Thursday, December 20, 2007

West Lothian debate at the House of Lords..... (I'll be there, will you?)

There's a public debate next February at the House of Lords. It's all about the West Lothian Question - and how it can be answered.......... So who do you reckon they have asked to speak at the event?

You know what? I don't know why I'm even bothering to ask - it's bloody obvious isn't it?

When you need to debate an issue which specifically and vindictively persecutes 50 million people in England, you just know that the best thing to do is to invite two Scotsmen onstage to give us the benefit of their experience and no doubt tell us what's good for us - and what we should be happy with.........

The debate, 'Is the West Lothian Question unanswerable' has been organised by the Hansard Society. The two protagonists are Sir Malcolm Rifkind and Lord Charlie Falconer.

Oh, and just for good measure, Sheena MacDonald (yet another Scot) will be chairing the debate.....

I will be attending the debate in my capacity as a downtrodden English person. And like any downtrodden English person, I shall be mostly extremely gobby with Mal and especially with Chaz during the Q and A session -

If any other downtrodden English people are interested in attending - you can apply online via the above link...... but be warned, Falconer is mine.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Nick Clegg tells his first porky?

Cameron clone, Nick Clegg has duly morphed his young'n'trendyness into enough votes to beat the stuffed shirt that is Nick Huhne for the LibDem leadership.

With his 'massive' LibDem rank and file majority of 500 votes, Clegg shook the hand of the seething and vanquished Huhne (I reckon a job shadowing the Westminster bog cleaning rota beckons for Chris)- and turned to the audience to deliver his first 'my politics is going to be different' speech.

There he stood, four square and square jawed. The almost massed ranks of the Press, the adoring cadre of his Team-Clegg support and a whole battalion of former failed LibDem leaders sat there, baited breathed, waiting for Clegg to deliver his new brand of honest politics to a weary country.....

"New type of politics.... blah, blah, blah.... putting honesty back.... blah, blah, blah.... our contract of trust with the electorate"....

And then he was finished. The new broom, the new honest Joe had said what was needed to be said. Triumphantly, Emporio Cleggy waved to the adoring masses. Everyone stood up and clapped for LibDemmery - even Ming Campbell once Kennedy had woken him up with a sharp elbow to the ribs...

Up stepped Radio 4 anchorman, Edddie Mair to do a quick interview with the new broom of honesty. Honest Cleggy went into honesty-overdrive, fielding the questions with a vague honest confidence that goes with the job of leading a party that will always be bit-part players.

But wait, Mair had an ace up his sleeve. His last question to Clegg concerned the BBC ban on the words 'faggot' and 'slut' in the seasonal song 'Fairytale in New York' by the Pogues/Kirsty MacColl. "So Nick, what are your thoughts - is the BBC right to bleep out these two words?"

Bearing in mind that the Christmas ballad is a classic, has been voted the best Christmas song of all time, has been in the charts every single year since it was first released 20 years ago, is used on the telly every year to advertise virtually every Christmas CD compilation and is played remorselessly on all of the nation's radio stations for up to 6 weeks before Christmas, Mair felt confident he would get a cogent, wisey-word answer from the new LibDem oracle.....

He has to doesn't he? I mean, is there anyone in the YouKay aged 20 or over, who hasn't heard the song at least a thousand times?.....

Apparently, there is.

Clegg considered his answer. This Sage of wisdom, already weary of the grinding responsibility of LibDem leadership after just 5 minutes into the job delivered his 'honest' answer....

"Well Eddie, I can't possibly make a judgement about this as I have never heard the song - and it wouldn't be right for me to comment on it without hearing it, would it?... So I'll tell you what I will do, I will lsten to the record, then I will come back to you and give you my answer..... OK?"

Well, so much for the new honest Joe.....

You're a bum
You're a punk
Youre an old slut on junk
Lying there almost dead on a drip in that bed
You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy christmas your arse......

Thankfully, the BBC has now rescinded the ban and 'faggot' and 'slut' are now deemed to be 'OK' I wonder why? Could it be that someone at BBC 'getting down with the kids' Division actually took time out to have a quick gander at the lyrics of some 50 cent and Eminem tracks?.......

Friday, December 14, 2007

McCavity­ - my part in his downfall....

Plotting the downfall of Gordon Brown and his McVichy Government really does take a lot of time, patience and focus nowadays. This last week, I've been up to my eyes doing stuff for the cause ­- and so postings have been as rare as sightings of Gordon Brown at a Mea Culpa convention......

