul'...... but to be honest, I don't really care. With people in England routinely dying for the want of drugs available to anyone north of the border, in this case, the end justifies the means. I want democratic freedom for my country and a fair slice of the UK cash cake - and if that wish upsets some fragile souls, then that really is tough 'taters...

We've tried explaining the problems and injustices to a corrupt and self serving establishment - now, the gloves are off.

And finally, I will leave you with a few examples of past political adverts - all extolling the noble art of communication by our honest-John servants at Westminster, apparently.

Demon Eyes - Conservative Poster, demonising Labour leader Tony Blair with a crude and pathetic schoolboy colouring-in felt-tip hatchet job.

Flying Pigs - Labour poster tactfully showing Michael Howard as a flying pig - apparently, Labour hadn't realised that Mr Howard was a Jew.

The Straight Choice - Simon Hughes' slogan during the Bermondsey 'bi' election. Labour's candidate Peter Tatchell - a self confessed homosexual was systematically crushed, villified and rubbished by Hughes and his team - not because of Tatchell's politics, but because of his sexuality. Years later was it revealed that Hughes wasn't actually 'straight' after all - but as gay as Peter Tatchell...

Update....

2008-04-03T08:56:00.002Z

Been doing lots of stuff for England lately - mostly collateral for the London Mayoral elections. And that is where the problems have arisen. London - and in particular, the London Elects office must have more odious Jobsworths per square yard than anywhere else in the country. They've taken the art of compliance to a whole new level.

And one night last week, I worked right through to the following morning trying to get some artwork for a tabloid to a printer in order to make a tight deadline.

The pressure is now off - and so I shall be resuming postings. The first of which will be a comment about the Eco-Town shortlist which will be announced today.

It's official - the Sunday Times don't like the phrase 'cabal of yes-monkey Scottish Labour MPs'

2008-03-16T11:43:00.003Z

I've got a letter printed in today's Sunday Thunderer in response to last week's article 'The price of being English'.....

I'm pleased, I suppose, but they've obviously run Rupert Murdoch's 'sarcasm filter' over it, because it has been somewhat toned down from the original..

This is what I sent -

Sir -
Regarding the piece on Scots being better off than their English counterparts, (the price of being English') - I would suggest that Scottish education is not as good as I previously thought if comments by Robin McAlpine of Universities Scotland is anything to go by. Mr McAlpine is quoted in last week's article "We get the rough end of the stick for England’s decision to impose top-up fees.”

May I remind Mr McAlpine that the decision to impose tuition fees upon English students was a choice made exclusively by the UK parliament - which as we all know, was only made possible thanks to the loyal and obedient support by the cabal of yes-monkey Scottish Labour MPs. For Mr McAlpine's information, England has no national representation, no national voice, no First Minister and no English Parliament, yet. Latest opinion polls show up to 68% of people in England in support of an English Parliament - and when we do get one, you can be sure of two things. 1) The Barnett Formula will be ditched immediately 2) People in England will get a fair division of the spoils - and at last bring an end to our vindictive fiscal and democratic persecution

And this is what they printed....

Fair Division....

The BBC, guilty as charged.....

2008-03-06T15:30:00.001Z

I used to love the BBC's dissemination of news and current events - really admire it. From the early fifties onwards I grew up with it, shaping the way I viewed the world and its politics.They had great reporters and journalists then, legends of their craft - people like James Cameron, Richard Dimbleby, Kenneth Allsop, Derek Hart, Jim Biddulph and Keith Graves gave the news as it was. Hardbitten, punchy, objective, concise. Not any more. The BBC is now nothing more than NuLabour's mouthpiece. Its official news agency. Brown's Big Brother hard-wired conduit to the people - handily positioned in every living room in the land..... War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength, England is Britain.

The BBC has, since 1997 (year Zero), let itself become corrupted, emasculated of independence, denuded of integrity - eagerly prostituting itself and its core values in order to fulfil NuLabour's basket case view of YouKay PLC and 'Britain-Lite' - (England, to you and me). As surely as Matthew Corbett shoving his hand up Sooty's furry little sphincter, the BBC has obeyed, followed orders, rolled over and waved the white flag of surrender - in absolute awe of its Huggy-beared bedallioned pimp - the Government. And in turn, buggered us into a stupifying oblivion.

The stream of misinformation is never ending, the remit unwavering, the dedication to newspeak via the NuLabour dictionary of 'Spin, Lies and More Lies' is as supine as any lap dog with an obsessive obedience complex. On TV, on Radio and on the Web, the BBC tells it like it isn't - but like NuLabour would like it to be.

The target of all this flannel, this Kleenex container-loaded tissue of lies and fantasy, is us - the great English public. 50 million people routinely given the mushroom treatment by our national broadcaster. Each and every one of us standing in compost with the lights off, as every second of every day, the BBC feed us a drip-drip Beau Jolie drop of NuLabour bullshit. Appalling yes-men, celeb monkeys, fashion obsessed bimbos, failed actors and cerebrally challenged dullards infest the BBC newsrooms. Their scripts are shamelessly honed by card-carrying members of the Islington branch to comply with the model of bleak servitude as defined by their political masters. No substance, little style - just propaganda and lies. Compliance to the NuLabour master plan, grain harvest and tractor production targets is total. It goes from lowly bog cleaner all the way up to the DeeGee himself..

Enough is enough. The truth will out. We will have our day - and when we do, the BBC will be dismantled, dismembered and destroyed.

Until that happens, if they act like a Soviet mouthpiece of the Labour Party Central Committee, then they should have the branding to go with it. Feel free to use the logo.

Paving over paradise - the destruction of England

2008-03-04T12:23:00.001Z

BBC tries to re-educate crusty old campaigner.....

2008-02-28T13:50:00.003Z

You've just gotta laugh, haven't you?

My second most dialled phone number (after my Mum's) got another finger tapping this afternoon. Yes, for those that do not know, 0870 0100222 can only mean BBC complaining time ..... again.

This time it was all to do with the report on Eco-Towns on the One O'Clock News, BBC 1. As per usual with such matters, when some tricky and rather unpalatable news needs to be delivered to the mushroom-composted dumb-struck English masses, the Beeb reporter injects a liberal amount of geographical fog into his piece to camera.

"The list of 10 new Eco-Towns will be announced by the Government within the next few days...... They will be spread right across the country - and local opposition is sure to grow"......

And so it went on, the YouKay this, the this country that - not a single metion about the real truth. All the Eco-Towns will be built in England. Planning, as with a hell of a lot of other stuff is a devolved issue.

So there I was, gobbing off to the guy on the other end of the phone at BBC Complaints Central (which is in Scotland, obviously). "Why can't the BBC actually be factual about the issue? The Eco-Towns will only be built across England and NOT the UK - so why do the BBC insist on telling me and 50 million others that they will be spread right across the UK?"

"Well, I'm sure they will be built in Scotland, also, but the problem is there isn't that much land around to build on"...

"Yes there is, there's bloody loads - and anyway, it's not about that, it's whether your Government, the Scottish Parliament votes to have them or not"...

"Ahhh, but isn't that what has happened here? Hasn't the English Parliament at Westminster decided to have these built - haven't they passed a Planning Bill to streamline the whole process?"........

Like I said, you have to laugh - otherwise you might just cry.

Contaminating young minds....

2008-02-27T12:37:00.001Z

This morning, a good friend of mine attended her child's primary school assembly in Scotland. The special parents-invited version is usually held on a Friday, but due to a visit from the education authorities it had been rescheduled for today.

My friend is English, she married a Scot and lives in East Dumbartonshire. The primary school has a very high reputation, although the few kids with an English accent, including my friend's child has had a few problems with bullying in the past - the school has worked hard to try and stamp it out. This morning, their guest speaker was a cleric from the Church of Scotland.