The English Democrats' magazine, the 'English Voice' should be out any day now. I reckon it's our best yet -­ mind you, it should be, because it was a hell of a lot of work. There are also a few new YouTube offerings about to come off the production lines - I hope will be both amusing for the viewer and embarrassing for our great leader.

There are other things in the pipeline,­ none of which I can yet go into - but hopefully, this coming year is definitely going to be pivotal for the cause -­ and I believe it to be a golden opportunity to put even more pressure on the chimera that currently infests number 10.

I don't know about anyone else in the English community, but I have definitely crossed the Rubicon. Because of the danger to our democratic rights, the traitorous ineptitude of our English MPs, the routine disenfranchisement of our people and the somewhat clouded future of my kids, more and more of my work time is taken up with the cause of England.

Some things are much, much bigger than a career ­- the future of our country, for instance.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

A scary image....


Morphing at its most worrying I think. If this isn't an advert about the dangers of mucking around with genes then I do not know what is. This amalgamation is so weird, I reckon he would get an audition in a 'Phones For You' advert.....

H/T Mr Fred Bishop.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Tomorrow's England by Nigel Hastilow....


Nigel Hastilow, incurrer of the wrath of David Cameron for the crime of having an opinion has written a book called 'Tomorrow's England'

As Nigel says about the book - 'It's essays about the way our freedoms are disappearing and nobody seems to mind. It's also about the NHS, the way our democracy can be distorted, the EU as the first stealth super-state. And about David Cameron's Conservative Party'.

Judging from what Nigel says, it looks like he's got a best seller on his hands...

Monday, December 03, 2007

They seek her here, they seek her there......

Rrrinnggg, rrring......

"Hi, is that the Information Office of the Palace of Westminster?"

"Yes, how can I help you?"

"Well, I'd like to speak to the Ministry of the North West please."

"The Minis-treeee of the North West?"

"Yes, the Minis-treeee of the North West....... It has to be there - after all there's a Ministair for the North West - our great Prime Minister himself devolved powers to her soon after coming to power"...

"Do you know who the Mini-stair of the North West is then?"

"Yes, her name is Beverley Hughes"....

"Oh, you mean the Children, Schools and Families Minister?"

If her name is Beverley Hughes - I suppose I do.....

"Hmmm, let me have a look, Mini-streeee of the North West..... North West, North.... Mini-streee of the".......

"You might have better luck if you type in Mini-streeee of the North West of England"...

"Of England?"

"Yes, the Mini-streeee of the North West - of England...... I've had a butchers on the Parliamentary web site and cannot seem to find it. Look, I know it must exist - because you've got your Ministair, QED, there must be a Ministreeeeeeeee with which to house said Ministair and her entourage - even if it's just a converted airing cupboard, a phone line and a packet of post-it notes....

"Well, there doesn't seem to be even an airing cupboard".....

"Telephone?"

"No."

"Fax?"

"No"

"Email address?"

"Nope."

"Postal Address?"

.................................."Oh yes!!!"

"Hoo-bloody-ray! Now we are getting somewhere...... Can you let me have it, please?"

"Just address the letter to the Ministair of Children, Schools and Families at the Ministreee of Children, Schools and Families, Sanctuary Buildings, Great Smith Street, London SW1P 3BT and I'm sure the Ministair for the North West will pick it up from there".....

"So just to recap. The North West of England - an area with a population of seven million people, that's two million more than the population of Scotland doesn't actually have a Ministreeeeeeeeeeeee of the North West - or indeed a Ministair of the North West who actually does anything?........ It's sort of like the Werthers Original advert, isn't it?"

"Werther's Original?"

"Yeah, you know .... the kid in the car telling his Dad about his mate's 'sort of virtual Dad'..... The Ministreeeeeeeeeeee for the North West is a sort virtual organisation - it doesn't exist.... it's a figment of our great leader's imagination"....

"I couldn't possibly say - but I'm sure someone, somewhere is doing good works for the Region"....

"Area"

"Area?"

"Yes, it's an 'area' - and not a 'region'"

"Yes, I'm sure it is........ Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"Actually yes!.... Can I speak to the Ministreee of Yorkshire and Humberside, please?".......

Saturday, December 01, 2007

New Union Flag design leeked....

Further to calls for Wales to have some presence on the Union Flag, Telegraph readers have been submitting their artistic ensembles.

This is my favourite, done by a guy in Japan - and sort of sums up the utter fraud monkey that is today's You Kay.... it's all leeking away, Gordon. Don't it make you feel proud?....