He stood up, dressed in all his Christian finery, dog collar and regulation comb-over - and delivered his talk to a hall packed with impressionable young minds and their parents. He mentioned current events, spreading his Christian message throughout, weaving the Christian virtues of forgiveness, understanding and friendship throughout the speech.

He wound up with the story about last night's earthquake in Lincolnshire, England. He said that the 'quake was felt right across England and that there are initial reports of some structural damage.. He finished the with the quote - "It couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of people"....

Tell me, what chance do those kids in that Scottish primary school have of growing up without the anti-English bigoted baggage of earlier Scottish generations when such pillars of their community feel safe in spouting such drivel?

My friend is approaching the authorities with a view to getting this bigot in a dress banned from addressing schoolkids - forever.

Goose-stepping down Berwick High Street......

2008-02-19T08:55:00.003Z

Letter to the Berwick Advertiser:

Sir/Madam,

The news that Christine Grahame, (a Scottish National Party MSP) wants to 'bring the English town of Berwick-upon-Tweed back into the Scottish fold' and that (Lib Dem MSP) Jeremy Purvis would like to 'annexe up to 20 miles of Northumberland, including Holy Island' - and absorb it all into a greater Scotland, is nothing short of an outrage, worthy of an overly gold-braided banana republic despot. Do Purvis and Grahame intend to park their tanks on Berwick's municipal lawns, parachute a battalion of Highlanders onto the Town Hall roof, goose-step down Berwick High Street and claim the territory for the glorious Scottish Empire?

This outrageous attempt to filch yet another sovereign part of English national territory will not go unchallenged. England is not a cake to be broken up piecemeal and given willy-nilly to anyone who wants a slice. If these two MSP politicians had voiced their aggressive intentions towards any other country other than England, it would quite rightly be viewed by all as a singular act of imperialist expansion, not seen in Western Europe since the days of the Munich agreement.

Berwick has been continuously part of England since 1482 - a full decade before Christopher Columbus discovered America. As Scotland's 'claim' on Berwick is historical, does it mean that Purvis and Grahame will next be pressing for the USA to be handed back to native Americans? Perhaps they would like to give the Western Isles of Scotland back to Norway - and the Anglo Saxon kingdom of Northumbria to once again stretch all the way up to its original northern boundary of Edinburgh? Or is their view of history somewhat 'selective'?

These pathetic 'grass is greener' mind games with the people of Berwick will backfire. The pressure within England is ever growing for constitutional change. The last few opinion polls have shown over 60% of people in England in favour of an English Parliament. Dissatisfaction within England at the size of the Barnett Formula contribution to Scotland will grow and grow until bugetary reform becomes inevitable. And when it does, do you think Scotland will still be able to afford all the goodies they can now?

Sooner rather than later, the Barnett Formula bonanza will be scrapped, and when it is, there will be no doubt which side of the border will benefit. Instead of shipping billions to Scotland, taxes raised in England will once again be spent on public services for the benefit of the people of England - including those in Berwick-upon-Tweed.

I suggest that Purvis and Grahame mind their own damn business, get on with the job of being Members of the Scottish Parliament, representing their Scottish constituents - and leave the business of England to the people of England. And as for the people of Berwick? Join the English Democrats - a party campaigning for an English Parliament and an end to the Barnett Formula. The sooner England has her own national parliament - the sooner we can take control of our own affairs.... and the sooner the people of England, including those in Berwick will reap the financial rewards.

England - another word for 'have nottery'

2008-02-15T01:29:00.005Z

Question: What does England not have that all these other countries and territories do have?..... (answer at the bottom of the list)

THE 'HAVES'
Acadia, Afghanistan, Åland, African Union, Albania, Algeria, Alsace, American Samoa, Andalusia, Andorra, Angola, Anguilla, Antigua and Barbuda, Aragon, Argentina, Armenia, Aruba, Assyria, Asturias, Australia, Austria, Azerbaijan, Azores, The Bahamas, Bahrain, Bangladesh, Barbados, Basque Country, Bavaria, Belarus, Belarusian People's Republic, Belgium, Belize, Benin, Bermuda, Bhutan, Biafra, Bolivia, Bonaire Bosnia and Herzegovina, Botswana, Brazil, Brittany, Brunei, Bulgaria, Burkina Faso, Burundi, Cambodia, Cameroon, Canada, Canary Islands Cape Verde, Catalonia, Cayman Islands, Central African Republic, Chad, Chechnya, Chile, China, People's Republic of, China, Republic of (Taiwan), Colombia, Comoros, Confederate States of America, Congo, Democratic Republic of, Congo, Republic of, Cook Islands, Corsica, Costa Rica, Côte d'Ivoire, Croatia, Cuba, Curaçao, Cyprus, Czech Republic, Denmark, Djibouti, Dominica, Dominican Republic, East Timor, East Turkistan, Ecuador, Egypt, El Salvador, Equatorial Guinea, Eritrea, Esperantio, Estonia, Ethiopia, European Union, Faroe Islands, Falkland Islands, Fiji, Finland, Flanders, France, Frisia, Galicia, Gabon, The Gambia, Georgia, Germany, Ghana, Gibraltar, Greece, Greenland, Grenada, Groningen, Guam, Guatemala, Guernsey, Guinea, Guinea-Bissau, Guyana, Haiti, Hawaii, Honduras, Hungary, Iceland, India, Indonesia, Iran, Iraq, Ireland, Isle of Man, Israel, Italy, Ivory Coast, Jamaica, Japan, Jersey, Jordan, Kazakhstan, Kenya, Kiribati, North Korea, South Korea, Kurdistan and the Kurdistan Autonomous Region of Iraq, Kuwait, Kyrgyzstan, Laos, Latvia, Lebanon, Lesotho, Liberia, Libya, Liechtenstein,, Lithuania, Luxembourg, Macedonia, Republic of, Madagascar, Madeira, Malawi, Malaysia, Maldives, Mali, Mallorca, Malta, Manchukuo, Marshall Islands, Mauritania, Mauritius, Mexico, Federated States of Micronesia, Moldova, Monaco, Mongolia, Montenegro, Montserrat, Moravia, Morocco, Mozambique, Myanmar, Nagorno-Karabakh, Namibia, Nauru, Nepal, The Netherlands, Netherlands Antilles, Newfoundland, New Zealand, Nicaragua, Niger, Nigeria, Niue, North Korea, Northern Cyprus, Norway, Occitania, Oman, Pakistan, Palau, Palestine, Panama, Papua New Guinea, Paraguay, Persia, Peru, Philippines, Poland, Portugal, Puerto Rico, Qatar, Republika Srpska, Réunion, Rhodesia, Romania, Russia, Rwanda, St. Kitts and Nevis, Saint Helena, Saint Lucia, Saint-Martin/Sint-Maarten, Saint-Pierre and Miquelon, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Samoa, San Marino, São Tomé and Príncipe, Saudi Arabia, Scotland, Senegal, Serbia, Serbia and Montenegro, Seychelles, Sierra Leone, Singapore, Slovakia, Slovenia, Solomon Islands, Somalia, South Africa, South Korea, Spain, Sri Lanka, Sudan, Suriname, Swaziland, Sweden, Switzerland, Syria, Taiwan, Tajikistan, Tanzania, Tatarstan, Thailand, Togo, Tonga, Transnistria, Trinidad and Tobago, Tunisia, Turkey, Turkmenistan, Tuva, Tuvalu, Uganda, Ukraine, United Arab Emirates, United Kingdom, United States, Upper Volta, Uruguay, Uzbekistan, Vanuatu, Vatican City, Venezuela, Vietnam, Virgin Islands, British, Virgin Islands, U.S., Wales, Wallonia, Yemen, Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia, Zambia Zimbabwe.

THE 'HAVE NOT'
England.

Answer: The 'haves' all have their own national Anthem of course!